Turtleboy Investigates

People Are Upset With Turtleboy For Not Writing About Imaginary Cocaine/Booze Bust At Tantasqua Regional High School’s Prom

People Are Upset With Turtleboy For Not Writing About Imaginary Cocaine/Booze Bust At Tantasqua Regional High School’s Prom

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People keep messaging us this story and tagging us in it on Facebook:

As you can see, someone on Facebook wrote that 50 kids from Tantasqua were busted on prom night with booze and cocaine. Naturally it’s being covered up because kids at Tantasqua have friends in high places who deliberately repress a story like this. And Turtleboy isn’t touching the story because he’s a big racist who only picks on poor people in Southbridge:

Anyway, their prom was held in Agawam, so we checked the police logs from the Agawam PD that night. Turns out no one was arrested. Nevertheless people are very upset that we’re covering up this HUGE story:

Imagine we wrote about this? Breaking news: high school kids caught drinking alcohol at the prom!! More details at 6!!

Newsflash – kids drinking at the prom isn’t a story. It wouldn’t be a story in Southbridge or Lawrence either. It happens at 99% of proms across American and has been done since the beginning of time. I was so plastered at my prom I don’t remember 95% of it, but from the looks of the pictures I had a great time.

Then the story started changing. Apparently only the rich kids who were caught drinking got to stay:

The kids’ parents paid off…….someone, to protect their reputations:

Kids were “arrested”

But I guess the Agawam PD is in on the coverup.

The juicy part of the story was the cocaine. We have no interest in writing about a bus full of kids drinking at the prom. That’s not news. But a whole bunch of kids doing yayo like it’s 1974? That has potential. Nevertheless, it turns out there was no reported cocaine. But just because none was found, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen:

Because…..proof and evidence are overrated.

Anyway, if you’re gonna tag us in a story, please make sure it’s a real story. We crap on Southbridge a lot because people seem to get arrested for ridiculous things there a lot. Most people arrested in Sturbridge are arrested bringing drugs from I-84 to the Mass Pike. We don’t disregard communities like Sturbridge because we wanna cover up for them. We just don’t have any good stories to write about. And making up stories about cocaine ain’t gonna cut it kids.


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3 Comment(s)
  • bigdaddy
    May 18, 2017 at 8:29 am

    Like Homer Simpson said “Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true.”

  • Ratchet Watching is fun
    May 17, 2017 at 5:22 pm

    I think the real story would have been if NO alcohol was found at the prom. What kind of Prom would have zero alcohol?! None I ever attended. Maybe those FB Justice Crusaders against Underage Drinking need to check why nobody offered them a Natty Light before the prom. Oh that’s right, bc they suck at life.

  • mystressovmayhem
    May 17, 2017 at 4:47 pm

    Well damn Turtleboy! You’re disappointing! You won’t make up a story just to make some chick happy? I would wonder why she would want a story like this out there? Um was she there? Does she know someone? Is this a cry for attention from the turtle? Some crazy need for a good story to tell someone’s grandkids? Street credit? “Yea i’m so hard they was doing lines like it was 1975 at my prom dog!” There literally could be no other reasons aside from straight up mental illness. She could be a liberal then I suppose. They LOVE fiction.
    Aside aside from all that, having dealt with the Agawam Police, They’re as straight as they come so I call bullshit! Shout out to Officer Lawrence!

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