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Worcester Ghetto Scholar Explains Life As A Cowboys Fan

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My buddy PH is your resident Cambridge St. Dallas Cowboys fan. He’s pretty much the most opinionated person I know, but he’s also the 2000 South High ghetto scholar award winner, so he knows what he’s talking about. We wanted to know what his thoughts were on the Cowboys 12-4 season, and the bullshit calls that helped them beat the Lions and then lose to Packers in the following week. Here they are. 

Eight and eight..

Prior to the start of the 2014 NFL Regular Season, I was asked where I thought the Cowboys would end up this season. My answer—eight and eight. How could I expect anything more from a team with the worst defense in the league in 2013, who had just watched two of their best defensive players leave for greener pastures, and who ALSO lost Shaun Lee to yet ANOTHER injury? Honestly, eight wins might have been a little too generous at that point in time. I mean, defense wins Championships and everyone knows that. Well, everyone outside of New England. Lol, since Pats fans will forever be in denial, and think that Tom Brady singlehandedly won three Superbowl rings.


Contrary to popular belief, not all Cowboys fans think that they will win the Superbowl every season. In fact, I have very rarely thought that I’d see the Cowboys even make it to the Superbowl. I had that thought once in 2007, when the Dallas Cowboys rattled off 13 Regular Season wins. They were blown out by the undefeated Patriots that season, but I thought they had a decent enough O Line and Defensive Secondary to get the job done. Their offense was also Phenomenal that season—Romo had Witten and Owens at his disposal, and Marion Barber III was really making a name for himself. That was the last time the Cowboys had a good Offensive Line—until NOW.

The Dallas Cowboys Offensive Line was GREAT this season, which is precisely why they were able to produce the NFL’s leading rusher, and ranked second in the league in Time of Possession. That last statistic—the ToP—also helped mask the fact that they had a terrible Def Secondary. Did you know that the Cowboys were 26th in the league in Opponent Passing Yards?? Did you know that they were also 26th in the league in Opponent Yards Per Play? Yep, that’s correct. If you’re wondering how a team who controls the ball more than every other team they faced this season is able to give up more passing yards than 25 other teams in the league, then you and I are wondering the same thing. Basically, what I should have said (instead of reciting all of those obnoxious statistics) is the Cowboys went 12-4 this season, DESPITE having a defense that loved giving up BIG plays.

Realistically, almost no one can really expect their team to make it to the Superbowl every season. So, Cowboys fans are no exception. They don’t REALLY think the Cowboys will make it to the NFC ‘Ship Game, much less the SB. I said “almost no one,” because there actually is one exception. The New England Patriots fans can realistically expect their team to make it to the Superbowl every season. That is a fair an honest statement—I just wish their fans wouldn’t be so trashy with that confidence. Peyton Manning is the devil to Pats fans for one reason and one reason only— because his name doesn’t start with Tom and end with Brady. Tony Romo has done nothing to threaten any team at any point in his career, yet Pats fans can’t keeps his name out of their mouths or their Facebook posts. I will leave the “Romo is clutch” facts and bullets for a future blog lol. Seriously though, leave the guy alone. You don’t REALLY want to mess with that Chorizo Power.. Do you?? Lol

Contrary to popular belief, the title of “America’s Team” was not bought by Jerry Jones, or self titled by a Cowboys player, or a rumor spread by Cowboys fans. If anyone who is NOT a Cowboys fan (which automatically makes them a Cowboys hater—since, and let’s be honest here, people either love or hate them) would take two minutes out of their freezing cold day to use Google for something other than finding the closest Dunkin Donuts, then they’d be able to find out EXACTLY where that term came from. I could tell you right now, but I’d rather you do the work yourself. The funny thing is that the title means absolutely nothing. It had meant absolutely nothing for most of its existence, until the Cowboys hit a long postseason slump. Then, when the Cowboys were as vulnerable as ever before, the haters struck like cobras. Lol, NOW it serves a purpose. NOW, it can be used to piss of anyone who is not a Cowboys fan. Bottom line, the Dallas Cowboys will forever be America’s Team. Get over it.

“The Dallas Cowboys will break your heart worse than a woman.” I’ve heard that dozens of times over the last decade or so. Well, lucky for me, I learned a LONG time ago to manage my expectations. Coincidentally, that means 8 and 8 for me every year. Anything better than average is a huge bonus (so, the 13-3 with a Bye in 2007 and 12-4 with a WC win this year mad me extremely happy). One thing has been true about “Dem ‘Boys” for a long time: They have been one of the most entertaining teams in the NFL, without having much Postseason relevancy, for over a decade. From the Parcells era, the Owens issues, anything and everything with Romo, to players killing their own teammates, to an owner who has been standing in his own team’s way for years, to freezing their own kicker, to building a $1.5 Billion stadium on a whim.


All of those things have kept “America’s Team” in the news, and their actual football play has been overlooked. Do you know how many games the Cowboys have played in that were decided by less than a TD over the last decade?? Yes, a LOT. They have somehow managed to make mediocre games bring in primetime ratings. So, they will ALWAYS be relevant, and the haters need to get used to it.

The Cowboys fans have suffered through bad draft after bad draft, through Jerry’s stubbornness, through the firing of Rob Ryan instead of Jason Garrett, through getting rid of the Big Tuna after he helped build a team that HE could have worked magic with, through Quincy freaking Carter, and the list goes on and on. Right now, they’re on the verge of possibly watching Dez end up on another team. So please guys, find another team to hate on. FACT: If you pay more attention to the Dallas Cowboys than you do to your own team, then you are actually a Cowboys fan. Don’t be that guy.
Not ALL Cowboys fans are like this:

Now, onto the 2014 Postseason… I agree that the picking up of the flag in the Lions game was BS. It had an indirect effect on the outcome of the game, due to the timing and the score at the time of the flag. I disagree, however, that it was a “clear” Pass Interference penalty. If anything, there was a “clear” holding penalty they could have called against Hitchens, as soon as the receiver was running by him a few yards off of the line of scrimmage. Either way, referees miss calls all the time. What they don’t do all the time is pick flags up from the ground and make awful excuses afterward. So, YES, picking up the flag was absolute BS. Does that mean that what happened to the Cowboys in the next round was karma? No, of course not. That’s just some corny FB post that the most passionate (and/or laziest) ‘Boys haters put out in hopes of getting 100 likes. By the way, if you ever REALLY want to get 100 likes, then give me a call. I get those on a Wednesday morning before I even debate what I want for lunch. Amateurs.

The catch. The challenge. The play reversal. What do I think? Honest opinion? I think it was a catch. There are two different rules in question here, and the refs only focused on one of them. The refs never even considered the idea that Dez was reaching for the end zone. They never considered that he transitioned the ball to his left hand, away from the defender and toward the pylon. You know what we call those actions? Those are “acts common to the game.” At the time of the review, I believe the refs were only thinking about the “process.” They have had tunnel vision on that stupid rule, ever since they shafted Calvin Johnson and the Lions back in 2010. The refs looked at that play as Dez “going to the ground.” They completely missed the ball transition to the left hand and the extension for the end zone. After all, the refs are only human, and we ALL make mistakes. Fortunately for us, our mistakes don’t usually happen in the final minutes of a playoff game, inside the one yard line, in a game decided by less than a TD lol.


Fortunately for the refs who blew it though, they will still get paid a ridiculous amount of money to do what they do best—which is make judgment calls via replay, without the benefit of time. I believe that if the refs had talked to Dez (or to me lol) or to anyone who could have pointed out the transition and extension to them, then they might have recognized those acts common to the game, and they would have looked for “control” instead of “possession.” Either way, Dez and the Cowboys will have to look back at this with regret. Me? Nope. I look back and wonder how a team with a defense as bad as theirs made it that far. I wonder how a team who was predicted to finish last in the NFC East ended up going 8-0 on the road (Regular Season lol). I wonder how a team that was destined to go 8-8 ended up going 12-4 with a Postseason victory. I wonder how they were most likely one EPIC play reversal away from going into Seattle (a place where they’d already won in the regular season) to play for the NFC Championship. I wonder all of those things with a smile on my face. How or why can I smile about that?? That’s easy, it’s because I’ve learned to manage my expectations.

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