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We’ve run afoul of a lot of people here at Turtleboy Sports, many of whom have a lot of pent up aggression towards Turtleboy in the form of butthurt. I think we’ve found the only way to resolve this situation – Knockerball. Imagine Kevin Hayes, Old Balls, and Trigglypuff tossing on one of these bad boys and running full steam at the Turtleboy staff:
It sounds even better when Australian dudes are talking about it:
OK, maybe Trigglypuff would be a bad idea. I mean, you can’t get hurt in those things, but I definitely feel like my safe space would be violated if I had to square off against her in one of those things.
Not gonna lie, that looks like the best time ever. And it would definitely be therapeutic for some of the people in the Turtleboy Sports graveyard. It will be good for the Jennie Chenkin’s of the world. Instead of being perpetual victims and wussifying life in general, at least now they have an outlet for their pent up aggression. God forbid they ever get Knockerball in Colrain though. Family reunions would never be the same.
Basically you play a bunch of different games – human bowling, sumo wrestling, soccer, red rover, or whatever you want. Personally my favorite is anarchy, where you just run around and beat the shit out of each other. It’s based out of Marlboro, but they come to you. All you gotta do is give our boy Matt a call at 774-303-9886 or email him at email@example.com and set up a time and location and they’ll bring Knockerball to you. If you mention Turtleboy Sports you get $25 off. Kids as young as 10 can participate. Get a group of 6-12 people together, check out their website, and beat the shit out of each other this spring and summer.