Well everybody, it finally happened. My least favorite whiny-bitch con man surrendered himself to the McLean county court on Tuesday to begin serving his long overdue six month sentence for somehow managing to dodge six different scheduled hearings on the best interest of his kid. They don’t even let you get away with dodging jury duty that many times, generally speaking.

But he’s a great dad, and the courts are out to fuck him, amirite?

According to the court records, Judge Charles Feeney denied a request by Cadena’s lawyer Adele Saaf on Tuesday to vacate the jail term. Which means, he tried to avoid the consequences of his actions to the bitter end. I’ve seen Disney movies with endings less predictable.

Money Mike returned to Illinois last week, and was granted two supervised visits with his son. In another totally predictable and shitbag-riffic move, he spent his time taking videos of the kid and posting them to social media, against orders the judge had given both attorneys back in December.

The video has since been taken down, probably because I rounded up a few of my people and reported the fuck out of it, but it was creepy as hell. A short clip of Mikey staring at his deadbeat dad’s cell phone while Mike glances over at the camera, then shows a little affection, rinse and repeat. All while you can see he is trying to make himself cry, set to “You Are So Beautiful” by Joe Cocker. To fill in the time they added in a slideshow of the minor, normal childhood injuries Mike tried to pass off as “abuse”, because he is obviously a fucking sociopath who is physically incapable of letting the lies just die.

And of course he had his brain-dead cult of pussy minions spread them as far as he could get them. Because no publicity is bad publicity, right Mike? It’s not like he ever stopped the smear campaign against the mother of his child, that would require some actual human concern for the tiny human he helped bring in to this world, and that’s literally never going to happen.

To date I still haven’t seen or heard a peep from the mother publicly, probably because she’s too busy not losing custody of her kids, taking care of them, and shit. Mike and his cult hilariously keep attributing my page Help Us Keep Mikey Safe to the Bucks, but for the billionth time – it’s not them, you literal fucking halfwits. It must be tiring living in a perpetual cycle of guilt deflection and self victimization, though. Take a nap in your luxurious new home, Mike!

Besides, who cares about the best interest and well-being of your own flesh and blood when you have fundraisers still running for his “medical expenses” and “legal fees”? The fact that he’s not even allowed 5 mins unsupervised with the kid is apparently immaterial – he’s still raising money for the care he hasn’t provided in over 6 months. 

I’m not saying the money Tyler donated less than a month ago went to Bud Lights and crack rocks, but I’m not saying it didn’t either – that’s all speculation. What’s not speculation is it didn’t go towards little Mikey, because his mother has been providing for him. Get a job, Condena.

Anyway, I hope Money Mike enjoys his Ramen noodles, instant coffee and rec time for the next 45 days or so. Because the internet is surely going to enjoy the fuck out of his absence. And here’s a spoiler alert for when he gets out – I’m still going to hate him more than I hate rush hour traffic on I95 south, he’s still not going to have a job or custody of his kid, and his stupid “Help Us Save Mikey” page is still going to exist as the internet form of anal cancer, because he clearly does not give one flying fuck about the impact he has on that poor kid.