If you’re like Turtleboy then you’re having some serious football withdrawals. It’s been over five months since God told Russell Wilson to throw that ball to Malcolm Butler. The Bruins sucked this year, the Celtics kind of sucked, and the Red Sox continue to suck. We NEED football back, and we need a winning team to root for.
Luckily three more days until Mass Fury opens up it’s season as the defending Eastern Football League champions. We want to see a packed Worcester State stadium for your hometown semi-pro football team at 7 PM on Saturday night. There will be halftime contests for the kids and they’re giving away kid size “I Am Turtleboy” t-shirts to the winners.
Here’s how it’s gonna work. We’re gonna randomly select three or four kids around the same age. They’re gonna run 50 yards, put on shoulder pads, spin around with their head on a bat five times, then run back. What could wouldn’t wanna do that? Seriously, if you have kids and live less than 30 minutes from Worcester, drop what you’re doing and buy your tickets in advance for this game.
And just for Turtleboy readers Mass Fury is offering a special ticket package – two tickets, two hot dogs, $20. Can’t beat it. Here’s a link to buy the tickets online. They’re also offering a Turtleboy season ticket package discount, which we highly recommend because after you see them destroy this group of rag tags on Saturday July 11, you’re gonna wanna come back to see their next four home games.
This week the Fury signed wide receiver Chris Macharie, who starred at Hofstra University, alongside NFL Pro-Bowler Marques Colston. Here’s some of his highlights:
The Fury open up their season against the Eastern MA Seminoles, the team who finished with the top record in the EFL last year. And the Seminoles are gonna be angrier than Jameis Winston when he has to pay for crab legs, because the Fury facialized them 20-7 in a first round upset in last year’s playoffs. It’s gonna be a barn burner. See ya at WSU at 7 PM on Saturday.