Hoodrat Heroes

Metoothelah Follows Man Back To Uxbridge Home While Shitfaced, Rear Ends Truck In His Driveway, Tries To Tackle Him And Take His Phone Unsuccessfully 


An Uxbridge man had an interesting encounter with a tooth deficient Newport skag yesterday after she followed him home, rammed into his truck in his driveway, and then got out of her car and attempted to steal his phone because he was recording her. Watch:

Who wore it better?

LOL. That Uxbridge Spartans sweatshirt. Unless she’s just a superfan of high school athletics it means this is likely someone’s Mom. God help them.

So this lady was obviously shitfaced out of her mind, and I’m sure it wasn’t the first time she’s gotten blackout drunk during the middle of the day and followed a guy home to rear end him in his own driveway. Her face looks like a used ashtray and losing keno tickets.

Metoothelah couldn’t even stand up straight when she got out of the car. She fell several steps backwards, caught her balance, did an Irish jig, and then charged at him in a crooked line because she couldn’t walk straight forward if she tried.

Thank God she had her mask though. Someone could’ve gotten hurt.

Her responses were so grizzled it hurt:

Driver: “You realize I have a video of you smashing the rear of my truck?”

Metoothelah: “You know what? I don’t give a shit.”

Driver:  “I literally have a video of you smashing the rear of my truck. It’s still recording. What are you doing?”

Metoothelah: “I am fucking with you the way you fuck with everyone else.”

Driver: “What are you doing? I didn’t fuck with anybody.”

Metoothelah: “Yes you did.”

Driver: “You came into my driveway and you rear ended me in my own truck. You fucked your car up.”

Metoothelah: “You realize that you annoy everybody that is around you.”

Driver: “Really?”

Metoothelah: “Your family is.” 

This was the point where you know she just had nothing. She didn’t even bother to make sense or try to explain why she rear ended him after following him home. She just old him that he was a bad person who fucked with everyone, because in her drunken mind it justified doing what she was doing. Instead she bear hugged him, tried in vain to take his phone away, and finally got back in her dented bumper Chevy and drove away feeling zero shame.

According to the OP it all began at Cumby’s and she couldn’t get over the fact that the passenger moved something on a shelf.

Normal reaction to that.

On the Uniquely Uxbridge Facebook group the consensus was that the OP or someone else should send this video to Turtleboy to Id her. Everyone agreed except for one guy, who of course was named Shane.

This fucking guy.

Nuff said.

“Y’all are gross for trying to make her ridiculed.”

Oh go suck a fat baby’s nut, Shane. You’re a white guy from Massachusetts. Stop saying “y’all” in an attempt to sound woke. It’s cringe. And I assure you that the people who are rightfully disgusted by her behavior are not the gross ones here. She deserves to be ridiculed because her behavior is abhorrent. Defending horrible people doesn’t make you a good person.

I’m pretty sure I’ve gone at it with this guy before because he’s blocked me and appears to be a cop hating SJW Bolshevik. Turns out he was featured in a blog in 2014!

And it’s no wonder he doesn’t like Turtleboy, since he feels the need to defend drunken skagbeasts who follow people to their homes and smash their trucks in their own driveways. Oh no, we better not “punch down” on someone who behaves like this. That would be bad!

He’s right though – Turtleboy is not known for his compassionate approach towards people who behave like this. I am, however, very compassionate towards innocent people who are victimized by scum like this.

Not Shane though. He’s out here pretending like she’s not shitfaced, making up excuses for her behavior, and pretending like she isn’t a menace to society who needs to be exposed. If you believe people like that don’t need to be publicly shamed then feel free to go hang out with Shane and subscribe to the Huffington Post. If you know who this woman is and think she should be named and shamed then feel free to send me a DM at Clarence Woods Emerson or email turtleboysports@gmail.com.



Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. If you like what we do and want to support free speech feel free to hit the donation button. Or just buy this award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


78 Comment(s)
  • David Stanley
    June 2, 2021 at 11:00 pm

    Uxbridge has gone downhill since our church was shut down.

  • Art Flaherty
    Opening night!
    June 2, 2021 at 3:12 pm

    I dare anyone to look at those still shots of granny and not laugh your azz off. These are the publicity shots for the criminally insane. Literally looks in the photos like she’s auditioning for a role as a dancing ghoul in some bullshit Broadway version of the rocky horror picture show

  • Al Koholic
    June 2, 2021 at 2:27 pm

    Playing the bar hag opposite Mickey Rourke in Barfly should not have been a life choice

  • Benjamin John
    June 2, 2021 at 11:33 am

    You might have a drinking problem when,
    You have meltdown over a simple item being moved.
    You proceed to stalk someone whom you don’t know all the way to their doorstep.
    Smashing your car into theirs, then scrap with them on their own property, all the while staggering and slurring words like you just got out of the ring for 5 rounds with iron Mike.
    Maybe drinking isn’t your thing?

  • Krispen Wah
    June 2, 2021 at 10:59 am

    This guy will never get another chance at a free “cunt punt gollum down your driveway” pass.

    I shall weep for his (and ours) missed opportunity.

  • Michael Giannetti
    Mike Giannetti
    June 1, 2021 at 11:49 pm

    She shoulda just said “ohhh man, I’m out” and took off.

  • William Foster
    June 1, 2021 at 8:53 pm

    Give the lady a break. She’s had a tough time on the St. V’s picket line.

  • Judge Dread
    June 1, 2021 at 8:02 pm

    I’d do her

    • Bleeding Anal Fissures
      June 2, 2021 at 10:02 pm

      I agree!

      I’d do her too. She’s a 3 bagger, but 3 bags makes it safe for everyone

  • Cliff Clavin
    June 1, 2021 at 7:35 pm

    Little known fact, toothpaste was invented in Uxbridge. If it was invented anywhere else, it would properly be called TEETHPASTE.

  • 3 sheets to the wind
    June 1, 2021 at 7:30 pm

    I’m pretty sure she was sitting on the barstool next to me at Kapi’s

  • Tom Silva
    June 1, 2021 at 6:05 pm

    Hi folks just wanted to take a moment to tell you about our next exciting renovation. It will be in a disgusting toilet of a house in Uxbridge Ma, occupied by a no good son of a bitch named Shane Hall. You’re a failure Shane. You suck, too.

  • John E. Walker
    June 1, 2021 at 1:27 pm

    If she identifies as sober, then she’s sober. If you disagree, you’re a drunkaphobe and should be doxxed.

  • just another day in Mass!
    June 1, 2021 at 1:09 pm

    As someone who lives with an alkie, I can tell you it doesn’t take much to set them off & cause them to do shit like this, & that there is NO point in asking them questions or being surprised at answers that don’t make sense. Don’t expect too much, it ain’t worth it. That little dance & the hug thing was unexpectedly adorable…

  • UxBridge 8
    June 1, 2021 at 1:05 pm

    She’s a keeper:
    1-uxbridge Spartans sportswear
    2-shops at cumbys
    3-has her own form of transportation (engine still starts)
    4-refuses to wear out her brakes prematurely (by ramming into a truck)
    5- saves money on tooth paste
    6- still has the majority of teeth
    7- has moves like Jagger

    On a scale from 1-10, she is a solid 8 for UxBridge middle aged women. Prove me wrong

  • Is rhat Julian?
    June 1, 2021 at 12:56 pm

    Never met Julian, but this is exactly what I would figured she looked and acted like.

  • Shane Hall's Next Hit Record
    June 1, 2021 at 11:47 am

    “Men Have Feelings Too (May I Share Mine With You)”

    June 1, 2021 at 11:35 am

    There is an army of these out there. Sheesh! Alcohol and drugs does wonders for the human brain.

    June 1, 2021 at 11:05 am

    Hey Unc any new.and interesting stories?

  • Metro West Guy
    June 1, 2021 at 10:59 am

    Not to ridicule an older woman, but her family needs to take away her car and get her license revoked before she winds up killing somebody. Alcoholics rarely smarten up and stop driving drunk. The other day she smashed into a truck doing 10 mph, tomorrow she could cross the center line and hit a family head-on doing 60.

  • King Leonidas
    June 1, 2021 at 8:01 am


  • E Pubis Scrotum
    June 1, 2021 at 6:51 am

    When the hell did Richard Simmons get a sex change?

  • Inflamed Anus
    Virtual signal this Shane
    June 1, 2021 at 6:19 am

    Well you’re at it call Mr. Hall and tell him what you think of him defending the actions of this creature,
    Landline: 508-278-9000
    Cell: 508-335-6927
    Shane Hall
    133 S. Main St.
    Uxbridge, MA 01569

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      June 1, 2021 at 8:39 am

      House looks good Shane! You’re quite the handyman!

      • Inflamed Anus
        Inflamed Anus
        June 1, 2021 at 9:00 am

        Quite the shit hole isn’t it, maybe you should work on improving yourself there Shane, before worrying about defending drunken sea hags you see on Facebook

  • Inflamed Anus
    Person in the know
    June 1, 2021 at 3:47 am

    She has a history of drunk driving, the courts have failed to protect the residents of the Commonwealth from this creature. Call her up and tell her what you think of her,
    Laura Hamelin
    Landline: 508-234-4065
    Cell: 508-308-1370

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      June 1, 2021 at 9:05 am

      She’ll be out driving again, with the courts as useless as they are.

      Hopefully the next dude she harasses has her follow him into a wooded area. Give her an iron fisted throat punch that sends her to the promised land. Glove up and take her car somewhere else and dump it. Then bury her ass in the woods where you clocked her. No one will miss her.

      You’ll probably be saving some innocent person’s life.

  • Bob Murchison
    June 1, 2021 at 1:00 am

    Memorial Day Weekend was not kind.I have a fish hook snagged in my pouch.

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      June 1, 2021 at 6:43 am

      Good morning Bob! How are you and your gorgeous trans this morning?

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    May 31, 2021 at 11:27 pm

    I laud this woman for single handedly standing up to the white patriarchy and putting this white in his place! She shoved his white privilege down his throat!
    So brave!

  • ChrisInShrewsbury
    May 31, 2021 at 11:26 pm

    Casual Observations:

    1) Shane is apparently some kind of wizard, go figure. It’s amazing a cucked out simp like this fuck has survived South County.
    2) Shaming is exactly what this fucking lady needs. The court system has failed her (and us)
    3) Alcoholism: The only disease you can catch by walking into a bar.

    • Moe Syzlak
      June 1, 2021 at 6:58 am

      3)cont……………and several more if using the rest rooms!

    • JLZY
      June 2, 2021 at 4:26 pm

      His FB page is everything you’d expect it to be.
      •Dungeons and Dragons inspired “About” section
      •the aforementioned wizard photos
      •video of him playing some godawful faux folk crap on his guitar
      •the tragic Brillo pad of facial hair

  • Ex Cop
    May 31, 2021 at 10:03 pm

    Her name is Laura C Hamelin, from Snowing Rd Uxbridge.
    On her last Oui conviction, she received a suspended sentence and was ordered to have an Ignition Breath Device installed on her car so she could continue driving to work. According to her file, she has had a drinking problem for quite some time with several OUI convictions.
    If she hasn’t learned yet, she never will!

  • Elegant Elliot Offen
    May 31, 2021 at 10:02 pm

    (And Jamesons Whiskey)


  • Town trade race
    May 31, 2021 at 9:58 pm

    We here at Uxbridge disown anything to do with TB.
    We offer him and his site for a six pack of VT headdy topp, or 12 pack of Wormtown… at this point we even take a free sub from road runner or 5 bucks off from Wing over Woosta over this POS TB.

  • Ewwwwwwww...
    May 31, 2021 at 9:33 pm

    She reminds me of Pelosi.

    • tim Fenton
      the ten yr. old Joe likes
      June 1, 2021 at 1:49 pm

      Nancy THANKED George Floyd for dying. I don’t think this sweat hog was THAT drunk!

  • Boe Jiden
    What has...
    May 31, 2021 at 9:19 pm

    5 teeth, stretchy jeans, sketchers sneakers, and $4 in a cup holder?
    Not this bitch. She has far less teeth and not nearly enough money.

    • Michael Giannetti
      Mike Giannetti
      June 1, 2021 at 11:52 pm

      She has better teeth than me kid.

  • Anders
    May 31, 2021 at 8:58 pm

    Shane is a deadbeat who, last I knew, lived in the shittiest most run down house in uxbridge over by 122A. Pretty sure TB used photos of his house in a previous blog.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      June 1, 2021 at 8:57 am

      You have to google Shane’s house!

      Shane Hall
      133 S. Main St.
      Uxbridge, MA 01569

      Check out the Google street view! He’s a fantastic handyman!

      Love to see the fine work he has accomplished on the inside!

      Keep up the good work Shane!

  • Lmao
    May 31, 2021 at 8:51 pm

    The Drunken Honkey technique to

  • Li Wenliang (reincarnated)
    May 31, 2021 at 8:18 pm

    Shane said “y’all” which indicates he’s probably from the south which increases the probability that his ancestors might’ve owned slaves. Why hasn’t Shane jumped from a high-rise to atone for the sins he has the duty to suffer as Jesus did on the cross, and cleanse the bloodline of Shane’s namesake?

  • Brian’s Song
    May 31, 2021 at 8:06 pm

    Thank Goodness for Cumberland Farms. You get 3 shots of Rum with a 99 cent Coke and you get the Undercover Drunk Driving Special. Last time I saw a Lady like that was on Creature Double Feature giving birth to Shane Hall. On a good note, her moves were better than half the players on the basketball team. Sign her up.

    As for her teeth, they are called Summer Teeth. Sum are there and Sum are not. I’m off to Cumby’s. Cheers.

  • Orion
    May 31, 2021 at 7:32 pm

    And yes, white people who say “Y’all” that AREN’T from the south need to be sterilized.

  • Orion
    May 31, 2021 at 7:27 pm

    Yeah, clearly that Shane dick-pincher doesn’t give a shit about the toothless woman in the video, he just wanted to engineer a chance to try and talk shit about Turtleboy on social media. What a sandy-vadge having baby. It’s not “punching down”, it’s necessary criticism. He’s the end result of what you get when there’s not enough necessary shaming and criticism being handed out, just look at him.

  • Buwheat
    May 31, 2021 at 7:23 pm

    I’ve heard of a “deputy spade” but have never seen a “Irish jig”. Is that a Hennesey Waltz??

  • Randy Ryder
    North of the Border
    May 31, 2021 at 7:08 pm

    Ever notice when some welfare ratchet wins the Powerball with the last $2 of their EBT money, when asked what they’re going to do with the cash, NOT A FUCKING ONE of these trailer-dwelling inbred mouth-breathers says, “Imma get some dental work!”

  • WTF
    May 31, 2021 at 6:56 pm

    Not much for organized religion, but I may have been running for the crucifix and holy water for this one. Wow.

    May 31, 2021 at 6:52 pm

    The real story is that lame fag Shane virtue signaling on the fakebook. Seriously I think Musk is right, it really is a simulation filled with obnoxious NPC’s testing everyone with a soul to see how much they take before firing up the gas chambers.

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    May 31, 2021 at 6:36 pm

    Dan Rice is nominated for beta of the year for not smoking that toothless crackwhore in the face as soon as she touched him

  • capone181
    Lee Ho
    May 31, 2021 at 6:35 pm

    She should be forced to change a loaded dipper with chopsticks.

      June 1, 2021 at 7:42 am

      Lee I love ya and the #16A with rat on a stick is delicious but there is no way in hell that that wahhhmen should be anywhere near children
      Especially children still in diapers and even more so with chopsticks
      I wouldn’t trust that bitch to push the start button on a CD player
      She looks like one of the O’Doyle rules daughter all grown up

      • capone181
        Lee Ho
        June 1, 2021 at 9:18 am

        Good point! LOL

  • Eddie
    May 31, 2021 at 6:35 pm

    If she came on my property my German Shepard Aloisa would of ripped her apart like a fucking rag doll.

      June 1, 2021 at 7:47 am

      As funny and gratifying that would be to see and experience
      sadly the poor doggo would contract aids and probably die
      You doggo owners should be more wary of who you have or let them attack too many people walking around with the aids these days
      Though it’s much more prevalent in the black community

  • Captain Trips
    RJ Reynolds and Co.
    May 31, 2021 at 6:05 pm

    Thank you for not killing her. Our Newport cigarette brand would have taken a huge hit in revenue if she were killed.

  • Ben Dover
    May 31, 2021 at 5:52 pm

    Was she in The Shining?

    • Death
      May 31, 2021 at 7:53 pm

      Evil dead 2 locked in the basement “old hag”
      And army of darkness back at the castle “old witch”

      • Evil dead II
        June 1, 2021 at 9:34 am

        Hush little baby, don’t say a word, daddy’s gonna buy you a mocking bird….

        I saw that movie years ago and scared my for life, whenever I hear that song I think of that ghoul singing it and piss my pants and suck my thumb.

      • Ash from Evil Dead
        June 1, 2021 at 10:41 pm

        “I’ll suck your soul!”
        “Come get some.”

        Shop smart. Shop S mart.

  • Think of other people
    May 31, 2021 at 5:50 pm

    So this guy let this drunk drive off to kill someone? Should’ve dragged her out of the car and stopped her

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      May 31, 2021 at 6:06 pm

      So it’s his fault she’s drinking and driving?

    • Scotty T
      May 31, 2021 at 11:35 pm

      You can’t do a citizen’s arrest in MA unless it is to stop a felony in progress. OUI’s are only a felony under certain circumstances. Had he pulled her from the car and restrained her, she could go after him.

  • Pedo Alert
    May 31, 2021 at 5:44 pm

    “Go suck a fat babies nut”? That sort of talk may be acceptable when you’re hanging out with your pedophile friends but that’s some fucked up shit the way your mind thinks.

  • whatevuh
    May 31, 2021 at 5:32 pm

    I go to Uxbridge quite a lot, half the fucking town looks like her.

  • Captain Trips
    Brian Wilson
    May 31, 2021 at 5:14 pm

    The Little Old Lady from Pasadena has some swingin dance moves!

  • Fo Sho
    Spartan Truff
    May 31, 2021 at 5:11 pm

    My guess is Shane’s bangin it.

  • Rick Dees
    May 31, 2021 at 4:58 pm

    It’s Disco Duck

  • Harry Balz
    May 31, 2021 at 4:53 pm

    Didn’t anyone record her the digits on her license plate?

  • Man of Few Words
    May 31, 2021 at 4:48 pm

    Shane’s got issues. Props for using Turtleboy as a verb however.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    May 31, 2021 at 4:45 pm

    Should have recorded her on his phone, then stopped the recording and clocked her in the temple. Tell the cops she drunkenly fell.

    • Inflamed Anus
      Inflamed Anus
      May 31, 2021 at 6:55 pm

      I can’t even notice that she’s wearing her adult diaper, and they probably soaked up a gallon of piss since she stumbled out of Cumbies with no apparent leakage, props to Depends Flex Fit!

  • Captain Trips
    Barry Manilow
    May 31, 2021 at 4:43 pm

    She’s the old bat that was my inspiration for the song Copacabana

    • Michael Hunt
      Mike Hunt
      June 1, 2021 at 10:30 am

      Rico got himself shot on purpose

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    May 31, 2021 at 4:39 pm

    Shane’s one of those false folkies who strums his guitar, has a poster of Peter Paul and Mary on his wall, wears vests and cabbie hats, belongs to the US Communist Party, and croak’s out “We Will Overcome” while plinking the guitar he can’t play, in between bong hits.

  • G Ber
    Shamrock cliff Newport regular
    May 31, 2021 at 4:38 pm

    Disco is back

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