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This is Turtleboy vacation week and we’ve given our bloggers a week off to enjoy themselves. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits this week though to help you remember the golden times. 

Our friends over at New Bedford Live might have finally topped the Foodstampopotamai scream fest they sent us from a few months back. A fan of theirs shot this extraordinary footage of a local crackhead named “Clyde” getting his cock slurped on by a toothless vagabond who was clearly in love with him and not doing it for money or drugs. Don’t worry. You don’t see his chlamydia-contaminated change cup.

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​Of course, because this was the “nicest” part of the city, she decides to do mouth-to-junk resuscitation in broad daylight, on Acushnet Ave. I’m guessing he told her that if she sampled his handi-capable sausage it would allow him to walk again.

She was trying to help, guys. Gawd.

For those of you that don’t know the area “The Ave,” as the natives call it, is the Sodom to the Gammorah that is New Bedford. The further you go down it (not unlike out fine friend in the dress here) the worse it gets. Clyde is a staple round here.

He actually doesn’t even have a pot to piss in. Bet his shorts were as ripe as they come.

Haha. Get it?

Let’s do the play by play!

Here we see them mid-salami swallow.

Om nom nom

Is that a camera?

Clyde, there is a person filming you impregnating my throat!

RIGHT THERE!

I aint give you permission! I’m out!

Bye Felicia.

Let me tell you, I laughed harder at the fact that she was going to wash homeless chlorine pudding out of her mouth with a warm orange drank than anything else. I had actual tears.

Can you even imagine what that guy’s balls smelled like? She’s just tongue-bathing on his stink pontoon like she’s on the French Abortion Rivera.

Of course, while most of us are appalled, like Maygan here, one guy named Dan Bradley took to the webpage to cheer him on. He made laugh almost as much as the orange drank load chaser.

I like how Dan lightened the mood.

However, Clyde is a druggie loser who gets taken care of by bleeding heart assholes while he has his schmenzer out where any kid can see it. Sound like Clyde should go to jail.

If you know who his lady friend is send us a message.

Anyways New Beige… Keep it up. You’ll send my kids to college with all these ratchet clicks.