All-Star Criminals

Turns Out The Rockland Town Administrator Hated Bobbin For Boners But She Gave Him Revenge Fallatio After Eddie Porkchops’ Wife Called Her A “Disgusting Human Being” For Having Affair With Husband

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Rockland Town Administrator Allan Chiocca’s lawyer released the entire findings of the Sexual Harassment group that looked into Bobbin for Boners’ sexual assault allegations at Rockland Town Hall, and it’s one of the greatest soap operas you’ll ever read. I cannot WAIT until the Lifetime movie comes out. Let’s check out some of the highlights….

Bobbin for Boners claimed she got blackout drunk and he took advantage of her, while he claims she was the aggressor….

Normally I’d believe the female in a story like this, but Bobbin for Boners is no normal female, as we will see.

Multiple witnesses said that he did not like being alone with her, and that Chicocca and Bobbin for Boners didn’t get along….

Bobbin for Boners was telling everyone at town hall how she was having trouble being a one yogurt slinger girl, even though she was happily married.

When you need some new D, ya need some new D. That’s just science.

Naturally she couldn’t resist the lure of Eddie Porkchops:

Who amongst us could though? Pound that water you stallion!

And she professed her love to Eddie Porkchops pretty quickly. But it all blew up when Mrs. Porkchops found out about it on April 28….

Bobbin for Boners chaired the Board of Selectman meeting on May 1, and got a text from Mrs. Porkchops saying, “I know what you did. You make me sick.” Then, instead of going home to her husband after the meeting, she went out with Allan Chiocca to get a drink or ten.

Mrs. Porkchops kept texting though, and called her a “disgusting human being.” However, this did not upset her nearly as much as the though of not getting elected State Representative if this information became public….

Bobbin for Boners was worried that Mrs. Porkchops would spill the beans in a viral Facebook post, even though Eddie Porkchops said she wouldn’t. Nevertheless she asked to use Allan Chiocca’s Facebook page at the bar to stalk Mrs. Porkchops, because her account was likely blocked. It was at this point that she had to spill the beans to Chiocca about her sidepiece:

Then she whined about how one cervix scraper could never truly satisfy her….

Feeling especially horny from all the talk of spicy love affairs, Bobbin for Boners then began to initiate gland to gland combat with Mr. Chiocca.

The redacted part is likely, “I want 2 bone” in long form.

But since it appeared as if Chiocca would not be serving up the D she went with her third option – her husband – who she told to “be ready for me, cause I am going to want you.”

This right here is a woman who is never truly satisfied:

She needs it. And you need to give it to her or she’ll find someone who will. Even if you do, she’ll still probably get it from someone else though.

Not wanting to settle for her husband, she continued to pursue option #2 – Chiocca – and told him that if she let him peel the banana back that he would be rewarded with a big fat raise:

In hindsight, what a great deal this was for Chiocca. All you have to do is sit back and feed this broad the Rockland ramrod, and BOOM – 30% raise. Offers like that don’t just fall into your lap every day (no pun intended).

But since Chiocca is also married and didn’t feel like throwing it all away on the town skag, he was hesitant. So she had to make up an excuse to go to Town Hall. Her excuse? The bathrooms were cleaner there:

Because everyone knows Rockland Town Hall is the place to go if you’re in the mood for a steamy dump.

After her drunken tinkle they left, but she blocked him from walking down the stairs and tried to talk him into a felatio to remember:

He accepts. Because there’s only so many offers of slob jobs a man can turn down in one drunken night.

Then they pop a bottle of wine back in his office before she goes bobbin for boners…

Bobbin for Boners then goes home and starts texting her husband, who is also home, telling him that it’s “gonna be a tough ride the next couple of weeks.”

LOL. In more ways than one.

She she lies and tells her husband that her and Eddie Porkchops were just having an “emotional relationship”:

Which is something that women do with gay men, not straight men.

Then to cover for herself she told her husband that Chiocca did all the things that she actually did…

Finally she confessed to him that she was banging Eddie Porkchops…

Impressively she woke up hungover three hours later to bring her kid somewhere:

Is there anything she can’t do? Well, besides close her legs?

Feeling some regret about cheating on both Eddie Porkchops and her husband, Bobbin for Boners then asks Chiocca not to talk about what happened the night before. Which is weird, because she later told people that she didn’t remember anything that happened and thus was victimized:

She figured out that she gave him a tongue bath once Chiocca called her a predator:

Oops! Now I remember!

Meanwhile Eddie Porkchops was trying to win back her affection by giving her jobs he had promised to other people…

Realizing that she needed to go on the offensive, Bobbin for Boners began telling everyone that she was victimized due to being blackout drunk:

Forgetting that she told Chiocca that she remembered every salty detail….

Then assuming that Chiocca would spill the beans, she had to come clean to Eddie Porkchops, her boyfriend #2:

Not wanting to speak on the phone, Eddie Porkchops and Bobbin for Boners had a long talk on the rail trail (no pun intended), in which he expressed disappointment that she had cheated on him (even though he’s not her husband) when he saw the tapes from Town Hall. She said she was worried about being known as the town drunken whore:

Can’t see why that would happen.

This dude Eddie Porkchops really thought Bobbin for Boners was his girl…

Bro, you’re married. Only one person can cheat on you and it sure as hell isn’t the town pass around.

Finally on May 19 all adult members of the Bobbin for Boners and Porkchops families met up at Reeds Pond to make sure the news didn’t leak and her run for State Rep was not deterred:



This is just such an amazing story. I can’t get enough of it. All she had to do was resign. All Eddie Porkchops had to do was resign. They knew what was on those tapes and they knew this would embarrass the shit out of their families. But they insisted on keeping their meaningless selectman seats on a small town in the south shore that no one cares about except the people who live there. She wasn’t going to win the State Rep seat anyway, since it’s a conservative district. Why would they fight this for so long??

Eddie Porkchops is such a stubborn bastard that he’s not resigning either, leaving the door open for a likely recall. Because….might as well go down completely in flames at this point.

I just never saw this coming. She blew the Town Administrator, who hated her, simply because she was mad that her side piece’s wife was calling her a whore, which apparently made her horny. I figured they were the ones having the affair. Turns out it was just a revenge blowey. That’s hot right there.

Finally, here’s the video……

As you can see, she wore her DTF heels…

And after emerging from the bathroom, she was HUNGRY for Jurassic Pork…

She did the whole flirtatious drunken white girl thing

But it didn’t work, so they left. But before he could walk down the stairs she jumped in front of his path:

Finally he said to himself, “Sure, I’ll take a blowjob and raise” and they went back to the spot…

Where she finally got a taste of the forbidden fruit and undid his tie in the process.

Best. Affair. Ever.

The bottom line is I didn’t think it was possible for a man to be forced into a blowey. But then I read about Bobbin for Boners and my whole world view is changed. Sure, he could’ve said no. But he did try several times. And there’s only so many times a guy can turn that down. Should he lose his job? That’s a tough one. My advice is just start yelling #MeToo. Then no one can say shit because you’ve proclaimed yourself to be a victim.

31 Comment(s)
  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    November 22, 2019 at 9:41 am

    Bobbin’ for Boners still gives me the horn.


  • The Professor
    Leonard Washington
    July 12, 2018 at 12:44 pm

    At least Dear Deirdre was on the right career track. Being a scumbag to the bone she would have fit in perfectly in the state legislature. Maybe even could have taken sleazy Karen Polito’s place if Tall Deval gets it in his sleepy head that it might help him a bit with the plebs.

  • Maria Stefanos
    July 12, 2018 at 10:11 am

    LMAO did anyone else just see FOX25 take credit for this??!? They just said on their broadcast “Boston 25 was the first to uncover this story”

    • y
      July 12, 2018 at 11:11 am

      Maria can get it, though…hottest cougar out there.
      Ms. Hallatio, though, I wouldn’t fuck her w/your dick and me pushing…ass looks like a bag of wet clothes, and she walks like she has a turtle head coming out (for you TB)!!

      • Kevins 9 Iron
        Kevin's 9 Iron
        July 12, 2018 at 1:10 pm

        Maria Stephanoes left Fox 25 over a year ago and is at Channel 5. Really watch her a lot huh?

        • y
          July 13, 2018 at 2:04 pm

          Only said she was a smoke; never said which channel she’s on, ya pompous piece of scrotum meat.
          Fist yourself.

  • The Mayor of Bradford
    July 12, 2018 at 9:25 am

    Could all the leftie yahoos out there who insist that all the world’s problems would be solved instantly if only more women held positions of power please now shut the fuck up?

    Apparently, as we can see here, it turns out that scummy people placed in positions of power are gonna do scummy things, no matter what they’re packing in their drawers. That goes for you too, gays (Byron & Stan).

  • deflateddoritodinks
    July 12, 2018 at 8:40 am

    Hillary also didn’t INTEND to obstruct justice so not guilty.

  • Josey Wales
    July 12, 2018 at 7:29 am

    I watched the video several times trying to see what Mr Chiocca retrieved when he left her in the building. After very very close examination I could make out a tube with writing on it. The letters spelled “ANAL-EZE” Yep I could be wrong the letters were fuzzy because of the poor resolution of the cameras. But watching her walk out after the affair I do not think so.

    • Hughbo Mont
      July 12, 2018 at 1:42 pm

      Even when she walks her legs seem somewhat spread. LOL

  • Josey Wales
    July 12, 2018 at 6:24 am

    I have one question ……”Did Ms Hall spit or swallow?” I think we have to know this before anyone can pass judgement!

    • Professor Comedy
      July 12, 2018 at 9:58 am

      Swallow. Given that jukebox body, she doesn’t appear to be the kind of lass who’s going to put something in her mouth and then not try to digest it.

  • Phong
    July 12, 2018 at 12:31 am

    John Goodman will play Kimball, and Chelsea Handler will play “Ms.” Hall..

  • Walter "Bobbin my Boner" Bird
    July 11, 2018 at 11:09 pm

    I got so excited reading this I jerked it 3 times.. I ain’t sexist. Just a boy who plays with my turtle. A lot.

  • itsjustme
    July 11, 2018 at 10:46 pm

    Who is she going to blame now for embarrassing her children?

    • z
      July 11, 2018 at 11:10 pm

      Right wing misogynist conservatives who hate women that are victims. Because #metoo isn’t working for her.

  • Hank
    July 11, 2018 at 9:37 pm

    Knew it. She must’ve been a fucking whale.

    • TheBigOldDog
      July 11, 2018 at 10:49 pm

      Sometimes a drunken whore is just a drunken whore. No mention of her once being fat from a neighbor who knows her from high school. Only of being a heavy drinker. Will ask specifically

      • Captain Trips
        Captain Trips
        July 12, 2018 at 10:44 am

        I bet she is a former fatty – still not exactly thin

        I dated a girl once who had lost 60 lbs right before I met her.

        With the newfound attention from men, she caught up on lost time by boffing half the town behind my back.

        Avoid former fatties at all costs.

  • John Ford
    July 11, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    Bimbo slice

  • TheBigOldDog
    July 11, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    He was looking for a $30,000 increase? Are you kidding me?! No wonder Rockland has one of the highest property tax rates in the entire state (#71 out of 351)! And this Pubar was going to give it to him in exchange for his shriveled up old dick? What did he run out to the truck for, viagra? Rubber? Sex toy? To top if off he’s a class A asshole. He acts like we residence work for him. He’s arrogant and condescending and not 1/10th a smart as he thinks he is. Given the yells from the crowd to fire him at the BOS meeting, I can see he hasn’t made many friends in town. Now this Mother F’er just hit the lottery because of this drunken whore. Me and my neighbors are the ones who are going to be expected to pay that Asshole a nice big settlement for “sexual harassment.” Can you F’in believe it?!

    The only person worse is the nutbag who runs the Board of Health. There has got to be great stories about her because she’s certifiably insane. As for the town accountant, I just found out from a neighbor what his “occupation” was. The State really needs to declare Rockland a disaster area and take it over. Start fresh.

    • z
      July 11, 2018 at 8:55 pm

      ” viagra? Rubber? Sex toy? ”

      Sex toy. Anal pony tail butt plug. For him.

    • Want to know
      July 12, 2018 at 1:19 am

      What’s the accountant’s deal?

      • Kevins 9 Iron
        Kevin's 9 Iron
        July 12, 2018 at 1:15 pm

        Its been reported that Eric Hart had installed listening devices in town hall. after they suspended him the feds came in and swept the place.

  • z
    July 11, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    $30K? Geez.

    They should be brought up on criminal charges. Him for prostitution, her for being a John/Jane whatever. Offering to steal $30,000 for sex has to be a crime. Right??? He had no qualms about basically ripping off the town for $30K a year until he retired. Then just like the POS MSP, that $30k would have been used to compute his retirement package.

    OPM is easy. Other Peoples Money. Even in Palookaville.

  • Lincolntf
    July 11, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    Is anyone at TB capable of communicating in English? Nothing is more ratchet than a post about ratchets wherein the blogger reveals an ignorance of/or indifference to, basic sentence structure, spelling and grammar. If you’re gonna rag on Ratchets, don’t sound like one. Basic shit.

    • z
      July 11, 2018 at 7:15 pm

      It’s a feature not a bug. That’s half the charm of the blog.

      “If” a main stream “Respectable” media outlet covers this, you will see a condensed version of events with vanilla descriptions.

      The words are meant to be used as a weapon to counter-act vanilla.
      The main stream media – “She was having sexual relations”. TB – “She was sucking dick”

  • Real_Finn
    July 11, 2018 at 5:42 pm

    “it was non-consensual as she was incapable of consenting due to the level of her intoxication.”

    Imagine applying that logic to drunk driving.

    “it was non-intentional as she was incapable of consenting [to drive] due to the level of her intoxication.”

    Ridiculous. Where the fuck does the responsibility for your own sobriety and action come into play?

    • Kevins 9 Iron
      July 11, 2018 at 7:41 pm

      Nailed it. Well done!

    • z
      July 11, 2018 at 10:32 pm

      Yet the video shows her steady on her feet and she at some points was more than 40-50 feet away from him.

      After their bout of slap and tickle she doesn’t have the body language of someone who fears him.

      The husband is a dumb-fuck if he stays with her.

      The wife of Eddie Porkchops is an idiot. “That bad, bad woman corrupted my sweet Eddie. I was the only one to get his pork tenderloin until she did what she did.”

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