Diane Kelly FINALLY mentioned Turtleboy in one of her Franzia induced late night Facebook rants done in cat voice this week.

Diane, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – we would love to have you on the live show if you’d like to give us a piece of your mind. I mean, you can really let it rip girl. You can say whatever you want to me, and then we can have a productive dialogue about the REAL reasons PURR is now closed forever. Hit me up.

Anyway, Turtleboy is NOT liked in the anti-PURR Facebook community, because they appear to be a bunch of social justice warriors who also happen to believe that a drunk who has no idea how to run a cat cafe decided to open a cat cafe in Boston. You’d think that we could unite around the idea that we both believe that Diane Kelly’s business was a hot mess, but it appears as if these people don’t really want to get along at all. Bristol and I talked about it last night on the podcast, but I’ll go over it below if you missed it.

I’m going to attempt to be diplomatic and respectful while explaining why these people are all intentionally misrepresenting what we do. It started with this post.

Just to be clear what’s happening here, this group was organized to shit on Diane Kelly and mock her in general. But they don’t like it when Turtleboy does the exact same thing they’re doing because then they’d have to admit that we were right about something. When they do it it’s OK, when we do it it’s defamatory. Thanks for clearing that up Sam. You seem like fun.

A woman who was not familiar with our work asked people what was wrong with Turtleboy.

Then the fun began.

Racist? Misogynist? Never heard baseless claims like this before. Don’t worry though Drew, I’m not going to stoop to your level and make fun of you like other people would. Sure, I could try to say that you look like the love child of Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill, and you don’t have a single black person in any of your Facebook pictures so you’re probably a racist too.

But I would never do that. Nor would I point out that literally every single person in Emily’s social group is a white woman, and I certainly wouldn’t suggest that this is proof that she is a white supremacist.

I would however, urge you to read Turtleboy with an open mind and understand that we are very committed to social justice while championing the rights of women and racial minorities.

Emily said that we “doxxed and harassed a rape victim” though. But I can assure you she’s just making that up. I’m sorry you feel the need to lie like that and I will pray for you Emily. But it appears as if she’s getting her information from a previously featured Turtleboy fire gypsy named Aeyo Odinflame.

We first met Aeyo 3 years ago after her friend started leaving negative reviews on all of our advertisers Facebook pages, even though he’d never been to them. Turtle riders responded in kind by giving his business one star reviews and Aeyo, who clearly doesn’t understand the concepts of irony or hypocrisy, couldn’t believe we’d do this to a guy who was intentionally and maliciously interfering in our business.

These fire folks are friends with mentally balanced people like Charlotte McFarland, and because they can’t find anything that’s actually wrong with our blog they feel the need to make things up as they go along. I would love to sit down for a cup of coffee with any of them so I can clear up any misconceptions they have about the blog.

A woman named Sema, who seemed vaguely familiar with Turtleboy but wasn’t a diehard turtle rider, wanted to know which TB blogs were bigoted and why. The response from Drew pretty much summed it up.

He’s a bigot by being a bigot. Because I said so. Oh, Drew. I think you’d really like me if you gave me a chance. Let’s do lunch at a farmer’s market or something.

Anything specific?

Yea, we always write blogs that target people for being Jewish and/or black. Remember that one blog? There was a guy who was obeying the law and wasn’t acting ratchet at all. But he was black so we made fun of him anyway. Awesome blog.

Oh wait, Drew was just making that up again because he doesn’t have actual examples. Come on Drew, you’re better than that! Let’s go out for perms!

But according to him the blogs SSTG did about PURR were bad because they were personal attacks.

Also, it’s OK when his friends make fun of Diane because they’re not “based in misogyny or being monetized.” In other words, it’s OK to mock her if you declare yourself to be a male feminist and aren’t profiting off of it.

Sema was confused though, because most of our articles actually expose people doing bad things. Plus, I didn’t write the PURR blogs (I’m not as talented as SSTG).

But evidently SSTG is a misogynist because she made a menopause joke.

Michaela, I feel so bad for you. You are going through life pretending to be offended by things you’re not really offended by. It seems like so much work. Obviously you’re not really offended by the fact that a woman mentioned the M word in a satirical manner. Obviously it’s ridiculous that you called a woman a sexist because she did that. Yet you bend over backwards to try to take offense anyway. Let’s go out for drinks sometime so you can let loose a little. It would do wonders for your mental health.

Some might think it’s silly to say that a woman is a misogynist, but luckily Drew was here to mansplain those thoughts away.

Thank you Drew, for explaining to a woman why she hates women. What would the world do without white men telling women how to think? This was very progressive and very brave of you, and I thank you for your service.

Nicole Levay did have examples of our bigotry though.

So she likes that Turtleboy published a blog about a level 3 sex offender working to build an elementary school in Marlborough, but it’s completely out of line that we made jokes about him being cross eyed.

If your moral outrage about Turtleboy revolves around the things we say about people who rape children, you may want to reevaluate your priorities.

Nevertheless Drew cracked the case that TB Daily News is run by the same people as Turtleboy, because he did an IP search.

Well, yea, of course it’s owned by the same company. That’s why we created the site – it’s a clean version of Turtleboy. But no, they don’t trace back to the same IP address. My web developer made TB Daily News in Greenfield, and I made Turtleboy in Worcester. Also, we have multiple bloggers logging in front different IPs so it would appear as if you are a liar Drew. But it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, and I look forward to our respectful discussion at the venue of your choice.

Anyway, I woke up and found out I was kicked out of that group after the YouTube Live show, but I screenshotted some other comments in there before leaving. I’ll just leave them here.

“We called the Boston Globe, WBZ and other mainstream trash, and none of them wanted to write about it. So we’re mad that Turtleboy was the only one that did because Turtleboy is hate speech, even though we agree with him.”

That about sums it up.

This episode of Uncle Turtleboy’s Light Night Garage Podcast is brought to you by the good folks over at Garage Doors Plus in Quincy. Support the Turtleboy sponsors by giving them a call for all your garage door needs, visit their website gdplus.com, or like them on Facebook to support the turtle.

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