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  • “Missing” Lawrence Teen Messages Anyone Sharing LPD’s Post About Her Being Missing, Tells Them To Stop Sharing “Herb Ass Pictures” Of Her

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    The Lawrence PD often posts stuff like this about missing children on social media:

    And this:

    And because it’s Lawrence the comments are often in two languages – Spanish, and Ratchetese:

    In the post above, one of the “missing” teens was Jianelis Alvarado. And as you can see, she’s really going place in life:

    Like East Lawrence. And South Lawrence. And maybe even Lowell if she can scrounge up some gas money.

    Her missing person post was shared hundreds of times, and many who did share it received this message from the “missing” teen afterwards:

    “Stop sharing herb ass pictures of me.”

    I’m just happy to see that kids are still using the word “herb” as an insult. Makes me feel young again.

    Here she is in the black getting into gland to gland combat with another Junior first of the month queen while “missing.”

    Finna cash deez hands!!

    Ya see this missing kid stuff a lot. Obviously I’m in favor of helping to find missing children. But I think we need to differentiate between missing, and running off to smoke blunts and mix the baby batter. Happens all the time. People always send us this stuff and our answer is always the same – she’s just tryna get her swerve on. She’s not kidnapped. She wasn’t taken against her will. She just wanted to have raw, unprotected sex with a free lunch king pursuing a Youtube rap career. When a kid who is actually missing (like Molly Bish) we need to know that they’re not just going out for stuffed crust pizza.

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    1. The Vorlon

      Remember, spay and neuter your ratchets!

    2. Johnny Rocket

      Nothing like a good cat fight. Gotta love that at least it was fair fight.

    3. Dick Dover

      Ain’t nobody looking for that fat anchor baby. Hopefully she finds her way back to the Honduras before she starts popping out little mestizos

      1. Iceicebaby

        Maybe ICE got her.

    4. Finn is Turtleboy


    5. Fuckface McFaggot

      Slow news day, huh?

      1. Lily

        Exactly. Non-story. Wasn’t on the news, was it?

    6. Juan da shitz

      Piece of shit good for nothing cum dumpster be poppin litte scum bag babies soon

    7. Haverhill Landlord

      She’s kind of a cutie; I was hoping to see her tits pop out in that fight video.


      …what Lawrence needs is one of two things:

      A) Batman and the rest of the Justice League, or
      B) the city needs to find a way to quietly attract serial killers who only prey on ratchets. It could be a model for the rest of the Merrimack Valley.

    8. Oil Tuck Rules

      How’s all in Turtle land? Nothing but sunshine and smiles here. I just made an ez $200 of topping off an oil tank and bleeding the furnace for a complete moron who let himself run out and wants to have a special craft themed Birthday party for his kid this weekend.

      Let’s be honest, the only thing more exciting than a craft themed Birthday party for kids is maybe a bring your own needlepoint or coloring book extravaganza.

      No wonder kids don’t have friends anymore and get bullied in schools.

    9. Lolajack

      Hey what happened to the Turtleboy Paypal account?

      Today was the day I was going to make a big donation.

      1. Lolajack

        Is there an actual person behind this “borrowed” name? Doubt it. Probably someone with a tiny penis.

    10. Bhad Bhabie

      Cash me ousside!!

    11. Get out of here

      Normally I am 100 percent behind tb but I think this was tasteless and unnecessary to post.

    12. vicxh

      Sad. We need more immigrants from Norway.

    13. Booby Bobby

      Look at those breasts … oh you little Mexican enchilada, throw you a beef until you make me give you the cheese. You’re sweet hot & spicy… are you 18? No ? Bye.SeeYa, cum back when you’re legally allowed by law to take by fluata….

  • Heidi Wellman For Senate

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