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Couldn’t believe how many people on Facebook were sharing this article today:

People were honestly sharing it believing that it proves that Worcester is on the rise…or something like that. So we clicked on it and it was basically an Ed Augustus propaganda piece. There’s no way he didn’t pay one of this buddies to have this written. You gotta read it. It’s one of the funniest things we’ve ever read. Here’s some of the best of these 15 reasons to “drop everything and move to Worcester.”

Downtown is great? There’s no way whoever wrote this has ever been to downtown Worcester. Everyone knows that downtown Worcester is an irredeemable cesspool of debauchery. The highlight of downtown is Worcester Bling-Bling, a run down porno theater, the Turtleboy Statue, and the Mid-Town Mall. 

You know who might disagree that downtown is “great?” Those two women who were raped in August by some random guy right on Main Street. You know who might disagree that the neighborhoods are “perfect for families and full of life.” All the people who have been shot on Grafton Hill in the last two years. Just sayin.

We have 12 colleges now? Who knew? Is the Salter School on there? Because I definitely do not count 12. Unless of course the Pastor Sarai Rivera theological seminar of “give me your money or you’re not going to heaven” counts as a college.

Because the only way you can see boat races on Lake Quinsigamond is to live in Worcester. It’s not like you can live in Shrewsbury, or any other town close by. You have to live in Worcester itself.

Worcester is only 22.9 minutes from Boston? LOL. If you blindly shared this article you need to stop what you’re doing and give Turtleboy a lap and 15 pushups.

The Berkshires are 1.5 hours away at the closest point. If Worcester is “perfect” then Springfield must be a Utopia of orgasmic proportions, since it’s a much shorter drive to the Berkshires and all those “lakes” to the north. Not sure what “lakes” this writer is referring to, but then again they’ve clearly never been to Worcester so they’re probably just making it up as they go along anyway because they know morons will see the title and share it blindly.

LOL. Yea, the Worcester Sharks are a great reason to move to Worcester. You’re gonna love them. Especially when you find out they packed up and left two years ago.

So let me get this straight. I’m supposed to move to Worcester because they make maple syrup three or four towns away from me? Where do I sign up? Because you’re not allowed to actually lie in Berlin (or any of the surrounding towns). The only way to enjoy Berlin Farms is by moving to Worcester.

I’ll be you any amount of money Paul Giorgio or one of the underlings from the McGovern Crime Family had something to do with this. Someone made a phone call because they needed something before the election to show the world that they’re not completely useless. Guess Turtleboy is the only media outlet that’s gonna call them out on their bullshit though. Thanks for the Monday morning layup morons!!

Want to have your business advert viewed over 2 million times per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Our Facebook page is suspended again, so make sure you to LIKE THE LOST BOYS OF TURTLE Facebook page to keep up with our latest blogs.