Springfield High Heeled Poonado Gets So Shitfaced She Doesn’t Realize She Smashed Into Four Cars And Her Car Is On Fire Because A Wheel Fell Off

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A turtle rider sent us this insane video from Saturday night in Springfield of a drunken clam who had just smashed into a car, driving around the streets of Springfield, with sparks flying everywhere because her front tire had fallen off, and running from the cops:

Just another Saturday night in the God forsaken hellhole known as Springfield.

According to one eye witness she had just come out of Taco Ball, hit a car, and got the hell out of there.

Their slogan is “live outside the bun,” which apparently Drunky McGoo here thought was, “give us all your rum.” Although in her defense, she was way too shitfaced to realize she’d just smashed into a car. Lots of people have one or two beers and don’t know that they’re missing a front tire and their car is on fire.

Shockingly this is not Christina L. Tessier’s first time drinking and driving:


Fortunately for her she’s smart enough to not have a Facebook, or else she hides herself pretty well. So all we have of her is her magnificent arrest shot in hooker shoes:

But if you have pictures of her or social media, we’d love to see it.

Gotta love the way she just got out of the car and assumed the position. Not even the least bit confused. Just another Saturday night in the drunk tank for this 48 year old skagbag.

In all seriousness though, fuck this lady. She could’ve killed a bunch of people. She’s clearly a menace and hopefully she never, ever, ever is allowed to drive a car again.

22 Comment(s)
  • Spankster
    March 6, 2018 at 5:42 pm

    When the new casino opens this will be an hourly thing

  • Hughbo Mont
    March 6, 2018 at 4:03 pm

    Wasn’t that a Kossak first to her car? Nice to see Springfield PD using offshore labor!

  • John John
    March 5, 2018 at 11:47 pm

    Any scumbag lawyer worth his/her salt will get this douchebag off probably even without a fine or loss of license so she will have another chance to kill someone, and we the people deserve it because this is what people want. You may not like what I say but it is so very true.

  • gfldgadfly
    March 5, 2018 at 7:29 pm

    I just want to know whether she had her last drink under the amtrak trestle, and if so, was it out of the actual hole in the wall bar on Main, or out of a brown paper bag on Dwight. Inquiring minds!

    • z
      March 5, 2018 at 8:04 pm

      The train station to the X? Without hitting anything? C’mon man.

      If she did, I’d figure she’d have had an accident on Maple right on the other side of State.

      She should be thankful this finished before the 91 on ramp (I think it is open-maybe not) a little further down the street. If she made it up there, she and probably whoever hit her would be dead.

      A sane person would consider this situation a turning point in their life. I doubt she will consider this a turning point.

  • z
    March 5, 2018 at 7:22 pm

    “Ah dina du nuffin”

    She then proceeded to puke up the Taco Bell “Meal”.

    “Eyez feelz betters now”

    • z
      March 5, 2018 at 7:50 pm

      Amazed she got that far.

      My guess is she went down Sumner Ave, Longhill St and East Columbus Ave. Maybe about a mile before the wheels literally fell off. But Sumner is very wide and E. Col. is one way. The traffic near the Taco Bell is usually stupid bad, day or night. Surprised her adventure didn’t stop there after the the first car.

      God, I hate Springfield. When I was a kid we’d regularly go shopping in areas that now I wouldn’t go into with an armed escort today.

      But, this isn’t just a Springfield thing. Drunk as a skunk happens everywhere.

  • No Carfax
    March 5, 2018 at 7:15 pm

    Well….. on the bright side the video could be sold to Boch Toyota for a commercial with Ernie saying “Here at Boch Toyota we can service everything!”.

  • Local real local
    March 5, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    You can’t call her dunky mcgoo. Testier is French please update your slur.

    • mitch
      March 5, 2018 at 6:33 pm

      You can’t get any messier than Christina L Tessier !!

    • gfldgadfly
      March 5, 2018 at 7:32 pm

      Poon-tine. With extra sauce.

  • Brian Albrecht
    March 5, 2018 at 5:06 pm

    WESTERN MASS TURTLE GIRL IS UGLY AS SIN. like all the poor people that live in western mass, its just a disgusting place for females. Just know I know you’re an ugly bitch western mass turtle girl.

    • Turtle Brother
      March 5, 2018 at 5:40 pm

      Myself and many others have fucked western mass turtlegirl. You don’t even need to get her drunk or drugged in order to have sex with her.

    • johnnyb
      March 5, 2018 at 7:55 pm

      West Mass Turtlegirl is SEXY AF..She blogs for the Turtle!!

    • gfldgadfly
      March 5, 2018 at 8:05 pm

      We can take that with a grain of salt, knowing your age window closes earlier than last call in the Hilltowns

    • Albrecht Gaper Taker
      March 6, 2018 at 3:54 am

      Albrecht, you fucking retard. Western MA TG is prime real estate. You wouldn’t know a hot chick if she came up and queefed in your face. All those years of eating momma’s stools has really set you back bud. Maybe daddy should have beatin momma harder so that you could have done some good in your life. Instead punk arse, sitting by, watching momma get her cranium caved in and taking on daddy’s mannerism is no way to proceed in life. We would have thought the boat load of cocks in your arse would have tamed you a bit, but it didn’t did it? As Finn would say, GF’d! LOL WMTG, I love you, will you marry me!!?

  • Brian Albrecht
    March 5, 2018 at 5:04 pm

    If you haven’t driven so drunk that you’ve done something like this than you’re a pussy.

  • Brother Turtle
    March 5, 2018 at 4:35 pm

    Just like any female, get her drunk enough and she will give you the best sex ever!

  • Yolanda
    March 5, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    But its a disease

    • They call me Ponch
      March 5, 2018 at 3:46 pm

      I know! Right!
      Disease that kills others!

    • AimeeLee
      March 6, 2018 at 11:26 pm

      Yes and it’s called alcoholism 

  • mitch
    March 5, 2018 at 3:38 pm


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