Hoodrat Heroes

“Missing” Lawrence Teen Messages Anyone Sharing LPD’s Post About Her Being Missing, Tells Them To Stop Sharing “Herb Ass Pictures” Of Her

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The Lawrence PD often posts stuff like this about missing children on social media:

And this:

And because it’s Lawrence the comments are often in two languages – Spanish, and Ratchetese:

In the post above, one of the “missing” teens was Jianelis Alvarado. And as you can see, she’s really going place in life:

Like East Lawrence. And South Lawrence. And maybe even Lowell if she can scrounge up some gas money.

Her missing person post was shared hundreds of times, and many who did share it received this message from the “missing” teen afterwards:

“Stop sharing herb ass pictures of me.”

I’m just happy to see that kids are still using the word “herb” as an insult. Makes me feel young again.

Here she is in the black getting into gland to gland combat with another Junior first of the month queen while “missing.”

Finna cash deez hands!!

Ya see this missing kid stuff a lot. Obviously I’m in favor of helping to find missing children. But I think we need to differentiate between missing, and running off to smoke blunts and mix the baby batter. Happens all the time. People always send us this stuff and our answer is always the same – she’s just tryna get her swerve on. She’s not kidnapped. She wasn’t taken against her will. She just wanted to have raw, unprotected sex with a free lunch king pursuing a Youtube rap career. When a kid who is actually missing (like Molly Bish) we need to know that they’re not just going out for stuffed crust pizza.

16 Comment(s)
  • Booby Bobby
    January 14, 2018 at 5:02 pm

    Look at those breasts … oh you little Mexican enchilada, throw you a beef until you make me give you the cheese. You’re sweet hot & spicy… are you 18? No ? Bye.SeeYa, cum back when you’re legally allowed by law to take by fluata….

  • vicxh
    January 12, 2018 at 10:30 am

    Sad. We need more immigrants from Norway.

  • Get out of here
    January 11, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    Normally I am 100 percent behind tb but I think this was tasteless and unnecessary to post.

  • Bhad Bhabie
    January 11, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Cash me ousside!!

  • Lolajack
    January 11, 2018 at 8:43 pm

    Hey what happened to the Turtleboy Paypal account?

    Today was the day I was going to make a big donation.

    • Lolajack
      January 12, 2018 at 3:35 am

      Is there an actual person behind this “borrowed” name? Doubt it. Probably someone with a tiny penis.

  • Oil Tuck Rules
    January 11, 2018 at 8:31 pm

    How’s all in Turtle land? Nothing but sunshine and smiles here. I just made an ez $200 of topping off an oil tank and bleeding the furnace for a complete moron who let himself run out and wants to have a special craft themed Birthday party for his kid this weekend.

    Let’s be honest, the only thing more exciting than a craft themed Birthday party for kids is maybe a bring your own needlepoint or coloring book extravaganza.

    No wonder kids don’t have friends anymore and get bullied in schools.

  • Haverhill Landlord
    January 11, 2018 at 8:06 pm

    She’s kind of a cutie; I was hoping to see her tits pop out in that fight video.

    Ahem…anyway…

    …what Lawrence needs is one of two things:

    A) Batman and the rest of the Justice League, or
    B) the city needs to find a way to quietly attract serial killers who only prey on ratchets. It could be a model for the rest of the Merrimack Valley.

  • January 11, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    Piece of shit good for nothing cum dumpster be poppin litte scum bag babies soon

  • Fuckface McFaggot
    January 11, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    Slow news day, huh?

    • Lily
      January 11, 2018 at 8:00 pm

      Exactly. Non-story. Wasn’t on the news, was it?

  • Finn is Turtleboy
    January 11, 2018 at 7:06 pm

    Lmao!

  • Dick Dover
    January 11, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    Ain’t nobody looking for that fat anchor baby. Hopefully she finds her way back to the Honduras before she starts popping out little mestizos

    • Iceicebaby
      January 11, 2018 at 9:33 pm

      Maybe ICE got her.

  • Johnny Rocket
    January 11, 2018 at 4:41 pm

    Nothing like a good cat fight. Gotta love that at least it was fair fight.

  • The Vorlon
    January 11, 2018 at 4:17 pm

    Remember, spay and neuter your ratchets!

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