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Northampton is an alternative universe. That’s the best way I could describe. The people who live there are largely insane, and have chosen to live in a fantasy world where the world would be a better place without police. Last year we broke what turned out to be a national story about a handful of activist parents forcing the police to end the “High 5 Friday” program in the elementary schools, in which cops build relationships with people in the community by giving kids high 5, because it could traumatize undocumented students and/or students of color. They constantly protest and race bait, despite having one of the most progressive police departments in the state. Because at the end of the day these people don’t want the police to be better. They want the police to disappear.

Today was High-Five Friday at Ryan Rd School! We all had a great time! Happy Friday everyone! #highfivefriday pic.twitter.com/cT7MKY9yYc

— Northampton Police (@NorthamptonPD) December 16, 2016

Never has that been more self evident than last night when a bunch of lunatics showed up to protest a $13,000 donation of ammunition from Walmart to the Northampton Police Department. I’m not even kidding – they were protesting free supplies to the police. Evidently the Northampton Walmart is going to stop selling ammunition, so they figured they might as well donate it to the local police. According to the Mayor (who once called Turtleboy racist but who by and large appears to be the most conservative person in Northampton) the ammunition would be used by the police at the firing range for training purposes, and contrary to popular opinion will not be used to murder black people.

Just watch the first woman who gets up to oppose it and you will be amazed.

Her name is Dana Goldblatt, and by my count she called the Northampton Police “violence workers” six times during her three minute screed. Here’s a collection of her finest quotes.

“The current degree of militarization of the NPD, and also the number and extent of violence workers that we need in Northampton, as opposed to social workers, crisis workers. We fund violence workers and extend ammo at a pretty high rate.”

“Accepting this ammo for violence workers.”

“How many violence workers do we want to fund in Northampton?”

“Having violence workers who are implicated in arms deals, those aren’t my values. Having guns and ammunition flowing through this city, those are not my values.”

“I don’t remember being asked if it was OK with me.”

“There’s no citizen review into how violence workers are operating in this city.”

“I don’t feel like anyone here would say we need more violence workers.”

“We should be able to say fewer police, fewer guns, fewer ammo.”

Well lady, apparently your values include being burglarized, raped, and murdered. Because that’s what happens in a society with no police, which is obviously what you want. Just a reminder, the Northampton Police have killed exactly zero people in her lifetime. The worst thing they ever did was give high 5’s to children, which I guarantee she considers to be violence.

Oh, and Walmart and the NPD didn’t ask you if it was OK that they accept a generous donation for work related supplies, because you don’t actually matter. You’re just some soy flavored soiled pad who sane people (like me) listen to for amusement. No one actually takes anything you have to say seriously, because you are living, breathing joke.

Shockingly this is not her first rodeo as the town wokesperson. Last year she showed up at a City Council meeting to oppose not only new tactical weapons to preserve the lives of police officers, but she wanted the police disarmed altogether.

“I think disarming the police would have a really good impact,” she said, basing this off her experiences living in Northampton and as a public defender.

When you hear a human say something like this you must immediately stop taking them seriously. They haven’t earned the right to be treated like normal human beings. Just point and laugh at them because they are here for our amusement.

She also wants the cops to stop arresting drug dealers because all drug dealers are addicts.

This proposal would include no longer arresting those who deal drugs, as well as those who use them. “The people who are addicts are dealing,” she said.

And remember this chud we blogged about last year because DCF took his kids away from him and his crackwhore wife after they got arrested in Ware and moved to Northampton, and he responded by blocking people from entering City Hall?

Yea, she was his defense attorney, and argued that the police were too brutal in removing him, even though you can clearly see in that tape that they couldn’t have possibly been nicer about it.

“Mr. Matlock was sitting peacefully on the steps outside of City Hall when four officers used violent force to remove him,” defense attorney Dana Goldblatt said in an email to the Gazette. “By prosecuting Mr. Matlock, the District Attorney participates in the officers’ violence.”

She also argued that Matlock was not aware that he was under arrest when he hit Dzialo, meaning that he was not resisting arrest.

Then she wanted to speak again later because God knows she gets off on hearing herself talk in white girl voice. But the rules wouldn’t allow it so she pretended to read a text from her beta male husband, which coincidentally said the same exact shit she said.

Imagine how truly, truly awful it must be to call this thing your wife?

I’d rather be killed by 13,000 bullets from Walmart.

Then there was this lady, who looks like she might as well be Northampton’s official mascot.

“How bout a donation to the homeless shelter instead.”

That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. Walmart has extra bullets, not extra food. Would you prefer they donate them to drug dealers? After Missionary Mandy is done taking guns away from the cops then the drug dealers can protect and serve us. What could possibly go wrong?

Then this poonstachio sandwich made his appearance.

“Please begin having conversations about why the NPD needs bullets in the first place. Why are cops walking around with them (guns)? Why are they endangering their workers lives?”

I’m pretty sure bullets are needed in the first place because without them guns are basically just toys. And I believe police walk around with guns because there are bad guys out there who have no problem killing cops, and civilians, so they have a right to protect themselves and the community. But please, carry one with your pajama pants and your hipster glasses and tell yourself that you’re making a difference.

I don’t wish violence on anyone, but I kind of want to see what would happen to these people if the cops disarmed themselves. God that would be fun to watch.

The City Councilors weren’t much better.

Councilor-at-large Bill Dwight added that even though Walmart wouldn’t be given a tax break by the city for the donation, Walmart would likely get a write-off from the IRS, and that he wouldn’t want the unused ammunition to aid in “padding (Walmart’s) pockets.”

I mean, seriously. We’re not accepting free shit from Walmart because they might write it off and save a couple bucks on their taxes. I got nothing. These people are their own comedy show.

“It’s one thing to get a bus to transport children for educational purposes than with bullets, which are used for purposes that can kill people,” Klein said. “And the police do have to come under a particular type of scrutiny because of the power they hold, and the responsibility they have in our community is a particular kind of responsibility.”

So let me get this straight. This crusty hag doesn’t want to accept bullets because they could kill people, but she’s cool with another school bus because a 20 ton chunk of steel full of kids with no seatbelts on can’t kill people? Oh OK.

If ISIS ever comes to Northampton make sure you give them directions to Northampton.