Marlboro Mugmaggot Makes Triumphant Facebook Return With Caps Lock Declaration About Why She’s A Good Person For Stealing $5K Worth Of Stuff From Target

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Last week we blogged about this Marlboro Mudmaggot who has been busted multiple times stealing thousands of dollars worth of merchandise from Target by simply walking carts full of free stuff out of the store without paying, and then reselling those goods to “friends” online.

Free my girl!! pic.twitter.com/36XUUFUyTX

— Party Waren Kebber (@WebbDawgTG) December 8, 2017

Unfortunately for her, this career klepto ran into the one judge in this state who wasn’t gonna give her a free pass, and he revoked her bail:

“She has a 21-page record filled with nothing but stealing,” said Cunis. “Pages and pages of shopliftings. Pages and pages of larcenies. Pages and pages of receiving (stolen property).”

She was supposed to spend 90 days in jail, but it looks like that didn’t happen as she’s announced her glorious return to her husband and child on the Facebook machine:

We haven’t done Facebook Live in a while because butthurts just mass report our show. But how can we NOT do the CAPS LOCK VOICE for that post? Here ya go:

It gives me a popsicle headache just trying to read that, so we highlighted some of the more interesting parts for you. Like how the Lord was the one who put her in jail:

How she never has to worry about a thing because God got her out of jail in a week when she was supposed to be there for 90 days:

Also, she’s got a plan this time around that doesn’t involve stealing shit from target and reselling it to her fellow dumpsterslugs:

Yup, once she wins the lottery, which WILL happen if you play it enough (everyone knows that), she will no longer be taking her annual trip to MCI Framingham. Again.

Tangent time. Think of how fucked up this is. Massachusetts, like most states, does not allow legalized gambling for moral reasons. They think it preys on the vulnerable and leads to poverty and people losing their homes and blah, blah, blah. Classic nanny state stuff. But yet the State itself is allowed to run a gambling organization that gives jobs to well connected dooshnozzles, has really bad payout odds, and specifically is targeted towards poor people and the lower middle class, who aren’t smart enough to realize that it’s just a huge scam. This woman is obviously not smart, but she has convinced herself that she will win the lottery one day, so long as she keeps giving them her limited resources. It’s almost like the state wants people to be trapped in cycles of poverty so they can keep playing white knight by throwing welfare at them.

The best part is how she’s blaming herself for being too generous to other families.

She was only stealing thousands of dollars worth of shit at Target because she was selling them for less money to people who are struggling. Therefore it’s OK. Twenty one pages of it.

My favorite part was the ending, where she mentions the only people she cares about:

BUT THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT I CARE ABOUT IS MY CHILDREN, MY HUSBAND AND MY PARENTS AND OF COURSE COUSINS AND AUNT AND UNCLES AND A COUPLE OF MY BROTHER N LAWS

Oh, and my second cousin once removed, and my girl from lockup, and my grandma’s boyfriend, and my free lawyer.

According to her Facebook page she’s all about reading and going to church:

Apparently she’s not reading the Bible though, and “thou shalt not steal” hasn’t come up at Homily yet.

Funny thing is that she’s married and her husband is gainfully employed, as he’s shared videos from work on his Facebook page. But then again he doesn’t bend the brim of his hat:

So chances are he can’t be trusted either.

But they have plenty of money for bling bling:

Just not enough to pay for her kid’s birthday party, which is why she was forced to steal $5,300 worth of shit in a grocery cart from Target:

“The defendant admitted she stole the items and sold them to her friends for less money,” said Meltzer. “She stated she did it because she needed the money and it was her daughter’s birthday in a few days.”

Naturally they went full hoodbooger and named their child….

Heavenlee. I shit you not. If you’ve ever been tempted to name your child something like this you should immediately be under DCF supervision.

Oh, and here’s the best part – she demands justice:

Ya got that? The woman with the 21 page rap sheet who has been a sneakthief her entire life, demands justice.

But yea, I’m sure she’s gonna turn her life around this time. This was the wakeup call she needed. Not the five billion other times she’s been arrested. It took her first appearance on Turtleboy to finally help her realize the error of her ways. And you know she’s serious because she went FULL CAPS LOCK.