• Lowell Orcabetty Goobersmooch Starts Petition Against Lowell Pitbull Ban, Is Too Stupid To Realize Breed Bans Are Illegal In MA



    The stupid is strong in this Jabba the Butt(erball)

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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    One of our big stories this week was the pit bull mauling in Lowell that unfortunately claimed the life of a 7-year-old boy. I’ve caught a lot of flak for my take on it and on the Porkachu whose baby cannon he was shot out of, but I still love you guys and I’m back here doin’ the damn thing for you.

     

    Any time there is a tragedy of this magnitude, it seems everyone wants action NOW! OMG someone was shot? Ban guns! Pedestrian hit? Autonomous cars and 15 MPH citywide speed limits will prevent it! Grandma has a stroke after her daily McFish? Sue the pants off of Ronald McDonald himself.

     

    Image result for what??? meme

     

    Kneejerk reactions don’t work. Politicians in Lowell took to their soap ammo boxes in the aftermath of the tragedy with renewed calls for banning pit bulls outright in the Grand Dump that is Lowell.

     

    So, naturally, the hoodboogers who seem to own a disproportionate majority of these (generally) gentle beasts came out of the woodwork like an army of cockroaches out from under their refrigerators once it’s lights out in the kitchen to defend their honor and start a worthless online petition to ‘deliver’ to the Gubnah’s office.

    One such petition was penned by local Orcabetty Amanda Milinazzo

    It reads:

    “Today I saw on the news that the city of Lowell is trying to put a ban on a breed I had my whole life, a Pit Bull. I understand what had happened was a tragedy but it could of been prevented. It’s not right for one man’s actions to be taken out on everyone else. I don’t know all the details to the story, but I do know that my Pit Bull and every other Pit Bull I have come across does nothing but give so much love to everyone around. The breed has been misunderstood for years now and it’s all because of the one man’s stupid actions. That stereotype of all Pit Bulls are aggressive comes from people who don’t understand or have never met a Pit Bulls. Pit Bulls are not mean by nature, any dog can be taught to fight and be aggressive. I have been attacked by a German Shepherd, do I think all those dogs should be banned? Absolutely not, I would never want to make a family get rid of their family member, because after all.. A dog is apart of someone’s family just as much as anyone else is.. So please help save the Pit Bulls in the city of Lowell! 

    This petition will be delivered to:

    Massachusetts Governor”

    Before I pick apart this wall of snausage drivel, let’s meet the jigglepotamus-cum-Rhodes Scholar responsible for penning this poignant, thought-provoking piece:
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    So nice, we see it twice! She just needs a lip ring in the bottom of her middle lip for us to be able to play connect the dots.
    Anyyyyyyyway… oh, dear. Where the hell do I even start?

    I understand what had happened was a tragedy but it could of been prevented.”
    Yeah, it could HAVE. The mom could have been, ya know, being a mom instead of getting lit off that henny and sticky icky in between her spates of identity thefts from her customers at the Dunkin Donuts she was employed with.

     

    It’s not right for one man’s actions to be taken out on everyone else.”
    What man are you even talking about? I thought the mom was a woman? Unless you’re talking about the dog owner. In that case, the dogs were contained on his property, at his home, and ultimately, he did the most basic of diligence at the very least. Could he have done more? Sure. But he wasn’t the negligent party here.

     

    “I don’t know all the details to the story, but I do know that my Pit Bull and every other Pit Bull I have come across does nothing but give so much love to everyone around.”
    Hate to break it to you, plumpydump, but dogs, like humans, are individuals. There are some FUBAR’d pit bulls out there. And there are some perfectly wonderful, goofy ones out there, too. Don’t speak for ’em all. That’s how we get into situations like this and people like you are part of the problem with their bad reputation. 

     

    The breed has been misunderstood for years now and it’s all because of the one man’s stupid actions.”
    What’s that, space cadet? Who is the man that led to pit bulls being misunderstood and maligned “for years now?” You do understand that the oldest breed ban in the US dates back to 1987, right? And as far as I know, that one didn’t stem from a man’s stupid actions, but hey, who the hell am I? I’m sure you’re waaaay more qualified to speak on this because of all the pit bulls you’ve owned in your 26 years on his planet, and the hundreds of thousands you’ve met throughout the course of your life.

     

    “That stereotype of all Pit Bulls are aggressive comes from people who don’t understand or have never met a Pit Bulls.”
    Having been charged at by a pit bull myself, and having a background with animals, I can assure you – they can be aggressive, and I’ve met a fuckton of them. There are, however, very distinct types of aggression, and one doesn’t always equate with another. 

     

    “Pit Bulls are not mean by nature, any dog can be taught to fight and be aggressive.”
    About that: pit bulls were bred to have high prey drive, and as a by-product, were also bred to be dog-aggressive. This is not the same thing as being aggressive toward humans. Can it be construed as “mean?” You bet your turtley ass. This animal-aggressive trait was selected, bred for, and exploited in certain lines, from the dawn of time until present day. Can these things be managed? Absolutely. Can they be loved or trained out? No way, no how. You are stupid and don’t understand dogs, most especially not pit bulls, if you think this way. Nurture cannot outweigh nature, and if you think it can, I suggest you do some research because my lazy fupa is not gonna do the legwork for you.

     

    In a most surprising turn of events, this chinpleton has managed to amass more than 40,000 virtual signatures on her petition, likely from people who have never heard of, nor been to Lowell, and probably have never even been to Taxachusetts. Armchair activism is dangerous, folks, especially when you don’t even bother to understand the cause it is you’re attaching your name to.

     

    See, in 2012, good ol’ Deval made it law in Massachusetts that individual cities/towns/municipalities cannot enact their own forms of breed-specific legislation. You can read more about that here, or by clicking the photo below, courtesy of the MSPCA-Angell:

     

    So this whole Change.org petition…? Orcabetty is just pulling a “LOOK AT ME! I DID A THING!” so she’ll have something to talk about at parties instead of explaining how she went from an almost Jr. Smokeshow

     

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    to Ms. Piggy’s doppleganger

    in a few short years.

     

    Guess that’s just what Lowell does to you.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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    Discussion

    1. Jayvhonn Jackson


      Word on the street is she loves the Alabama Black snake.

    2. That Dude


      Call the EPA….There has got to be something in the Fuckingg Water!

    3. Duke Westwood


      Look… She put a ring in her nose, cause no one will put one on her finger…

    4. Master Swordsman


      Would like to drop a load in each of the bikini blondes shown in the mud pit, speaking of which I bet they both dig anal, I fill their bums with cums.

    5. Charlie


      I dont blame the breed .
      I blame the handlers. That being said they are dangerous and need the proper owners
      My wife and dog have been attacked on three occasions over the last several years buy three different pit bulls from three different owners. While we were out walking.
      Because the owners were either carelees or couldnt handle the dogs.

    6. McGovern


      The Constitution didn’t stop our shit ball AG from banning rifles she disliked and those are completely controllable by humans. So don’t think “illegal” is doing to stop a politician we keep letting it happen.

    7. Steve


      i wouldn’t throw her out of bed.

    8. 1984


      “Technically it’s not illegal to be illegal in Massachusetts”

      Illegal aliens are illegal and get more tax cash than elderly or veterans or elderly veterans.
      Unregistered guns are illegal but every criminal has one.
      Heroin is illegal but is easier to buy than alcohol.
      Murder is illegal and the favored spectator sport in Mattapan.

      What does illegal mean in practical terms anymore? Just another judgement in a world gender neutral pronouns, fascist antifascists, New Speak with no consequences.

      One thing remains true, if you play by the rules you are the fool.

      1. 1984


        The dereliction of oath and duty by those in power is comparable to the Soviet era apparatchiks.

    9. Deval's butt buddy


    10. dick butkiss


      pit bulls shouldn’t be banned they should be rounded up and put in ovens.

    11. Donald J. Trummp


      Need to ban these evil loser dangerous breeds! Sad! Disgraceful!

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