Hoodrat Heroes

Northbridge Ratchetling Tells Desk Girl She Is Calling The Police Because It Was Illegal For Us To Post Her Assaulting Someone Because “She’s A Minor”

Northbridge Ratchetling Tells Desk Girl She Is Calling The Police Because It Was Illegal For Us To Post Her Assaulting Someone Because “She’s A Minor”

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Early today we blogged about that fight outside of Northbridge High School, where two coolata-humming basics decided to jump an underclassman for “talking shit.”

All-Star Mother Defends Daughter And Friend Who Jumped A Freshman On Video Outside Northbridge High School, Threatens Children On Facebook

I’m just going to take a second to acknowledge my surprise that we don’t have more people being assaulted with Dunkin Donuts coffees in our area. It just seems like it would happen more often given the stereotype.

At first, Cailin Gonyea thought the whole thing was funny. Then, once she grasped the severity of what being Turtleboy famous meant, she had a change of tune.

She and her rumble-buddy, Makayla Moscoffian, even started blowing up the girl they attacked with apologies. They don’t have any beef with you. That’s probably why they got off the bus and nearly threw the kid in to traffic. Maybe someone told them that it was illegal to beat someone up and they thought it would be wise to apologize. Hm. Whoddathunk it.

Then, like so many before them, the notoriety began to kick in…

Seems like Momma Jizzmop Celia, and her merry gang of hair-pullers don’t like the tables being turned on them. Cailin, not the adult who is responsible for her, messaged us and demanded the blog taken down or else she’s going to the call the fuzz. Original. She ran smack in to Desk Girl who was manning the inbox.

Deskie, fresh out of six hours at the gyno, felt bad for the underwhelming teenager and was going to help her, but she needed some paperwork first.

It’s too bad that Momma Jizzmop, Celia Mcauliffe, wasn’t around to sign the parental consent for removal. Such a shame. She was probably out blowing dudes.

Deskie really hopes that she ends up sending in that paperwork. It would be a shame to keep such horrid truths online.

Meanwhile, back at the base camp of bad parenting, Celia was in tears over how she was portrayed and was ready for some class action. She almost spelled deformation right. Almost.

Now, if publishing your own words is defamation you might want to take a look in a mirror and reconsider your whole life.

Yes, Kevin Lynch. Our offices are located at 48 Cedar Street in Fitchburg.

Someone should probably clue this kid in on how nothing is private online and how being a minor doesn’t always work out the way you want it.

Meanwhile, Turtleriders were as savage as ever. They started tagging the Northbridge Police Department and the school system that failed miserably at keeping the Freshman safe.

Spudhag wins. 

Lived through so much? Getting knocked up in high school gets you a TV show these days. Who are you kidding?

Hopefully they arrest this Queen of Sloppy Seconds along with her Violent ratchetling of a kid.

I just hope they don’t come on and ruin our Facebook Live show at 9:30 tonight. I hope they don’t show up on our Turtleboy Sports Facebook page for our live show. I would be super annoyed if they came on and aired their complaints directly to the management who will be live tonight trying to have a calm show. I hate it when trolls show up for live. Don’t show up, skanks. I will be super mad.



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26 Comment(s)
  • Diane Woods emerson
    March 12, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    Celia appears to be related to Cassandra the chick that was chasing her BF in worcester and hit 2 people with her car near the hospital last year. Hmmmm

  • Cal
    March 12, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    I know this girl and her mother. Everyone at school is glad she got punched! She is a bully and DOES need to close her legs. Can’t keep a boyfriend because all she does is spread disease. She probably get it from her moma! She is the type of girl who may be slightly pretty now, but she will a big ole’ baked potato like mom & do a few stints in jail! I hope she get’s expelled! She is like Regina George but 1,000 times more ghetto! Our school should expel her, drug test he, have her arrested… SOMETHING! But they won’t they will just let it go as always! No consequences raises scumbags! I’d say she would be pregnant soon but everyone is afraid she may be in the midst of an active ourbreak that even mommy’s valtrex cannot cure, so nobody has been touching that in recent weeks!

  • Strata
    March 12, 2017 at 6:01 am

    Too funny. I don’t know who’s goofiest, the daughter or the mom that can’t spell and has been thru a lot probably because of her wise choices & descisions.

  • Moo
    March 12, 2017 at 3:05 am

    Remember when miscoffian had the truck of bad lobsters and seafood. Funny that family is always so proudly being ratchet

  • LivesinWebster
    March 11, 2017 at 9:56 pm

    Oh, and “desk girl” is the BOMB!! I loved her “rate with an emoji”!!

  • LivesinWebster
    March 11, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    OMG! Celia McAuliffe is the BEST YET!!! I have never LOL’d so much! AND, THE SPELLING…the WORST EVER!!!!! She is the ratchetiest!!

  • Turd Burglestein
    March 11, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    The only thing cooler than shaming High School kids is shaming Middle School kids for ……behaving like kids. You rock Turtleboy. I can’t wait for an article about kindergartners refusing to wear smocks and eating Play-doh.

    • MrSmiley
      March 11, 2017 at 10:48 pm

      They shame themselves. It’s just now more people get to enjoy the shitshow that is Worcester County. Cmon, n word this, n word that? Even on my most white wannabe days I never uttered that word. The fact that mom is proud of her kid acting like street trash is more of an embarassment than anything.

  • Brain - Over Easy
    March 11, 2017 at 10:41 am

    Oh yeah, the “I’ve been through so much” crap. Guess what swamp sow, we all have, it’s called life. The difference between you and actual contributing members of society is that you dwell on it and collect a govt check while the rest of us get up every morning and get on with our lives without talking trash and beating people up. BTW, when you use social media, what you post is wide open for public consumption. That’s what the police will tell you.

  • Cailin Gonyea
    March 11, 2017 at 9:52 am

    I aint worried bout gettin pregnant cuz I been on da pill sinze I was in my twelves!

  • Random
    March 11, 2017 at 8:56 am

    DCF can’t take the kids or investigate because they’ve already removed the kids from her care, that’s why kids live in northbridge and she doesn’t. They live with their dad because they were taken from her because she was a junky. That’s already been done.

    • Celia
      March 11, 2017 at 9:30 pm

      Go fuck your self .. they werent taken cause i was a junkie lol good one though

  • Cailin Gonyea
    March 11, 2017 at 8:27 am

    Hi y’all I’m single and looking for a real man to be my Boo!
    Here’s a lil’ bout me….

    Likes: Pajama pants, welfare checks, 420, neck and face tats and keepin it 100!

    Dislikes: School, work, nasty ass hoes and the pigs.

    Let’s get in touch.

  • Turd Burglestein
    March 11, 2017 at 7:22 am

    Haha…I loved that form you made her fill out. You should start sending out follow up c ustomer satisfaction surveys a couple days later.

    • Keir Darcey
      March 11, 2017 at 1:38 pm

      Omg “Rate the blog with an emoji:” I f’n lost it.

  • BobnPaul's Chat Shack
    March 11, 2017 at 6:10 am

    Kevin Fucking Lynch! Hahahahahaha!

    • BobnPaul's Chat Shack
      March 11, 2017 at 6:41 am

      “smart beautiful real ass LADIES” -Mom
      How many holes can we find in just 5 words…
      1. Smart people use punctuation. It’s called a comma- use it!
      2. Smart people have a command of the English vocabulary such that “ass” is not required to be added for emphasis.
      3. Beautiful? Naaa! Beautiful people don’t get into Twitter “beefs” and midday sidewalk fights. They also like to change out of their pajamas, slippers, and work out attire.

  • Pedro Rodriguez
    March 11, 2017 at 6:07 am

    The whole family is trashy.

    The mom is known to like high School age Puerto Rican dick.

  • LLC
    March 10, 2017 at 11:45 pm

    Why aren’t these assholes arrested?????

    The “mom” should be under DCF watch…and re-enrolled to 3rd grade. Bitch is illiterate.

  • Sara
    March 10, 2017 at 11:35 pm

    I like your blogs ur not afraid to tell it how it is so people get upset not only that but their all acting like donkeys anyways they just dont like to be told they are keep blogging turtle boy

  • MrSmiley
    March 10, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    Ask the headchopper from Lawrence if you can put juveniles on blast in the media, the list goes on. Keep whining mama!

    • Talisman
      March 10, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      It’s hilarious that they all spout the same shit about having consent. There has to be a spoof legal site somewhere that comes up when they search for “internet privacy”, because they damn sure didn’t read the Facebook terms of service

  • The Real ZephyrCat
    March 10, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    I’d like to bang the mom so I can hook up with the daughter and her friends.

  • Talisman
    March 10, 2017 at 8:17 pm

    Sweet Baby Jesus, what a clusterfuck. These sour cunts just don’t know when to shut up. Hope they don’t figure it out and keep the saga going

  • Where's Daddy ?
    March 10, 2017 at 8:13 pm

    Northbridge, inbreeding for sure.

  • Dick Dover
    March 10, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    To all the ladies involved, Do they know the difference between jelly and jam?
    …no? Well, I can’t jelly my dick down your throat, for starters.

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