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If you thought the Rockland Bobbin For Boners/Eddie Porkchops saga was over, you were wrong. It will never end. I don’t have time to recap it all since I’ve written about it five billion times, so just read this one which kind of sums up where we left off.

Now that you’re caught up, check out the latest development:

Town Administrator Allan Chiocca wants the town to give him $5.36 million to avoid a lawsuit in which he would claim that the town’s handling of a sex scandal this summer destroyed his career and damaged his reputation. In a letter addressed to the town’s attorney John Clifford, Chiocca’s lawyer Adam Shafran says his client is willing to abandon potential lawsuits in exchange for the sum. If the town isn’t willing to pay him, Shafran says Chiocca can sue for claims that include quid pro quo sexual harassment, wrongful termination and breach of contract.

“As Mr. Chiocca’s employer, we view the town as the primary party responsible for the damages Mr Chiocca has sustained,” said the letter.

Chiocca was placed on paid administrative leave this May after then-Selectman Deidre Hall accused him of behaving inappropriately toward her during an after-hours encounter at town hall. The town hired an outside investigation firm to look into the claims. At the heart of the investigation was a three-hour surveillance video of the pair recorded after midnight in town hall. The investigation culminated in a 29-page report that said Hall pressured Chiocca into having sex with her, reminding him that she was his boss and would be voting on his contract extension. The report also found that Hall had been having an extramarital affair with then-Selectman Edward Kimball, who said in an affidavit that he had “engaged in some investigatory work” himself to get to the bottom of Hall’s initial claims against Chiocca.

In the letter sent to Clifford, Shafran says that the town’s intention to fire Chiocca despite the investigator’s recommendation that he be reinstated is hypocritical and opens the town to further legal trouble.

“Mr. Chiocca was the victim that evening, and there is no doubt whatsoever that if Mr. Chiocca was a female, nobody would be asserting that the victim engaged in misconduct,” the letter says.

The letter also says that even if Chiocca was allowed to return to his job, working conditions would be “absolutely intolerable,” and being placed on administrative leave affects future job prospects. Shafran says in the letter that claims brought against Hall could include assault and battery, quid pro quo sexual harassment, libel, malicious prosecution and abuse of process. Kimball could face claims of aiding and abetting sexual harassment, slander and interfering with an investigation. Shafran says payment of $5.36 million would stop Chiocca from filing suit against Hall and Kimball, as well as the town.

This video right here, shows you what it looks like before and after a $5.6 million blowjob!!

Only Bobbin for boners could give a purple helmet bath worth that much cash.

But seriously, this guy is just sad. Does he realize he’s basically saying that she raped him? He wants us to believe that he only allowed her to go down on him because she made him believe that was the only way he could keep his job. In other words, it was against his will. Does this look like a dude who just got raped?

Fuck no. That is the look of a very, very satisfied customer. Eddie Porkchops knows the feeling.

The video clearly shows he couldn’t wait to get Eddie Porkchops’ second helpings. He might’ve been nervous at first, but she was thirsty that night, and she wasn’t leaving there without a DNA slurpie. Let’s be honest, no guy is gonna turn down a hummer from Bobbin for Boners. Not in those shoes and that skirt.

Girl was on the PROWL for mutton rod that night!!

Mr. Turtlegirl jokingly says sometimes that he allows me to go down on him, because no guy has ever needed to grant a woman permission to give a complementary basket sandwich. I get why he’s pursuing this angle, because he’s unemployable at this point in his career with these kind of Google trophies, but he’s gotta know it’s not going anywhere. Either way, if he actually pursues charges against Bobbin for Boners and Eddie Porkchops I will be the happiest turtle ever, because I never want this story to end.