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Rockland Town Administrator Allan Chiocca’s lawyer released the entire findings of the Sexual Harassment group that looked into Bobbin for Boners’ sexual assault allegations at Rockland Town Hall, and it’s one of the greatest soap operas you’ll ever read. I cannot WAIT until the Lifetime movie comes out. Let’s check out some of the highlights….
Bobbin for Boners claimed she got blackout drunk and he took advantage of her, while he claims she was the aggressor….
Normally I’d believe the female in a story like this, but Bobbin for Boners is no normal female, as we will see.
Multiple witnesses said that he did not like being alone with her, and that Chicocca and Bobbin for Boners didn’t get along….
Bobbin for Boners was telling everyone at town hall how she was having trouble being a one yogurt slinger girl, even though she was happily married.
When you need some new D, ya need some new D. That’s just science.
Naturally she couldn’t resist the lure of Eddie Porkchops:
Who amongst us could though? Pound that water you stallion!
And she professed her love to Eddie Porkchops pretty quickly. But it all blew up when Mrs. Porkchops found out about it on April 28….
Bobbin for Boners chaired the Board of Selectman meeting on May 1, and got a text from Mrs. Porkchops saying, “I know what you did. You make me sick.” Then, instead of going home to her husband after the meeting, she went out with Allan Chiocca to get a drink or ten.
Mrs. Porkchops kept texting though, and called her a “disgusting human being.” However, this did not upset her nearly as much as the though of not getting elected State Representative if this information became public….
Bobbin for Boners was worried that Mrs. Porkchops would spill the beans in a viral Facebook post, even though Eddie Porkchops said she wouldn’t. Nevertheless she asked to use Allan Chiocca’s Facebook page at the bar to stalk Mrs. Porkchops, because her account was likely blocked. It was at this point that she had to spill the beans to Chiocca about her sidepiece:
Then she whined about how one cervix scraper could never truly satisfy her….
Feeling especially horny from all the talk of spicy love affairs, Bobbin for Boners then began to initiate gland to gland combat with Mr. Chiocca.
The redacted part is likely, “I want 2 bone” in long form.
But since it appeared as if Chiocca would not be serving up the D she went with her third option – her husband – who she told to “be ready for me, cause I am going to want you.”
This right here is a woman who is never truly satisfied:
She needs it. And you need to give it to her or she’ll find someone who will. Even if you do, she’ll still probably get it from someone else though.
Not wanting to settle for her husband, she continued to pursue option #2 – Chiocca – and told him that if she let him peel the banana back that he would be rewarded with a big fat raise:
In hindsight, what a great deal this was for Chiocca. All you have to do is sit back and feed this broad the Rockland ramrod, and BOOM – 30% raise. Offers like that don’t just fall into your lap every day (no pun intended).
But since Chiocca is also married and didn’t feel like throwing it all away on the town skag, he was hesitant. So she had to make up an excuse to go to Town Hall. Her excuse? The bathrooms were cleaner there:
Because everyone knows Rockland Town Hall is the place to go if you’re in the mood for a steamy dump.
After her drunken tinkle they left, but she blocked him from walking down the stairs and tried to talk him into a felatio to remember:
He accepts. Because there’s only so many offers of slob jobs a man can turn down in one drunken night.
Then they pop a bottle of wine back in his office before she goes bobbin for boners…
Bobbin for Boners then goes home and starts texting her husband, who is also home, telling him that it’s “gonna be a tough ride the next couple of weeks.”
LOL. In more ways than one.
She she lies and tells her husband that her and Eddie Porkchops were just having an “emotional relationship”:
Which is something that women do with gay men, not straight men.
Then to cover for herself she told her husband that Chiocca did all the things that she actually did…
Finally she confessed to him that she was banging Eddie Porkchops…
Impressively she woke up hungover three hours later to bring her kid somewhere:
Is there anything she can’t do? Well, besides close her legs?
Feeling some regret about cheating on both Eddie Porkchops and her husband, Bobbin for Boners then asks Chiocca not to talk about what happened the night before. Which is weird, because she later told people that she didn’t remember anything that happened and thus was victimized:
She figured out that she gave him a tongue bath once Chiocca called her a predator:
Oops! Now I remember!
Meanwhile Eddie Porkchops was trying to win back her affection by giving her jobs he had promised to other people…
Realizing that she needed to go on the offensive, Bobbin for Boners began telling everyone that she was victimized due to being blackout drunk:
Forgetting that she told Chiocca that she remembered every salty detail….
Then assuming that Chiocca would spill the beans, she had to come clean to Eddie Porkchops, her boyfriend #2:
Not wanting to speak on the phone, Eddie Porkchops and Bobbin for Boners had a long talk on the rail trail (no pun intended), in which he expressed disappointment that she had cheated on him (even though he’s not her husband) when he saw the tapes from Town Hall. She said she was worried about being known as the town drunken whore:
Can’t see why that would happen.
This dude Eddie Porkchops really thought Bobbin for Boners was his girl…
Bro, you’re married. Only one person can cheat on you and it sure as hell isn’t the town pass around.
Finally on May 19 all adult members of the Bobbin for Boners and Porkchops families met up at Reeds Pond to make sure the news didn’t leak and her run for State Rep was not deterred:
This is just such an amazing story. I can’t get enough of it. All she had to do was resign. All Eddie Porkchops had to do was resign. They knew what was on those tapes and they knew this would embarrass the shit out of their families. But they insisted on keeping their meaningless selectman seats on a small town in the south shore that no one cares about except the people who live there. She wasn’t going to win the State Rep seat anyway, since it’s a conservative district. Why would they fight this for so long??
Eddie Porkchops is such a stubborn bastard that he’s not resigning either, leaving the door open for a likely recall. Because….might as well go down completely in flames at this point.
I just never saw this coming. She blew the Town Administrator, who hated her, simply because she was mad that her side piece’s wife was calling her a whore, which apparently made her horny. I figured they were the ones having the affair. Turns out it was just a revenge blowey. That’s hot right there.
Finally, here’s the video……
As you can see, she wore her DTF heels…
And after emerging from the bathroom, she was HUNGRY for Jurassic Pork…
She did the whole flirtatious drunken white girl thing
But it didn’t work, so they left. But before he could walk down the stairs she jumped in front of his path:
Finally he said to himself, “Sure, I’ll take a blowjob and raise” and they went back to the spot…
Where she finally got a taste of the forbidden fruit and undid his tie in the process.
Best. Affair. Ever.
The bottom line is I didn’t think it was possible for a man to be forced into a blowey. But then I read about Bobbin for Boners and my whole world view is changed. Sure, he could’ve said no. But he did try several times. And there’s only so many times a guy can turn that down. Should he lose his job? That’s a tough one. My advice is just start yelling #MeToo. Then no one can say shit because you’ve proclaimed yourself to be a victim.