Hoodrat Heroes

Move Over 860 Money Crew: “Baker Cult” Rappers From The Mean Streets Of Grafton Make Grand Entrance Into Turtleboy Suburban Hardo Rap Hall Of Fame

Move Over 860 Money Crew: “Baker Cult” Rappers From The Mean Streets Of Grafton Make Grand Entrance Into Turtleboy Suburban Hardo Rap Hall Of Fame

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Editor’s Note: Rumor is we are adding a freestyle rap segment to the Turtleboy Live show, in which we recap the week in turtle using a hot beat. Should be fun. 

Looks like the 860 money crew has some competition for most legendary suburban rappers in Turtleboy history. They’re called the Baker Cult, AKA Baker Boys Production, they’re from Grafton, and they’re as hardcore as you get:

Sippin Henny like that shit be Aquafina.”

Well, that’s a new one.

Does it really count as a rap video if it sounds like R2 D2 is singing a lullaby? What happened to old school rap? Kids these days with their autotunes. Back in the day all we had were some hot lyrics and a kid in the corner creating some sort of beat by making strange noises into his his hands.


Something like that. Never failed to start a freestyle battle.

Also, when shooting a rap video you have to remember to bring your props with you. For instance, the gallon of water is a must:

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As is the orange juice phone

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The Moe’s poster

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The Corn Flakes jacket

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The man bun

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The mouth full of bagels

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And of course a banana

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Because you can never shoot a rap video without some guy (I think) in the corner holding a banana.

What I don’t get is this need to act like a hardo. Like, you’re from Grafton guys. It’s lovely there. Someday I’d like to live in Grafton. Great schools, nice little gazebo, good pizza, access to the Mass Pike. G-Town’s got it all. You can’t be a junior hoodrat and live in Grafton. It’s impossible. So I’m not buying some of these lyrics. The “re up?” You don’t get to use that word unless you’re living in Section 8. “Hampton came on through he said that shit was live”? What shit was live? This entire four minute video involved 6-8 locals wandering through a parking lot before entering a basement, sitting on couches, and smoking blunts. That’s not what “that shit was live” means. That’s not how this works.

Oh, and here’s another thing – don’t brag about selling marijuana to high school kids in your rap videos. Even if you’re selling it to them for bargain basement prices:

“I’m getting the zip and smoking the weed, for high school kids it’s kind of cheap, but Baker Cult gets some for free.”

Additionally, there’s no such thing as having “homeys” in Grafton:

“All the homeys know that I’m tripping.”

Hey guys, the 90’s called – they want their vernacular back. Look, if you’re a suburban kid and you wanna start rapping, I’m all for it. But just be yourself. Once again, if you live in Grafton you don’t say words like “homeys” unless you’re intentionally trying to sound like someone you’re not. Just be yourself and own it. Check out my man Nate Ford, the chill WPI frat boy who made the greatest rap video we’ve ever profiled on Turtleboy Sports:



See, that’s good music. He’s happy. He’s in the love club. He’s walking through the streets of Worcester on a beautiful day without a care in the world. Also note his name isn’t “WPI boys don’t fuck around.” It’s just Nate Ford. Because that’s his name. They lyrics speak for themselves:

“I tend to be a lot more optimistic, you could dwell on the negative but I don’t miss it, people call it a sickness, that’s why I’m the realest cat in the business.”

Life is good. I would guess that Nate Ford probably likes to smoke pot. But he doesn’t feel the need to broadcast it to the world because that jive is cliche. Look at what him and his “homeys” did in their video:

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That looks like a good time.

Now look at what the Baker Cult and their homeys did:

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That doesn’t look like nearly as much as fun. Just sayin.

Oh yea, and can we maybe get a camera that doesn’t constantly have to refocus every time it moves?

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And maybe even shoot it during the day, or at least get some sort of lighting?

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They’ve also got a bunch of other hot fire videos on their Youtube channel. Like this one, where they seem to walk around the high school, talking about how they “don’t fuck with rats,” and ask the age old question – “if I wasn’t getting money would you still want me” (because they can’t tell if all their ho’s are just using them for the free trips to Wendy’s), all while incorporating gratuitous use of the n word:

Then there’s this one where they once again walk through the Grafton High School library and attend some sort of gym class, before once again smoking weed in their basement, getting fast food, and then going back to the very same basement to smoke more weed and freestyle:


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Or this one called “Moonpack” where they once again go to the basement, take bong rips, eat fast food, geek out, and put plastic bags on their heads:

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Good times.

Anyway, if I’m comparing the two, I gotta give this round to 860 Money Crew. Mainly because they don’t use autotune for the most part. But we look forward to seeing what the Baker Cult has in store for us in the future.

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21 Comment(s)
  • Joe
    April 2, 2017 at 3:22 am

    You are a complete ass. How can you live with yourself picking on high school kids? Ass, complete crack through your brain!

  • Joe
    April 2, 2017 at 3:20 am

    Jackass. Who are you to pick on high school kids. You are a complete ass, crack right through you ass brain

  • whatevuh
    March 7, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    yup, total gutterslugs right there . . . . they really want to be nigga black, on welfare, because that’s the cool thing these days

  • WooHooooooo
    March 7, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    These basement douches suck, even with auto tone. And why does the kid in the Corn Flakes coat look so scared? He is in a basement of some white family with a Grafton mom upstairs making them peanut butter and jelly sammiches for a snack.

  • Finnish Goalie
    March 7, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Are these current students at Grafton High?

    That’ll make for nice conversation in the halls.

  • Ryan
    March 7, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    The happy dude in the Celtics jersey got some short ass shorts.

  • marky mark
    March 7, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    honestly these people are not that bad although some of the lyrics come off a bit thuggish and overrated they did have a few good lines in there but honestly you gotta chill with these kids bro like i really dont understand how what these kids do, wear, and sound like affects you in anyway i mean like if you dont like it click off the video instead of sitting down and critiqueing everything they do that you dont like and honestly making music is something that might keep them occupied and one of these young gentlemen may one day persue a career in this shit so honestly buddy just take a deep breath i personally see alot of potential in the groups diverse sound

  • somebodyprobably
    March 7, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    lmao the poor kids were just memeing let them be. How do you even find this?

  • Talisman
    March 7, 2017 at 1:17 pm

    Besides alleging that this is “music” in any form, I just don’t get the appeal of any of this shit. Bunch of dumbass wiggtastic white boys jumping around like they just found the pecker patch they always dreamed about.

  • Steven Stover
    March 7, 2017 at 1:13 pm

    Mommy will never toss their babies out of the cellar. Best they will ever do is getting a disability for being Assholes.

  • Rev. Jim Jones
    March 7, 2017 at 12:49 pm

    Wish I could have given the Bakers my special Kool-aid at Jonestown.

  • DJ ZephyrCat
    March 7, 2017 at 12:11 pm

    Good tune

    • BobnMic
      March 7, 2017 at 12:56 pm

      Hey, this is Bob. Try to guess if I’m working off my hangover or I just decided to carry my booze-fueled rage into a 2nd day. Let’s see….Jack Daniels or Southern Comfort. Hell, it’s 1pm, why not both?

      • Turd Burglestein
        March 7, 2017 at 3:21 pm

        I figured you for a captain morgan guy.

        • Turd Burglestein
          March 7, 2017 at 3:40 pm

          Jose can you see, I got a kilo on me.

  • str8 fiah
    March 7, 2017 at 12:07 pm

    “Baker boiz shud be Baker acted” on mutha fukin dawgs!!

  • Jazzy Jeff
    March 7, 2017 at 11:59 am

    I am not a fan of rap. The only good thing about it is it can be done by people who otherwise wouldn’t be able to carry a tune. I think the lyrics are ridiculously stupid and thuggish, but that’s what they are supposed to be, I guess. I mean how many Pulitzer Prize winners write rap lyrics. It’s art for morons. Anyway, even though I am not a fan of rap or the thugs portrayed, I don’t think these guys were that bad. I think some of there lines were creative enough. Rap has a reputation that goes along with it, and rappers are going to try to give off that reputation. Not everyone is the Prince of Bel Air.

  • ZephyrCat
    March 7, 2017 at 11:50 am

    Putting the plastic bag over his head was the smartest move. Hope it worked. Man, where can I get a Kellogg’s cornflakes jacket?!?! That shit is for real bangin’!! Their inspiration for their name must have come from the 1989 classic movie “The Fabulous Baker Boys” starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Jeff Bridges.

    • ZephyrCat
      March 7, 2017 at 12:36 pm

      Rap is shit. Anything where you don’t even have to actually play a musical instrument is not music. Some of it is entertaining, most of it is just pure shit. Beatz my ass. Learn to play something- guitar, bass, drums, piano, horns, something. Intelligent black people play jazz or blues or rock. The unlimited dipfuck retards become rappers. So who do the stupid white kids emulate? The talented jazz, rock or blues based blacks who have actual skill OR the fucking slightly above retarded, thug fuck, neanderthal, prison-for-home, no fuckin’ daddy street blacks. Oh fuck yeah says the ignorant, shit for brains, pussy whipped beta-males, I’m sorry to be white, pathetically weak white kids, give me the rappers all day long! They got game, they got beatz!. Fucking please!

      • Jsis
        March 7, 2017 at 4:20 pm

        Hey man please stop spreading racism thanks.

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