Pat Kelsey Can Suck My Fupasloth: Leaves Job As UMass Basketball Coach 2 Days After Signing Contract, Makes Up Lie About His Wife Being Sad

Pat Kelsey Can Suck My Fupasloth: Leaves Job As UMass Basketball Coach 2 Days After Signing Contract, Makes Up Lie About His Wife Being Sad

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It’s hard being a UMass Basketball fan:

Pat Kelsey had a change of heart and will not take the UMass coaching job, citing “personal reasons” for his decision. He instead will return to Winthrop, where he has coached for the past five seasons. Kelsey had signed a contract to coach at UMass on Tuesday. Athletic director Ryan Bamford said in a statement that Kelsey asked to be released from that contract at 3:30 p.m. ET Thursday — 30 minutes before he was scheduled to be introduced in Amherst.

“For personal reasons, I have asked the University of Massachusetts to allow me to be released from the offer I accepted to be the head men’s basketball coach. To be clear, this decision is entirely personal and in no way an assessment of the commitment UMass made to me personally or to the resources available at UMass to have a nationally-recognized program,” Kelsey said in a statement.

Later Thursday, Winthrop announced that Kelsey would return to the same position, with the coach saying in a news release: “I realized that at this point in my career Winthrop and Rock Hill is the best place for my family and me.”

And there goes the only undefeated coach in UMass history.

Does it get any lower than this? We are a fucking JOKE. Everyone is laughing at us. This is the saddest picture I’ve ever seen:

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We just put Derek Kellogg in the Turtleboy graveyard. We put hire this guy Pat Kelsey, who seems like a perfect fit. A successful coach from a lower conference who seems to always have his team in the tournament. Perfect.

Then literally 30 minutes before he’s set to give his introductory press conference he sends AD Ryan Bamford a message and tells him he’s not coming to Amherst for “personal reasons.”

What a gigantic piece of shit. I can’t put it any other way. Just a super, super chud move. If you don’t want the job, then don’t accept it. You signed the fucking contract shithead!! Don’t give me this bullshit about your stupid wife not wanting to leave South Carolina for a million dollar a year job in Massachusetts. Are you a fucking child? She’ll get over it as she sits at home all day in a big house that her husband is paying for. Threaten to divorce her if she won’t go. She’ll blink first because you have all the money.

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Of course this wasn’t really about “personal reasons.” The rumor is that the reasons he did this is because Xavier coach Chris Mack is gonna take the open job at Indiana after Xavier gets knocked out of the tournament (which they probably will be by the time most of you are reading this). That leaves the Xavier job open and Kelsey has been promised the job.

But the saddest part about this is that Xavier is a vastly more appealing job than UMass. Xavier is a catholic school. Dorms are not coed. There are lots of rules. Meanwhile at UMass the policy is basically, “smoke em if you got em.” UMass should be an infinitely more appealing draw for a freak athlete C student who likes to party but doesn’t like writing book reports.

This is why winning is important. This is the long lasting damage that Kellogg has done to this program. We’ve been so bad over the last few years that the brand just doesn’t carry any weight to it. It’s a step up from Winthrop, but a huge step down from Xavier. It’s not enough to get to a tournament once in nine years, especially when you lose by 20 to a play-in team once you get there. Meanwhile when Xavier gets to the tournament, guess what they do? Win. They’ve made the Sweet 16 six times in the last 10 years. That’s more than Duke AND Kentucky. That’s insane.

Here’s my question – what happens if Mack doesn’t get the IU job and stays at Xavier? If you’re a Winthrop fan do you just give this guy his job back? How much of a bitch would that make you? Dude spit in your face and ran for greener pastures in Amherst. Then he fucked them over for greener pastures he couldn’t get. You’d be his sloppy thirds. So yea, if they actually let this idiot coach their team next year, then they’re the only ones who look worse than UMass in all this.

Marcus Camby does not approve:

Neither do the players.

P.S. ESPN lies:

“All class.” LOL. “Real news.”



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19 Comment(s)
  • Sorry
    March 25, 2017 at 11:13 pm

    Winthrop is a better job than living in mom’s A10 basement forever. Get over it and don’t be butthurt.

  • Publius
    March 24, 2017 at 11:12 am

    This is such a non story. Coaches and regular people even have second thoughts. Yes rarer in coaching world but just think without second thoughts maybe the Jets would have all the super bowl trophies.

  • Worcester Will
    March 24, 2017 at 11:05 am

    To echo what another poster said, I’m disappointed in whats become of the turltboy I used to know and love. This blog used to be funny and thought provoking, albeit with a plethora of grammatical errors. It was cool that someone was actually focused on the problems and issues of Worcester.

    Then it changed. Maybe because stories became harder to get? Or maybe it just took too much work. If you scroll down the stories, all you see is hoodrat heroes and all stars, and some stupid name calling that a 10 year old would come up with.

    I just think the egos got too big. Now all you care about is the over the top commentary from idiots like Bret and the Lawyer Lady.

    Commentary is impossible to read, because its a tangled mess one part seems to be some old pissing match. Then you get crazy Kevin and and just devolves to general mush.

    The old recipe used to be investigate, gather facts, and then post. Now the strategy is pick on the lowest common denominator and wait for the inevitable reaction .

    There still is time to save yourself

  • JoeD
    March 24, 2017 at 10:35 am

    First, I stopped reading comments, tired of Todd, the Lynch thing and the rest of those posting for max attention. Then I stopped riding regular since the stories got old, ratchets, fubasloths? and the rest, same play different cast of characters. I check in from time to time to see if anything political is happening and am now convinced the turtle crew is spending way too much time in the checkout line, this blog has become the online version of the INQUIRER. And it once had such promise, but then again they may just play to what the Todds and Fiesty’s want, I guess it’s just too Woo for me.

    • JoeD is a faggot
      March 24, 2017 at 12:11 pm

      Don’t let the door hit you in the ass

  • KimberlyS
    March 24, 2017 at 9:56 am

    Does anyone still have an intact bracket? Xavier made the Elite 8 last night.

    • Adam
      March 24, 2017 at 10:19 pm

      I got UNC winning it all so we’ll see but other than that yeah pretty busted. Had duke in the final four zona the final.

  • Independent Thinker
    March 24, 2017 at 9:33 am

    It doesn’t say much for someone who backs out of a contract shortly after signing.

    Now for the real question — how many players are on the Dean’s list and how many of them are actually studying something that will be of use to them in the future? There are too many worthless degrees out there, which is why not everyone should be going to college. We still need people to change beds, wash floors, and sweep the streets.

    On a more serious note, vocational training is something that is useful, necessary, as well as lacking in most of our schools. A lot of women don’t know how to even prepare a decent meal for their family, and a lot of men can’t tell the difference between a hammer and a screw driver because home ec and shop are no longer requirements in many schools. I’d take it a step further and require a classes in financial planning and money management, but schools are too busy teaching kids how to pass standardized tests, which are mandated by the state and federal governments.

    • LowProfile
      March 24, 2017 at 2:19 pm

      That makes a lot of sense, thanks

  • umASS CC
    March 24, 2017 at 7:35 am

    Maybe he found out that umASS is under investigation for fixing grades and performance enhancing drugs among other things and that the program is about to lose scholarships and banned from post season play.

    • Steve Grabowski
      March 24, 2017 at 8:19 am

      I don’t think they ban teams from postseason play who never get there to begin with. This would not be newsworthy enough for the NCAA to stroke their dicks to.

  • Adam
    March 24, 2017 at 12:50 am

    Your statistic about Duke and Kentucky is wrong. Both Duke and Kentucky have made the sweet sixteen 6 times in the last ten as well. Come on man.

  • EmfnT
    March 24, 2017 at 12:03 am

    Just wondering…do you feel the same way about Bill Belichick, who did basically the same thing to the J-E-T-S?

    • Lt Dan
      March 24, 2017 at 9:54 am

      The Jets and UMass are a good comparison. Both are loser athletic programs located in shit towns.

  • Marshmallow Cat
    March 24, 2017 at 12:02 am

    Do you really blame the guy? UMass Amherst athletics are a joke. Look at the search they had for a hockey coach three years ago. No one wanted it. It’s interesting to see UMass Lowell become an athletic powerhouse. The worries for Zoomass should I be wider though. It’s clear Meahan is moving away from Amherst as the flagship. All the press seems to be geared towards UML.

    • Publius
      March 24, 2017 at 12:08 pm

      UMASS Lowell a powerhouse ? did someone really say that ?

      • EmfnT
        March 24, 2017 at 2:45 pm

        Yes Publius, someone really said that. Do you want to know why? Because it’s true. Of the last nine NCAA hockey champions, 5 have come from Hockey East Division. BC, BU, Providence. UMass-Lowell just won the Hockey East division for 2016-2017. That makes them a national powerhouse.

        I know we don’t typically think of them in that way, but the fact of the matter is their program has improved dramatically over the last several years.

        • Marshmallow Cat
          March 24, 2017 at 6:25 pm

          UMass Lowell won hockey east this season. UMA has finished dead last or next to last for the past 6 seasons. In basketball UML jumped up conferences, while Amherst is struggling in a mid level conference.

          The problem goes deeper, as the academics at UMl are surpassing UMA.

        • Publius
          March 25, 2017 at 1:29 pm

          Hockey. Yes ULowell has the hockey thing but their foray into other D1 sports not so much. D1 is tough. Most D1 basketball programs average a few thousand fans at games and football not much better. Most D1 sports programs lose money. Realistically UMASS Basketball would have to consider a winning record and maybe an occasional conference tournament win to get them to NCAA and in off years maybe a NIT here and there. Now that football is back on campus maybe start to build something but a low level bowl would have to be considered the ultimate success. Moving to D1 in football looks like a huge mistake especially when compared all the UNH is accomplishing at FCS.

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