March Has Been The Most Insane Month In Turtleboy Sports History

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Turtleboy Sports Facebook page has been suspended until Tuesday, March 23. In order to follow the blogs you MUST  like the Free Turtleboy Facebook page, which we use to post blogs whenever the Turtleboy Sports Facebook account is arbitrarily suspended. If we ever get shut down for good, this will become the new Turtleboy Sports main Facebook page.

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible: Liberty Tax Preparation, Greenwood StreetMassachusetts Tattoo FestivalWormtown Brewery, Union Tavern, Scavone Plumbing, Bennie’s Cafe, Craftech Restoration, JJM Insurance, Smokestack Urban Barbecue, Attorney Michael Erlich, Smitty’s Tavern, Julio’s Liquors,, The Gun Parlor Range, Attorney Anthony Salerno

Click on the image to view all products in the Turtleboy Store.

Click on the image to view all products in the Turtleboy Store. Shirt are also available at the Union Tavern and The Buzz Barber Shop.

Want to have your business advert viewed over 1 million times per month? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.




Turtleboy is out of control lately. March has been a record setting month for us, and we’d like to thank all the nudniks and buttnuts out there for making this happen. Without people doing really stupid things, none of this is possible. This site can only exist so long as people continue to make fools of themselves. And I don’t know what it is about March, but the dooshnozzelry level has reached an all time high. Here’s some of the biggest stories we’ve written about this month:

  • Guy jumps from 3rd floor of Worcester Courthouse after being told by a judge to tuck his shirt in
  • Failed actress shits on State Police Officer immediately after she finds out he was killed in a tragic car accident, is quickly fired from her job after Internet eats her alive
  • Greenfield Recorder quotes two local morons in their article about an Orange, MA fire which killed two girls, blaming the fire department for letting them die
  • Church of End Times continues to have the most amazing videos on the Internet
  • Guy who killed State Trooper previously bragged about driving 160 mph on the highway
  • Turtleboy successfully predicted Obama’s entire Final Four


  • Strange women take bizarre sexual photo in Worcester and upload it to Instagram
  • Athol woman cashes in on tragedy by selling crappy bows and naming her “business” after deceased girl from Orange fire
  • Laughlin Kennel issued cease and desist order from town of Oxford
  • Charlton Police deal with drive by rappers
  • Snoop Dogg shares his thoughts on Charlton rappers
  • David Prouty principal was beaten up by 3 teachers according to lying School Committee member
  • Bone rides through Webster, Southbridge, Leicester, and Spencer
  • 8 kids arrested at Greenfield High School for assaulting cop and teachers

  • Disbarred lawyer, former convict, now Human Rights Commissioner in Greenfield and defending kids who hit their teachers
  • Chanting “USA” is racist in Mansfield if you are playing Brockton High School in a sport
  • Trump dominates Worcester except for GBV
  • Tequila parties are racist and so are sombreros at Bowdoin College
  • Pictures of missing David Prouty principal emerge from Disney World
  • Aslan King blames State Troopers for driving too fast on highway after Trooper Clardy is killed


The list goes on and on. We’ve never seen this high volume of debauchery in such a short period of time. Maybe it’s the tropical winter we had. Who knows. But this is how many views the site had yesterday:

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Insane. We’ve only gone over 100,000 in a day twice before. The other time was earlier this month. Through the first 21 days of March, this is how many views we’ve had:

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The most we’ve ever had in a month before was roughly 1.25 million. We’re on pace for close to 2 million in March. Turtleboy is taking over the Massachusetts media.

Some people like to know more about our audience, so here’s some fun facts for ya. Here’s the male/female breakdown from March:

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So much for Turtleboy Sports being a sexist blog. Chicks love to ride the turtle. Some people compare us to Barstool Sports, which is ridiculous, considering their clientele is almost exclusively college bros trying to guess that ass.

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The majority are between the ages of 25-44, which makes sense because Turtleboy Sports is a family blog. And generally this is the time in life in which people are starting and building on their families.

Here’s the top 50 towns and cities in Massachusetts where people have taken a ride on the turtle in March:

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That’s not a typo. Our biggest audience is now in Boston. The turtle has outgrown Worcester. Our backup Facebook page has more followers than Worcester Magazine. The media around here writes about us whenever they can because they know it will bring them page views. Worcester will always be our home, but there are dingleberries who need to be exposed all over this state and we will be exposing them. The Revolution spreads.

If you own a business, or you know someone who does, please, for your sake and their’s, have them get in contact with us about advertising. Email Name another website around here that enables you to be seen that many times in a month for the bargain basement prices we charge. You can’t. No one does what we do, and our audience is guaranteed to continue to grow. You’d be insane to do business anywhere else. If you partner with the turtle, you’re not just being seen. You’re associating yourself with a group of people who are some of the most loyal customers known to mankind. And if you’re lucky, your business will be “boycotted” by hippies who have never been to your business before, and then this will happen:

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Anyway, we wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you for riding the turtle. Without you reading, commenting, and sharing the blogs, there would be no Turtleboy Sports Revolution. Please, continue to send us ideas for stories like you have this month and we will continue to write about them, because after all, Turtleboy is the voice of the people. He is not one man, but rather all men and women who value truth, justice, and freedom.


We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

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Want to have your business advert viewed over 1 million times per month? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

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Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.


6 Comment(s)
  • BobnMic
    March 24, 2016 at 3:59 am

    Surprised to see the very close Male to Female ratio. I guess this would be a good time to try to clean my potty mouth up a little bit…

  • RSoxGuy
    March 22, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    the turtle RIDES ON!

    Get on or get tombstoned!

  • Angus W Mann
    March 22, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    Nice sales pitch

  • Publius
    March 22, 2016 at 3:16 pm

    We discovered TBS after the BC UMASS football game at Gillette a few years ago, been turning on people to it ever since.

  • Buzzkiller
    March 22, 2016 at 1:12 pm

    Now that Turtleboy is big and has a kid to feed, he’s going to sell out and go for nothing but more clicks. The start of that is always reaching out for more adbucks.

  • Fawn Liebowitz
    March 22, 2016 at 11:58 am

    I don’t always agree with your point of view TB, but at least you give local people a forum to voice an opinion of local events. Keep up the good work.

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