Hoodrat Heroes

Sargent Squatter Wants $1,800 For “Soberity” And New Springfield Apartment With Fiance Who May Be Incarcerated 

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Here’s your GoFundMe scam of the day out of Springfield….

 

 

So just to review:

  • He’s an able bodied 31 year old man looking for $1,800 for “soberity” 2nd chance
  • He classifies this as an “emergency”
  • He’s suffering from the “disease” but has remained sober for a solid 11 months straight (allegedly)
  • HE USES ALL CAPS SO YOU KNOW HE’S 4 REAL
  • He wants to buy a house or get an apartment with his “fiance” Kati Kilroy with the $1,800
  • He also wants to take the money to “get into school to help other addicts find the light,” as well as “help abuse victims and street kids to change their lives b4 it’s to late.”
  • The $1,800 will be going towards first, last, and security on their “first home”
  • He wants to focus on school instead of housing

I’ve never seen someone who can do so much with just $1,800. Finding an apartment with first, last, and security that only costs $1,800 is impressive enough as it is. But he’s gonna take the savings and “help abuse victims and street kids to change their lives,” because he’s obviously very good with finances.

Does this look the kind of guy who can’t be trusted with $1,800 in charity?

Holy crap, it’s Shaun King!!

Sorry Talcum X, you’re gonna have to pay for your own shit.

You can totally trust him because according to this recent video things are going great right now:

“Fucking clean and sober, know what I mean? Got the Jordan’s fitted dude.”

Oh good, he can afford Jordan’s.

“I’ve been out of jail for a month, and I’ve accomplished SO fucking much.”

And by that he means, “I went to a couple meetings and started a GoFundMe.”

“I’m not always gonna be 100% sober. When I get my own place I’m gonna go and smoke bud.”

Oh yes, this is definitely a convincing way to let people know that you will not lapse back into drug abuse. Talk about how you’re gonna spend your GoFundMe money on weed. Excellent marketing strategy.

Oh, and here he is confronting a woman while drunk after allegedly not paying his rent, and eventually getting kicked out after starting a fight:


Here he is finding a drunk passed out in an unknown location and asking him what he’ll do for another beer:


So obviously we can trust Sargent Squatter with $1,800 because it will no doubt be going towards the things he claims it will be going towards. After all, this clearly sounds like a reformed man who wants to make some serious changes in his life:

Fighting a 300 pound black in Ludlow jail on Christmas day, hitting him 32 times, and then watching the video to see how bad ass he is. Dude must’ve been scared of his hardcore county jail tats:

Obviously this man is worthy of your charity.

Obviously.

He also claims that the apartment is for him and his fiance, who appears to be either currently incarcerated, or missing:

Oh yea, this will be money well spent for sure. Just ignore his Google trophies though:

A homeless man was arrested Tuesday after police found him allegedly in possession of knives, stolen property and burglary instruments, according to court documents. Keith Phinney, 29, is charged with three counts of receiving more than $250 worth of stolen property, possession of burglary instruments and two counts of carrying a dangerous weapon.

According to court documents, police observed Phinney near 67 Day St., about 6:35 p.m., attempting to get into the building. Police verified that there was an active warrant for Phinney’s arrest and apprehended him before he entered the building, court documents said.

Police asked Phinney if he had any weapons in his possession, and he produced a knife in his pocket, court documents said, adding that officers also found a second knife. During booking, police discovered three flashlights and a small tool used to cut belts and straps that were identified as burglary instruments, court documents said. Police also uncovered three Playstation games, two DVDs, two cologne bottles, an LL Bean gift card, allegedly stolen gift cards, an iPod shuffle and an iPad, two USB cables in the original packaging, and an electronic scale with empty glassine bags, court documents said. Police were able to link some of the items to previous break-in reports.

So just to review.

  • He’s a thief who was already well known to Fitchburg police before going to jail
  • He’s got the “disease” but it’s cool because he’s been clean for 11 months
  • He’s now living in a sober house in Springfield
  • He brags about being a bad ass in jail and beating the shit out of a 300 pound black guy
  • He wants $1,800 to him and his fiance can get an apartment where they will be smoking weed (but only weed), even though she is currently not in the picture for unknown reasons
  • With whatever money is left over he plans to save “street kids” from turning into him

Where do I sign up? Can’t think of a charity that is more deserving of my hard earned money than this grown career criminal who obviouosly has completed the transformation into law abiding, non-drug abusing citizen.

25 Comment(s)
  • WTFSTFU
    April 24, 2018 at 8:02 pm

    Doooode…….that no chiclets voice & stop talking like a 12 yr old loser fake thug. WTF.

  • deflateddoritodinks
    April 24, 2018 at 11:41 am

    This guy is a very strong argument against any further funding for narcan.

  • Smh
    April 24, 2018 at 7:09 am

    Ya go work out, don’t worry about your grill. How people walk around with no teeth is beyond me. Talking about looking good.. you have no teeth? How is that a good look?

  • GingyKidd
    April 24, 2018 at 12:55 am

    11 months clean AND out of jail for ONE month……

    Let that sink in just a second.

    Friggen dipshit.

  • Sloppy
    April 23, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    Dear tough guys who’ve never held a job for more than a week,

    If you want to join respectable society, you need to stop trying to ‘keep it real’, at least when you’re in the eye of said respectable public. Whether you’re trying to mooch some cash off the same strangers who’ve been paying for your EBT card all these years, or trying to actually gain some legitimate employment, stop with the gangster poses, learn to smile and look friendly. The ‘mean tough guy scowl’ might get all the little fuckups-in-training in the ‘hood’ to look up to you and run your errands, and in jail, it might keep your butthole from getting forcibly rodgered more than once a week. But in the regular world, nobody thinks you’re cool. You might practice the ‘mean tough guy scowl’ in the mirror at home, and looking back at you is a baaaaad motherfucker, the guy who everyone in your crappy neighborhood is afraid of. But when you walk around outside of your shithole stomping ground, people just see some loser trying to look tough and dressing like he’s 15 years younger than he is.
    Go to Marshall’s and get a shirt with a collar and some pants; this ain’t a fucking rap video.

  • Qweef Spinney
    April 23, 2018 at 10:08 pm

    Who models themselves after Cheddar Bob from 8 Mile? Whola fuck. I mean, fuck it shoot a little higher bruh, at least act like your a Finn or a Killoran, you know, like Staff Sergeant Lincoln Osiris used to say, “you never go full retard.” Half measures like our two aforementioned Turtle friends, go half retard. That there brings legitimacy, not full throttled Cheddar Bob. Oh, and if all must know, Kati isn’t even talking to this moron anymore. She dinking some xannie bar dealer from Ashburnham. Hasn’t talked to Qweef Spinney there in almost two years, he’s just got last girlfrienditis going on. Rock on Qweef, hopefully you make another day of sobriety. Cheerin for yah pal.

  • K
    April 23, 2018 at 10:02 pm

    HAHA thank you for posting this lmfao!!

  • NR
    April 23, 2018 at 9:17 pm

    A clean and sober drunk…who is “schick of makin the Puerto Rican’s rich, fuhkin schick of it”. Let’s subsidize his nips.

  • Julio Goldstein
    April 23, 2018 at 9:13 pm

    I want to donate $10 just for the laughs he gave me from watching his video. Even if I had both my legs hacked off with a machete by a cartel and they were about to start working on my neck next I’d still feel like I had it better than this deep fried extra crispy turd.

  • I throw stink bombs at zombies on mass ave
    April 23, 2018 at 8:43 pm

    Dumbest shit I’ve ever heard..Do you know hoe to drink and be civil..Lol OKAY!

  • Random Chick
    April 23, 2018 at 7:15 pm

    Y’all didn’t mention his 13 year old son that he’s been threatening and talking shit to. He has never been there for our kid and own a lot in back child support. He’s threatened his son’s Mother multiple times and another ex girlfriend of his has a restraining order against him.

    • You did it to yourself
      April 23, 2018 at 8:48 pm

      You let a junkie stick his dirty dick in you?That’s fucking gross.Do you find your boyfriends on mass ave?

    • Smh
      April 24, 2018 at 7:30 am

      They are kinda right. If I were you I would just be glad that he has nothing to do with your child. Your actually better off

  • K
    April 23, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    Once you get the junkie voice you have it forever. I’ve known people clean over 20-30 years and still have that voice.

  • Anonymous
    April 23, 2018 at 5:18 pm

    She is attractive…and this is the man she is dating…yet good single guys get turned down…

    • Yomomma
      April 24, 2018 at 11:13 am

      The girl is a trashy junkbox who sucks dick for 20 bags of crack. They are both trashy pieces of dog shit
      He reps a “gang” 424 worcester county horsemen Death before dishonor… Well looks pretty dishonorable being an oxygen thief like yourself.

  • MrSmiley
    April 23, 2018 at 3:32 pm

    Fuck Phinney. Shitty ass con and person in general. I hope heroin gets stronger so it’s an automatic green light to the afterlife. His chick is decent looking but can only imagine whats upstairs jeeezus….

  • The key, sorry no magic involved.
    April 23, 2018 at 2:32 pm

    Here is an idea grown man. First…if you are sober eleven continuous months well good for you. Now, welcome to the real world. Second, go get a labor job at a construction company. Go to your recovery meetings at night. Go to sleep and get up and do the job again. Show your worth to the construction company that hired you. Get to know your fellow workers. Ask one of the long term workers to help you further your trade. All the while getting a weekly paycheck. Some benefits from the job or in time go to a better company that offers more. Every day go to work. Every week get paid. Open bank account and add a little money to it but….don’t touch the money…save it. Do this for years but always try to get better at job you do making yourself more valuable. Good luck.

  • The Purge
    April 23, 2018 at 1:50 pm

    OK, Keith Phinney. Next?

  • Iroc
    April 23, 2018 at 1:49 pm

    That unmistakable junkie voice

  • Bill Wilson
    April 23, 2018 at 1:41 pm

    That picture with him by the brick building is at BHN on Liberty St.
    He is not clean, that is a 501(c)(3) scam of an organization subsidized by State grant dollars.
    Treat em’ and street em’.

    • z
      April 23, 2018 at 2:02 pm

      I beg to differ. They can’t make you do anything (they being any organization) that you don’t want to do. The best they can do is get you to focus on what the problem is and man up to it.

      They are there to listen if you want to talk. They can’t make you talk. They can try to get you to talk. It’s possible you don’t click with BHN, maybe you do with another. But, still YOU have to want it.

      You know when you want it? When suicide seems to be a reasonable choice. You’ve hit bottom. You only have 2 choices.

      A. I don’t like the situation I’m in and want to change but want to live.
      B. Fuck it, death looks good right now.

      The “Treat em’ and street em'”s are the clinic-resorts to get clean. A month at the beach, a massage everyday and that 5 year drug addiction is gone. Amazing.

      • Bill Wilson
        April 23, 2018 at 3:11 pm

        I agree with your point regarding self-agency. Well stated, sir (or madam).

        BHN is still hot basura (trash).

  • TAP alum
    April 23, 2018 at 1:40 pm

    I went to school with him in the TAP (Townsend/Ashby/Pepperell) area and I’m not surprised he ended up on TB.

  • Bananarama
    April 23, 2018 at 1:33 pm

    Oh my god that voice!!!! Whenever I hear that I just wanna knock the person out. Dead give away for junkie life.

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