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Knockerball Looks Like The Perfect Cure For Trigglypuff And The Butthurt Patrol

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We’ve run afoul of a lot of people here at Turtleboy Sports, many of whom have a lot of pent up aggression towards Turtleboy in the form of butthurt. I think we’ve found the only way to resolve this situation – Knockerball. Imagine Kevin Hayes, Old Balls, and Trigglypuff tossing on one of these bad boys and running full steam at the Turtleboy staff:

It sounds even better when Australian dudes are talking about it:

OK, maybe Trigglypuff would be a bad idea. I mean, you can’t get hurt in those things, but I definitely feel like my safe space would be violated if I had to square off against her in one of those things.

Not gonna lie, that looks like the best time ever. And it would definitely be therapeutic for some of the people in the Turtleboy Sports graveyard. It will be good for the Jennie Chenkin’s of the world. Instead of being perpetual victims and wussifying life in general, at least now they have an outlet for their pent up aggression. God forbid they ever get Knockerball in Colrain though. Family reunions would never be the same.

Screen Shot 2016-05-06 at 10.00.05 AM

Basically you play a bunch of different games – human bowling, sumo wrestling, soccer, red rover, or whatever you want. Personally my favorite is anarchy, where you just run around and beat the shit out of each other. It’s based out of Marlboro, but they come to you. All you gotta do is give our boy Matt a call at 774-303-9886 or email him at and set up a time and location and they’ll bring Knockerball to you. If you mention Turtleboy Sports you get $25 off. Kids as young as 10 can participate. Get a group of 6-12 people together, check out their websiteand beat the shit out of each other this spring and summer.





14 Comment(s)
  • The Great Dolemite
    May 8, 2016 at 9:36 pm

    Damn crackerz doin stoopid cracker shit.

  • BobnMic
    May 6, 2016 at 11:58 pm

    I really want to see and hear Triggly play the drums man. I was a big John Bonham, Keith Moon, Buddy Rich and Alex Van Halen Fan.

    • Turd Burglestein
      May 7, 2016 at 8:30 am

      You should hear the thunder from her thighs when she’s working that double bass pedal.

      • Turd Burglestein
        May 7, 2016 at 10:49 am

        Trigglypuff is stalking us with downtwinkles on our comments. Oh she mad!

      • Turd Burglestein
        May 7, 2016 at 11:03 am

        Playing knockerball was a different experience than the 80’s. Back then it involved cocaine and a hooker.

  • Wabbitt
    May 6, 2016 at 10:00 pm

    Trigglypuff would never fit. She’s already the size and shape of an oversized beach ball.

  • Paul
    May 6, 2016 at 7:24 pm

    an honest lawyer…….whats the world coming to…

  • Matt conn
    May 6, 2016 at 6:32 pm

    Add another business I’ll never patronize.

  • tudor turtle
    May 6, 2016 at 5:09 pm

    this would be perfect for jousting at the king Richard’s fair. the medieval times has met the 21st. century.

  • Worc Taxpayer
    May 6, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    I can see many leg, knee and ankle injuries happening. Which in turn will bring out the lawyers and their lawsuits. Call 1-800 if you too have been a victim of Knockerball! No offense FiestyLawyerLady.

    • CJWoo
      May 6, 2016 at 12:51 pm

      Gotta believe you sign some kinda liability waiver when you get set up to play. Just going to an amusement park you waive their liability just by buying a ticket.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      May 6, 2016 at 4:18 pm

      Non taken! I’m one of the very rare honest ones… I don’t fit the stereotype! 🙂

      • BobnMic
        May 7, 2016 at 4:54 pm

        That’s my bud. Fiesty is the shit. Who’s your favorite fellow commentator Fiesty?

  • JoeMomma
    May 6, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    Your going to need a bigger ball……

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