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This is Turtleboy vacation week and we’ve given our bloggers a week off to enjoy themselves. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits this week though to help you remember the golden times.
A couple weeks ago an 18 year old girl from Burlington, VT named Logan Huysman took to social media to complain about alleged police brutality and sexual assault after she was arrested:
Pretty serious allegation. Naturally the mainstream media heard the words “police brutality” and “sexual assault” and reached the conclusion that this was yet another case of cops gone wild on white girls. Logan wasn’t helping things by speaking with every news outlet she could find. Her story went national when USA Today picked it up.
Unfortunately for the Chief of Police in Burlington is Brandon del Pozo, and he is extremely active on social media. He saw her post, and left this letter on her Facebook page, outlining what transpired in the arrest report:
Oh I see. So, the officers found three junkie looking broads passed out in a car at 2:30 AM in the middle of an opiate epidemic. Wanting to make sure they were alive the officers woke the girls up, told them he wasn’t gonna bust their balls about the weed, and told the girl she was gonna have to take a class for the booze she had on her. Pretty standard policing for underage possession of alcohol.
Naturally then Logan Huysman ripped up the notice, started whining about cops killing imaginary black people in Vermont, did cartwheels, took her bong back from the cops, pretended to shoot the police with an imaginary gun, broke beer and wine bottles, and mule-kicked a cop. Oh yea, and in the past six months she’s been arrested for possession of Ambien and Adderal, retail theft, trespassing, jumping over the desk at a Motel 6 to threaten the staff after being kicked out, and freaking out at St. Michael’s campus security.
A smart person would deactivate all social media and sneak away quietly. Not Logan though. She a basic bitch:
The handcuffs were so tight that I actually could not, like, feel my wrists. That I just don’t think that’s OK at all.”
Be whiter. You can’t.
That guy says I kicked him in the groin? That’s a lie. He was the one who put his hands on me because I went to try to take the bong that I had just bought that day.”
Oh is that at all? Because it matters when you purchased the bong. If you had bought it a couple years ago they’d have a right to confiscate it. But since it was brand new Logan had every right to take back confiscated contraband from them.
This was the best:
The part that I didn’t like was every single time I would stand up to move around because I was anxious because these were cops who were trying to search my car when I didn’t think there was any reason to. And I just kept moving around and every time I did they would come at me like I was trying to do something. So it was annoying so I was like come at me, do something. And, I dunno, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.”
Well why didn’t you just say that Logan? As long as you arbitrarily decided there was no reason for the cops to search your car then you have every right to to run around like a lunatic and mule-kick them.
Well things got worse for Logan this week when the cops released the body cam footage of the incident. Enjoy the madness:
Things white chicks say before getting arrested:
“Guess what? I do cross country – I can run far, far away!”
The thing about it is, she does run cross country, but she’s just not very good:
When you’re running times like that it usually means the meatwagon is following right behind you in case you die. Which you probably will because you’re so out of shape.
Anyway, I’ve never seen anyone this hatable before. If I had two shots of narcan and Logan, the Fall River Guttermuppet, and Gabbi Hebert were overdosing in front of me, I’d tell the other two that Logan had more heroin in her ass and give them a straw to slurp it out of there. Then I’d give the narcan to Gupta Patel and have him sell it at the Mini Mart and split the profits.
The most amazing part about this video is how nice the cops were. When I was 18 I was in a car that was pulled over in Leicester on the way home from the drive-ins. It smelled like weed, but we didn’t have any pot in the car. The cops really busted our balls about it and I was inconvenienced by it which really grinded my gears, especially since I didn’t even smoke weed that night. But the cops let us know through their tone that it was our job to shut the fuck up. So we did, and eventually we all went on our way. Meanwhile this chick gets the nice cop and she goes full cuntburger. This is why cops shouldn’t bother being nice. Just be dicks. We’ll get over it. When you’re too nice this is how people behave. When you’re dicks we don’t say shit because you make it clear that we must respect your authority.
This isn’t the first time Logan has acted like an entitled psychopath in public. Here she is at her South Burlington HS graduation, freaking out because she was locked out of Daddy’s car:
White girl problems.
Here she is being interviewed after a lockdown at her school, whining about how much life sucks because she was temporarily inconvenienced by lockdown drills:
The struggle is real girl.
Anyway, the ACLU and the rest of the cop haters have been whining about a lack of transparency from law enforcement for a while now. In that case you would think that the way this was handled is the perfect example of what these idiots want. The police chief posts the truth on social media in order to quell an outrageous claim of sexual assault against an officer. The cops then release the body cam footage to show whether or not there are truths to the allegations. But yet somehow the ACLU is still upset about it:
“There’s a fine line between engaging the community, which is something we want our law enforcement officers to do, and doing what some might see as trying to shut down conversations,” said Jay Diaz, an attorney for the American Civil Liberties Union of Vermont. “Affirmatively posting on a citizen’s Facebook page, especially in a sensitive situation, seems fairly inappropriate and would be understandably chilling.”
Trying to shut down conversations? Apparently this is their fancy way of saying, “telling the truth and exposing a liar.” Very chilling for this poor, triggered basic white chick.
Anyway, this chick is one of the worst people we’ve ever profiled. She represents everything that is wrong with America right now. She’s an entitled millenial dooshnozzle who took a steamy dump on actual victims of sexual assault by lying and claiming she was. In reality a responsible cop found three chicks who looked like they were dead, tried to make sure they were OK, and ended up getting mule kicked in the groin.