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There’s this myth that Boston is this wonderful city because the only thing people see when they go to Boston are the North End and the Back Bay. If you’re rich you head down to Southie to eat at the Seaport. Sure, some people go through an Allston-Brighton phase when they’re in their 20’s and they think it’s cool to spend an arm and a leg on rent so they can tell people they live in the city. But that’s just a small fraction of Boston. The rest of it is the most underrated dump in Massachusetts. Hyde Park, Roxbury, Murderpan, JP, Dorchester – that’s REAL Boston. And it’s a cesspool of humanity.
To make my case for me I give you exhibit A – two slopqueefs throwing down outside of Newton Pavilion at Boston Medical Center, in today’s episode of “Gentrification gone wrong”:
Savages. And I’m not talking about the combatants in that cultural roller coaster. I’m talking about the dude filming it. It’s 2018 and people are still recording vertically? Special place in hell for that.
Please tell me some turtle riders know who any of the people in this video are. We would smell Didi Delgado’s grundle for a chance to have one of them on Turtleboy Live this weekend. Let us know if you do!
Let’s go to the play by play….
It starts off with the blonde, Meggy Methalope, fighting a brunette as the Methalope’s boyfriend, Sid Syphilis, coaches her and cheers her on….
As you can see they appear to be arguing over a glass of Captain’s and Cunny Juice that was spilt all over the ground.
As most ratchets do in the wild, they immediately began with hair pulling, as this is likely the fourth or fifth time this week these beef buckets have gotten into a fight in the middle of the day.
Usually they’re fighting over more important things like, who didn’t throw in on the crackpipe, or whose turn is it to take a ride on Diego’s bone ranger for some free samples. But today one of these trap queens obviously planned to get crunk and make some bad decisions, before they were rudely interrupted.
And of course you know the age old saying – when the booze goes away, the fupas will play.
Of course these two are fighting outside of a hospital because the brunette is there for the free healthcare and complementary wheelchairs, which of course she used as a prop when she dragged the Methalope towards it
And then used as leverage to slam her crackmuffin adversary to the ground.
From there she attempted take the Methalope for a ratchet dog walk into traffic…..
But luckily Sid Syphilis was there to keep Meggy Methalope’s head from tattooing the CRV.
Pretty unfair, since Sid Syphilis is obviously biased. And now the Methalope clearly had the upper hand as she stared down at her prey:
She then began using a stranger’s running car in traffic to balance herself as she gave her a face full of stolen Kohl’s discount sneakers to the back of Wheelchair Wendy’s head.
But Wheelchair Wendy doesn’t go down that easy. She got right back up, punk rock haircut and all, and kept the Methalope at bay .
Meanwhile this guy’s all like, “I’m just gonna drink my cran grape and Rubinoff spritzer and mind my own business.”
I call shenanigans at the end when the security guard comes over:
Yo, free my girl Wheelchair Wendy! Why is he taking marching orders from Meggy Methalope like she did nothing wrong in all of this? It takes two to do the ratchet rumba!
Plus, you couldn’t pay me to have skin to skin contact with Wheelchair Wendy for more than a split second.
That guy’s gonna need to take a shower in bleach when he gets home.
The real tragedy is when Wheelchair Wendy looks down at her spilt Captain and Cunny Juice, alongside her purple crackpipe, and realizes that she’s gonna have to go shine Diego’s shaft one more time if she wants to have a good time today.
This is technically South Boston. A place where young professionals pay insanely stupid rates to live in loft apartments to try to be metrofabulous. A lot of doctors and business folk do live and eat here. So this is the “nice” part of town. In Dorchester this is an every day occurrence on your lunch break.
But here’s the problem – there’s meth clinics everywhere:
And of course these clinics attract only the finest and most upstanding jizz muffins society has to offer. It’s basically a place for addicts to make new business connections under the guise of recovery.
Anyway, who won the fight? Vote in the poll below: