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Here Come St. Bonaventure Fans – The Most Vile, Classless, Obnoxious, Repugnant People On Earth

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Here come the most classless, vile, raunchy, loathsome, raunchy, obnoxious, revolting, and repugnant people on the face of the Earth – St. Bonaventure fans. UMass will try to extend their four game winning streak as they travel to Buffalo Wednesday night to play the Boners. I didn’t even know this glorified high school from Buffalo had any fans until last year when UMass went up there as an underdog and lost. Their nudnik fans rushed the court not once, but twice after beating an unranked team. At home. As favorites. It was literally the most small town move in the history of sports. Plus their gym is a glorified Assumption College, so their savage fans are literally right on top of you the whole time:

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Notice dooshnozzle McGee is wearing a Bills hoodie. Because 99% of these savages are obviously Bills fans. Seriously though, these idiots couldn’t possibly be more high schoolish if they tried. They look like St. John’s High School fans if God took a gigantic dump on them.

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So we called them out for being fraud fans, which led the beginning of the Buffalo vs. Turtleboy Sports rivalry:

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Boston Marathon jokes. Excessive use of homophobic slurs. Obsession with upstate New York geography. That’s what these people are all about.  Last week they beat VCU, a team that was missing two of their three leading scorers. St. Bonaventure won at the buzzer and of course these idiots stormed the court like they just made it to the Final Four:

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Just look at the glorious ginger in his poop colored hoodie. St. Bonaventure has no football team. This is literally all they have.This is where the Bills fans who can read go for four years.  You probably have never once thought about St. Bonaventure in your entire life if you’re not a UMass basketball fan. But they’ve thought about you constantly.

I mean take a look at this oversized warthog:

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That man gives zero fucks about anything but St. Bonaventure basketball. The thing about them is they’re good actors too. Because they’re savages at heart, but the second Sister Margaret (who happens to be the school president) comes around they suddenly stop swearing at VCU fans and magically are on their best behavior.

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So as you can see, everything we’ve written about them has proven to be true. After we wrote our blog about them last year some wannabe reporter named Junior Smokeshow Hannah Gordon emailed us for an interview that was published in their school newspaper. Because when you go to St. Bonaventure your world pretty much revolves around Turtleboy Sports. When I read that article today I still laugh out loud because it’s 100% truth:

“St. Bonaveture is somewhere in upstate New York,” he said. “Doesn’t really matter where though since upstate New York is a completely irrelevant part of the United States of America. That’s why God just dumps a (expletive) ton of snow on it every year. He doesn’t want anyone living there on account of it sucks so bad.”

Her reply was hilarious:

We aren’t irrelevant. We aren’t stupid. We’re proud to be Bonnies, and if you don’t like that, then tough luck. We’re the WolfPack, and that means we support each other and our school no matter what. Go Bonnies.

Yea, go Boners!!

Oh yea, and Junior Smokeshow Hannah Gordon is a complete fraud in every sense of the word. She’s the one that started the whole “sexual harassment” thing from Buffalo. Basically she’s the Bob Kravitz of St. Bonaventure – talks shit about UMass out of jealousy, makes shit up as she goes along, pretends to be a real reporter, and then when someone calls her out on it on Twitter she plays the “innocent college girl.” Either you’re a public figure or you’re not. Public figures are fair game for criticism girlfriend. She claimed that we were “harassing her” on Twitter when we were at the A-10 Tournament in Brooklyn last year. Does this look like a girl who is being “harassed?”

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She’s still my girl though. Her and Professor Sonya Conner. The more you get under my skin the more I wanna have you ride my magical turtle.

If Umass loses this game I’m going to take a long drive through North Brookfield at night with no lights on just to see what happens. They already kicked the shit out of us once this season, but we’ve gone 7-2 since then. UMass is basically in a position where they need to win 7 of their last 8 games to be considered for an at-large bid in the NCAA tournament. Last year’s tournament run gave me a raging Minuteman in my pants all winter long. I would literally kill a man for a UMass win tomorrow night. Go U!!

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  • akaclau
    March 12, 2015 at 2:26 am

    You sir, are an idiot.

    You couldn’t even handle a day in the life of a bonnie you warthog.

    #GoChokeYourself

  • bonaroo
    February 13, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Everything I’ve read in this article points to this being a sassy complaint. There’s clearly something personal here as well. I’m not sure what happened to you in the past, but don’t blame it on these people. Yes, sport fans can be obnoxious. Thats part of American culture. To be honest, its part of the fun. But like I said, you clearly have something personal going on. Did you get hazed by someone who went to Bonaventure? As someone who writes about sports in the New England area, you should be fully aware of obnoxious fan-bases. Change your tampon and stop crying. Wipe the tears. Be a man.

    -Teddy Roosevelt

  • banana
    February 13, 2015 at 11:16 am

    Hannah Gordon is vile. She is not a smokeshow, she is a dingleberry. I hope more than anything she reads this comment, which, I’m sure she will because she is obsessed with herself. I wish you would stop writing about her solely because she most likely masturbates to your articles mentioning her name in them. St. Bonnie’s is nothing but a school full of alcoholics and people who thought they were cool in high school but actually got made fun of.

  • TheBonasWolf
    February 13, 2015 at 9:49 am

    This made me lol in real life. Welp thanks for the attention bud. Keep up the good work young Turtle.

  • TheBonasWolf
    February 13, 2015 at 9:49 am

    This made me lol in real life. Welp thanks for the attention bud. Keep up the good work young Donatelo.

  • Will
    February 12, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    You realize St. Bonaventure is almost 2 hours south of buffalo right…?

    • Finnish Goalie
      February 12, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      An oft-repeated geography lesson the last couple days.

  • cai
    February 12, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    As someone from Massachusetts who went to bonas you are completely wrong. Also ESPN has ranked the Reilly center as one of the top 3 hardest arenas to play in for a reason and if u can’t handle it too bad. Grow up

  • February 12, 2015 at 11:54 am

    I started reading this, quickly stopped, and checked the date line. I could have sworn that I read this post last year. Oh wait, I did. Time for some new material.

    As a former St. Bona’s swimmer, I LOVE a good rivalry like that of UMass and SBU. I love that this is getting so much attention because for better or worse, it puts Bona’s on the map. That said, I hate that it had to be done in such a crass way. The UMass alum who commented nailed it. I would be embarrassed, too.

    Bonnies are tough. We are resilient. We have a sense of humor. We can laugh at ourselves and the stereotypes associated with both Buffalo and Bona’s. We aren’t perfect, but we are a close-knit family. Some of us are gingers, and all of us wear that poop brown with pride.

  • Finnish Goalie
    February 12, 2015 at 6:18 am

    What? No late night “F You’s,” for TB?

    I’m hoping a list of the best comments from the Twitter feed are coming.

  • nikki
    February 11, 2015 at 11:27 pm

    Wow, thank you for the wonderful article about my school. It was very well written, very well organized, and very informative, except not really. Yes, it does matter where are school is. We are not Buffalo, it is two extremely different places. Secondly, provide an example of a school where the fans are completely well behaved during these games.

    You want to say that all you need is a pulse and a checkbook to attend Bonaventure? Well, maybe you should come here to learn a thing or two about writing because the place that you’ve attended has not done you justice.

  • BonaBitch
    February 11, 2015 at 10:45 pm

    Turtle Boy, this is my first time reading your irrelevant thoughts. I have to say, pretty terrible. My guess is you’re in your late 40’s hiding behind your computer screen, wondering who is going to advertise on your website so you can finally make an income off of what your true passion is, talking shit. I cannot believe that you think “St. Bonaventure Boners” is actually clever and that no ones ever thought of that before. And poop-colored hoodie? Are you fucking 5 years old? I think I actually am less intelligent after reading your article. Also as a fellow journalist you think you would do your due diligence and actually put some research into your work. SBU is not in Buffalo, dumbass. But hey, while the rest of us Bonaventure alumni continue to crush you in the professional world and make triple your salary, you hide behind that screen of yours and keep desperately searching for any sort of bullshit to write about. Good luck! Go Bonnies

  • Superfan
    February 11, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    Say, why do you have so many criminal defense attorneys advertising on your site? Is it because you’ve gotten so many DUIs that the only job you can get is sitting in mommy’s basement whining because we have the community and connections you’ll never have? You know, you have to admit you have a problem before you get help, but then who at rehab wouldn’t just hand you another fifth and lay you on your back and wait for the puke to start choking you.

    Admit it, I got under your skin last year. I made you cry actual tears like the little whiny bitch that you are. Yeah, UMass won tonight – so what? The world will still turn tomorrow. All I know is if I ever hear of a mass shooting up there, my first thought will be, “Welp, ‘ol Turtle Dick finally snapped.”

  • bonas
    February 11, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    This literally makes me laugh out loud that this kid is so obsessed with Bonaventure. You sound like the most
    classless human being. Way to represent umass in a positive way. All because we stormed the court for beating you guys last year? What a sad life you live. Go Bonas!!

  • Bona Wolf
    February 11, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    Okay so the Boston Marathon reference was completely out of line. I agree.

    Nonetheless, referring to us as “savages” is a compliment. I am vulgar and I am a savage. I am ruthless as a fan and I feast on the weekends here at Bonas while you hope and pray to get an invitation to some dumb sorority.

    So you think Bonas is a high school and a place that nobody knows about? Well, this high school program has one more final four appearance than you do.

    We’re classless? Do your homework you New England uneducated idiot. #1..look what you just wrote! #2…We didn’t have to vacate our final four like UMASS did!

    The saddest thing about this article is that you don’t know how to write. Some journalist you are. Probably got declined from The Russell J. Jandoli School of Journalism and Mass Communication at St. Bonaventure. If you went here, maybe you would receive a real education.

    Don’t mess with a New Yorker, don’t mess with the bonnies, and have a nice double digit loss.

    • NY'er
      February 11, 2015 at 7:01 pm

      You sir just won the comments.

  • Melissa
    February 11, 2015 at 5:56 pm

    This article was written in very poor taste. If you’re to knock another school for academics, the least you could do was publish an article using proper grammar. I feel sorry that you will never experience being part of such an amazing school. GO BONAS!

  • TurtleBoy's Mother
    February 11, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    Now, Turtle… Honey. What did I tell you about cursing in a public forum. It’s immature and wrong and I don’t like it. You chose to attack a fan base that was ranked the 5th hardest place to play by Jay Bilas and ESPN respectively. These “high school” fans are just as passionate about their team as you are about yours. Even though I am your mother, I will say you are acting like a gigantic vagina.

    I bet you’ve never been laid.

  • Mark
    February 11, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    He’s just upset that UMass Lowell has a better shot at making the tournament this year than they do

  • Kaylee
    February 11, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    Last time I checked we are not in Buffalo? So before you go and make an article about us maybe you should get the general facts right? Bonas is the nicest place one earth… Just don’t mess with family and we won’t be all the names you called us! But hey thanks for the publicity! We will surely beat UMass tonight!

  • Bonas Nation
    February 11, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    Who ever wrote this article clearly has some daddy issues…………

  • Matt Z.
    February 11, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    You sir are now as much apart of Bonaventure as friars, snow and drunk nights at the Burton. What would our rivalry with umass be without reading a great article by you about our school? Can’t wait to the after game article. Be quick about your response to the win or loss for I will be eagerly waiting for it.

    • Finnish Goalie
      February 11, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      Glad someone gets it.

  • bonnies
    February 11, 2015 at 3:59 pm

    you mad bro?

  • Teaspoon
    February 11, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    It’s sad that some people have nothing better to do than put garbage like this on the internet. Don’t try and act like you know ANYTHING about St Bonaventure. People like you are everything that’s wrong with this country.

  • Fuck off
    February 11, 2015 at 3:45 pm

    St. Bonaventure men’s basketball has 1 final four appearance and UMASS has zero because your 1996 final four was vacated. So, while you say you never heard of St. Bonaventure..we have a final four appearance and you do not. Enjoy your double digit loss tonight you

  • Anonymous
    February 11, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    Upset much? Finished with your rant on how upet you are? Good. See you guys tonight! May the best school win #gobonnies

  • Fuck tard
    February 11, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    Hey dude -you go to Umass…you can’t call anyone else out for having subpar academics.

  • cbdawglur
    February 11, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    Hey loser might want to get your facts straight before you start preaching. We are Bonnies not Boners…or maybe you are confusing us with something you lack? Which would make total sense because a person with no balls would post this on the internet and then not have the guts to say it to our face. BonaLove for Ever! <3

  • Finnish Goalie
    February 11, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    At this point, I do not know which would be funnier to read about tomorrow, a UMass or Bonny win. Facebook and Twitter comments will be gold.

  • RachetWolfpack
    February 11, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    I hope when you look back on your college years you remember all the times you sat in your classy student section politely routing for your team, seated of course, using only proper grammar.

    Because I know we’ll remember getting blacked out in the Garden’s, running to the Reilly center, making enough noise that Mark Schmidt falls off his scooter and causing enough ruckus for someone 6 hours away to spend 3 hours writing a blog about us.

    #GoBonas

  • RogerKlotz
    February 11, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    This article is littered with false information and very poorly written. That is all.

  • Bonas4Life
    February 11, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    Yet again you get the location of our school wrong, it’s in Allegany NOT Bufflo! Make sure to have your facts straight before you publish an article. And I’m sorry our school spirit has offended you…oh wait not sorry at all! We storm the court because we support our team and each other. If you can’t say the same then obviously you don’t love your school the way we love ours

  • February 11, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    Nice hyperbole in your title, there buddy. Clearly you have a future in Internet “journalism”

    And congrats, you found people who are rude and offensive on the internet. I’ll alert the rest of the media.

  • AlwaysHungry
    February 11, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    Let them storm the court “like they just made it to the Final Four” – playing a Final Four team, like VCU, is the closest they will ever get to it.

  • Forza San Bonaventura!
    February 11, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    What utter rubbish I have just read, your grammar is absolutely atrocious, clear fallacies in your writing, and for fucks sake buy a map because St. Bonaventure University is about an hour and a half (depends on how fast you drive) away from the city of Buffalo. Turtleboy vaffanculo tu cazzo! Forza San Bonaventura!

  • jrocc
    February 11, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    This is the most poorly written article I’ve ever seen. What kind of troll garbage “journalist” uses the term “boners” to refer to a college. That is why turtleboy will be nothing more than an internet troll who’s butthurt because UMass lost a basketball game

  • BONNIES
    February 11, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    I believe UmASS lost to a “high school” team this year at UmASS

  • Bonas is smarter than turtleboy
    February 11, 2015 at 11:42 am

    A) bonas is in olean, NOT buffalo
    B) The UMassholes were ranked when we beat them
    C) I bet they call you turtleboy because you’re slow in the head
    D) go bonas!

    • jrocc
      February 11, 2015 at 1:14 pm

      Bonas is in Allegany dickweed

  • Turtle Boi
    February 11, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Turtle Boy is a dildo

  • GoBonas
    February 11, 2015 at 11:13 am

  • upsetUMass fan
    February 11, 2015 at 11:09 am

    I graduated from UMass 2 years ago and I have to say as an alumni I cannot stand to read articles like this. Turtle boy what are you trying to accomplish? There is nothing wrong with St.Bonaventure, just as there is nothing wrong with the other schools in our conference. I have been to the Reilly Center and the atmosphere is unlike anything I’ve seen even if I had to drive for hours to get there. Why not poke fun at the other no name schools in our conference? Because you clearly have some grudge against these kids for no reason.

    Please stop making us look bad, turtle boy does not represent UMass!! Were not all like this! Competitive..yes…Jerks…no

  • Kate
    February 11, 2015 at 11:06 am

    Sounds like you lose sleep over this :/ must be a tough life.

  • Doawholelotless
    February 11, 2015 at 11:00 am

    This website is trying to be Deadpsin so badly it’s pathetic, get a life, keep enjoying making 30k a year and driving home your piece of shit used chevy malibu to your mortgaged home that you knew you couldnt afford in the first place. Why is the conecpt of college kids storming the court after their unranked team beat a ranked team such a tough concept for you too grasp? Oh because UMASS is above that ? HAHAHAHA, you guys wish you’ve beaten the teams we have the past few years. OH AND FOOTBALL?!?!?! Jesus christ the word “football” should not be muttered by a UMASS supporter until you guys find a way to win meaningful games in your programs history. You guys are like the Dallas Cowboys of the A10 – rarely good, constantly overrated, never wins a big game, overpaid coach. Oh and since we’re being total douchebags, Id wager Amherst has received more snow than Bonaventure this year, but that’s just a guess. Enjoy your irrelevance in basketball as well as the journalism world, you’re just a pissed off guy from New England still salty that ESPN, Bleacher Report, Deadpspin, etc. wouldnt grant your shitty gpa/resume a job after college.

  • boners fan
    February 11, 2015 at 10:44 am

    I love this. Your giving our small middle of no where school even more attention. Its like you think we don’t know any of this already? Just makes us love our school even more. Its a shame you’ll never be able to experience something like we have, instead you get to write about it. Have you ever gotten to storm a court in a small town?with your best friends who have become family? in a packed arena? after you just hit a buzzer beater to beat the only ranked team you’ll get to face all year?I’ve made better memories here than anywhere you have and that may be my personal opinion and this article is yours. I respect it and it made me laugh a lot actually. Just know our country is made of different geographically areas as you call it and we love where we come from, we didn’t get to choose where to live our parents did. I couldn’t think of a better place to grow up. UMass is almost just as irreverent as Bonaventure is (don’t bring up the past because honestly who cares, this is 2015). You really think people over in other parts of the country know who either one of us are unless there a hardcore sports follower as yourself…..no. With that being said your articles still crack me up. Especially the ginger wearing a poop colored hoodie. Because poop is and always will be funny (its always sunny reference). GO BONNIES forever and always.

  • YourLastA10TitleWas1996
    February 11, 2015 at 10:23 am

    You essentially did everything in this post that you accused Bonaventute fans of doing. Embodied every characteristic you accused their fans of having. And showed equal if not more ignorance and classlessness while doing it.

    Cool to brag about having a football team too. A 3-9 MAC conference football team. Next argument.

  • GhostOfCal
    February 11, 2015 at 10:10 am

    Not your best work, but funny write up regardless TB. Good to see some fanbase have a hatred and vitriol for the Bonnies, as opposed to the obscurity both UMass and Bonas faced for most of the 2000s. Good luck tonight, hope you don’t step in too much cow crap.

  • joeMomma
    February 11, 2015 at 9:29 am

    See what happens when you blow off high school? Your forced to go to St. Bonaventure where the only requirement is a pulse and a check book.

    • Haha
      February 11, 2015 at 11:09 am

      Probably would have helped if you used the correct form of “you’re”, bud. Did you blow off elementary school or something? 😉

      • joeMomma
        February 12, 2015 at 10:32 am

        Don’t blame me, I went to St Bonnie…..

  • Finnish Goalie
    February 11, 2015 at 9:10 am

    “Glorified Assumption College”

    Do the Bonnies do half-court shots at half-time for pizzas? If not, I’ll take the Hounds.

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