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Here come the most classless, vile, raunchy, loathsome, raunchy, obnoxious, revolting, and repugnant people on the face of the Earth – St. Bonaventure fans. UMass will try to extend their four game winning streak as they travel to Buffalo Wednesday night to play the Boners. I didn’t even know this glorified high school from Buffalo had any fans until last year when UMass went up there as an underdog and lost. Their nudnik fans rushed the court not once, but twice after beating an unranked team. At home. As favorites. It was literally the most small town move in the history of sports. Plus their gym is a glorified Assumption College, so their savage fans are literally right on top of you the whole time:
Notice dooshnozzle McGee is wearing a Bills hoodie. Because 99% of these savages are obviously Bills fans. Seriously though, these idiots couldn’t possibly be more high schoolish if they tried. They look like St. John’s High School fans if God took a gigantic dump on them.
So we called them out for being fraud fans, which led the beginning of the Buffalo vs. Turtleboy Sports rivalry:
Boston Marathon jokes. Excessive use of homophobic slurs. Obsession with upstate New York geography. That’s what these people are all about. Last week they beat VCU, a team that was missing two of their three leading scorers. St. Bonaventure won at the buzzer and of course these idiots stormed the court like they just made it to the Final Four:
Just look at the glorious ginger in his poop colored hoodie. St. Bonaventure has no football team. This is literally all they have.This is where the Bills fans who can read go for four years. You probably have never once thought about St. Bonaventure in your entire life if you’re not a UMass basketball fan. But they’ve thought about you constantly.
I mean take a look at this oversized warthog:
That man gives zero fucks about anything but St. Bonaventure basketball. The thing about them is they’re good actors too. Because they’re savages at heart, but the second Sister Margaret (who happens to be the school president) comes around they suddenly stop swearing at VCU fans and magically are on their best behavior.
So as you can see, everything we’ve written about them has proven to be true. After we wrote our blog about them last year some wannabe reporter named Junior Smokeshow Hannah Gordon emailed us for an interview that was published in their school newspaper. Because when you go to St. Bonaventure your world pretty much revolves around Turtleboy Sports. When I read that article today I still laugh out loud because it’s 100% truth:
“St. Bonaveture is somewhere in upstate New York,” he said. “Doesn’t really matter where though since upstate New York is a completely irrelevant part of the United States of America. That’s why God just dumps a (expletive) ton of snow on it every year. He doesn’t want anyone living there on account of it sucks so bad.”
Her reply was hilarious:
We aren’t irrelevant. We aren’t stupid. We’re proud to be Bonnies, and if you don’t like that, then tough luck. We’re the WolfPack, and that means we support each other and our school no matter what. Go Bonnies.
Yea, go Boners!!
Oh yea, and Junior Smokeshow Hannah Gordon is a complete fraud in every sense of the word. She’s the one that started the whole “sexual harassment” thing from Buffalo. Basically she’s the Bob Kravitz of St. Bonaventure – talks shit about UMass out of jealousy, makes shit up as she goes along, pretends to be a real reporter, and then when someone calls her out on it on Twitter she plays the “innocent college girl.” Either you’re a public figure or you’re not. Public figures are fair game for criticism girlfriend. She claimed that we were “harassing her” on Twitter when we were at the A-10 Tournament in Brooklyn last year. Does this look like a girl who is being “harassed?”
She’s still my girl though. Her and Professor Sonya Conner. The more you get under my skin the more I wanna have you ride my magical turtle.
If Umass loses this game I’m going to take a long drive through North Brookfield at night with no lights on just to see what happens. They already kicked the shit out of us once this season, but we’ve gone 7-2 since then. UMass is basically in a position where they need to win 7 of their last 8 games to be considered for an at-large bid in the NCAA tournament. Last year’s tournament run gave me a raging Minuteman in my pants all winter long. I would literally kill a man for a UMass win tomorrow night. Go U!!
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