Police Investigation Reveals Turtleboy Has Nothing To Do With Alleged Pepsi Bottle Assault On Cop Block Chud Joshua Abrams, Connects The Crime To A Wakefield Teen, Making Abrams The Biggest Loser In Existence


Remember how adamant lifetime loser and copblock chud Josh Abrams was that “The Turtleboy” came to his house and whipped him in the head with a Pepsi bottle? He was so confident that The Turtleboy was being charged that he filmed himself repeatedly, practically fellating the cops to coax them into saying we were in really, really big trouble.


Well, you ready for this? The police have investigated and….


 A 17-year-old who threw a soda bottle out of a vehicle window, striking a male victim in the head, will be summonsed to Lowell Juvenile Court, Stoneham police said.

Officers responding to a reported assault on Valley Road in Stoneham on Wednesday around 9:20 p.m. met with the victim who had been hit by the bottle after the occupants of the vehicle called out his name, according to police.

An investigation led to the identification of the registered owner of the vehicle and the determination that the teenage Wakefield boy was in possession of the car at the time of the incident, police added.”

It was the work of a 17-year old kid. That’s who hurt Josh, and put him in such real, imminent fear that he called the police over and over again like some psycho ex girlfriend.  a 17-year-old kid. Someone who can’t vote, buy porn or get into a casino. But you know what he can do? Scare Josh Abrams.

Oh. My. God.

Good work, Defender of Freedom, you helped get a dangerous, plastic soda bottle-wielding teenager off the streets, kinda/maybe. Holy shit. How pathetic do you have to be to bug the police incessantly over the antics of a local high school kid?

I want everyone who shoved me in my locker and/or put my head in the toilet and flushed in high school charged, too. Right now. Retroactively.


Josh Abrams level pathetic, that’s how pathetic.

The same kind of pathetic that drives one to endlessly harass the police while they are just trying to get through another work shift.

The same kind of pathetic only found in losers over 30 who don’t care for their children, offer any form of financial support, and still live at home with their aging parents.

The same kind of pathetic that comes from chudstuffers who make up ridiculous stories like this because some kids drove by your house and chucked an empty plastic bottle at their head:

Nah, fam – you’re definitely a criminal. 


And the same kind of pathetic loser whose only ally and defender is an unemployable fat fuck afflicted with chronic gingervitis


who has misidentified me not once, but twice now.

I never did get that phone call, dipshit.

You stupid worthless sack of cuck, Joe. Better luck next time.

This is how big Joe’s dick is. I know, because I touch it often.


That’s how pathetic you have to be. I bet Abrams has been waiting 15+ years to get a high school boy charged with a crime.

Mission complete!

You’re a real winner, Abrams. If I was your mother I would be deeply ashamed I didn’t just wipe away or swallow the load you came from. Luckily, I’m not your mother, so I don’t have to bear that level of abject humiliation. I can feel for the woman who does.

The seven year old boys who called me smelly went that way, Officer! Arrest them! They’re gonna get in trouble, right??


The takeaway here should be:

  1. Josh Abrams is such a lily-soft pussy that teenagers put him in fear for his safety.
  2. Josh Abrams hates the cops because their job involves arresting him for the countless crimes he commits, but calls them and cradles their balls at the first sign of a 16-oz bottle of soda pop.
  3. Josh Abrams repeatedly lied about Turtleboy because he’s butthurt that we exposed him for the utter failure he is.
  4. Josh Abrams is just doing what losers do, lose.

Josh, it pains me to so much as just listen your stupid, whiny voice on the internet. God bless the civil servants subjected to listening to it live, and in person, where they can’t simply hit “pause” and shut you up. I’m sure that everyone who has ever come in contact with you wishes they could. That’s why you got a Pepsi bottle thrown at you. Not because we blogged about you. But because you are an insufferable piece of walking butthole cancer, and you have effectively caused your entire town and the surrounding areas to completely despise you through your unwanted anti-police activities. Nobody likes you, Josh. And no one ever will.  You are a giant bleeding pussy and total loser. It’s actually embarrassing watching what you do, every time that you do it. You are a complete and total waste of flesh and oxygen that will never amount to anything. If no one has told you that yet today, I am. In the immortal words of our unofficial Poet Laurent: “Now, off you fuck.”


Bristol TC

58 Comment(s)
  • Fred
    August 1, 2019 at 3:19 pm

    Hey turtle boy , loser, give me your name and address that I can arrange your handicap face

  • Sir Oscar, Mayor of Turgidshire
    July 31, 2019 at 12:25 am

    Josh and Joe sittin in a tree,
    tonguepunching each other’s fartbox furiously.
    It’s the only kind of love
    these two can manage,
    with their little tiny dicks that’ll never do any damage.

  • What a pussy little bitch
    July 30, 2019 at 9:39 pm

    God is his voice the most annoying sound I’ve ever heard in my entire existence! Makes me wanna stick qtips too far into my ears…and is he not the ugliest mother fucker??? He looks just like filburt from rockos modern life. Go drop yourself in the sewer you fuckin full grown pussy.

    • Fat Girl Titties
      July 31, 2019 at 8:21 pm

      Filburt!! Ahhhhhhhhahahahaha!!

  • ncfoothillbilly
    July 30, 2019 at 9:37 pm

    Did he learn about recording license plates from Lena Kochman? If you dont know who she is check out her YT, the railing is too low at the library, amongst many others. She resides at the Pine Street Inn and randomly records people who cough, sneeze, etc. Shes a truly schizophrenic nutjob…y’all van keep her, we’re full down here.
    Speaking of recording, is it not illegal to record a conversation on the phone w/o consent in MA?
    Is this a brother to the snausage flasher? They seem to have something in common.

  • Josh Sucks
    July 30, 2019 at 8:08 pm

    I very much enjoyed watching someone throw a cup of Piss on Josh. Keep it coming, he deserves everything he gets

  • Alex
    July 30, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    Dont you love it? this guy spends so much of his miserable life trying to make cops look bad, but (shocking, I know) he calls them for help the minute something bad happens! Just like all the other assholes who complain about police – talk a whole lotta shit until they need them. hes a maggot.

  • Mr. Leahy
    July 30, 2019 at 8:04 am

    Damn bottle kids!

  • z
    July 30, 2019 at 7:51 am

    Who? I had to look up the other story.
    Oh, that guy.

    Josh, you are getting too old for this shit. It’s not like you are going to get up one morning
    and decide to play in the normie world without repercussions. Unless you have some mad skillz
    at the something, you will be relegated to being one of guys who hang out at Home Depot. Those guys hope they can jump into the back of some pickup truck for day of landscaping and being paid under the table.

  • gitty
    July 30, 2019 at 5:41 am

    I would think that Bristol Antifaboy would want to slob his knob for harassing the police.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      July 30, 2019 at 10:22 am

      Hey Gitty,

      Message from the masses who comment on here.

      Be a lamb and fuck yourself right off.


      • gitty
        July 30, 2019 at 12:34 pm

        She’s not going to slob your knob for defending her, son. Unless you’re a commie living in your parents basement jerking off to Antifa sluts.

        • dowen0895
          Dick Scratcher
          July 31, 2019 at 5:41 am

          I wouldn’t expect her to make the journey to England, but I know that she respects my work on the comments pages.

          You, on the other hand, are a worth piece of dried dog-turd stuck to the underside of a hobo’s rotting shoe.

          You’re not wanted or needed here.
          At the risk of repeating myself, be a lamb and fuck yourself right off.


  • Nobody Likes Any Of You
    July 30, 2019 at 12:59 am

    This kid is a big fat zero
    Go get a job and support your children you fat pussy
    Your friends and you are all an embarrassment to your families

    July 30, 2019 at 12:59 am

    He video tapes everything but yet he has no video of the assault by the no winged pepsi bottle attacking his head…Fuck of you KUNT

  • Ray Patriarca
    Sparticus moment
    July 29, 2019 at 11:08 pm

    Cunt !

  • Queef Olbermann
    July 29, 2019 at 10:36 pm

    Something tells me that Josh had the title of Biggest Loser in Existence long before this took place

  • Walt Ostrander
    July 29, 2019 at 10:17 pm

    I used to fuck guys that looked like him and then laugh about his tiny package with my fabulous friends after lol

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      July 30, 2019 at 12:43 am

      I remember…lol

  • Joa Orga
    July 29, 2019 at 9:57 pm

    Turtle boy is a bootlicking nazi scum
    Your gonna pay for this
    I’m going straight to the police and reporting you to them.

  • Francis Sidebottom
    July 29, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    Uncle turtle turd using plausible deniability isn’t going to work just like that guy that found the iPhone on the tracks , nobody is going to listen to your version

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      July 29, 2019 at 9:25 pm

      awww muffin, you ok? I know you broke out your gimp costume to celebrate uncle’s demise…alas you were treated the same way butch treated zed. oh! sidebar…what story was about you? inquiring taints would love to know

  • Judge dread
    July 29, 2019 at 8:39 pm

    Why would uncle drive from fucking Holden to Stoneham, track this chudstuffer down, and throw a bottle of soda pop at him? I guess he was trying to say uncle was stalking him and knew exactly when to throw the bottle of pop at the right time.

    This anal ranger will get all the buttsex he wants in Middlesex county prison.

    Don’t poke the turtle.

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      July 29, 2019 at 9:27 pm

      Judge, I call sloppy seconds

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    July 29, 2019 at 7:56 pm

    Sperm burpers… That’s what comes to mind when I look at those two. Sperm…. Burpers.

    • PTown
      July 29, 2019 at 8:42 pm

      I thought the same thing! Unibomber is the top and Otho from the movie Beetlejuice is the bottom.

  • Mike Brady
    July 29, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    Ever wonder who your kids talk to on those those headsets when they play games online? Yup

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      July 29, 2019 at 9:29 pm

      facks! sir……facks…….miss you

  • Conan the Grammarian
    July 29, 2019 at 6:45 pm

    What a waste of oxygen. Josh Abrams, despite all the well-earned vitriol flung your way, MAYBE (just maybe) you could redeem yourself, if you just go quietly away, get a job, leave the social media behind, and, as referenced in the lyrics of that famous vaudeville tune “Oh, Catherina,” “… learn to swim, join a gym, eat Farina.” Your porcine physique is an embarrassment to manhood; if you spent more energy working out and gaining a tiny bit more self-respect, you might get a glimpse of reality. Or maybe you overdosed on estrogen. Of course, you could just continue on your present course and continue to be “Turtleboy Famous” (TM). You’re almost as entertaining as Rian Waters; maybe the two of you should hook up and cry. Or, as another Turtle Rider has so succinctly said, FUCK OFF AND DIE.
    Finally: hey, Bristol, methinks your autocorrect is affecting your prose. The referenced limericist, the inimitable Dick Scratcher, should rightly be called the Poet LAUREATE. (“Laurent” was a beatified Frog couturier.) You’re welcome.

    • Bristol Turtlechick
      July 29, 2019 at 7:14 pm

      Not all heroes wear capes, sir! I would have missed that blunder otherwise

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      July 31, 2019 at 6:03 am

      **Bows respectfully**

  • Mom’s Basement
    July 29, 2019 at 6:08 pm

    It looks like someone in that crew has a minivan. Lucky

    • Batman
      July 29, 2019 at 6:23 pm

      Come on man you know he is just borrowing moms.

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      July 29, 2019 at 9:31 pm

      envy green is not your color mom

  • Another Rider
    July 29, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    I think you should remind the police he lied to them. He said his mother got a phone call from “Turtle”? Let’s see the phone records. “Turtleboy” has been threatening him? Let’s see his phone records? I think he says in one of his videos the bottle was thrown at his mom, then changes his tune. And he can identify Unk for sure.
    Yes, I think he was trolled by some teens, but not targeted personally.
    I say Unk should go after him and hard. Let’s all go to court in Lowell and remind the kids lawyer what Joshey really said.

  • Nadia Yenraek
    Nadia Yenraek
    July 29, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    So, Uncle Turtleboy is hiring teenagers to do his dirty work. I bet they’ll throw him under the bus first chance they get.

    I’m sure he’ll claim “But I told them NOT to throw bottles at them”

    • Klan Rider
      July 29, 2019 at 6:45 pm

      Fuck you Nadia. Pro-Turtle, pro-klan. Fuck off.

  • Cheddah
    July 29, 2019 at 5:07 pm

    The majority of people I’ve met from Stoneham are pretty cool and overall good people, however part of me feels a bit disappointed in the classmates of Joshy-poo.. You guys at Stoneham HS apparently didn’t give him the proper beating and hazing experiences that I’m sure he well deserved even way back then, and now look what’s happened as a result..

  • capone181
    Total Mayhem
    July 29, 2019 at 5:00 pm

    Josh kind of grows on you like he was a colony of E. coli on
    room-temperature banana republic beef.

  • RobertI
    July 29, 2019 at 4:46 pm

    Did he inform the police he was taping the call?

  • Vigil Ante
    Vigil Ante
    July 29, 2019 at 4:45 pm

    If either of those beta losers were my son, I would be extremely disappointed in my testicles.

  • mopey63
    file that report TB
    July 29, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    Please, do call Officer Thistle (?) and ask 1. why this chud was not charged with filing a false police report, we all know Turtleboy is not 17 years old. This guy KNOWS that.
    2. Recording someone’s conversation WITHOUT the express permission of the other party is ILLEGAL. I clearly DID NOT hear him asking this officer if he consented to being recorded. Did you hear him say that?? Please, let me know what happens when you call and ask if they are bringing charges against this guy for both. I’d love to hear that one. Oh, and he has a voice that just makes you want to punch him in the face, but i’ll settle with charges brought against him for filing a false police report and illegally taping an officer of the law. This is going to be fun!!!!

  • Jeff J
    Joshie Poo
    July 29, 2019 at 4:34 pm

    Ahhh yes, the walking hypocrisy that is Josh “hung like a squirrel” Abrams. At the 1st sign of trouble who does he call?? The very people that he harasses on a daily basis. Really sucks for the cops having to deal with this asshole, “as a victim”, knowing what he does to police everyday.

    • Josh Abrams is a pickle smoocher
      July 29, 2019 at 6:20 pm

      Once you harass cops, I feel your name should go on the “we don’t have to respond to this loser” list. If cops suck so bad josh, why you need their help, fuckface.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    July 29, 2019 at 4:28 pm

    …”just wipe away or swallow the’re so gross load” You’re so gross BTC.

    • July 29, 2019 at 4:39 pm

      Was that a direct quote? I don’t think that was a direct quote. But yeah, I am.

      • Batman
        July 29, 2019 at 6:16 pm

        Well the use of “cunt” and “twat” was a big fat 0, but at least you did refer to swallowing. Batman respects and admires your work, ms. Bristol.

      • Fred Knessl
        July 29, 2019 at 7:47 pm

        methinks sloppy cut/paste is the culprit. It easily turns into ”just wipe away or swallow the load”, with the sign-off “You’re so gross”…

      • george costanza
        The angry taint
        July 29, 2019 at 9:34 pm

        The taint would be honored either way…ladies choice of course

      • murdochpatsymcreynolds
        July 29, 2019 at 11:14 pm

        It was obviously a typo! Why must you harp on this older gentleman? He apparently is a feeble minded old coot. You are very insensitive Bristol!

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    July 29, 2019 at 4:28 pm

    I teased this prick on Messenger and his rage spewed out like the froth from a cola bottle after hitting a moron on the head.

    Then he started threatening to come after me and my GF. Then my kids.

    Fucking hell, firstly no way this cunt has the balls or the air-fare to come to England. Secondly my kids are all grown up and all play rugby and each of them would put this waste of skin and oxygen on his arse.

    What a silly cunt.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      July 30, 2019 at 2:52 am

      As an afterthought, it occurs to me that the cunt was more interested in my kids than he is in his own.

      The fucker.

  • hartf811
    July 29, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    I’m going over tonight to whip a Pepsi bottle at this losers head when he pops out of mommies basement. I want to beat the rush.

    • Klancy
      July 29, 2019 at 6:07 pm

      If you want to really piss him off toss a cheap bottle of generic Walmart cola at him.

      • george costanza
        The angry taint
        July 29, 2019 at 9:37 pm

        generic cola? you are truly twisted….lol

      • dowen0895
        Dick Scratcher
        July 30, 2019 at 7:31 am

        You sick son-of-a-bitch!!!!

    • Fuck Josh Abrams
      July 29, 2019 at 10:57 pm

      Oh please please please post a screen shot. Blur our your name and leave his. Oh god I need to see this.

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