Only Worcester Would Have A Pro Hockey Team That Sounds Like Sex And Cocaine

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The Worcester Sharks have skipped town, joining the Ice Cats as a failed ghost of Worcester professional sports past. But everyone knows the third time is a charm, and the other day it was announced that Worcester would have a new hockey team in 2017. Their name?


Oh sweet Jesus.

Look, Turtleboy and the rest of the Turtleboy family will be supporting the local team, because that’s just what we do. We support local businesses and sports franchises. But…..yea. What’s up with the name? No offense to whoever picked this one, but when I think of the word “railer” good things don’t come to mind. I assume a “railer” is one who “rails.” And when I think of rails I think of the following three things in order: 1) sex, 2) cocaine, 3) yelling at people, 4) things that keep you from falling off the stairs, 5) railroad tracks.

Urban dictionary would seem to validate my initial reaction:


Well, thats not good. A bad, unpleasant situation. Let’s see what their second definition is:

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OK then. That sounds even worse. How bout the next one?

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That’s gonna be tough to explain to Turtleboy Jr. And the next?

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I’m not gonna lie, the last definition is the one that first came to mind when I heard the announcement that Worcester’s hockey team would be the Railers. Most of Turtleboy’s friends are in their mid 30’s, and I’m not kidding you when I say that when this announcement took place, I immediately got 5-6 text messages about it. Nothing needed to be said either. It was just screenshots of the word “Railers” followed by “lol.” Because no matter how old men get, immature things we laughed at when we were 12 are still funny.

Anyway, from the logo it’s clear that they meant this about railroads. First of all, is it the people who built the tracks or the ones who rode the rails? Because if it’s the latter then we just named our hockey team after hobos, which I’m not even that opposed to. It would be pretty cool to have a mascot of a bum with a bag on a stick. He’d fit right in with all the Tracy Novick panhandlers manning every single traffic light in this city. But if it’s the former it makes zero sense. And neither does the logo. This looks like a Coors Light commercial:


Ummmmm….not sure what any of this has to do with Worcester. The last thing I think about when I think of Worcester are snow topped mountain peeks and trains. I get that they’re going for the historical thing, and I respect that. But…..I’m pretty sure Worcester’s history has very little to do with building railroads. At least no more than any American city, considering railroads were the only way to travel before cars were invented. This would make a lot more sense in Omaha or Sacramento. Somewhere that couldn’t have developed as a metropolitan area without railroads. But Worcester was doing just fine with canals, stage coaches, and good ol’ fashioned walking before the iron horse came to town.

If I had to pick a name for a city franchise, I’d probably pick one of the follwing:

1) Canalmen – because a bunch of underpaid Irishmen with no health insurance dug the Blackstone Canal.

2) Fightin’ Swedes – because Worcester’s largest immigrant group were the Swedes (pretty much everything in Quinsigamond Village is in Swedish), and an angry blond guy named Ludvig, Nils, or Gustav with his fists out ready to fight would be pretty bad ass.

3) Spies – Because Worcester’s first illegal newspaper was the Worcester spy, and we spied on the redcoats and were generally pretty bad ass rebels.

4) Turtleboys – because nothing is more Worcester than Turtleboy.


Anyway, we want to and will support this team. We love hockey and we love Worcester. We also know that lots of turtle riders do too. But can someone please explain to me why this team will work out when the last two failed? Generally curious to hear what the business plan is for this team that was different from the other two. I know the Sharks advertised with GoLocalWorcester and the Telegram, which is basically pissing away money. Maybe the Railers will jump on board the Turtle. We’d love to support them going forward, even if their name does make us giggle like middle schoolers.



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43 Comment(s)
  • Drew
    July 25, 2016 at 1:50 pm

    I’d go with “The Turtles” or “The Wishtah Twistahs”

  • Joe Max
    April 7, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    Always thought there’s a hex on Worcester. Some say the city was built on too many Indian burial grounds. Myself, just thought it was like a Al Bundy thing here. Maybe even a little of his cousin Ted too !

  • tudor turtle
    April 7, 2016 at 5:04 pm

    i can hear the p a announcer saysRAILERS GOAL SCORED BY . . . .Another reason i’ll go to providence and watch the baby b’s

  • Willie Whistle
    April 6, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    You know TB’s story is funny – it’s supposed to be. Poking fun and all that. But there’s some people that just wanna pick just to be dicks.
    Ted – or is it “Tard” – logos always take creative license. They tend to be cartoonish and/or over-exaggerate. If one wants to incorporate the seven hills of Worcester, tell us all of Ted’s fellow tards – how do you draw a hill for a logo? You know how fucking boring and blend that would look? And check out the beloved IceCats logo. Are those hills or *gasp* mountains? By the way Tard – a train could make sparks by accelerating too. Like a car burn out. Next time only use your 2 brains cells you have left, rub them together to start a nice warm fire.
    Yeah the IceCats left – then the city got an AHL carpetbagger team that was never local, was never really ours and never cared about winning one lick. Now you got a LOCAL owner, not controlled by an NHL team, who’s mission it is to WIN.
    Some of the jokes about the team name or other team name suggestions are funny as hell. Then you got critics who shouldn’t (and god I hope not) reproduce.

  • Del Griffith
    April 6, 2016 at 9:46 pm

    How about the Hep-C Needlers? We could bring back the old billboard on Piedmont St. declaring our first place Hep-C five star AAA ranking!!
    Or maybe, Moosey’s Rangers? And they can skate on every public road during the winter months.
    Or, the Panhandlers? We can make Tracy Novick the mascot!
    Or the Gay Blades? They could hold tryouts at the Portland 500!
    Or, the Gangsta’s? Each playah be armed with a gat or shiv! Good thing there’s a hospital next door
    Last one, I swear… the Lakers? The emblem could be a partially submerged stolen Honda in lake Quinsigamond
    Oh… the posibilities

  • Fatfingr Lou
    April 6, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    That stick with a bag on the end. preferred by hobos, is a bindlestiff. A classic name for wanderers, like Waltzing Matilda.

    The Railers name makes me think of Trainspotting, which would also be appropriate for the Woo

  • Lottie
    April 6, 2016 at 12:15 pm

    If the Worcester Commuter Rail is any indication, this team is doomed to fail. Regularly.

  • Publius
    April 6, 2016 at 11:13 am

    Thought this was a pretty good name. Oh well.

  • Mike
    April 6, 2016 at 9:59 am

    The name is definitely not great. The team has no AHL or NHL affiliation so it most likely will be short lived anyway. These lower division teams depend heavily on their affiliates for success. The plus side is it most likely will be affordable while it lasts.
    The IceCats were very successful as a franchise and put on a good show for the fans. The Sharks did an OK job but not even close to what the IceCats staff did.
    hopefully the new team can be successful but I think the cards are stacked against them

    • sorry bud
      April 6, 2016 at 11:07 am

      This isn’t true at all actually. Like, literally not one of the things you said has any basis in reality.

      Lower division teams rely on sponsorships, sales and ticket sales. AHL teams exist only as an incubator for the NHL teams. Meaning, the NHL team will pull your best guys going into the AHL playoffs to feed the big team, screwing your chances of winning. Their chances of winning are actually increased by being independently owned.

      The IceCats were great, agreed, the Sharks were a good time too, but the big Sharks used them exclusively as an incubator and they had a losing lifespan, greatly affecting their longevity. They left to be closer to the big Sharks, nothing to do with money.

      • Doc
        April 6, 2016 at 8:04 pm

        IMHO Incubator teams have stars and future stars and will sell more tixx because of it. When a friend invited me to IceCats year two, his whole section of regulars was abuzz with news of who had been called up and sent down from the Blues and the opponents. Pre-internet someone had to go and BUY that years’ NHL game to see how many guys they knew from the penalty box, bench, or lobby. It was a huge deal. I took my 9 year old son to PawSox last year, and he will hopefully always remember a great day with Dad, but if it’s notable for him this year or years from now, it will start with the story of how he saw Swihart and Shaw, and when he “gets it,” Colabello on his way up from Buffalo as an opponent. He met Chris and all the Tornadoes as a T Ball kid. It must be frustrating AF when “your guys” get pulled right before playoffs, but stars on the ups and downs put “casual” asses in seats. This team won’t have that and I see it as a negative as far as attendance, but if you see it as a positive, here’s to ya. #RailOn?

        • SK
          April 7, 2016 at 6:22 am

          Yep, there HAS to be an NHL affiliation or its just a bush league. It will be a collection of has beens and never wills without an affiliation.

      • Mike
        April 7, 2016 at 9:56 am

        The ECHL is used by the AHL the same way the AHL is used by the NHL . Both the ICEcats and Sharks had ECHL affiliates and NHL affiliates . I believe the Icecats was the Peoria Rivermen, don’t remember who the Sharks was.

    • Speed
      April 7, 2016 at 11:04 am

      Shouldn’t really comment on things you don’t know about… The team WILL have an affiliation. They just have not announced it yet. And like “sorry bud” said – you are so wrong on affiliates at this level. In the AHL the team would get about 12-18 NHL signed players. In ECHL it’s 3-7.
      Sharks staff blew away the IceCats staff in every way (I mean office, not hockey operations).
      And if you’re the same Mike that posted again, you don’t understand the use of the affiliates either. NHL-AHL affiliation is much more controlled, as there are many more NHL signed players on their AHL affiliate. NHL-AHL-ECHL is different because there are only a handful of these guys under contract to NHL teams. So the other 15 or so unsigned can be called up to ANY AHL team at basically any time.
      BTW the Sharks ECHL team the last couple of years has been the Allen (TX) Americans.

  • Enlightened
    April 6, 2016 at 9:28 am

    Wistah Railahs. Dumb.

  • Common sense isn't so common
    April 5, 2016 at 11:31 pm

    Worcester Narcan has a nice ring!!!

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      April 6, 2016 at 8:18 am

      LOL, I had the same thought.

      At the end of the day, it’s exciting to have hockey back in Worcester and I will certainly attend some games. Just fun to bash the stupidity of the name.

    • Doc
      April 6, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      Ouch. Can’t disagree. Just Ouch.

  • Basset
    April 5, 2016 at 11:16 pm

    I am partial to the Fightin’ Swedes. One because my last name is Swedish. Two because my great-grandfather Pontus Granberg was a middle-weight boxer when he got off the boat from Sweden. Lastly, because I live in Quinsig Village. Not everything is in Swedish by the way most of the streets read like a map of Sweden.

  • Amy Marr
    April 5, 2016 at 11:07 pm

    I love how they put SEVEN mountains to represent the seven hills of Worcester. #tryingtoohard

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    April 5, 2016 at 10:09 pm

    That is a stupid name. How about Petties Pussies, the Mosaic Mastubators, or the McFarlane Misfires?

  • Patrick
    April 5, 2016 at 9:25 pm

    The snow capped mountains are there to let everyone know that Worcester has no intention of plowing it’s roads.

  • noway
    April 5, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    How about the Engineers? It could be related to trains or WPI…

    OR…going for the Canal District theme…how about the Flamers?

  • TargetPractice
    April 5, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    The team name and logo are stupid and hideous respectively, but I can’t help but want to go to a game, just so I can say I blew some rails at the Railers game

  • Reddog
    April 5, 2016 at 8:08 pm

    Years ago when Kevin Barberi was on WAAF,he did a spoof when they opened up a local rail trail. The punch line was to get railed on the rail trail. As soon as I heard about the name,that bit he did came to mind. Maybe it’s online,I don’t know,but it was real funny.

  • JayC
    April 5, 2016 at 7:48 pm

    I get the name since Worcester seems to be railroad hub with the P&W and CSX but I think that fact is lost on most people. I’d say name the team the Worcester Mosaics, but the team would be certain to fail because the players would want to get paid for not showing up and going out protesting. They illegal pirate radio station could broadcast the Mosaics games after Fast Eddie, Mayor Mushmouth, and Senator Douple Dipping Pension Moore take some photo ops.

    • Fillet O Fish
      April 6, 2016 at 5:43 am

      With that crowd, how bout the Worcester Grifters?

  • Turtle railed
    April 5, 2016 at 6:57 pm

    Totally not liking the name, or the team colors…
    You screwed up already, ECHL.

  • Turtlegirl
    April 5, 2016 at 6:52 pm

    Uh, TB, not sure if Canalmen would be the better option.

  • Clive's not a racist
    April 5, 2016 at 6:52 pm

    The Woostah Cables! Rippin huge gorilla fingahs since ’16

  • Jay Madison
    April 5, 2016 at 6:31 pm

    Actually the Sharks didn’t fail. They did very well in Worcester. Better than most AHL teams do in their respective hometowns. The reason they moeved is because their parent franchise was on the west coast, and they wanted their farm team closer to home.

    • Finnish Goalie
      April 6, 2016 at 6:20 am

      Ah, Urban Dictionary.

      “I cryed because of all the pain.”

      Never change.

  • mbronzo
    April 5, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    LMAO!! Railers? reminds me of some old Millbury street Friday nights.

  • Wtf
    April 5, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    I agree with the name issue –

    As for the artwork – I think what they’re going for is the 7 hills of Worcester.

    …I just didn’t know they looked like the Rockies.

    • Speed
      April 5, 2016 at 6:00 pm

      Well if you flatten out the mountains to hills they’d look like boobs lol

  • Sissy Hankshaw
    April 5, 2016 at 5:33 pm

    Haha C-Analmen Hahahaha

    sorry, I’m a 12 year old boy, too sometimes 🙂

    • bird
      April 5, 2016 at 7:48 pm

      That’s very funny. At 52 I still find juvenile humor funny!!

  • Conductor
    April 5, 2016 at 5:31 pm

    I love this name I don’t care what you think

  • LOB
    April 5, 2016 at 5:20 pm

    Worcester Magoo’s – the mascot could be Jim McGovern?

  • RSoxGuy
    April 5, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    I love Urban Dictionary. Some classic phrases in there.

    As for the name? Typical Worcester. Another name that really doesnt have shit to do with the City. Tornadoes was the closest thing in recent memory. Sharks? Ice Cats? Railers? If the rink was on Piedmont, it be a different story.

    • Ted
      April 6, 2016 at 5:37 am

      The logo – not only snowy mountains, but the sparks from the wheels depicts the engine as coming to a sudden stop! PLUS this is an ECHL team. When we list the Icecats, the city said they would ONLY accept an AHL replacement, and held out for the Shsrks. ECHL? No.

      • Ted
        April 6, 2016 at 5:37 am


        • Ted
          April 6, 2016 at 5:39 am

          *Sharks. Sorry – Uncaffeinated typing

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