The mainstream media will print ANYTHING that gets them clicks, regardless of how unbelievable and obviously untrue it is:
Police are searching for a man who reportedly tried to abduct a 9-year-old boy near a school. Officers responded to Swampscott Avenue near the Welch School in Peabody around 8:30 p.m. Tuesday after receiving a report of an attempted abduction of a child, police said in a statement Wednesday. The boy told police that he was walking with his scooter when a man approached him from behind, covered his mouth and dragged him to the Welch School parking lot. The boy was able to break free and run home. He was not injured.
Police and a K9 unit searched the area but found nothing. The suspect is described as a dark-skinned male, approximately 5 feet, 9 inches tall and wearing a red hooded sweatshirt and red hat. Investigators are asking anyone who may have information about this incident to call Peabody Police at 978-531-1212. School officials notified parents of the incident in a safety alert on Wednesday.
PEABODY: A 9y/o boy says he was nearly kidnapped while walking with his scooter. The boy told police the man approached him from behind, & covered his mouth & dragged him to the Welch School parking lot. @boston25 pic.twitter.com/nfgrw9WJfz
— Malini Basu (@WFXTMalini) May 23, 2019
It all began with a Facebook post by Momma Meatflaps. This is what we’re dealing with.
Duckfaced selfie – the female version of flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat.
Momma Meatflap’s name is Tiffany Gordon, and just last week she was arrested in Salem for shoplifting.
Perfectly normal thing for a 33 year old former teen mom with multiple crotch fruits at home to be doing on a Monday afternoon. She’s obviously trustworthy.
Anyway, she’s the one who got the ball rolling on this by posting this on Facebook in Ebola English:
Not to be a grammar Nazi, but the spelling and grammar in that post gave me AIDS. The most amazing part about it wasn’t the use of the word “hurd,” but the fact that she could spell “aggressively” correctly, but not “and.” If she forgot the D at the end of and one more time, I was going to kidnap her son myself. (insert disclaimer of obvious satire here so as to avoid further Internet lawsuits)
Nevertheless, the masses believed it was true because someone wrote it on the Internet.
It doesn’t matter how ratchet they are, or how many Google trophies they have to their name, it must be true because it was on Facebook. And she admittedly has a LOT of Google trophies that have prevented her from getting a job in the past.
But who needs work when you have the taxpayers to take care of that for you?
We all know that the media doesn’t like doing background research to make sure their sources are legit. They just think about a headline involving a kid nearly being kidnapped and brought into the woods and see dollar signs via cheap clicks. WCVB was all over it:
As for the post itself, anyone who believes this actually happened couldn’t pass their GED without borrowing money from Lori Loughlin. Here’s the most obvious lies in the post:
- Peabody police said there were no witnesses, but Mom says there were a bunch of people in broad daylight who saw it happened and did nothing to stop it
- No one would ever be able to recount the details she did. She says that her son’s head was down and when he got away he didn’t look back. Of course she added this because she wanted to have an explanation as to why her son couldn’t explain what the guy kidnapping him looked like.
- She was feet away from this guy and just let it happen? No thanks.
- In order to be able to see that the perp was loosening his grasp with the hand holding the child, and tightening his grasp on the scooter, she would’ve had to have been literally right next to him. And again, she did nothing. Nope.
- More importantly, why would the kidnapper be so concerned about bringing the scooter with him? No kidnapper is dropping the crotch fruit for the scooter instead. That’s not how kidnapping works.
- The police report says it happened at 8:30 but klepto clampig says it happened at 6:30.
- The police report and news state that the kid was dragged towards a school parking lot, but Mom says he was dragged towards the woods.
To prove that she was telling the truth crabzilla posted the message sent by the school regarding the incident.
Because an institution passing on information on something they were told is proof that it actually occurred. As you can see, it simply says that the kid was “approached by a male,” so ultimately this proves nothing. But it sure made sense in her brain because it’s filled with Spaghettio’s and broken dreams.
There were plenty of people who knew her story was bullshit, and every time they called her out on it she added a new twist to the narrative.
So her kid was kidnapped at 6:30, but she didn’t call the cops for two hours later because they had a family meeting and wanted to make “all the right moves.” Ya know, because she’s “never dealt with this before.” Because evi-fucking-dently you need to have had your crotch fruit kidnapped once or twice before you know to call 911 the next time they get kidnapped.
What was there to discuss? According to her a guy kidnapped her son just feet away from her. Oh right, she’s making this all up, I forgot.
What about her lie that the kid was dragged into the woods?
Ummm…that’s not an explanation. That’s just you stating the obvious that there are dangerous people out there. But OK.
It gets better…..
Oh look, now a 12 year old boy was kidnapped too. Of course no one has reported this because it’s completely made up, but it further validates her story in her mind.
She says the dogs picked up a scent of the perp in the woods.
Even though the police say that the kid is saying that he was approached in a school parking lot.
According to her the cops dusted the scooter for prints, are inspecting footprints in the grass, AND blood on the kid’s shirt.
So now there’s a new addition to the story – the kidnapper bled all over the kid.
The EBT mafia was defending her honor with stuff like this:
How dare people ask questions about a story with more holes than a Swedish gangbang! BELIEVE WOMEN!!
I loved this one:
Great point Michelle!! She reported it to the police and they wrote down what she said verbatim. Therefore it happened!! Kind of like how the Chicago Police police report initially said that Jussie Smollett was the victim of a hate crime. Everything that people tell the cops and they write down is automatically true.
Of course this one was best response from her:
Dude makes fun of her complete destruction of the English language and she responds by yelling ITS NOT MADE UP!! Even though he never accused her of making it up. Almost as if she’s super defensive because she knows she’s making it up and her story is quickly falling apart.
Anyway, let’s not forget the race component to this either. She told the cops it was a 5’9″ hispanic guy, which is probably the median height for brown people in and around Peabody. Now they’re all going to be profiled because of this jizz donkey’s tall tale.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: