WTF

If You Blindly Shared This Article About Worcester Being A Place To “Drop Everything And Move To” Then You Owe Turtleboy A Lap And 15 Pushups

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Couldn’t believe how many people on Facebook were sharing this article today:

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People were honestly sharing it believing that it proves that Worcester is on the rise…or something like that. So we clicked on it and it was basically an Ed Augustus propaganda piece. There’s no way he didn’t pay one of this buddies to have this written. You gotta read it. It’s one of the funniest things we’ve ever read. Here’s some of the best of these 15 reasons to “drop everything and move to Worcester.”

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Downtown is great? There’s no way whoever wrote this has ever been to downtown Worcester. Everyone knows that downtown Worcester is an irredeemable cesspool of debauchery. The highlight of downtown is Worcester Bling-Bling, a run down porno theater, the Turtleboy Statue, and the Mid-Town Mall

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You know who might disagree that downtown is “great?” Those two women who were raped in August by some random guy right on Main Street. You know who might disagree that the neighborhoods are “perfect for families and full of life.” All the people who have been shot on Grafton Hill in the last two years. Just sayin.

 

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We have 12 colleges now? Who knew? Is the Salter School on there? Because I definitely do not count 12. Unless of course the Pastor Sarai Rivera theological seminar of “give me your money or you’re not going to heaven” counts as a college.

 

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Because the only way you can see boat races on Lake Quinsigamond is to live in Worcester. It’s not like you can live in Shrewsbury, or any other town close by. You have to live in Worcester itself.

 

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Worcester is only 22.9 minutes from Boston? LOL. If you blindly shared this article you need to stop what you’re doing and give Turtleboy a lap and 15 pushups.

 

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The Berkshires are 1.5 hours away at the closest point. If Worcester is “perfect” then Springfield must be a Utopia of orgasmic proportions, since it’s a much shorter drive to the Berkshires and all those “lakes” to the north. Not sure what “lakes” this writer is referring to, but then again they’ve clearly never been to Worcester so they’re probably just making it up as they go along anyway because they know morons will see the title and share it blindly.

 

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LOL. Yea, the Worcester Sharks are a great reason to move to Worcester. You’re gonna love them. Especially when you find out they packed up and left two years ago.

 

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So let me get this straight. I’m supposed to move to Worcester because they make maple syrup three or four towns away from me? Where do I sign up? Because you’re not allowed to actually lie in Berlin (or any of the surrounding towns). The only way to enjoy Berlin Farms is by moving to Worcester.

I’ll be you any amount of money Paul Giorgio or one of the underlings from the McGovern Crime Family had something to do with this. Someone made a phone call because they needed something before the election to show the world that they’re not completely useless. Guess Turtleboy is the only media outlet that’s gonna call them out on their bullshit though. Thanks for the Monday morning layup morons!!

 

 

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33 Comment(s)
  • Gregory B.
    October 25, 2016 at 1:15 pm

    Come on. We all know who and what destroyed Worcester, but only Donald Trump would say it out loud. Take welfare out of Massachusetts and you’ll see all the lowlife move.

  • Barnyard
    October 25, 2016 at 5:57 am

    Anna Maria is in Paxton…and Becker is in Leicester. …scratch 2

    • Rhino
      October 25, 2016 at 10:08 am

      They must be talking about Worcester County then

  • Wicked Old Guy
    October 24, 2016 at 11:38 pm

    It takes me 22.9 minutes to take a dumb on a good day. In that time I could be in Boston? Oy vey!

  • whatevuh
    WHATEVUH
    October 24, 2016 at 9:18 pm

    Worcester Sharks LMAO

  • Reddog
    October 24, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    Almost as funny as the city square video.

  • JRod
    October 24, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    Google shows 13 Colleges, 3 were Beauty Schools, 1 a Massage School, two were closed years ago.

  • WormtownorBust
    October 24, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Worcester needs a nuclear enema.

  • Publius
    October 24, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    The website onlyinyourstate seems to just be a self written promotion. Could have been Giorgio.

  • Mosaic Mayhem
    October 24, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    I mean, a former lieutenant governor named Tim Murray proved you can get anywhere in 22.9 minutes.

  • Chris From Georgia
    October 24, 2016 at 1:14 pm

    The author of that article should win a Nobel Prize for Literature for the most Imaginative Work of Fiction!

  • bigdaddy
    bigdaddy
    October 24, 2016 at 12:30 pm

    what no mention of the gangs and drugs ?

  • Joe Max
    October 24, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    Delusional, a good indicator. At graduation the out-of-town college grads vanish for good. Never mind many of the grads born in this area, do the vanishing act too.

  • Ed Augustus
    October 24, 2016 at 11:40 am

    Main Street, Worcester- where sick little businesses go to die

    • Alexander Knight
      October 25, 2016 at 11:40 am

      To die OR commit EBT fraud…

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    October 24, 2016 at 11:38 am

    22 minutes won’t even get you to Framingham.

    But I guess when you live in Millis, you wouldn’t know the difference…

  • Brian Northboro
    October 24, 2016 at 11:33 am

    Two weeks ago I drove from Northboro to the RMV in worcester. It’s a 10.8 mile trip. I took RT 9 at 3:40 in the afternoon because at 3:40 Rt 290 was already a nightmare. The Registry closes at 5pm. My “Take a number for service” was stamped 5:52pm…Eeezy peazy…Just a quick 1 hour and 12 minute trip to go 10 miles…That’s 72 minutes to go 10 miles…for an average speed of 8 miles per hour for you math majors out there…And then I had to drive home…the whole shebang including my 8 minutes at the registry was over 2.5 hours of driving….for 20 miles. At least I hit Sol of Mexico for a few burritos to go while I was there…

    Sounds Like a dream Destination. I’m selling my house and moving there now!

    • Brian Northboro
      October 24, 2016 at 11:34 am

      EDIT 4:52 pm

  • Realist
    October 24, 2016 at 11:25 am

    TB hating on Worcester once again! Your so right TB, Crime only exists in Worcester. Panhandlers only exist in Worcester . Worcester is the only city with a homeless population. Damn, If only we had a City Councilor who could clean up this mess!

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      October 24, 2016 at 11:41 am

      Ok Mr. Mayor, why don’t you go cut another ribbon on a fast food place?

  • Ed Agustus
    October 24, 2016 at 11:16 am

    Oh Turtleboy, If you would only give me a chance! I think Milli… er I mean Worcester, is a great city to live in!

  • Jimbo
    October 24, 2016 at 11:11 am

    22.9 minutes away from Boston huh? I want to know at what speed they were driving to arrive at that conclusion. 180 MPH?

    • Kenny Powers
      Kenny Powers
      October 24, 2016 at 12:08 pm

      It’s only 22.9 minutes if you take the extremely convenient shuttle flight from Worcester Airport to Logan.
      You can’t get from Shrewsbury Street to Tatnuck in 22.9 minutes. Paul Giorgio could not have written this article, he cannot read never mind put together 2 coherent sentences.

  • Worcester or Bust
    October 24, 2016 at 10:59 am

    Yes, drop everything to move to Worcester.

    Things you will have to drop:

    * Personal Safety
    *Honest Government
    *Sanitary Living Conditions
    *Vagrant-Free Intersections
    *A Functional DPW
    *Civility
    *Rising Property Values
    *Freedom from Scam Non-Profits taking over your neighborhood
    *Reasonable Property Taxes
    *Quiet Enjoyment of your home
    *Sensible Civic Planning
    *Normal accents and basic grasp of English Grammar

    • Rhino
      October 24, 2016 at 11:07 am

      Sanitary living conditions? Clean your house bitch

  • Publius
    October 24, 2016 at 10:58 am

    Counting to 12 isn’t hard. Tufts gets included being only a few miles from the City.

    • Chip
      October 24, 2016 at 3:10 pm

      wpi, wsu, HC, Becker, Clark, Anna Maria, assumption, mcphs, Umass, tufts, qcc….. What one am I forgetting?

      • Publius
        October 24, 2016 at 5:03 pm

        I guess counting to 12 was harder than I thought. I think you got them all.

        • Admissions
          October 25, 2016 at 10:12 am

          The 12 is from the Worcester consortium that includes close to Worcester schools, like Anna Maria and Tufts too. The one you forgot is Nichols in the middle of nowhere.

          • Alexander Knight
            October 25, 2016 at 11:38 am

            Didn’t realize DUDley was now a neighborhood in Worcester. Does that mean Framingham State counts? What about Fitchburg? Wachusett CC? They’re all close to Worcester using the same logic….

      • Alexander Knight
        October 25, 2016 at 11:37 am

        Salter School is now called Salter College bahahaha I assume that’s counted in this, even though it’s in WB.

  • tngsucks
    October 24, 2016 at 10:57 am

    Time you spend in car driving to train station. This was written by someone desperate to sell their house because they can no longer tolerate it here. Let’s also add, get plenty of exercise in the winter. Because if you do not shovel your walk the city that does not shovel theirs will fine you.

  • Kevins 9 Iron
    Kevi bashed in my skull
    October 24, 2016 at 10:45 am

    the biggest joke is the commute is “easy peasy”

    Pick any weekday. ANY. easy isn’t a word you will ever use.

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