Hoodrat Heroes

Southie Slop Queefs Do The Ratchet Rumba Into Oncoming Traffic Outside Of Boston Medical Center Over Spilt Glass Of Captain’s And Cunny Juice

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There’s this myth that Boston is this wonderful city because the only thing people see when they go to Boston are the North End and the Back Bay. If you’re rich you head down to Southie to eat at the Seaport. Sure, some people go through an Allston-Brighton phase when they’re in their 20’s and they think it’s cool to spend an arm and a leg on rent so they can tell people they live in the city. But that’s just a small fraction of Boston. The rest of it is the most underrated dump in Massachusetts. Hyde Park, Roxbury, Murderpan, JP, Dorchester – that’s REAL Boston. And it’s a cesspool of humanity.

To make my case for me I give you exhibit A – two slopqueefs throwing down outside of Newton Pavilion at Boston Medical Center, in today’s episode of “Gentrification gone wrong”:

Savages. And I’m not talking about the combatants in that cultural roller coaster. I’m talking about the dude filming it. It’s 2018 and people are still recording vertically? Special place in hell for that.

Please tell me some turtle riders know who any of the people in this video are. We would smell Didi Delgado’s grundle for a chance to have one of them on Turtleboy Live this weekend. Let us know if you do!

Let’s go to the play by play….

It starts off with the blonde, Meggy Methalope, fighting a brunette as the Methalope’s boyfriend, Sid Syphilis, coaches her and cheers her on….

As you can see they appear to be arguing over a glass of Captain’s and Cunny Juice that was spilt all over the ground.

As most ratchets do in the wild, they immediately began with hair pulling, as this is likely the fourth or fifth time this week these beef buckets have gotten into a fight in the middle of the day.

Usually they’re fighting over more important things like, who didn’t throw in on the crackpipe, or whose turn is it to take a ride on Diego’s bone ranger for some free samples. But today one of these trap queens obviously planned to get crunk and make some bad decisions, before they were rudely interrupted.

And of course you know the age old saying – when the booze goes away, the fupas will play.

Of course these two are fighting outside of a hospital because the brunette is there for the free healthcare and complementary wheelchairs, which of course she used as a prop when she dragged the Methalope towards it

And then used as leverage to slam her crackmuffin adversary to the ground.

From there she attempted take the Methalope for a ratchet dog walk into traffic…..

But luckily Sid Syphilis was there to keep Meggy Methalope’s head from tattooing the CRV.

Pretty unfair, since Sid Syphilis is obviously biased. And now the Methalope clearly had the upper hand as she stared down at her prey:

She then began using a stranger’s running car in traffic to balance herself as she gave her a face full of stolen Kohl’s discount sneakers to the back of Wheelchair Wendy’s head.

But Wheelchair Wendy doesn’t go down that easy. She got right back up, punk rock haircut and all, and kept the Methalope at bay .

Meanwhile this guy’s all like, “I’m just gonna drink my cran grape and Rubinoff spritzer and mind my own business.”

I call shenanigans at the end when the security guard comes over:

Yo, free my girl Wheelchair Wendy! Why is he taking marching orders from Meggy Methalope like she did nothing wrong in all of this? It takes two to do the ratchet rumba!

Plus, you couldn’t pay me to have skin to skin contact with Wheelchair Wendy for more than a split second.

That guy’s gonna need to take a shower in bleach when he gets home.

The real tragedy is when Wheelchair Wendy looks down at her spilt Captain and Cunny Juice, alongside her purple crackpipe, and realizes that she’s gonna have to go shine Diego’s shaft one more time if she wants to have a good time today.

Glorious.

This is technically South Boston. A place where young professionals pay insanely stupid rates to live in loft apartments to try to be metrofabulous. A lot of doctors and business folk do live and eat here. So this is the “nice” part of town. In Dorchester this is an every day occurrence on your lunch break.

But here’s the problem – there’s meth clinics everywhere:

And of course these clinics attract only the finest and most upstanding jizz muffins society has to offer. It’s basically a place for addicts to make new business connections under the guise of recovery.

Anyway, who won the fight? Vote in the poll below:

 

10 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    June 13, 2018 at 4:14 pm

    Yeah… just never wander outside the North End or Back Bay. The rest of the city may as well be Haiti with crackheads.

    • Greg
      June 13, 2018 at 8:44 pm

      You obviously know absolutely nothing about Boston. You probably couldn’t find your way to Fenway Park without a map.

  • The Vorlon
    June 13, 2018 at 1:03 pm

    Hey Marty–your wondering why I spend money with Amazon and not in your fantasy-land? Check above for example #1.

    I don’t have to worry about parking meters anymore–got the ultimate from the DMV–the handicapped placard. I don’t have to worry about your circling horde of vultures, yet I still won’t spend a dime within the city. If it wasn’t for Microcenter, I wouldn’t set foot in the Peoples Republic of Cambridge either. Amazon Prime looks better every day.

  • Greg
    June 12, 2018 at 8:42 pm

    “This is technically South Boston.”

    No, actually it’s not. That, coupled with the fact that you call JP a “dump” and a “cesspool” tells me that you really don’t know much about the city you’re trying to disparage. I live in JP. The house we paid $500K for a dozen years ago is now worth around $1.2M. If we put it on the maket, it would sell for asking in the first week. Now, I don’t know what suburb you call home. I’m guessing there’s a Walmart there though. I can tell you that it’s probably a good thing you have no desire to come to JP because I’m confident you couldn’t even afford a parking space here.

  • SMH
    June 12, 2018 at 6:59 pm

    I can’t wait until Mahty rebuilds the Long Island bridge and the trash trucked out there from the methadone mile. Quincy, unfortunately opposes that for fear some of the trash could flow back to their shores.

  • bayview
    June 12, 2018 at 5:17 pm

    Not Southie.
    More Roxbury.
    Which could never be confused with Southie.

  • First Time Caller
    June 12, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    That’s Roxbury, not Southie. Down in that godforsaken area every fucking day bringing my husband to work. Those fuckbrains are probably staggering in and out of traffic begging for money and smokes.

  • Turtz McGurtz
    June 12, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    I would take abortion spice over both of them in a handicap match.

  • foo manchew
    June 12, 2018 at 1:24 pm

    Worked right near there for a year. Walking home one day crossing Melnea Cass and Washington I saw two white girls outside a car in the middle of traffic arguing with a black girl. I thought ‘well, this won’t end well’ and right at that moment somebody threw a punch. Another white girl jumps out of the car, three more black girls come off the sidewalk and we got a free for all in the middle of the street. I walked what I felt was a good gunshot distance away and watched them beat the hell out of each other. It was glorious.

  • deflatteddoritodinks
    June 12, 2018 at 12:49 pm

    I am so happy I don’t have to go into Mahty “the thug” Walsh’s fantasy land except very very rarely. Jesus Christ the only news out of that place is more taxes, more fines, rents that make Manhattan seem cheap except for the fact that there are no restaurants that can sniff the ones in Manhattan and ghetto trash literally living in their cars smoking crack.

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