Meet Micah Femino: The 34 Year Old Newburyport Pizza Delivery Boy Who Called TB Racist On WEEI, Hates Cops, And Looked Like A Homeless Man On His Wedding Day

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Yesterday we shared this blog with you about some assbag social justice warrior from Newburyport named “Micah,” who called into the Trenni Krusnierek and Jon Tomase show on WEEI to let them know what a racist Turtleboy was. If you haven’t heard the call, listen to the 17:00 mark. It’s priceless:

As you heard there, Micah from Newburyport called in because his cousins have been sharing Turtleboy Sports blogs on Facebook, and it apparently triggered him:

It’s really bizarre, I mean, I’ve looked into the stuff. I mean, my cousin is interested in it. And I tried telling him, like, do you realize all of that stuff is racist?

Anyway, we had no idea who this “Micah from Newburyport” was. But shortly after we published the blog his turtle riding cousins reached out to us. His real name is Micah J. Femino, and his cousins have all been blocked on the Facebook machine by the troglodyte they’re forced to share a bloodline with, and couldn’t wait to put him on blast:

Triggered caller is Micah Femino. I’m one of his many cousins that he blocked on fb, I’d send you a link to his account but can’t. He’s a Grade-A asshole, makes multiple daily incessant rants about the world basically ending because Trump won. The last time I saw him was when he showed up to my mother’s wake in 2009 wearing a t-shirt. It should all be open for public viewing. He deletes and blocks anyone who doesn’t agree with him, hence his whopping 80 or so friends. He’s a 34 year old pizza delivery driver who thinks he’s king shit. Have fun outing him.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Of course he showed up to a wake in a t-shirt. Of course he’s a 34 year old pizza delivery driver. And of course he lives in the nearly entirely white community of Newburyport (which is lovely, and one of our favorite towns on the north shore), but still feels that he can lecture other people about racism.

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Cousin #1 is right, his Facebook rants are exactly what you imagined they would be. For starter’s, he’s always the smartest person in the room:



His jokes are absolutely hilarious and well thought out:



He wants another country to attack the United States:



Yea, please come bomb us China. A 34 year old pizza delivery boy wants to prove a point.

He’s still in denial about what happened:



A 34 year old man doing a high school kid’s job? No wonder he’s a Bernie supporter. Loved seeing these people share stuff like this. They actually convinced themselves that there was still a chance the electoral college wouldn’t elect him. Hilarious and yet sad.

And for someone who allegedly is progressive, he sure likes to demean women:



Not nice. Turtleboy Sports is a family feminist blog, and we condemn hate speech like this.

This one was too perfect:



If you opened up the Turtleboy dictionary and looked for “white guilt,” you’d see a screenshot of this Facebook post.

Oh, and he reads Jezebel:



Because lots of men read Jezebel.

Here’s what cousin #2 told us:

“I know this guy. He is my cousin and a RAGING dickbag on Facebook. His profile is public, and you should check our a particular post from November 4th “Any Police Officer that Supports Trump should be reassigned to Latrine Duty.” The backstory here is some of my other cousins work in law enforcement. Like every SJW, he hates cops, so he hates them. He makes posts like this to entice them into arguments, because no one wants to give him the time of day. This time they finally pushed back. He deletes comments that out him for the fool he is, and leaves everything else. He is a fraud by definition, and needs to be outed by Turtleboy. If you keep scrolling around you’ll see some posts like “disarm the police” and his genius solution in the comments, replacing Columbus day with indigenous people day (10.6). he talks about seeing someone in his friends you may know section, who was an old man who kicked his ass outside a Byfield bar in 2008. I know it’s so much to scroll through, but the best stuff is from September 16 – present. He also got married in someones backyard, and refused to shave his neckbeard while wearing his finest Kohls outfit.”

He’s not even kidding – these are Micah Femino’s wedding pictures:







Because why would you wanna do something fancy like shave or tuck your shirt in on your wedding day? This is the type of slovenly marsupial who doesn’t like Turtleboy Sports. This is how you know that we’re saying the right things. Because the best way to judge a man is by his enemies.

Let’s check out that post about cops supporting Trump. The best part is his final comment on the bottom:



“I deliver pizza.” Don’t sell yourself short Micah. You’re much more than that. The service you’re providing to the public by posting 50 times a day on Facebook and calling into WEEI to complain about blogs you don’t like, is more valuable than you realize. But we’re still not tipping you.

Don’t worry though, Micah’s got it all figured out:



Brilliant. We’ve been looking for a solution to the racial animosity in this country that’s been created through false narratives from black lives matter terrorists. Turns out all we had to do was just take guns away from the police. That way only the bad guys will have guns. What could possibly go wrong? Here we all are trying to figure out how to resolve this delicate situation, and this 34 year old pizza delivery boy from Newburyport had the answers the whole time:



We live for shit like this on Turtleboy Sports. There’s nothing better than putting one of these assbags in their place. They’re always exactly how you imagined them too. If you call us racist then we are going to publicly humiliate you. Because you might think it’s not a big deal, but it is. Racism isn’t some fucking toy you can use to play King of Tumblr. Every time you loosely toss that word around you minimize the victims of actual racism and oppression.

The bottom line is that Micah Femino called up Trenni and Tomase on Saturday because he wanted to feel better about himself by calling other people racist. That was not a smart thing to do. He thought he was gonna get in a couple quick punches and we’d never hear it or find out who he was. He was wrong. And now he knows what many in the Turtleboy Sports graveyard already know – Don’t. Poke. The. Turtle.

Look on the bright side Micah – even though this will soon start coming up on search engines when people look for your name, it will never really matter for you since you’re gonna be delivering pizzas for the rest of your life.


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25 Comment(s)
  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    January 17, 2019 at 7:39 am

    Looks like his wedding service was conducted by the Very Reverend Ratchette McGee.

    Paid in food stamps and thin-crust margeritas.

  • SodaJerks
    January 12, 2019 at 2:16 am

    Like a fine wine, this article only gets better with age.

  • Llc
    January 10, 2017 at 9:44 am

    “I deliver pizza.”


    • Wabbitt
      January 10, 2017 at 5:38 pm

      Such pride. Such… utterly, hopelessly misplaced pride…

  • Pizza Vote
    January 9, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    Micah is my cousin, I am cousin #2, and today has filled me immensely with pride

    • Dave Lind
      January 10, 2017 at 1:03 pm

      Hey Pizza Vote… I think you should just be “cousin” and that dick bag Micah should really be “cousin #2 ” , as it fits so much better

  • Justice
    January 9, 2017 at 9:57 pm

    Hey everyone….If you find you are experiencing a colored friend shortage, call CARMINE. Half of his friends are colored. And from 1940. LOL God Bless, Us, Everyone.

  • Auburnite
    January 9, 2017 at 9:54 pm

    Micah J Femino: Look at those three pigs. Three fat sows.

    TB: “Not nice. Turtleboy Sports is a family feminist blog, and we condemn hate speech like this.”

    Seriousy, TB. You call various women all sorts of names. Cheesehog, Llardvark, Trigglypuff, need I go on? Granted, they are all tools, but still. You pick on their looks and weight. Not cool.

  • JoeMomma
    January 9, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    Helpful hint…..

    If you are in a room full of people, the pizza delivery guy will never be the smartest person.

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    January 9, 2017 at 6:44 pm

    34 and a pizza delivery boy, I bet his parents are really proud. I’m guessing since he’s so much smarter than everyone else, he has issues staying at one job too long by telling his bosses how to do their job. Not to worry, there has to be a million pizza joints in this liberal shit hole of a state that are looking for his type of “talent”. He could always graduate to a sanitation engineer to fulfill life’s ambitions. Oh yeah, and check out the origins of the name Micah. I would bet 10:1 this isn’t his given name, but a name the little turd polisher gave himself.

  • The Poop Hole Loop Hole
    January 9, 2017 at 6:44 pm

    His name is Micah… need I say more?

  • FatFingr Lou
    January 9, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    I thought this was Manchester by the Sea II. I’ll bet he’s all in on the $15 minimum wage too.

  • Mediocrity
    January 9, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    I really could care less about the wedding clothes. I mean — does it really matter?? People spend a LUDICROUS amount of money on weddings and their marriage usually doesn’t last. We eloped and save our money for a house. No regrets.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      January 9, 2017 at 3:50 pm

      Yup!! Had a small wedding that was paid for on the spot. I still know people who are paying off that $20k debt and have nothing but professional pictures and a video to show for it.

      Our money was spent on an amazing honeymoon… and the casino… ha! No need to pay thousands of dollars for other people to get drunk for free and still complain about the food LOL…

      • KimberlyS
        January 9, 2017 at 4:06 pm

        Same here – just the magistrate & a couple of friends to witness. Marriage is about so much more than the wedding!

      • Reddog
        January 9, 2017 at 10:51 pm

        My wife and I eloped to Jamaica.

    • Pizza Vote
      January 9, 2017 at 10:37 pm

      Yeah I agree but shaving your neck and tucking in your shirt is basically free. I think the point is they didn’t do this to save money because they’re savvy people, its because he’s a scumbag who doesn’t act like an adult.

      • SodaJerks
        January 10, 2017 at 1:17 am

        I see a trend with this guy’s personality. There are people out there who know they suck, and the only way they can feel a speck of significance is by posting political rants on the internet and picking facebook wars with their relatives. 9x out of 10 they are liberals. This guy is a loser

    January 9, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    Would leave David for that piece of meat any day!

  • Paul Larson
    January 9, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    Worcester City Hospital
    26 Queen Street
    Worcester, MA 01610

    To: Anne Frank, R.N. with
    From: Ed Wood, R.N.
    Date: May 7, 1987

    “A stormtrooper presented to the E.R. with a care bear after an alleged assault. … a third transexual from planet Transylvania came running through the E.R. doors, screaming (And, boy do I mean screaming… Like Mariah Carey with a rabbit vibe in her snizz, stuck on high) that the two characters at the desk had assaulted shim. The two jokers at the desk had in their possession “broken bottles (aka ni**er knives)” … Bruce Wayne, R.N., … was sexually assaulted and thrown to the floor by the tranny, and his booty holes was tongue punched. At this time, Barbara Ababara, R.N., notified The Justice League and the Worcester Social Department.”

    “Paul ‘Supergirl’ Larson was the first to respond (how stellar of him to pull himself away from his backyard playroom, er dojo, er something), and eventually subdued said shemale until the real men responded.”

    “This is but one of the cases where Ms. Larson has performed her duties well. Shis braggadocios ramblings are legendary. And, the staff has asked me to please extend a laurel, and hearty handshake, our appreciation for the quick posting of this 30 year old letter. In this case and others, Supergirl’s presence has prevented embarrassment to both staff and visitors.”

    Just to let you know, the tranny was twice as big as me (aka a real man), a real Amazonian bruiser (I’d totally sign up for death by snoo-snoo, if you catch my drift)… he was a leggy blond for furry pimps, he tried to recruit me (and my busted up, malingering back) as soon as I returned from the ‘Nam, and I tongue kissed him in one second, thanks to instruction I received from Master Wally Moose, Brice Lui’s ping pong instructor and Master Bator, Jwing-Jwing-a-lama-ding-dong.

    Paul Larson

    • Mayor Joe Petty
      January 9, 2017 at 3:41 pm


      Not only are you an American slave history expert, philosopher, and master of ancient Chinese martial and healing arts, you are also a member of the Justice League? All of those rants others dismissed as off topic diatribes truly sell your character short. I hate to say it because he’s my master but Jim McGovern better look out. No wonder you refused all my job offers. The power of the MA Democrat political machine is nothing compared to the Justice League if you ran for congressman, senator, or dare I even say… president….

      Joe Petty

  • Turd Burglestein
    January 9, 2017 at 1:59 pm

    If you’re 34 yrs old and have established your career as a pizza deliveryman (and I use the term man loosely), then you have failed in life. Even worse is the fact that some woman would have low enough standards to marry such a slovenly piece of shit like that. I’m sure you blocked her face not to protect her identity, but to protect all turtle riders from puking up their lunch.

    • Talisman
      January 9, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      No offense to any of her relatives that are not pseudo-intellectual-sjw-pussy-punks, but it seems Femino is the perfect name for Micah. Either that, or she needs to change it to Shitholio and grow her beard out so it matches her mom’s ass.

    • PJ
      January 9, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      This cuck and any woman willing to fuck him, shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce. They’re weakening the gene pool.

  • Lincolntf
    January 9, 2017 at 1:36 pm

    One positive thing we can say about Micah is that he makes life easy for his barber. “Just give me the Manson”.

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