Are we being punked, or what?
Earlier today, we had this video sent to us by a Mr. “Johnny Drippington”,
and it’s the most ratchet thing I’ve seen all day – and that’s saying something.
Apparently, there is some trouble in paradise for his brother, a completely unknown rapper who goes by the most nonsensical letter smoothie I have ever seen – Soucy SouWap. Don’t ask me how to pronounce that – I don’t fucking know.
Apparently an ex girlfriend of Mr. SouWap’s became upset with him for some still-to-be-determined reason, and did this to his room:
That is one pissed off hoodrat.
I’m still not sure what set her off here, but she thoroughly destroys every last ratchet relic she can get her hands on in there.
She stomps on homeboy’s Playstation before dousing it in some sort of blue liquid – Hypnotic, perhaps? Kool-aid? All the while musing,
“People always hear that I’m crazy, yet they want to fucking test me”, because of course this isn’t her first subsidized rental apartment destruction spree.
“You can fucking test me, I’ll pass a test every time, bitch. This is nothing.”
I’m sure you can’t pass a spelling or psychological, but OK. I do believe this is nothing for you.
Then she kicks in the Bob’s discount furniture until it splinters into jagged pieces of broken particle board and dreams,
Gives his precious flat brim crown a toilet bath while cleverly calling him a “toilet head”.
Before proudly exclaiming
“trash ass n*ggas can sleep with the trash“, while dumping a whole bag of garbage out on the Family Dollar bedding set.
Tosses the 40″ flat screen down the stoop:
….All with only one pant leg, in the snow.
Mr. Drippington, had initially enlisted us to “help the video go viral”, because he clearly doesn’t have a good grasp on what we do here.
Yep, he’s THAT guy. And this is the best explanation he could give as to what the fuck is going on here:
Yeah, ok. Listen, pal, we all watched the same video here. This girl is definitely a nutjob, she admits it herself. And I looked her up,
She definitely registers a 9.5 on the ratchet scale. The way she’s bragging about a Royal Caribbean cruise, she clearly doesn’t understand that it is the dollar menu of tropical vacations.
But there is no way that she got so mad over some unknown hoodbooger who would rather smoke blunts and stutter over a beat his friend Deez Nuts made on fruity loops on his mom’s laptop than get an actual job “blowing up” and “not taking her with him”. That she committed that level of property destruction on camera. Take her where? The Gas n’ Go on the corner for some Garcia Vegas?
Your brother is whiter than the snow his Insignia TV got thrown in to, and dresses like the missing member of 80s gay icon group “Wham!” The only thing that is ever “upcoming” in Pawtucket is the first of every month. Please understand this.
And when I requested just a little bit more information out of “Johnny”, he hit me with this gem:
Whoah. Ok. Stop.
“Put like local rap artist deals with groupies”.
Who the fuck told this kid that we support jobless hoodboogers from New England’s salty armpit? This is not how any of this works, dude. Your brother is not a rap artist, and the crazy instaslam pig that trashed his shit is not a groupie, and you are not, nor will you ever, be my editor, because you can’t write past a sixth grade level. We are not compatible, Mr. Drippington. Your hobbies include blatant and inappropriate cultural appropriation:
Giving unsanitary looking ass tattoo to unsanitary women:
Memorializing your “homies” with angel wing Photoshop and mangled English,
And generally being a fucking loser.
And your brother is not a rapper, he’s a jobless imbecile with similar pastimes and a somehow even stupider nickname:
This does not compute.
Let me make it easy for you, Dozie-Do Do-Wap, Bee Bop Zobippity Wop, whatever the fuck your name is. You are never, ever, ever going to get rich. It’s legitimately never going to happen for you. Let me demonstrate. This is your “music video”, which you released approximately 5 months ago:
It has 3,433 views.
This is a stupid fucking cat video, also released on YouTube, approximately 3 months ago:
It has nearly 3 million views. I know its probably not either you or your chlamydia-infested cock sounding brother’s strong suit, but try to do the math. You’re not winning here, kid.
Anyway, I’m still curious why this chick destroyed all over Bee Bop’s few worldly belongings, because I 110% do not believe their version of events. So, hey, Trap Queen, if you want to get a hold of me and explain what really happened, I’m all ears. I’m not going to put you on blast unless you prove to be stupider than the Wonder Twins over here, and I feel like that’s a pretty difficult feat.