Our Rosie O’Donnell Worcester Cop Girlfriend Blog Triggered Some Bad Exit Speeches, And It Turns Out She’s Unbelievably Hot
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Yesterday we published this harmless, light hearted blog about Rosie O’Donnell announcing that her new girlfriend is a Worcester Cop on the mounted horse unit. We’re a Worcester based blog and when a multi-millionaire SJW like Rosie O’Donnell, whose name gets brought up in presidential debates, announces she’s scissoring with a Worcester Cop, that’s something we stop what we’re doing for and immediately blog about.
But evidently this hurt some feelz, which led to a torrent of butthurt and poorly executed exit speeches on our Facebook page:
Oh yea, God forbid we take a break from breaking huge stories and do a little light hearted commentary on Rosie O’Donnell’s new finger painting project. We literally just broke a story a week or so ago that has made international news, and is likely to lead to the resignation of the Colonel of the Massachusetts State Police. We apologize for this temporary break from seriousness in order to enjoy some light hearted humor.
Oh, and “some of our stories are pompous and judgmental” lately? You must be new here. Pompous and judgmental are two of the only things we know how to do.
Newsflash – no one is attracted to Rosie O’Donnell. Nobody. Whoever her girlfriend is is obviously in it for the money. Turns out lesbians have sugar daddies too. Also, I’m not sure who the mentally ill overweight person we blogged about was (since there’s so many, and my bet is on the 700 pound Fall River cheesehog), but whoever it was totally deserved the public shaming they got.
This might be the worst complaint I ever heard:
I hate when we mess up abbreviations. Totally makes me cringe and it destroys our relevancy. This is something worth getting outraged about.
And some exit speeches….
First of all, those exit speeches sucked. D+ at best.
Secondly, you think this is too far? We’ve done a million times worse than this before (especially North Shore Turtlebabe when she’s in one of her moods) and you frauds stuck around because just like everyone else here, you like to watch the world burn too.
Thirdly, we keep it real with our takes here. And the fact of the matter is that it’s fascinating how some lesbians are attracted to women who look like men. It doesn’t make any sense. We apologize for nothing and you won’t be missed. But let’s be honest, you’re not really going anywhere.
Anyway, turns out Rosie’s new trophy girlfriend is Elizabeth Rooney, who probably got Rosie’s love juices going when she went after President Trump in February with a viral post about on IG:
And she is a junior smokeshow extraordinaire:
Nap queen is my new favorite shirt of all time.
God bless you Rosie O’Donnell. I dunno how you did it, but got the job done. Must be nice to rich. Just for the love of God, stay off that horse, and please don’t come to Worcester. Ever.
P.S. Does Rosie lose street cred in SJW circles for dating a cop? Aren’t they all just racist killers?
Double P.S. The mounted unit horses are second only to the yellow ofo bikes as the worst failed experiment in Ed Augustus’ reign of terror.