This Day In Turtleboy

Springfield Lickalotapus Announces She “Owns These Streets” After Bail Gets Denied For Sixth Arrest And Arraignment In Two Years


SPRINGFIELD — Zaida Vega did not disappoint her supporters. “The streets are ours!” the 25-year-old construction worker and alleged drug dealer announced as she was led, handcuffed and shackled, from her sixth arraignment in 24 months. A dozen women and two men waited several hours in Springfield District Court to see Vega, who was arrested early Monday after city police allegedly found a loaded 40-caliber Luger in a car she was driving. Vega had no license for the gun and no license to drive either, according to Assistant District Attorney Cary Szafranski, who recommended setting $25,000 bail on the new charges revoking the defendant’s bail in two open drug cases.

Around 2 a.m. Monday, police spotted several cars stopped on Main Street and blocking traffic. When a cruiser pulled up, Vega jumped into a car and attempted to drive away before being stopped, Szafranski said. The officers recognized Vega, who was arrested twice on cocaine distribution charges earlier this year and has previous drug, assault and motor vehicle charges on her record, the prosecutor said. Because neither Vega nor her passenger, Victor Vargas, of Springfield, had a driver’s license, police called a tow truck. While conducting an inventory of the car, they found a pistol with a defaced serial number hidden behind a spare tire in the trunk, the prosecutor said.

Vega and her passenger offered conflicting stories about who owned the car and how a loaded Luger ended up in the trunk, Szafranski said. Defense lawyer Timothy Bergin said Vega neither owned the car nor realized a firearm was concealed in the trunk.  A construction worker, Vega has strong ties to the community and poses no risk to flee before trial, Bergin said. 

Vega, wearing a shirt with “Empire State Cartel” printed on the front and “Escobar” on the back, showed no emotion during the bail argument. But as she was led from court, she called out in Spanish to her supporters, who responded with a mix of cheers and laughter. Bail was also set at $5,000 for Vargas. 

It’s business as usual in Springfield today. Ahh, can you smell that? Illegal guns, heroin and lazy-eyed queefcookies fresh out the oven. This is Zaida Vega, one of Springfield’s most infamous drug-dealing, illegal gun-toting career criminals.

You probably can’t tell by looking at her, but she stays lit. Surprisingly, Zaida and her clan haven’t been featured here yet, despite the exposure of the primarily female drug ring she was involved in which made news after a heroin bust in November of 2015. Maybe you remember them?

Amongst the drug ring, were her mother, Betzaida, and sister, Myriam. How’s that for a family business?

Hey, we all make mistakes. You live and you learn, right?


You have your run-of-the-mill lawbreakers who fall into the thug life, and then you have people like Zaida, who dropped out of her mom’s crotchwagon armed with a loaded gun and a kilo. (If you have 15 hours to kill, take a peep at – one of her many – Facebook pages. They’re a goldmine for total and complete ratchetry.)


So, how do you tell the difference between a shitstain who fell too far down the rabbit hole and a gutter rat whose mother could have used the good ol’ steeled-toed cunt punch at conception? Simple – count how many people attended your arraignment party at the courthouse. If you see your mother with a proud maternal glow in the twinkle of her eye, you’re the latter.

I know when I go to court for drugs, guns and assault, I invite my family and friends to cheer me on during my appearance. Ain’t no shame in my game. There’s no need to feel humiliated while shackled and being hauled away to jail, just yell into a crowd of supporters like a proud activist standing up for what’s right. The only thing to be truly embarrassed about is getting popped for something elementary like stealing clothes.

Seriously. If you’re going to exercise your right to a five finger discount, make sure you hit up a Bank of America, not your local Rainbow’s. That’s rookie shit.

Store owners rejoice, you’ve got 90 days to strap down those new Jordan’s. Don’t worry Zai, there’s plenty of swizz army skanks holding down your streets while you’re gone. They got you, fam!

Poor guy in the background just realized he was going to be on Turtleboy someday because of these two. Sorry, dude.

I can’t end this without asking one simple question. What do all ratchets have in common?

You guessed it..

Flat-brimmed Bulls hats, 100 emojis, and dog filters. How my hair look?


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34 Comment(s)
  • dayday2420
    June 30, 2021 at 11:28 am

    Works at baltazar construction

  • Woman in Dick's
    July 11, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    Shame on you, Casey Affleck!

  • Is Not Racist
    July 11, 2020 at 8:59 am

    Is this the same twat licker from the other post??
    I have no idea, they all look the same to me!! (cue: that’s racist/sexist/anti-?)

  • Filthy Shit Mattters
    July 10, 2020 at 7:16 pm

    So is it racist to.flush after taking a shit,because that looks like a piece of shit I flushed after 12 beers a whole pizza beans and ftied chicken how the fck did it crawl out ofthe toilet.

  • McNulty
    July 10, 2020 at 4:12 pm

    I was thinking Snoop before I even scrolled that far

  • Jon Tudor
    somebody is transitioning
    July 10, 2020 at 1:34 pm

    …wait…that’s a woman?

  • bigdaddy
    Margaret Sanger
    July 10, 2020 at 9:37 am

    Looks like I was right all along

  • Just a hunch
    July 10, 2020 at 9:22 am

    I’ll go out on a limb and guess she’s affiliated with the bloods and/or MS-13…. and probably the devil himself unbeknownst to her or not

    On another note, for some reason Clint Eastwood’s “Sudden Impact” came to mind while I read this. Aside from dramatically finding Jesus, she and the rest of her crew with the deed to the city will never be of any benefit to society

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    July 10, 2020 at 9:21 am

    Here’s a GREAT video of a nutty mentally ill leftist. Search you tube for AntiFa Girl Gets Challenged For Trolling A Freedom Rally, Calls The Police, And Loses Her Mind

  • Melissa McCarthy
    July 10, 2020 at 7:42 am

    She used to hang around the Taco Bell on Liberty St. She’d put that prodigious tongue straight up your sphincter for a soft taco. She has terrible breath. I saw Bea Arthur holding a bag of tacos being pleasured by this female.

  • bill fleming
    July 10, 2020 at 7:04 am

    She told the truth the drug dealers, pimps and pervs do own the streets. After the police reform bill passes they will own the cities.

  • SweetDickWilly
    July 10, 2020 at 6:58 am

    I bet she gets angry and upset when she gets wet instead of her getting hard

  • roast beef flaps & snatch
    July 10, 2020 at 5:09 am


  • Janover
    July 10, 2020 at 3:39 am

    I think she is cute

  • AOC Yeah You Know Me
    July 10, 2020 at 3:36 am

    No bail! Then we will let her out then arrest the popo. No need to worry we will work things out as we go along. Simple justice from the simple minded

  • VP Spiro T Cheney
    July 10, 2020 at 2:47 am

    i do not know much about prisons, but i assume if this asshole was transfered to the KKK/white power prison gang federal prison in like CA or wherever these fucks exist, it would play itself out.

    Zero sum game.

    July 10, 2020 at 2:42 am


  • WereFucked
    July 10, 2020 at 2:00 am

    She or it is one ugly skank, holy fuck she is ugly. And it isn’t difficult to see the extent of her 6th grade education by her typical use of hand gestures that being her highest level of communication. But, just look at all the other Welfare trash around her. When us working slobs wonder why we have to pay so much in taxes here is a perfect example. Now lets defund our police agencies that must be the logical answer.

  • Orion
    July 9, 2020 at 10:20 pm

    Few things worse than an ugly lesbian. I feel bad for that poor little kid in the “family” (p)hoto with the tranny in the blonde wig. That’s how each new generation gets more fucked up and gets new problems when they grow up.

  • Brian Sullivan
    July 9, 2020 at 10:18 pm

    You prob want to fact check that “40 caliber Luger” part.

  • Spic Tormentor
    July 9, 2020 at 10:04 pm

    This could be the 12 Modelos talking, but she is kind of a cutie!

    • Done with this shit
      July 10, 2020 at 8:08 am

      If cute is a woman (?) dressing and acting like a 14 year old boy, you have serious issues dude

  • Bruce Jenner
    July 9, 2020 at 9:57 pm

    god, how many fucking ugly flat brimmed hats does this shoe-beaten bitch rob from the local Dicks Sporting Goods?

  • Guinea Geisha
    July 9, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    Probably not the type of bitch that rides her horse side-saddle.

  • mike oxlong
    July 9, 2020 at 7:59 pm

    Filthy Hispo!
    Get her out of here! Bulls hats should get 9mm slug in the head w/o any questions axed. Yo?

    • mike oxlong
      July 9, 2020 at 8:03 pm

      pretty sure my taxes are paying for these spic’s free meals, ughhh can we just exterminate them please?

  • Joe from Mass.
    July 9, 2020 at 7:52 pm

    Looks like the spawn of Skeletor.

  • Captain Trips
    Real Tough Chick
    July 9, 2020 at 5:47 pm

    She’s tough alright.

    Hope to run into her.

    My being a southpaw, a good left hook across that glass jaw of hers would send her to the promised land.

    I’ll then shit in her Bulls hat, and leave it on her baby daddy’s front steps

    • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
      Luke Fondleberg
      July 9, 2020 at 9:52 pm

      I would wager folding money there is no baby, nor baby’s daddy. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck……

    July 9, 2020 at 5:44 pm

    (((((head explodes)))))

  • Abe Vigodas Ghost
    July 9, 2020 at 5:38 pm

    That might be the largest Flat Brim collection I have ever seen.

  • Nagger Slapper
    July 9, 2020 at 5:30 pm

    wow the nostalgia lol… I think this was the first article I ever read from TB, I remember going to his/her/its fb page and talking mad shit to everyone, had them all going apeshit it was hilarious

    • That was you?
      July 9, 2020 at 7:18 pm

      You suck!

    • juror seven esq.
      July 9, 2020 at 8:55 pm

      Well it looks like we’re into the summer rerun period with TBS. Started with the 4th of July visit to Hampton Beach. Wouldn’t be surprised if turtleboy and the fam are vacationing there right now.

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