Holden Ratchet Mom Tried Hiring A Hitman Break Turtleboy’s Knees And Is Willing To Pay With Erotic Carnal Favors, So We’d Like To Invite Her On Turtleboy Live Tomorrow Night

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It has come to our attention that mother of the year Celia Mcauliffe has evidently put a hit out on Turtleboy Sports. Little background first if you’re not familiar with this winner. This is her daughter Cailin and her friend Makayla jumping a girl in Northbridge:

And this is Mom commenting on the video and threatening to kick the shit out of a high school boy who her daughter was suspended for throwing a coffee coolata at:

And here she is threatening high school kids with other kids from other towns who she is apparently friends with:

Anyway, she’s been plotting to take down Turtleboy, but she had no idea the person she connected with was actually an undercover Turtleboy operative (we are everywhere). Here’s how the conversation went down…..

It’s true. We broadcast live on our Facebook show from Main South. But everyone knows our corporate offices are in Fitchburg.

Soon after the threats subsided, the conversation took a much more PG-13 turn as the two of them negotiated how Celia would pay this “hitman” to take down Turtleboy. Warning NSFW:

Sure, she’ll consent to felating a stranger on the Internet as payment for a hit on a local blogger. But nip pics? Sorry buddy, she’s not “that type of person.” She’s a classy broad who occasionally threatens 14 year olds with physical threats from other 14 year olds in their town who she has on call in her rolodex.

Then she threw in the “I’m not a bad man” disclaimer:

She’s a crackhead who went to jail, has never had custody of her kids, cheers her daughter on while she jumps other girls, and calls 14 year old kids faggots. If that’s not the definition of a good mom then I don’t know what is.

Finally she caps off the conversation by calling the latest guy she’s shacking up with a “fucking pussy” for not kicking Turtleboy’s ass himself:

Anyway, we wanna add a new twist to the award winning Turtleboy Live Facebook show. From now on we want someone who absolutely hates us because we wrote about them to call up the show. We can connect via Skype and have you on the program to defend your honor. We will ask you questions but of course we will keep it professional and allow you to answer them as you see fit. And for our first guest we would like to have Celia on. So Ce-ce, if you’re reading this please message us on Facebook and we’ll hook it up on Skype and have you on tomorrow night. Make it happen.

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