Hoodrat Heroes

Springfield Junkbox Emily Thickinson Starts GoFundMe After Just Raising $2,300 In Other GoFundMe So She Can Buy Laptop, Pay Off Excise Taxes, And Write Book That Will Never Be Published

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More often than not when you mix junkies, GoFundMe, Springfield, and Holyoke together, you get a whole lot of ratchet sentagraphs mixed into a hoodrat stew. But I can’t say I’ve ever seen one like this before:

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what a philosophy from Westfield State looks like in real life.

Just to review where we’re at:

  • She’s an unemployed recovering junkbox who happens to be able to construct sentences together and give you the appearance that she’s not your run of the mill Springfield sewer guppy
  • She cannot work right now, but doesn’t explain why
  • She’s a “freelance writer” which means she printed out some free business cards from Vistaprint and starts GoFundMe’s for a living
  • This is OK because she’s not out panhandling for cash on the road
  • She can’t just rant all day on her iPhone though, so she needs a laptop to pursue her career as an unemployed writer who is publishing a book no one will buy
  • She needs $750 to pay off excise taxes that she just didn’t feel like paying, or else she will lose her license and won’t be able to driver her “partner’s” car to visit her kid 40 miles away that she likely never pays child support for

Sounds legit.

As she mentioned, she recently had another GoFundMe in July that raised $2,300, entitled “Addiction-Writing for life.”

So basically she makes money by getting idiots to pay her to write about her career as a junkie instead of getting a job like a normal person. Yet she has plenty of cash for the iPhone 8, and what appears to be an unlimited data plan, since she has it glued to her hand worse than when Turtleboy Jr. discovered Baby Shark on Youtube.

Oh, and here she is taking a selfie at MGM Grand in Springfield.

But she needs you to give her money anyway.

Emily Thickinson fancies herself as some sort of street performer, and is therefore worthy of your donations.

But as someone pointed out, street performers actually provide a service. I can listen to a guy play the saxophone and appreciate the value he brings to the atmosphere and culture of a city. Meanwhile Harriet Beecher Ho wants thousands of dollars so she can write bullshit on a laptop instead of an iPhone, and pay off taxes that she just didn’t feel like paying in the first place in order to pretend that she’s still a good Mom.

She wasn’t trying to hear this sort of criticism from the haters though.

According to her she wasn’t trying to get something for nothing though.

She just wanted you to give her something, and in return you’d get……nothing. But when she eventually types up a PDF file of her junkie memoirs, she’ll send it to you in an email if you’d like. How’s that for return on your investment?

Oh, and did I mention she collects SSI?


So she’s already taking the money that we’ve been forced to contribute to over the years, none of which will be around to collect when we retire because it goes to slamboxes like her instead so they can get paid to overcome their “disease.”

Luckily for her there was a long line of twatstains ready to defend her honor and encourage her to continue living life as a sad, pathetic waste of space.

God I wanna donkey punch all these people right in the cervix. Shutup with your “she’s an amazing woman” bullshit. The only thing amazing about her is her ability to convince you all to donate your hard earned money to a junkie because she knows how a period works.

Take your “only God can judge” bullshit and shove it directly up your taco warmer. “She didn’t ask for our opinion.” Well too bad, because she’s getting it anyway. That’s what happens when you put yourself out there as a lowlife. We judge, and we regret nothing.

“Too much hate.”

Wrong. There can never be enough hate. You’re absolutely right – I HATE swine like this with a burning passion. I HATE how they think something is owed to them for doing nothing. I HATE how they find a way to victimize themselves as an excuse for their own failures.

These people are a scourge. They are the reason that grown adults see nothing wrong with Internet panhandling while publicly admitting that they’re already on the government dole. These people see value in being “nice” rather than being honest, and as a result we have created a society of moochers who think they’re owed something for doing nothing.

31 Comment(s)
  • John Rothery
    December 3, 2018 at 10:27 am

    Turtle “boy”. You might want to fact check yourself before you spout bullshit since you claim to know so much about this woman. You are wrong about much of what you wrote but why let facts get in the way of a good rant? I would challenge you to survive what she has gone through. And don’t give me we all have struggles. I have had to overcome many myself but wouldn’t wish the hand she was dealt on anyone, even you. I guess you can write almost anything you want on a website. I respect “free speech” but making living peddling hate as you do goes to show people will do just about anything for money. Hate sells…

    • Turdchomper
      December 3, 2018 at 11:31 am

      What “facts” did TB miss? Shit is straight off of her post.

  • The Transformed Man
    December 2, 2018 at 5:10 am

    the SJW face…

  • Scott
    December 1, 2018 at 10:38 am

    “Harriet Beecher Ho”

    Mic drop

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      December 1, 2018 at 11:09 am

      Too bad you added the mic drop. It wasn’t that good.

  • MCG’s smoke detector batteries
    November 30, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    Civilizations used to communicate by carving their thoughts into rocks

    Junkbox Julie is above using the inexpensive, efficient form of pen and paper to express her thoughts.

    Meanwhile Mike Coulter needs to wait until payday to buy her a laptop. Dude is living paycheck to paycheck, but he’s buying this broad laptops she doesn’t need, and neither her or she can afford!

  • Whatch out your goin down
    November 30, 2018 at 10:14 pm

    Turtle boy is a puke stain pussy who got rapped as a child

  • Ray Patriarca
    Oh Julie...
    November 30, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    Get a job, you pathetic low-life !
    You see, responsible adults pay their bills. Responsible adults hold down a job. Responsible adults work to earn money to pay for things in life they need.
    I need a new laptop. It’s 10 years old. Right now, I cannot afford it. I’m saving money from the JOB that I’m WORKING !
    Oh, and by the way. I’m also in recovery. And I never needed a GFM to pay my bills. Why? Because I grew up, put down the drink, sobered up and work hard for a living. No handouts here.
    Grow up.
    Get a job.
    Stop being a dead beat !
    Merry Christmas !

    • Fred Knessl
      December 1, 2018 at 6:34 am

      You took the words right out of my mouth…
      For simple writing, editing and storage you don’t need a $3000 Macbook.
      I use a (now 7 year old) laptop bought off craigslist and it works just fine! My paychecks from my J.O.B. go to providing for my family an saving up for cool stuff. Today will be spent under my 20 year old car which needs a transmission. Then the Family and I will be going out to dinner and a Basketball game downtown. That will chew up my $$$ reserves but well worth it.
      Get a J.O.B. and you may feel better about yourself.

  • The Man with the Yellow Hat
    November 30, 2018 at 9:39 pm

    The holidays are making you Grinchy. I don’t see it what the fuss is about… That was the most well-written go fund me you’ve ever blogged about, yet she’s got you all in a tizzy. At least we know the girl can write. Who says she can’t write a book and save all the Junkies of the woo? I’d put my money on her. (Only I won’t, because I’m cheap. But if I weren’t cheap… ehh, yeah… fuck it. I’d give the broad a chance.)

    • MCG’s smoke detector batteries
      November 30, 2018 at 10:13 pm

      I would be more persuaded if Julie at least knew the difference between “accept” and “except”.
      Going to take a little more than $2300 to get someone to publish an autobiography of Junkbox Julie who has yet to grasp high school grammar

  • Maggie the Cat
    November 30, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    Looks like she “studied” at a lot of different places, but she didn’t learn anything.

  • Clitty Litter
    November 30, 2018 at 8:40 pm

    Cool business card photo with the earbuds in.

    Fucking beggar!

    Go munch Rachael Maddow’s rug for a couple bucks or something.
    Be productive.

  • Recovery takes effort
    November 30, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    There are tons of programs that she could utilize to get things like a laptop asking for straight cash homey is my biggest issue here, if she’s been hospitalized for mental health and or addiction issues within the last two years she qualifies for what’s called “mass Rehab” which will help her get a laptop. These are programs specifically for someone to rebuild a life but they have checks and balances and require effort on the participants part instead of just a handout.

    • Captain Trips
      November 30, 2018 at 8:25 pm

      She has a cashbox between her legs which seems to be devoid of money. The Master and I will be confronting her about this. Fear not, the Lake of Fire only burns a little!

  • Not today, satan.
    November 30, 2018 at 5:21 pm

    It says she applied for ssi. Not that she collects as of yet. And as of several years ago, they stopped considering being a junkie a disability. So homegirl is screwed. They are gonna deny that ass! Also, the last gfm, she couldn’t get her license fixed? What kinda crap is that? She has money for nice clothes and all that bohemian, handmade, Northampton sjw jewelry, but not for her license? Or a laptop? Nevermind your gfm, GFY!

    • Captain Trips
      November 30, 2018 at 8:22 pm

      I’m going to take care of her. She will swallow my cum 15 times a day, 7 days a week. It will taste like rotten garlic and dead fish, but she will learn to like it.

      If she does the above, I will provide for her.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    November 30, 2018 at 5:17 pm

    I just donated for her book.

    It couldn’t be any worse than “I AM TURTLEBOY”

    • Captain Trips
      Martin Luthor
      November 30, 2018 at 8:19 pm

      ‘I am a coon who would not live without white handouts’ is a book I would recommend to you Randall!

  • Turdchomper
    November 30, 2018 at 4:59 pm

    She may be in “recovery” but the “active insanity” is there to stay.

    • z
      November 30, 2018 at 6:25 pm

      She should go into therapy and volunteer somewhere.

      How about emptying bed pans? Not a joke. You end up helping people who can’t help themselves.
      Ring the Salvation Army bell. I’ve done it. You get to say “thank you” a couple of hundred times in a couple of hours. Works wonders for the soul.

      I see the word “Studied”, I don’t see the word “Graduated”.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      November 30, 2018 at 8:13 pm

      Now Now. You can recover from ‘active insanity’.

      You become ‘inactively insane’.

      Still insane perhaps. But at least she’s still not active~!

  • DJ
    November 30, 2018 at 4:36 pm

    I just want her to explain:
    1. Where did the money go from her first go fund me?
    2. Why is she on SSI if she is in recovery?
    3. Why does she consider herself to be disabled?
    4. Why can she NOT work?
    5. Why the fuck should WE pay her excise tax from 15 years ago?
    People like this pathetic excuse for a human being make me want to vomit. Jyst because SHE chose to be a junkie, why should WE have to support her life and/or pathetic dreams? Get a fucking job there is plenty of them out there you bum! The people that donate to this trash bag are just dumb, dumb people and Julie is laughing at all of you when she swindled you out of money. SMDH

    • Captain Trips
      Dr. Kevorkian
      November 30, 2018 at 4:43 pm

      Geez dude! Relax!

      ‘She’ has every right to beg for money. I think that is actually a dude. Those look like man’s hands to me!

      Transitioning is expensive! Have a heart!

      Julie, who once was Julio, has needs!

      By the way, does anyone have a uterus, Fallopian tubes, and ovaries they can donate to ‘her’ for a transplant?

  • Cindy Lou Who
    November 30, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    With all the good computers have done for humanity there’s a shitload of nonsense like this that makes me miss the past. She’s obviously spending her goverocheck on resist stickers and snappy outfits. Just because you’re from Springfield doesn’t mean you have to dress like you’re in a Dr Seuss book

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      November 30, 2018 at 4:28 pm

      You been spying on her?

      This is the title of her next book!

      ‘Horton Smelled a Ho!’

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 30, 2018 at 4:06 pm

    I think she’s kinda attractive in an ugly kinda way. She ain’t no Miss America but if I woke up next to that after a night of hard drinking I would probably at least get dressed before I ran out of the building

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 30, 2018 at 3:32 pm

    Is that man broth of the left side of her mouth in the first pic?

    I want her to give me one of those big smiles as my baby batter runs off of her chin like Niagara Falls

  • I’m not saying it was aliens
    November 30, 2018 at 3:30 pm

    So she’s writing a book about getting hooked on drugs, getting clean, and….
    I assumed that was already branded on their baggies or something. It’s real simple
    Get high
    Get ssi
    Start go fund me

    I mean, don’t know about you, but I want to read how to become the productive member of society she’s become!

    • Captain Trips
      Julie Rocco-Jewels
      November 30, 2018 at 4:51 pm

      It’s simple. You:

      Get high
      Get ssi
      Start go fund me


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