Marblehead Bros Go To Beach For Glamour Photo Shoot With New Audi, Goes Terribly Wrong When They Learn What Sand Is

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Meanwhile in Marblehead……

It started innocently enough. A couple guys who think they’re ballers because they opened up a Dunkin Donuts franchise (99% of the time it’s some Eurotrash who thinks they made it big because they opened up a Dunkins in Lynn) and spent everything on the Audi because….fuck saving.

My question is, how do you bring this up in conversation without your buddy laughing at you? If I ever asked one of my friends, “hey bro, wanna come take some glamour shots with me on the beach” I’d expect to get donkey punched. But apparently this is common in north shore bro circles.

Everyone in the group is calling him “Chad,” as in, generic prep school Marblehead white boy name. But this ain’t no Chad. This is an Enzo. Most likely came here at the age of 2 when his parents fled communism. They worked their ass off so their kid could have a nice life in America and instead it turned into this. Enzo is the guy who goes to the bar with $8 Coronas and the music that’s so loud you can’t hear anyone talk so he can wear his skin tight t-shirt and pretend like he’s much richer than he actually is.

Well, the photo shoot took a turn for the hilarious shortly after the 2019 Boys of Marblehead calendar was done….

Oops!! Funniest shit I’ve seen since the “It is cool to eat ass” sign in front of the elementary school.

14 Comment(s)
  • Eurohater
    May 22, 2018 at 12:23 pm

    All they had to do was take the tires down to like 10-15 lbs and create more surface area. Dumb fucks shouldnt own nice cars.

  • Sri Gull
    May 21, 2018 at 9:05 pm

    True story, I did see some asshat lose his new pickup truck to the tide on Ocean Beach in San Francisco. He shouldn’t have been there to begin with and he shouldn’t have stayed as long as he did. Oh to see him and his bro’s scampering around the sand utterly helpless in the few minutes before they lost it altogether in the late afternoon on a beautiful Sunday.

    I told the kids, remember this , treasure it, this is a rare and precious sight and we are the ones who decency demands, take pleasure from this sad event, we can do no less boys, we can do no less…

  • Wabbitt
    May 21, 2018 at 7:47 pm

    Who would win? Two thousand pounds of finely crafted German engineering or one sandy boi?

  • Truckie
    May 21, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    Not a bad car but using it as a status symbol is a bit of a stretch; half of the fathers in Northborough are driving around in those Yuppiemobiles. From the looks of those photos, the subject has on a predicable form fitting t-shirt and also came replete with the token d-bag facial hair. The cloud of Macy’s-bought cologne hovering over this group must have been so intense that sea gulls were dropping dead straight from the sky.

  • Coulda been avoided
    May 21, 2018 at 11:02 am

    You know they got oil and grease all over the sand. The car would have made it out if it didn’t have to drive directly over where they had been standing.

    • 10W30 Seagull
      May 21, 2018 at 11:55 am

      The car probably dumped a bunch of oil and grease on the sand too.

  • Turtleride
    May 21, 2018 at 10:19 am

    People like this deserve to be put on Turtleboy. Complete douche bag who definitely has a micropeen. Good job turtle! 

  • ChimpsAreNotSmart
    May 21, 2018 at 9:21 am

    Slow news day for sure. There is major news like the story of a big NAACP monkey making a false racial profiling claim against police only to have the bodycam footage refute his false claims of racial profiling and dwb.

    • RealNewsPlease
      May 21, 2018 at 11:32 am

      His name is Rev. Jerrod Moultrie NAACP President of Timmonsville South Carolina chapter.
      A real dirtbag. I agree Turtleboy should cover this since local news wont because it doesnt fit their libturd narrative.

    • Quality Control
      May 21, 2018 at 12:19 pm

      Just read about Moultrie getting pulled over and making false allegations. He needs to get TurtleBlasted. STAT.

  • z
    May 21, 2018 at 8:27 am

    Big deal. Someone who made a mistake. You don’t know who they are, what they are.

    Might be just some person who bought his first nice car. Nothing wrong with that.

    They got stuck, they called for help. Help came. They paid. They are gone. They won’t be making the same mistake again.

    They probably made the classic mistake of gunning the engine when the car started slipping because of the false sense of security of AWD. You notice how the tires are on the surface where they stopped? If they hadn’t stopped they most likely would have made it.

  • Clitty Litter
    May 21, 2018 at 8:15 am

    That cars like 7 years old.

    • z
      May 21, 2018 at 8:39 am

      Yeah.. This whole story and snark is just stupid

  • The Vorlon
    The Vorlon
    May 20, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    Too bad it wasn’t a full moon and high tide.

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