Hoodrat Heroes

Marlboro Mugmaggot Makes Triumphant Facebook Return With Caps Lock Declaration About Why She’s A Good Person For Stealing $5K Worth Of Stuff From Target

Marlboro Mugmaggot Makes Triumphant Facebook Return With Caps Lock Declaration About Why She’s A Good Person For Stealing $5K Worth Of Stuff From Target

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Last week we blogged about this Marlboro Mudmaggot who has been busted multiple times stealing thousands of dollars worth of merchandise from Target by simply walking carts full of free stuff out of the store without paying, and then reselling those goods to “friends” online.

Unfortunately for her, this career klepto ran into the one judge in this state who wasn’t gonna give her a free pass, and he revoked her bail:

“She has a 21-page record filled with nothing but stealing,” said Cunis. “Pages and pages of shopliftings. Pages and pages of larcenies. Pages and pages of receiving (stolen property).”

She was supposed to spend 90 days in jail, but it looks like that didn’t happen as she’s announced her glorious return to her husband and child on the Facebook machine:

We haven’t done Facebook Live in a while because butthurts just mass report our show. But how can we NOT do the CAPS LOCK VOICE for that post? Here ya go:

It gives me a popsicle headache just trying to read that, so we highlighted some of the more interesting parts for you. Like how the Lord was the one who put her in jail:

How she never has to worry about a thing because God got her out of jail in a week when she was supposed to be there for 90 days:

Also, she’s got a plan this time around that doesn’t involve stealing shit from target and reselling it to her fellow dumpsterslugs:

Yup, once she wins the lottery, which WILL happen if you play it enough (everyone knows that), she will no longer be taking her annual trip to MCI Framingham. Again.

Tangent time. Think of how fucked up this is. Massachusetts, like most states, does not allow legalized gambling for moral reasons. They think it preys on the vulnerable and leads to poverty and people losing their homes and blah, blah, blah. Classic nanny state stuff. But yet the State itself is allowed to run a gambling organization that gives jobs to well connected dooshnozzles, has really bad payout odds, and specifically is targeted towards poor people and the lower middle class, who aren’t smart enough to realize that it’s just a huge scam. This woman is obviously not smart, but she has convinced herself that she will win the lottery one day, so long as she keeps giving them her limited resources. It’s almost like the state wants people to be trapped in cycles of poverty so they can keep playing white knight by throwing welfare at them.

The best part is how she’s blaming herself for being too generous to other families.

She was only stealing thousands of dollars worth of shit at Target because she was selling them for less money to people who are struggling. Therefore it’s OK. Twenty one pages of it.

My favorite part was the ending, where she mentions the only people she cares about:


Oh, and my second cousin once removed, and my girl from lockup, and my grandma’s boyfriend, and my free lawyer.

According to her Facebook page she’s all about reading and going to church:

Apparently she’s not reading the Bible though, and “thou shalt not steal” hasn’t come up at Homily yet.

Funny thing is that she’s married and her husband is gainfully employed, as he’s shared videos from work on his Facebook page. But then again he doesn’t bend the brim of his hat:

So chances are he can’t be trusted either.

But they have plenty of money for bling bling:

Just not enough to pay for her kid’s birthday party, which is why she was forced to steal $5,300 worth of shit in a grocery cart from Target:

“The defendant admitted she stole the items and sold them to her friends for less money,” said Meltzer. “She stated she did it because she needed the money and it was her daughter’s birthday in a few days.”

Naturally they went full hoodbooger and named their child….

Heavenlee. I shit you not. If you’ve ever been tempted to name your child something like this you should immediately be under DCF supervision.

Oh, and here’s the best part – she demands justice:

Ya got that? The woman with the 21 page rap sheet who has been a sneakthief her entire life, demands justice.

But yea, I’m sure she’s gonna turn her life around this time. This was the wakeup call she needed. Not the five billion other times she’s been arrested. It took her first appearance on Turtleboy to finally help her realize the error of her ways. And you know she’s serious because she went FULL CAPS LOCK.

19 Comment(s)
  • its only an antiodatal story
    December 14, 2017 at 9:21 pm

  • Deval Patricks Rapist Brothr In Law
    December 14, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    “Mugmaggot” or “Mudmaggot”

    Mudmaggot makes more sense.

  • MrSmiley
    December 14, 2017 at 7:52 pm

    What a creature she is. Yikes.

  • ElJefe72
    December 14, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    “She was only stealing thousands of dollars worth of shit at Target because she was selling them for less money to people who are struggling. Therefore it’s OK. Twenty one pages of it.”

    You’ve got it all wrong TB. She’s just a regular modern-day Robin Hood.

  • TortugaNiño
    December 14, 2017 at 6:15 pm

    He gon be pissed when he finds out he stole a fugazi ass ring! Things already tarnished!!!

  • Butt Ugly
    December 14, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    Say what you want about Middle East law but if your caught stealing they cut your hands off and if you’re an ugly bitch like her they make you wear a burka.

  • Mike
    December 14, 2017 at 5:29 pm

    Justice would be her ass being thrown in jail for 20 years! Society has no place for thieves. We treat them way to well in this Country.

  • Docta, Please!
    December 14, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    Giiirrrl, yo fo’head so damn tall, look like you gots dat hydroceeflus up in yo head n’ shit.

  • Man Hands
    December 14, 2017 at 3:41 pm

    Beware of her sticky fingers.

  • wingnut
    December 14, 2017 at 3:32 pm

    Anyone else getting Antivirus notices when opening the TB page lately?

    This is the only website that activates my antivirus, and I get several pop up warnings while browsing the site:

    “Security Risk Detected”: PUA. JScoinminer

    • AgingCynic
      December 14, 2017 at 5:54 pm

      I just gave up after FIVE pop ups on an iPhone 7. I’m sure this was an excellent piece but I have a life…

    • 5HourEnergy'd
      December 14, 2017 at 5:56 pm

      Yeah, I keep getting a virus blocked notification from my Panda software about “crypto-loot” each time I go on the TBS main page.

      • Gloucester OG
        December 14, 2017 at 10:04 pm

        not happening to me

    • Finn
      December 14, 2017 at 10:35 pm

      I just started getting that from one of my laptops. However, my home laptops – no problem. If you’re checking from work or from a non-private network, I think this is why you’re getting this pain-in-the-ass error.

      According to security gurus, “PUA.JScoinminer is a bad adware program which has developed to serve targeted online advertisements on web browsers of compromised computer. Generally this adware program get into any computer with deceptive methods and remains undetected by anti virus programs. The users on infected computer system find several symptoms of this adware infection such as the advertisements served by this adware have underlined text as ads by, brought by etc. with PUA.JScoinminer name, the system and web browser works very slow, users get redirection on strange websites automatically, system get automatic installation of PUP, toolbar, BHO etc. Negative impacts of this adware are, slow and degraded PC performance, annoying and intrusive web browsing session, theft of confidential information and infiltration of other malware. So you should remove PUA.JScoinminer from your computer if your computer is infected with this threat. However you can uninstall PUA.JScoinminer from your computer by manual methods but it is also recommended to use automatic PUA.JScoinminer scanner tool to confirm that all components of PUA.JScoinminer have been removed from your Safari web browser and entire system.”

      Happy to help out if you need anything else.

  • Warthog
    December 14, 2017 at 3:15 pm

    That diamond is fake as hell, but the big ass wart under it isn’t. Wonder where else she has em

  • I love Turtle boy
    December 14, 2017 at 2:10 pm

    You’d think she would have thought about herself for once and stole some Nair. That would help combat such long tufts of hair surounding her bling bling. #HairyKnuckles

  • Hughbo Mont
    December 14, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    How would she feel if someone robbed her house? Can Target get a restraining order against her?

  • Duke Westwood
    December 14, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    “So when I win the lottery, or become something in life…”

    LOL Better luck with the lottery on that one!!

  • Gloucester OG
    December 14, 2017 at 1:43 pm

    i listened, i laughed, i fell over crying xD

    “It’s almost like the state wants people to be trapped in cycles of poverty so they can keep playing white knight by throwing welfare at them.”

    whoever or whatever is behind it and why, all of it is a fucking conspiracy. i do believe.

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