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I cannot stop laughing at the latest viral Facebook post:

The two biggest crimes committed here were, 1) the airline employee who posted those pictures has a shared Facebook account (which one do you think cheated?), and 2) this basic Becky named her raw dog trophy ABCDE.

Bitch, who gave you that idea? The Jackson 5? Elmo? What’s her brother’s names? LMFAO and GTFO? She seems like a nice girl though. Maybe when she gets older I can introduce her to my son FGHIJ.

Of course she has to mention that her kid has epilepsy, which has absolutely nothing to do with the reason this employee laughed at her kid’s name with their friends on Facebook. Mom did this to try to subliminally stick it in your head that her kid was extra victimized by this, when in fact she would never even see it since five year olds aren’t on Facebook. They weren’t laughing at your kid’s epilepsy, they were laughing at her name. Because it’s terrible. And YOU gave it to her. You’re the one being mocked here, and you totally deserve it.

Comment of the day goes to Craig.

I’m not gonna lie, if I saw that ticket the first thing I’d think was that the company fucked up when they printed the seat on the boarding pass.

How da fuq you gonna name your kid ABCDE and not foresee this problem happening? God, I hate these people who treat their crotch fruits like they’re the changing room at Macy’s. This ain’t experiment time. This is a human being we’re dealing with here, and they get one name for life unless they’re Apple Daddy’s kids in which case they’re forced to become transgender. These are the same people who go to Pearl Jam concerts and tell them to play Leatherman so they can do something to prove they’re deep thinkers. Meanwhile everyone else is drunk and just wants to here Alive.

Just give your kid a normal name so they can lead a normal life and not constantly be made fun of. If you have to explain the pronunciation of your kid’s name because for some reason the vowel doesn’t come until the last letter of their name, then you’re an asshole. Instead of naming your kid Bohemian Absidee, just call her Jessica so she can grow up to become a stripper like everyone else from El Paso. You gave your kid that name for you, not for them. YOU wanted to feel special and brag to your friends about how you came up with an original name that no one else named their little tax breaks. You didn’t once think about how they’re gonna have to go through 13 years of schools without meeting anyone who doesn’t instinctively sing their name.

In fairness, it’s kind of fucked that this employee is taking pictures of people and posting like that, but on the other hand, free speech. That shit is funny. Where would we be without People of Walmart and the Jersey Shore? We need shit in our lives to laugh at in order to be reassured that there are other people out there more fucked up than us.

I’m a free speech absolutist. When someone isn’t working they should be allowed to post whatever they want on their own Facebook page because they’re acting as a private citizen. I’m aware that this is not the world we’re living in, and that private employers have the right to terminate you for whatever reason they want. But if I’m dictator of the world this is the first rule I’m instituting – no one can get fired for shit they post on Facebook.

Either way, the irony of this all is too delicious. Here we have an attention seeking mother, who claims she’s totes not an attention seeking mother, and says she’s upset that her kid’s information is out there. So what does she do? Posts her kid’s information on her public Facebook page and encourages strangers to share it. Makes sense.

The comments on the post got funnier the longer it was up, but at first the angry mom mafia was all fired up.

A disgrace to humanity!! Can’t you just feel the LUV?

This Internet lawsuit brigade was out in full force.

Stuped workered!!!

What are you gonna sue them over? Posting your kid’s real name on the Internet? They didn’t post her medical information, just her stupid name that her stupid mother gave her.

Evidently this is “bullying” and “harassment” of a child, even though harassment involves making actual contact with the person who is being harassed.

HAHAHAHHA!!! Seriously, I laugh out loud every single time one of these Angelina Holy’s refers to the child as ABCDE all casually. How can anyone type that with a straight face? I have a hard time not capitalizing them all when I write it. Then again, from writing for Turtleboy for a while now I’ve noticed that one of the first signs that you’re dealing with a ratchet is when they think “lose” is spelt “loose.” Bitch, loose is what your morals are when you grow up in Lawrence. Lose is what you do when you grow up in Lawrence.

Then came the HIPPA patrol.

Good point. Because working in the medical field and being the chick who rips your ticket for Southwest Airline are the same thing. Good point.

The bottom line is Mom is an attention seeking chick from Texas who gave her kid a horrible name without thinking ahead and realizing the inevitability of this eventually happening. It’s only gonna get worse for poor ABCDE from here.