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This is Turtleboy vacation week and we’ve given our bloggers a week off to enjoy themselves. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits this week though to help you remember the golden times.
Don’t you just love how people believe everything they read on the Internet these days? Well, except Turtleriders. We are the most skeptical bunch of pricks in existence.
Sometimes that skepticism pays off and we bask in a horrid moment of ego when the people who tried to pull stories over begin to unravel.
I want you to meet Taylor Leonard. She’s a Teen Mom cast off from Rockland and she is just SO proud of her heroic baby daddy Matt McGonnigal, from Weymouth. They are just the happiest couple like evvvvver.
You see, Matt, Taylor, and their little family of extras decided to go to Wareham’s Water Wizz for a fun day going down water slides. That’s when something wild and crazy happened.
At one point, these two lovebirds were surprised to discover that they had their phones on them still! At the water park! So Matt, taking one for the team, went to go and put their phones back in the car. Not in the lockers that we all get when visiting water parks, especially when we are towing kids around, because kids have stuff.
On the way back to the car he encountered a little girl being kidnapped! He didn’t just fight off the man trying to kidnap but the guy’s girlfriend was in on it too! Like a ninja he took them both out! The cops came over and arrested the guy! Matt gave a statement while his wounded knuckles bled his own blood! The little girl was saved! Matt was a Bruh Hero.
So, his baby Momma Taylor, all aglow with pride in her man, took the to Facebook machine to brag about his accomplishment.
People we so thrilled with Matt! They had so many amazing things to say about his heroics!
Someone start organizing a parade! Quick! Taylor made the post public so you can all bask in the awesome that is Matt!
Wait, why hasn’t anyone started tagging the news stations? Let’s get the cops and Water Wizz to explain why they aren’t part of the celebration that Matt deserves?!
Well ain’t that some shit, huh? Water Wiz never even made an announcement warning people of a possible child abduction? Rude.
Then, after the post had been shared almost 1k times, this brilliant lady showed up.
Uh oh. This can’t be good…
Oh shit…. Maybe it’s a Water Wizz cover up? They can’t handle the bad PR so it’s been handed to the Illuminati for rug sweepage?
Yeah, my gut tells me to trust the cops over some yeah dude.
You can almost hear the confusion in Taylor’s voice. She really believes that this happened. It doesn’t make any sense why Water Wizz won’t call her baby daddy a hero.
But he came back shaken up and with bleeding hands. A vast conspiracy makes more sense than him lying to her. He’s the best guy ever and has never done anything like hit someone or been arrested for it.
Welp, there goes that plan. Seems like Captain McPantsonfire has a fondness for pounding people in to the ground. No way would he ever get in to an unprovoked altercation and then have to lie about why his hands were all cut up. So instead of just fessing up that he’s a loser with an anger problem – it’s easier to create an elaborate lie about fighting off two kidnapping hoodrats to save a child no one ever reported missing!
Can we discuss the pictures for a second? Can you get anymore Weymouth than that?
Don’t worry. Matt’s brother has his back. He says that the reason why Water Wizz doesn’t know anything about it is because it was in a different parking lot.
I guess that would make sense except that the frigging police still haven’t got a single thing on the books about a kidnapping at ALL that day. Nothing. Negative. NADA. If there had been don’t you think that the news stations would have been all over this and reporting live from the parking lot? This is the shit they bring news vans out for and do at the scene coverage. Matt would have been all over the ten o’clock news.
I think it’s pretty clear to see that Matt is lying and his vacant-stare of a girlfriend was gullible enough to think he deserved an award.
Boy did that blow up fast, huh? I’m really super excited to hear what actually happened. I’m even more eager to see your guesses in our comments section. Rumor has it that Matt is going to be calling in to Fun 107 tomorrow so maybe he will give us the real story. Like that he read bae’s phone and punched a tree when he saw some strange nether-pics sent by one of his boys in a Chicago Bulls hat.