Some guy in Springfield was minding his own business, chilling on top of the Cumberland Farm’s roof (don’t ask questions, it’s Springfield, sometimes you just end up on the Cumby’s roof) near “The X” intersection, when he saw two love birds working out some kinks in their relationship the Springfield way – by running each other over with a car in a funeral home parking lot.
“At least he’s at a funeral home.”
So Springfield it hurts.
This is what couple’s therapy looks like in Springfield. It starts with driving across a busy street and plowing your boyfriend for taking your last crack rock.
Then the male gives her a Forest Park high five by punching her in the face when she gets out of the vehicle.
He looks like he’s about to let her leave.
But then he remembers, “oh yea, she uses this thing as a weapon,” and attempts to prevent her from leaving by keeping the door open, kicking her in the baby cavern, and giving her a foot rub so she can’t use the gas pedal.
Don’t worry though guys – they worked things out.
Sad part is that there are people out there who actually believe that this is a normal way for couples to work through their issues.
Yea, they were totally fine. Couples fight. Sometimes that means getting into shouting matches about who’s turn it is to do the dishes, and other times it means running your man over with a car, getting Chuck Norrised in the ovaries, and going home to share a crack pipe before engaging in make up sex on a blowup mattress. Completely normal.
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