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Holden Ratchet Mom Tried Hiring A Hitman Break Turtleboy’s Knees And Is Willing To Pay With Erotic Carnal Favors, So We’d Like To Invite Her On Turtleboy Live Tomorrow Night

Holden Ratchet Mom Tried Hiring A Hitman Break Turtleboy’s Knees And Is Willing To Pay With Erotic Carnal Favors, So We’d Like To Invite Her On Turtleboy Live Tomorrow Night

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It has come to our attention that mother of the year Celia Mcauliffe has evidently put a hit out on Turtleboy Sports. Little background first if you’re not familiar with this winner. This is her daughter Cailin and her friend Makayla jumping a girl in Northbridge:

And this is Mom commenting on the video and threatening to kick the shit out of a high school boy who her daughter was suspended for throwing a coffee coolata at:

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And here she is threatening high school kids with other kids from other towns who she is apparently friends with:

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Anyway, she’s been plotting to take down Turtleboy, but she had no idea the person she connected with was actually an undercover Turtleboy operative (we are everywhere). Here’s how the conversation went down…..

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It’s true. We broadcast live on our Facebook show from Main South. But everyone knows our corporate offices are in Fitchburg.

Soon after the threats subsided, the conversation took a much more PG-13 turn as the two of them negotiated how Celia would pay this “hitman” to take down Turtleboy. Warning NSFW:

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Sure, she’ll consent to felating a stranger on the Internet as payment for a hit on a local blogger. But nip pics? Sorry buddy, she’s not “that type of person.” She’s a classy broad who occasionally threatens 14 year olds with physical threats from other 14 year olds in their town who she has on call in her rolodex.

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Then she threw in the “I’m not a bad man” disclaimer:

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She’s a crackhead who went to jail, has never had custody of her kids, cheers her daughter on while she jumps other girls, and calls 14 year old kids faggots. If that’s not the definition of a good mom then I don’t know what is.

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Finally she caps off the conversation by calling the latest guy she’s shacking up with a “fucking pussy” for not kicking Turtleboy’s ass himself:

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Anyway, we wanna add a new twist to the award winning Turtleboy Live Facebook show. From now on we want someone who absolutely hates us because we wrote about them to call up the show. We can connect via Skype and have you on the program to defend your honor. We will ask you questions but of course we will keep it professional and allow you to answer them as you see fit. And for our first guest we would like to have Celia on. So Ce-ce, if you’re reading this please message us on Facebook and we’ll hook it up on Skype and have you on tomorrow night. Make it happen.


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28 Comment(s)
  • XYZAffair
    March 15, 2017 at 10:43 am

    So has she contacted Tony Soprano yet? Should we be in fear?

  • Sterlingsilva
    March 14, 2017 at 12:47 pm

    How do people get to be such losers?

  • Holden Problems
    March 14, 2017 at 11:52 am

    Jesus Christ! Ten years ago we bought one of the most affordable houses in Holden just so our children wouldn’t have to attend school with the spawn of lowlife scum like this pig. I guess there is no escape. What a useless waste of life.

  • TL
    March 14, 2017 at 11:03 am

    This is pure gold!!!! You are the best Turtleboy!

  • Diane Woods emerson
    March 14, 2017 at 7:52 am

    Def fixing my interWEB for the live show. Thats gonna be fanfuckingtastic if she actually calls and subjects herself to more scorn. I think she might be that dumb. And if not her , there will be her defenders calling for sure. Lol. I cant wait!!!!

  • Strata
    March 14, 2017 at 7:13 am

    Wow. This woman has been exposed for what she is. Disgusting! And everyone knows now.

    • LLC
      March 14, 2017 at 10:15 am

      Thank God & the internet is forever…

      I am so glad she can’t leave her house out of fear. It’s about time. Hag has been exposed.

      And the boyfriend is still sticking around? After reading all this????? WTF

      • True Reality Speaks
        Mirror Mirror
        March 14, 2017 at 11:10 am

        Too busy collecting disability and playing GTA on his xbox.

  • Dgaf
    March 13, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    Holy shit

  • White trash watcher
    March 13, 2017 at 11:36 pm

    This hoe is just trying to get her 15 mins of fame. Sad that she thinks she is above the normal, working class person. She can not spell, speak proper English and obviously can not be a “lady”. What’s worse is her skank mini me goes 2 on 1. Are you serious? That right there is a bitch move. I’m sure if she went back to school both of them would be in the same grade. Both are discusting trash bags. Hope she comes out my way. I will go 2 on 1, right in front of her kid. Show the little douche how to punch.

      March 14, 2017 at 3:40 pm

      She can spell? Agree she isn’t the best person, but before you try to point the finger at others, learn how to spell disgusting…. Those that live in glass houses honey….

  • Thomas Doubting
    Thomas Doubting
    March 13, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    let’s do the math here folks. What’s the common denominator in 99% of these stories? Welfare (DTA), Sec8, EBT, DCF, SNAP, etc, etc. An alphabet soup of services paid for by the hard working tax payers of Massachusetts. Yes, I know there are many deserving people benefiting from these services but the sad irony is that there are just as many people scamming the system draining tax dollars from those needing them. Lately, it seems the scammers are getting very easy to spot selling their benefits online. Turtleboy shows us how easy every day. Do ANY of these people get dropped from the gravy train?. Sounds simple, but politics never are…..

  • Mass Bar
    March 13, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    Vulva has lots of work coming his way, his business is a money maker.

    • Barry
      March 13, 2017 at 11:32 pm

      Yeah it’s like this whole little cottage industry popped up to deal with turtleboy within the Internet legal system. Turtleboy is good for the economy.

  • Mom's basement
    March 13, 2017 at 10:49 pm

    I’ll bet the sexual favors were her boyfriend’s idea. She called her boyfriend a pussy after offering to blow the other dude because she knows that’s his thing. They do this stuff all the time.

  • Turd Burglestein
    March 13, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    Oh my god, I love this woman. She reminds me so much of my dear departed mother. I would pay her to fist me for an evening. She could use any orifice as I remind everyone that I’m a ladyman, a hermaphrodite. Ok, I’ll level with you all. I used to be a “Bond girl”! My name is, or was, Caroline Cossey. Google me. Now I’m just a sad old ladyman who plays with shit hoping to get fisted.

    • March 14, 2017 at 8:43 am

      Marie Guilmette from Athol why don’t you go play with your special needs son instead of trolling people online you fucking ugly heroin junkie!

      I would always hear him in the background begging for your fucking attention you piece of shit. Be a mother and do your job cunt!

      Tell your lazy boyfriend (who won’t marry you) Robert Dulmaine to get off his fat ass and be a man already. You two are both fucking losers.

      The day you told me you would home school your son is the day I knew his life was ruined forever. Two loser junkies in charge of his education? Good luck kiddo!

      • Lt Dan
        March 14, 2017 at 9:56 am

        Wow, fucking roasted.

        • March 14, 2017 at 10:15 am

          It’s the snow storm… has me on edge. Ha!

  • SMH
    March 13, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    I can’t believe this ghetto trash is moving into the suburbs. Go back to school and learn how to live or take your skankiness right into the ghetto where it belongs.

  • SMH
    March 13, 2017 at 10:11 pm

    I can really believe this trash is seeping into the suburbs. Someone tell her that normal people don’t live/speak this ghetto trash. Go live in the slums you pig or go to school and learn how to live without skankiness…

  • Gronkmonster
    March 13, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    You broke this story too soon…We almost had some flap jack tittie pictures!!

    • Rich A
      March 13, 2017 at 10:12 pm

      C’mon, she’s classier than that.

  • Talisman
    March 13, 2017 at 9:57 pm

    Fuck yeah, Skype-A-Ho Segment. Great idea. I guess the Vulvanator didn’t work out, shame

    • Turd Burglestein
      March 14, 2017 at 6:24 am

      He wouldn’t take a blowjob for downpayment of his retainer fee.

      • Talisman
        March 14, 2017 at 7:35 am

        Could be. But every lawyer I know would have given it a shot, so to speak, and then make up whatever value it was supposed to be somewhere else. He may be different though, and employing a cull factor in cases such as this. Hope his business doesn’t dry up.

  • Mr Butthurt
    March 13, 2017 at 9:57 pm


  • Rich A
    March 13, 2017 at 9:49 pm

    The bitch is classic.

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