WTF

NJ Pooperinendant Is Manchester Turtlette’s Hero Of The Week

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So, a wonderful turtle riders sent us this story out of the asshole of America known as New Jersey today.

Dude’s a pooperinendant. I cannot believe this is a real thing. This fucking happened people, and that is AMAZING. Not gonna lie, I couldn’t believe this actually happened, not even when having been rather unfortunately born in this terrible,awful , good for nothing state. Believe it or not, it gets better than the headline.

Eight freaking times!!! Can you remember your past eight shits? This guy does! They made The Patch, for the love of Pete! Can you say your last eight poops were that newsworthy? No, you can’t. Nothing your excrement will ever do will ever be this perfect. Ever. How did he pull this off in a time when you’re monitored by cameras everywhere you go!? He’s leaving fudge dragons to be discovered and no one knew earlier? Sneaky brown snake shaker!

What did cause the Duke Of Dookie to take a duece on the track? Had a good job, Matawan was a nice town with nice houses last time I was there (which is really long so don’t hold me to that), seems like he’s doing alright in life. So… Why? I’m not even saying that what he did was ok at all, it’s actually a really shitty thing to doo doo (I’m so sorry). I just can’t believe it! I mean… Wow, man.

I know of two people who have pulled something similar to this. My buddy Travis once shat in the middle of a hallway when we were in the 6th grade. It was a pretty huge deal. The principal called an assembly trying to identify the poopatrator and it was a lost cause due to the fact that he first asked “Who defectated in the hallway!?”. We were like, 11 so we had no idea what that meant. He then had to clarify “Who pooed in the hallway,damnit!”. All of us basically died laughing and he left the cafeteria with an angry red face. His fault, you should know as an adult that you can’t say things like that and expect the kid who hated you enough to shit in your hallway to come forward and accept his punishment.

The other person, I married. Yes, Mr. Turtlette was 15 years old and taking blunts to the dome when a kid he disliked was trying to get into his building. So he stuck his ass out of the third floor window and dropped a bomb on the stoop, nearly missing this kid. Access denied. He’s since stopped pooping near people and we lived happily ever after. Anyway, back to this guy…

Wow, this guy has balls. I’m really surprised that he wasn’t caught sooner, that’s pretty goddamned impressive. He’s had it with the bullshit that I’m sure he puts up with on a daily basis and exacted revenge in the most savage way possible. He crapped on their stuff. If this has never crossed your mind, you’re not pissing off enough people and thus not fully living life. Wow, I need to go for a walk or something. The douchebag bar had been risen. I gotta up my game.

So this is what NJ.com had to provide:

‘A day after making national headlines for being charged with pooping at a high school track near his home, Kenilworth Superintendent of Schools Thomas Tramaglini trotted into his home in gym shorts and running shoes.

“I have no comment,” Tramaglini said as he quickly ducked into his Aberdeen townhouse at about 10 a.m. Friday morning, with his mail in hand.’

AHAHAHA! Gym shorts and running shoes…TROTTING into his home! Guys! Stop! It’s too much! The word play had been simply magnificent!

This mug shot tells a story of a man who had enough, got arrested and is now going to take the angriest shit ever on the board of education’s most prominent desk. I don’t care why he did it. I’m curious as to how (did he bring toilet paper? Purell? How was this executed?) but if I never find out I won’t be ruined. I’m just glad he did. Why? Let’s face it, even the most prim and proper reader has thought about doing something similar, but better judgment caused you not to go through with it. Not this guy. He said “fuck it” and dropped several dueces , and owned it. This guy IS NJ, personified.

Shit on me all you want [email protected] or on Twitter @MTurtlette

14 Comment(s)
  • 80%
    May 28, 2018 at 8:52 am

    Sheesh…Too bad he was in NJ and already top of the pay scale. In Worcester, if he were were a South High graduate or South High employee, he would have gotten a promotion and raise.

  • Mr. Whipple
    May 28, 2018 at 8:41 am

    This story had a lot of holes in it. Not good at all.
    1) Is Holmdel within the Kenilworth school district, or is it its own district?
    2) Who is Holmdel’s Superintendent? What did he/she have to say about this? He/she could have been called for comment.
    3) What was the Superintendent’s beef with Holmdel that caused him to shit on their track/field?
    4) Did he actually do his morning RUN there then shit?
    5) In the intro, you said “Believe it or not, it gets better than the headline.” Really? Where? Your poop puns? Where does the story get better?
    6) This is either an emotionally disturbed man or some rage filled, tough guy, asshole piece of shit (pun!) Define which one.

  • Captain Trips
    May 27, 2018 at 11:26 am

    Considering it’s a public sector job, surprised he didn’t get a fucking raise

  • Billy Madison
    May 26, 2018 at 4:25 pm

    He called shit “poop!”

  • Phantom Shitter
    May 26, 2018 at 5:26 am

    Carried it out in a Pringles can.

    • Manchester Turtlette
      May 26, 2018 at 11:34 am

      Yeah, but did you then deposit it into a mailbox or air vent? I have a couple more friends (I left out their stories because it was recent, Bros never grow up) who’ve committed heinous deeds, so you need to up your game, dude!

      • Itsjustme
        May 26, 2018 at 1:50 pm

        I have a question, as the superintendent wouldn’t he know an investigation was taking place? Why would he keep doing it?

        • Manchester Turtlette
          May 26, 2018 at 1:56 pm

          Mr. Turtlette and I had this conversation! We assume he was leading the investigation, how incredibly awesome would that be!? “You bet I’ll catch this poopatrator! *Pops a squat* I’ll get them!”
          I figure he kept it up for two reasons, 1) he probably didn’t think he’d get caught. He would have stopped eventually, then carry on with his life. 2) he’s the superintendent, he takes more shit than he dished out. Why wouldn’t he keep doing it?
          I’m hoping someone comes forward with a tip. I bet this was spurred on by some asshat track parents.

  • Y
    May 26, 2018 at 2:27 am

    He was no Andy Dufresne

  • The Guns on the Alley
    May 26, 2018 at 1:58 am

    This is being twisted wrong. Tom was all about school spirit, you know, rah rah Kenilworth! What better way than to get a dig on the competition? That is correct, start dropping your breakfest, lunch, and diner on their door step. I asked Tom, was this his short game or end all? He said his longgame was to do the old Poop-in-the-burning-paper-bag trick on Holmdel Schools Superintendent Robert McGarry front porch. All for the win! FTW people FTW! So lets not jump to conclusons, he was doing it for his school, he wanted to have Holmdel players second guessing themselves, both in spirit and in not stepping in poop! Think fo it this way, Holmdel wide recieve goes long, QB tosses nice spiral down the sodeline, BUT OPPS, WR drops it clumsily, why?: B/c he was too busy looking at the gorund so as to not step in a Tramaglini land mine. One could very easily slip bad break ones neck, especially if ol’ Tommy Two Dumps was on some serious ruffage that day. Oh, and by the way, Thomas Tramaglini is obviously a life long deciphel of the Pincha Stool Vishnu CHurch, we love him dearly. He is actually in our PCVC Sphincter Hall of Fame!

    • Yeah, that’s funny for the 1,000th time, clown
      May 26, 2018 at 7:05 am

      We get it, you fucking tool. You want everyone to know you have a scat fetish. You only say it every single blog, and probably whacking off furiously when you talk about it. You don’t care if it bothers people, you just get a hard-on thinking about showing your dark side to people anonymously, kind of like the fucking outcast deviants who expose themselves to women and children.

      But whatever, fuck it. It’s an anonymous free-for-all on this site. Some take the high road, some are racist fuckheads, and some are just fucking deviant like you. Oscar Wilde said “Give a man a mask and he’ll tell the world the truth.” So those are your true colors. Whatever. We’re all adults, and it’s common knowledge there are people out there like you. Hopefully, at least, you’re not a junior high teacher. Enjoy, douchebag.

    • Manchester Turtlette
      May 26, 2018 at 12:36 pm

      Shut.
      The fuck.
      Up.

    • Honkey Kong
      May 28, 2018 at 10:55 pm

      Seriously, the shit you say isn’t even slightly funny. Why keep posting stuff that gives people douche chills because it’s so awkwardly not funny and completely lame? I’ve got the mental picture of you howling at what you post while the rest of us just think you’re a complete bag of unfunny dicks. Shut the fuck up like the girl said.

  • I Fight Authority
    May 26, 2018 at 12:45 am

    Peeps that run things in life turn out to be one low-life cunt after another.

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