Hoodrat Heroes

Grandma Hog Jockey Issues Press Release In Ratchese Dialect Vowing Turtleboy Will Be In Jail With Her Daughter For Deforming Her Adult Son Who She Says Is 14  


Breaking News: Grandma Hog Jockey, whose daughter was recently arrested by Worcester Police for robbing an old folks home and assaulting three staff members, has issued an official press release about the story she was featured in.

Let’s ATTEMPT to deconstruct this amazing piece of ratchet pie.

“someone screen shot this to mr turtle man!! if that picture of my 14 year old MINOR CHILD ISNT REMOVED THE ONLY PLACE HES GONNA BLOG FROM IS SOTTING WITH LANNA SINCE HE LOVES HER SO MUCH,”

Translation – Turtleboy is going to jail

I assume Lanna is her daughter, the one who is in jail for assaulting employees at an old folks home and stealing a purse.

According to Grandma Hog Jockey I’m going to jail because I posted a picture of her 14 year old daughter? I definitely posted pictures of what appear to be older images of her currently incarcerated son (based on Facebook comments on this picture).

Along with some of her inspirational quotes about her love of dong.


But I don’t see any 14 year old semen demons on the blog. I also don’t think I’ll be able to blog in jail, as I would imagine the wifi connection blows.


Welp, it’s in ALL CAPS, so it must be important. But using my fluency in Ratchetese I believe this sentence is supposed to suggest that she plans on filing a lawsuit, and that I won’t be able to use the legal defense that my speech is opinion, because posting pictures of an imaginary 14 year old is against the law.

This story is developing.


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36 Comment(s)
  • don
    January 23, 2020 at 11:01 am

    i am just surprised someone stuck their dick in that. even in the 80’or 90’s that beast would look unfuckable. im guessing he was living with her and the crotchfruit just to live off the welfare money she got for the kids. on a scale of 1 to 10 id give it a hell no

  • John Q Taxpayer
    January 23, 2020 at 10:35 am

    I know your kind never say ‘Thank You’. From us to you, Victoria, ‘You’re Welcome’.

  • Sully
    January 23, 2020 at 9:49 am

    I think she’s referencing the tiny little profile pic bubble, which is obviously pathetic, since it’s her own public profile pic.

  • capone181
    Lee Ho
    January 23, 2020 at 8:18 am

    She made a mistake. 14 was her IQ.

  • Manute Bol
    January 23, 2020 at 2:24 am

    Lose the glasses.You look like Andy Dick in drag….

    January 22, 2020 at 9:58 pm

    Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night! I think it is way past high time we had a midnight ride! It should go down here again! The leftyloone’ A Coming, The leftyloon’ A Coming!

  • Mr. Bubba
    January 22, 2020 at 9:45 pm

    Yo, Unc, is this bitch ass Grandma Ho bout to snitch on you?

    Hit me up, I know gangsta ass bangaz in all of Worcester’s hoods.

    Especially da PVE and GBV. Ya heard?

  • Depends
    January 22, 2020 at 9:17 pm

    She is really rocking that diaper under those 3 dollar jeans.

  • whatevuh
    January 22, 2020 at 8:38 pm

    I’m sure she has bags full of money to hire a lawyer, since living in “da hood” Great Brook Valley section 8 dump attracts only the best and brightest of the Worcester area

  • Finn
    January 22, 2020 at 8:28 pm

    Get Fucked

    • Fake Finn Sucks
      January 22, 2020 at 9:29 pm

      You’re so lost Fake Finn… I know Finn. Swing and a miss.

      • Finn
        January 22, 2020 at 9:42 pm

        Thanks for the support but I’m quite able to defend myself *wink*.
        Does anyone here know a Subaru mechanic that works for cheap?

        Get Fucked,

        • Silencio Dogood
          January 23, 2020 at 12:55 am

          i know a cheap bastard who drives an ancient Subaru, but he doesn’t work. hope this helps.

  • Fuck Barstool
    January 22, 2020 at 8:24 pm

    Notice Barstool had 10,000 more blogs today about underage girls on Tick Tock or whatever it’s called. Pervs. Fuck Barstool

    • Finn
      January 22, 2020 at 8:29 pm

      Under-Age Girls?
      Get Fucked.

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    January 22, 2020 at 8:15 pm

    Limerick of the day

    A filthy hog jockey named Vicky
    Had a vag that was rancid and sticky
    The smell from her twat
    Would drive off a rat
    Even one that was not very picky

    Dick Scratcher, aged 48 and me aging faster every time I see this skank’s pics and grammar

  • Judge dread
    January 22, 2020 at 7:57 pm

    What’s up wanna be bushwick Brooklyn. Oh yah you would like it if your were thrown into a van inbound to the south Bronx

    • Load Launcher
      January 22, 2020 at 8:38 pm

      I’ll give it a B- .You lost points because twat doesn’t rhyme with rat.

      • dowen0895
        Dick Scratcher
        January 23, 2020 at 2:46 am

        In the UK we pronounce it twAT rather than twOT.

        Try it, it sounds way more abusive. 🙂


  • Ned Sango
    January 22, 2020 at 7:20 pm

    “Look at my tattoos.. yup.. I am a tough guy” “…….Right guys…”

  • Ralph Peensley
    January 22, 2020 at 7:17 pm

    I’d let her give me a Chicago Nose Job any day.

  • Ray Patriarca
    Adam Schiff's empty scrotum
    January 22, 2020 at 7:09 pm

    This semi-illeterate twat has an ass two axe-handles wide and a face like ancient carp. Her gash probably smells like one, too. I cannot fathom any “good dick” getting within 20 fathoms of that thing.
    Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a bit.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      January 22, 2020 at 8:18 pm

      I have penned a limericks above with these very sentiments.


      • Ray Patriarca
        January 23, 2020 at 7:21 am

        Which I thoroughly enjoyed!!

  • Eric Stevens
    January 22, 2020 at 7:00 pm

    Ghetto for sure, but I wouldn’t mind if she gave me a Lipnicki..

  • Jeff J
    What About the Children??
    January 22, 2020 at 6:34 pm

    Looks like all that EBT and welfare went straight to her ASS!!

  • Hugh Mungous
    January 22, 2020 at 6:09 pm

    Is her idea of good dick one that is not oozing pus or have chancres on the side? In military terms she is not a high-value target. More like bottom of the barrel!

  • Chico
    January 22, 2020 at 5:59 pm

    It’s believed that ratchets are audible at up to 300 yards

  • The Duchess of Obesity
    January 22, 2020 at 5:58 pm

    I have a sinking feeling this very confused woman is somehow trying to reinvent herself or her son as a lower-class (if that’s even possible) ‘hood version of Meghan Markle. Soon they’ll be asking Justin Trudeau to pay for their 24/7 protection from their own reflections that they see after dark in the ‘hood.

  • Jerry Nadler’s GUNT
    January 22, 2020 at 5:57 pm

    Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.

    • Fishin Magician
      January 22, 2020 at 6:01 pm

      Large mouth tryin’ to suck on a worm

      • Brian Sullivan
        Rooney Eats It
        January 24, 2020 at 10:58 am

        Moe: So your goin fishin tomorrow? You got worms?

        Larry: Yeah, but I’m goin anyway

  • Ratchetsaurous Rex
    January 22, 2020 at 5:40 pm

    We aren’t even out of the 1st month of 2020 and all the ratchets are in FULL FORCE. All caps really do mean biznass.

  • The Real Housewives of Spanish Harlem
    January 22, 2020 at 5:38 pm

    What a classless cunt.

  • Nancy Pelosi's Dried Up Crusty Roast Beef Curtains
    January 22, 2020 at 5:33 pm

    Her arm looks more like a leg of lamb.

    • Ratchetsaurous Rex
      January 22, 2020 at 5:42 pm


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