Hoodrat Heroes

Internet Hardo Mob Vows Revenge On Guy Who Accidentally Injured A Seagull That Tried Eating His Cheeseburger At Hampton Beach

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An annual tradition on Turtleboy every summer is the shaming of chuds who throw rocks at Seagulls. Yes, everyone knows that Seagulls are just rats with wings, but you’re not supposed to kill them. Nevertheless it seems to happen every year when ratchets meet nature.

Well, we almost made it a whole summer without a dead seagull story until a bunch of people sent us a link to this Facebook post from Hampton Beach two days ago….

But we did not blog it right away because there’s no proof that any of this actually happened. And as you know, we don’t do the whole “outraged online mob without any evidence” thing. Don’t get me wrong, we like online mobs. It just has to be justified. And the fact of the matter is that there is an epidemic on social media because of idiots like Shaun King wrongly vilifying innocent people and having their lives ruined by online mobs.

And let’s face the facts – all we have here is a picture of an injured seagull and a dude. There’s no video of him doing it. That matters. At least it does to us. April Novak’s post has been shared over 20,000 times, and people are looking to kill this guy, so it looks like it doesn’t matter to other people. And quite frankly, I don’t trust anyone who goes to Hampton Beach. So there’s that.

Well, the guy responded after he became Internet famous:

A man pictured in a viral Facebook photo post accusing him of kicking a seagull at Hampton Beach is telling his side of the story. He admits that he did hit the bird with his leg, but says it was an accident that he couldn’t replicate again if he tried. Hampton police said Monday they are investigating the incident but no charges have been filed so NH1 is not identifying the man by name at this time.

“There is an atrocious story on social media that I intentionally hurt the seagull. It is illegal and immoral to injure a seagull. If I intentionally hurt the seagull in front of hundreds of witnesses, I would perhaps be the dumbest criminal ever,” he said in a statement to NH1. “I’d like to apologize and explain what happened. I had just gotten back from getting a cheeseburger and fries. I was sitting on the sand. Seagulls got to my burger, and while still sitting in the sand, I spun around in a circle with my leg out to shoo it away, and unfortunately, did strike the seagull hard. It was a 1 in a million bad luck kick that couldn’t be repeated. This is no more than a simple mistake. But social media has blown it into something it is not.”

After he struck the bird, he said several people started approaching him and yelling at him. Because he had his pre-teen daughter with him at the time, he chose to leave the beach rather than address those people.

I wasn’t there so I have no idea whether or not he’s telling the truth. Gun to my head I say I believe him. Couple reasons why:

  1. He’s right – it would be insanely stupid to intentionally kill a seagull in front of a group of people in public.
  2. He’s a big dude, and fully capable of injuring a seagull by accidentally striking it.
  3. It makes sense that he’d want to get the hell out of there after a mob started forming.
  4. The seagull was eating his cheeseburger and fries. Don’t mess with a man’s cheeseburger.

Things that make me question him:

  1. How do you accidentally hit a seagull with your leg? I could imagine doing it with your hand, but a leg seems improbable.
  2. He voluntarily chose to go to Hampton Beach without being forced at gunpoint.

Sure, he could be lying too, but none of us have any proof of this, and everyone is taking the word of a stranger on Facebook, who quite frankly struggles with the English language. Nevertheless the court of Internet hardos has reached their verdict…..

Death by words!! Steve Black bout to bust a bat in yo ass to defend the honor of a random seagull.

Then there was the “we’re in their habitat” nudniks:

These people all need to be eaten by sharks. Hey Karen, when you accidentally hit a squirrel while driving through a rural area, do you stop and call the police? After all, you are on THEIR turf. You’re the intruder for having the audacity to drive from point A to point B on land that is legally owned by squirrels.

See how stupid that sounds? That’s what you sound like Karen. You are very, very supid.

She also had this to say:

“He looks like a douchebag, therefore I blindly believe he did it without any proof.” Now imagine she said this about someone who was not a white guy at the beach. Imagine she switched “frosted tips” to “nappy hair.” What would we call her? Oh yea, racist. But it’s cool, because she saved France from the terrorists!!!

Meanwhile everyone’s freaking out over the state of the seagull:

What planet am I on where we started giving a shit about seagulls? When you kill a mouse in your house do you have a funeral? It would be one thing if the guy intentionally threw a rock at the gull. But he says it was an accident. Like hitting a squirrel with your car. That thing obviously wasn’t meant to survive very long if he couldn’t figure out to stay away from a man’s cheeseburger.

I could’ve easily blogged this yesterday, gotten a billion shares and page views, and gone on a vacation with Mr. Turtlegirl to Aruba. But because we believe in responsible journalism and we recognize the size of our audience, we chose not to destroy this guy without evidence. NH1 News went a different route:

Oh I see. The guy didn’t give you a quote so you feed him to the masses. That’s the difference between us and them. The MSM reports unconfirmed Facebook posts as news, while we wait for facts to develop before reporting anything.

26 Comment(s)
  • Independent Thinker
    August 29, 2018 at 6:38 am

    The seagulls have been unusually aggressive this year at Hampton Beach. A few weeks ago, I saw a flock of them literally attack a family having lunch. Yes, the flock went in and actually took the food out of their hands. One little girl was crying and kept screaming, “make them go away.” Almost like a scene in a Hitchcock movie. So I can understand why someone would kick it. I swatted one when it stole my pizza out of my hands while on the boardwalk. Now there will be calls for my arrest. There is no reason for these creatures to be protected. Next they will ban mouse traps.

    • Rob
      August 30, 2018 at 5:09 pm

      I was there next to the guy when this happened. He was feeding the seagulls tossing them french fries. Then he said no more and stopped. One seagull came in for another bite. Note this was not the seagull he managed to punt. He then stood up yelling at them. Finally he ran forward and kicked one aboit 15 feet. He kicked it so hard he fell on his but and lost his shoe. He stattered the birds legs. He never once apologized or tried to help the bird with any remorse. A woman ran up said he should go to jail. His reply “I work at a jail”. The good thing is we recorded it all and the police have it.

  • Arthur "Art" Deco
    August 28, 2018 at 11:23 pm

    Anybody who actually advocates for these flying germ factories needs to seriously re-evaluate their priorities in life and focus a lot more on what really matters during the very short time they have on Earth and what doesn’t…

  • Pow Pow
    August 28, 2018 at 9:46 pm

    This story reminds me of the time one winter day i was working with another guy in a cold shop with no heat. At lunch time this guy goes to his truck and shows me his bb gun he recently bought. Loaded it up with metal pointed bb’s and started taking target practice in the shop. We saw some birds flying near the dumpster and he hit a few. Then the seagulls started appearing and he plucked one on the roof of the building. At first he didn’t think he got it and we went back to bs’ing. A few minutes later, we hear a large plop on a stack of wood. We go out to investigate and here is the seagull laying there bleeding. We start lol’ng and i grabbed a shovel and scooped it up, tossed it into a trash bag where he proceeded to end its misery and pop it again. The moral of the story is, seagulls are nuisance animals just like mice, rats, canadian geese and wild turkeys. It should be open season on these animals. Throw in deer while we are at it. I don’t see the outcry if a rat or mouse is killed, whats the difference with a seagull?

  • Smfh
    August 28, 2018 at 8:51 pm

    Hey theres a difference between killing something and injuring something so it will suffer and then die a slow death. Like cmon now. This guy didnt accidentally hit the bird with his leg. If you believe that, your a damn idiot. And if this guy left his food out in the open on the fuckin beach, that’s his own damn fault. What do you expect?!?! You go to the beach, you cover your food. you dont let it sit there wide open for a seagull to get to it. This guy looks like he knows the ropes of the beach. It’s not rocket science. You dont kick a fuckin bird because it got a French fry while you were staring at some fat bitches saggy tits. All you gotta do is show it away and it will leave. Instead you kick it because it pissed you off, because it got into your food that YOU left open. Right. Makes sense. Tons of people witnessed this. They all said it was very much intentional. Guy just getting scared he might be in trouble, so hes gotta call it an accident. Riiiiiiiight. You believe him, your even dumber than him for leaving his food open on a damn beach.

  • Revrun Fishknuckle
    August 28, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    A seagull stole an awesome artsy fartsy sammich right out of my hand at the beach in Falmouth last year. That was the last sammich that little fucker ever stole.

  • Fo Sho
    Not wid my dick
    August 28, 2018 at 6:47 pm

    He should have put the rat in the bun and chomped it’s fucking head off right in front of these fucking Snowflakes.

  • Yuck
    August 28, 2018 at 6:17 pm

    Nope, he’s fucking full of shit. Regardless of how you feel about seagulls, this guy is a fucking dink for fucking up a seagull. They are protected under the law, so there’s that. You don’t get to fucking pick and chose which you laws you want to obey or disregard without being prepared to face the consequences. They are protected for a reason, so leave them the fuck alone.
    First, I’m calling bullshit on the fucking “accidental” kick. There is no such thing. Also calling bullshit on his whole story about being the dumbest criminal for kicking a seagull in public. He reacted and he got caught so he made a story to make it seem as though he couldn’t possibly be that fucking stupid. Spoiler alert: He is THAT fucking stupid. Finally, if you leave your fucking chow unattended in a place where seagulls are known to steal people’s food, well guess what…you are fucking stupid for doing that too.
    Bottom line is he fucked up. Who hasn’t right? The best lesson he could teach his daughter is to be a fucking man, own up to his actions, take his licks and move on to be a better person. But no, in today’s society, no one wants to be a grown-up and own their deeds. Since he wants to be a lying fuckhead, fuck him.

    • hank
      August 29, 2018 at 10:38 am

      hey dipshit, know what else is protected under the law? People and their possessions. If something or someone tries to take something you own, you have every right to stop it. Doesn’t matter if it’s a person or a seagull.

  • DJ
    August 28, 2018 at 4:54 pm

    Omg… Who gives a shit about the seagulls… I hate them just as I do rats. Seriously people… Ending a human life or breaking his leg over a f*cking flying dirty nasty rat is the most ridiculous thing I’ve read all day. Smh

  • Studio54
    August 28, 2018 at 4:51 pm

    I normally support Turtleboy 100%, but then there are stories like this one. I don’t believe for one second this guy intentionally set out to hurt that Seagull and now, unfortunately, he is having his life threatened over it. I bet his daughter is going to be harassed in school. It’s just not right. This is the side of social media that is so ugly. If I were a girl, 11yrs old, and a bunch of people starting approaching my dad in an angry, aggressive manner I would have been petrified. Let’s go back to calling out and putting the real losers and criminals on blast, Ok?

  • Birdman
    August 28, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    One of funniest thing I ever seen was at Wells Beach, Another injured seagull, Life guard called police. Several police arrived, they called town crew that built a fence around the seagull about 10′ in diameter. Animal control came and talked with cops and they set a plan in action. Town crew removed a section of the fence and animal control with large bag approached the sea gull. The Seagull then flew away. During this 90 minute ordeal no one was allowed on or off the beach.

    • Y
      August 28, 2018 at 4:40 pm

      Are you sure he flew? Maybe, he ran, he ran so far away?

  • Y
    August 28, 2018 at 3:19 pm

  • Drago
    August 28, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    Hopefully people like the Costura Hoffman woman don’t reproduce.

    • C-Gull
      August 28, 2018 at 9:32 pm

      Id happily dump a nut in her while her husband watched. He can clean up the mess i leave and the seagull i stomp.

  • SKing
    August 28, 2018 at 2:59 pm

    They are protected that is why. I would have believed the guy IF he had tried to help the injured bird. Furthermore, he has his 11 year old daughter make a fake Facebook page to respond to people on his behalf!! What the hell kind of “man” or “father” has an 11 year old girl do that!! I call BS.

    • Scott
      August 29, 2018 at 11:07 am

      How do you help an injured bird? Call 911? Fashion a leg splint out of a Good Humor bar stick and apply with duct tape?

  • TJB
    August 28, 2018 at 2:46 pm

    I like Hampton Beach. The only drawback is a hot dog & soda- ‘ten dollar’.
    Slice of pizza and a soda;
    ‘ten dollah’ .
    Pail & shovel for sand…
    ‘ten dollah’…..

    • M
      August 28, 2018 at 8:58 pm

      And if you enjoy the convenience of using a credit or debit card, don’t forget to tack on a $5.00 surcharge for the aforementioned items.

      I can’t believe that was still a thing when i was last there circa 2010. Maybe its changed now!?

  • mopey63
    August 28, 2018 at 2:34 pm

    Speaking of birds (and other animals you have written about) , what about the story on OLK9 and Nick White?? I’ve been waiting FURRRREVER for that story to come out! dying to know what you have found on him and what is going on with the rest of that story and OLK9. This guy with the bird? He didn’t do anything to warrant a lynching crowd, and yeah, it’s a freaking seagull. BUT ALL LIVES MATTER!!! I love the cat woman, who loves loves loves cats, and all animals and birds, but loves her cats for killing those teeny weeny speedy gonzalez (racist?? idk anymore) mice that are on her property. Listen, if you love animals and birds, you need to love ALL of them, not just the ones you feel like writing about that day. Please get on with the OLK9 story, please and thank you.

  • Judge dread
    August 28, 2018 at 2:31 pm

    You know when I was reading this was thinking about something us city folk see o a daily basis. We all know seagulls are rats with wings, but, what about all the large rat traps that are near the waste bins in the city. These traps kill rats and have to be replaced a lot. Where is the outrage? Anyone who has been to the beach know seagulls are the biggest shitrat with wings.

  • Will Crusher
    August 28, 2018 at 2:07 pm

    Seagulls are rats of the skies. They aren’t endangered. If he plucked it and roasted the fucker on the beach in plain view, who cares?

    • Smfh
      August 28, 2018 at 8:56 pm

      Its illegal. That’s why. They’re protected. It’s against the law to hurt/kill a seagull. Leave them be. All you gotta do is shoe them away. Plain and simple. You don’t like seagulls stay away from the beach!

      • Plop Plop Fizz Fizz
        August 28, 2018 at 9:10 pm

        Or Springfield since they are that far inland or more. Are we still in their habitat there? Alka-Seltzer burger patties would have been a good option there.

      • Nadia Yenraek
        Nadia Yenraek
        August 30, 2018 at 4:21 pm

        It’s only illegal if you get caught. So don’t get caught. Kill the winged rats, but keep it on the down low

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