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This is Turtleboy vacation week and we’ve given our bloggers a week off to enjoy themselves. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits this week though to help you remember the golden times.
A turtle rider brought these Worcester junior hoodrats to our attention when they were getting into a Facebook beef about who was the victor in a recent battle royale that would determine who was the queen bitch of Canterbury Street:
Not exactly sure what is going on here but it sounds important. VERY important. All I know is these future rocket scientists have put significantly more thought into who is the winner of this street brawl than they have into their summer reading.
It would appear from visual evidence that hoes are indeed mad:
Anyway, the argument went on for a few days, and as one of the posters alleged – someone’s Mom jumped in. Turns out it was Tinee’s mother, who goes by La Colora on the Facebook machine. And La Colora isn’t a regular Mom – she’s a cool Mom:
That’s why 90% of her pictures on Facebook are glorious ghetto booty shots:
When one of Tinee’s enemies alleged that Tinee’s mother was a drug addict, Momma Ratchet jumped in to clear her good name:
Yea, if she does drugs it’s none of your business since you don’t be paying for her drugs!! What gives you the rite??
A normal mother at this time would force her daughters off of social media, and would stay far, far away from this junior hoodrat clusterfuck. Not this yeast crustacean though. She made it very clear that the child she was arguing with did not in fact fuck up her daughter’s face:
I know when Grandma Turtleboy comments on my Facebook page, she often inspires me to write, “WORD TO EVERYTHING.” This is a normal mother-daughter relationship.
Turns out Tinee is quite proud of the fact that the trap queen who spit her out of her stench trench 15 years ago will always have her back in Facebook beefs – unlike other people’s bitchass mothers:
Mad alliterate!! FACKS!!
Then Mom admitted that she “turned 15 again” while watching her daughter fight another child in the street, and thus had no choice but to jump in:
So I’m pretty sure what this poonstachio is trying to communicate is that she brought a knife to the fight (perfectly normal) and if she wanted to stab the 15 year old fighting her daughter she could have (because they’re the “perfect target”), but she refrained from doing so because she’s just mature like that. Gotcha.
Momma Ratchet was only getting warmed up though. Once these teenagers started calling her a crackhead she got quite defensive, because obviously her honor, integrity, and reputation in the community is second to none. So she did what any loving mother would do in this situation – make fun of the child for having a dead mother and threaten other relatives of hers:
She’s the Worcester version of June Cleaver.
Shockingly she doesn’t like the Worcester Police and wants them all to die. That’s why when her daughter was arrested on April 5 she documented it on Facebook, and pulled a “free my boi” with Tinee:
So what happened Momma Ratchet?
They took her daughter “again.” Because, of course “again.” Luckily she got some great advice from Yoly Soto. Clearly this was not the fault of bad parenting or an out of control teenager. It’s the fault of snitches and/or haters. Duh.
But wait, it gets better. Last week Tinee (a 16 year old girl) announced that she was hosting a lingerie party in a hotel room:
No dicks or drama allowed!
But there’s only one problem – kids this young can’t buy booze, and they can’t rent hotel rooms. Luckily that’s where Momma Ratchet comes in……
in all her glory:
Oh yea, this is a perfectly standard child rearing technique. What child hasn’t had a lingerie party with copious amounts of Svedka and Hennessy with their mother and collection of teen mom friends in a Worcester hotel room?
Momma Ratchet had a long list of ogglers, announcing their intentions to toss their yogurt slingers deep within her suction 8 meat wallet:
The scary part about these people is they reproduce faster than the rest of us. Like, twice as fast. La Colora is only 32 years old, which means any day now she’ll be a grandmother. And there’s a 99.9% chance she collects welfare and we finance this productive lifestyle. Somehow she is allowed to raise children, which to her means getting drunk with them, jumping into their fights, and yelling “free my boi” every time their kid is arrested. And when these students fail English class next year, their teachers will be the ones who are blamed. Because I’m sure La Colora makes sure they always do their homework and study for tests.
Anyway, the turtle rider who sent us this never told us La Colora’s real name. If you know it we’d love to have it. Bet you anything the courthouse records will come up on page one once we Google this lovely crotch maggot.