Hoodrat Heroes

Springfield Lovers Go Through Couples Therapy By Running Over Each Other With A Car And Getting Kicked In The Ovaries After Crack Rock Presumably Goes Missing

 

Some guy in Springfield was minding his own business, chilling on top of the Cumberland Farm’s roof (don’t ask questions, it’s Springfield, sometimes you just end up on the Cumby’s roof) near “The X” intersection, when he saw two love birds working out some kinks in their relationship the Springfield way – by running each other over with a car in a funeral home parking lot.

“At least he’s at a funeral home.”

So Springfield it hurts.

This is what couple’s therapy looks like in Springfield. It starts with driving across a busy street and plowing your boyfriend for taking your last crack rock.

Then the male gives her a Forest Park high five by punching her in the face when she gets out of the vehicle.

He looks like he’s about to let her leave.

But then he remembers, “oh yea, she uses this thing as a weapon,” and attempts to prevent her from leaving by keeping the door open, kicking her in the baby cavern, and giving her a foot rub so she can’t use the gas pedal.

Don’t worry though guys – they worked things out.

Sad part is that there are people out there who actually believe that this is a normal way for couples to work through their issues.

Yea, they were totally fine. Couples fight. Sometimes that means getting into shouting matches about who’s turn it is to do the dishes, and other times it means running your man over with a car, getting Chuck Norrised in the ovaries, and going home to share a crack pipe before engaging in make up sex on a blowup mattress. Completely normal.

 

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52 Comment(s)
  • LEONIDAS OF SPARTA
    April 20, 2020 at 4:53 pm

    That chest kick made me proud

  • Gamecreek
    April 16, 2020 at 6:13 pm

    To be fair, that Ty Mullen guy is clearly kidding with the “They were fine” comment. Not sure how you missed the 3 crying/laughing emojis. There’s no way he was being serious.

  • Kate Peter’s Bleached Asshole
    April 16, 2020 at 1:03 pm

    Foreplay

  • Stewart Nod
    April 16, 2020 at 10:40 am

    I was working in Springfield yesterday. There were so many cars out, you’d have no idea there is a stay-at-home order in place.
    Sh*t boggles my mind.
    Best,
    Stewart

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    April 15, 2020 at 11:17 pm

    Nothing says “I love you” quite like a good hard kick, right in the cunt.

  • Silencio Dogood
    April 15, 2020 at 11:08 pm

    Cumberland Farm’s, still the best real coffee in America.
    that said, her boyfriend punches like a frantic little girl, luckily for lead-foot. the after vehicular homicide sex must have been great.

  • Chip Striker
    April 15, 2020 at 8:11 pm

    Here is hoping COVID-19 goes through these shithole communities like a warm knife through butter.
    Then all these inconveniences will be worth it. Kill em all.

  • The rich are just like us
    April 15, 2020 at 8:03 pm

    At first glance I thought it was Giselle letting Tommy know she wasn’t fully comfortable in their marriage.

  • INTERIOR DECORATOR
    April 15, 2020 at 7:26 pm

    Heeeeeeey!!! I’M TICKLED PINK THAT THE PRIDE PARADE WILL GO ON PLANNED! HOPE TO SEE ALL OF YOU THERE AND PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! WEAR SOMETHING FABULOUS AND FESTIVE!!!!!!

  • Dear Ty Mullen
    April 15, 2020 at 6:35 pm

    Ty Mullen the obese, smoker you’re the kind of slob that catches Corona on a Monday is hospitalized by Wed, ventilator by Wed night and dead as a beached fish by Thursday morning. That would make things even between you and human society, you snitch.

  • stop violence against women
    April 15, 2020 at 6:28 pm

    All you TOUGH GUYS who like to beat women must love this video. If a woman is that angry at you it’s time to put on your thinking cap about what you might have done to deserve it. Getting bumped and knocked down by a plastic bumper is NO excuse for him violently punching and kicking a woman.

    • She Is No Lady
      April 15, 2020 at 6:32 pm

      He should have broken the cunts jaw. You want to act like a man get smacked like a man.

      • whatevuh
        whatevuh
        April 15, 2020 at 9:23 pm

        it’s called mansplaining

        • I Dont Do Ghetto Or Ebonics
          April 15, 2020 at 10:16 pm

          Which is

        • I don’t blame that dude
          May 9, 2020 at 7:51 am

          I was born and raised in Charlestown I come from a big family my parents have 8 of us ok and adopted on top of the 8 my father is IRISH & my mom is Native American my dad always said to us girls don’t hit a man and not think one won’t hit u back if your gunna hit a man be Expected to get hit like one cause I was that sister always running up to one of my brothers punching the shit out of them but my Mom raised us right my brothers do not hit women they are against it we grew up around our father hitting our mother and it’s very very true when they say ur daughters will end up being with a man that will abuse her cause she’s watched it no one ever thought I would of been the one to take it cause I was always the fighter but I did for years and years and years I let my husband beat on me put me in icu and never not one time did I call the cops cause we just don’t call cops we deal with it our self but when I started to focus on my self and see that I had self worth I seen that it wasn’t right cause to me getting fucked up everyday was NORMAL TO ME IT WAS JUST ANOTHER DAY IN MY LIFE BUT SOMETHING CLICKED AND I SEEN I WAS BETTER THEN THAT I WAS A WOMEN AND A MOTHER AND I SEEN MY KIDS CRYING AND NOPE NOT LETTING MY KIDS GROW UP TO BE LIKE THIS NOWAY IM 38 yr old my husband n I are still together about to be grandparents our daughter is 22 married own place two jobs and we have t put our hands on eachother in years now

          But I’m sorry a bitch hits my son with a car he better fuck her ass up to!! I DONT AGREE WITH DV BUT NO BITCH WILL RUN MY SONS OVER WOTH A CAR AND THEN GET OUT I DONT BLAME HIM FOR FUCKING HER CRAZY ASS UP BUT I WOULD ALSO GET MY BOY AWAY FROM THAT CRAZY BITXH

      • Geo
        April 20, 2020 at 9:25 pm

        Bumped by a plastic bumper u idiot she drove a car into him at about 40 miles a hour that’s more then getting bumped she deserved to get punched in the head

    • Momma Said Knock You Out
      April 15, 2020 at 6:36 pm

      You cant have it both ways.
      I am a delicate flower and then I am a rambo. Thats the problem these days. Women dont o ow their role and think they are both the man and the women and they want to emasculate men.
      You plsy hard then you get hit hard.

      • Bitches Dont Know Their Role
        April 15, 2020 at 6:39 pm

        Know their role

  • Parking Violation
    April 15, 2020 at 6:24 pm

    The real crime here is she parked in a handicapped space, that’s unacceptable.

  • Recipe For A Ratchet Disaster
    April 15, 2020 at 6:23 pm

    PMS, anger, cheating baby daddy, crack and a car is a very bad mix.

  • Lee Ho
    April 15, 2020 at 6:21 pm

    Kick in crotch cause slanted pussy.

  • Silver lining
    April 15, 2020 at 6:00 pm

    At least he can’t be charged with A&B shod foot after losing his Jordan upon impact

  • Southie changed I didn’t
    April 15, 2020 at 4:19 pm

    I have a friend that is a female divorce attorney that specializes in working with fathers. She once said to me “I don’t understand how more of these women don’t end up murdered?”

  • george costanza
    The angry taint
    April 15, 2020 at 3:00 pm

    A couple of friends were snipers now they are sitting around while their talents waste away. Give them back their 50.cal rifle and their spotter put them on some Cumby’s roofs and thin the ratchet herd.

    • Chuck Norris
      April 15, 2020 at 4:10 pm

      I’m getting lonely taking out all these retards by myself.

      • george costanza
        The angry taint
        April 15, 2020 at 6:54 pm

        where are they going to put the corona virus when it catches you? Keep doing God’s work Mr.Norris

  • Osiris
    April 15, 2020 at 2:26 pm

    You wanna know what I like the most?????

    Cakefarts.

    Let’s get this done.

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    April 15, 2020 at 2:26 pm

    Glad a black wasn’t filing that so we didn’t have to hear “YO THAT’S A FEMALE” 35 times

  • Ratchetfight
    April 15, 2020 at 2:21 pm

    I don’t condone hitting a chick but I understand it…this time

  • Ike Turner
    April 15, 2020 at 1:46 pm

    Calm the fuck down, Tina

    • Tina Turner
      April 15, 2020 at 6:25 pm

      You left the fuckin’ toilet seat up again!!!!

  • Sean
    April 15, 2020 at 1:44 pm

    hello, does anyone know if the Pride parade is still a go for June? We have a wonderfully colorful rainbow float planned and it would just be terrible and ruin our summer if it was canceled.

  • Cupid
    April 15, 2020 at 1:43 pm

    Ah springtime,love is the air

  • Dash Riprock
    April 15, 2020 at 1:42 pm

    Tried to run him over then circled back because she wanted to discuss “how he wasn’t meeting my emotional needs”.

  • Boston Irish
    Dapper
    April 15, 2020 at 1:28 pm

    Hillary Clinton

  • I Believe Her
    April 15, 2020 at 1:14 pm

    Typicaly men are physical abusive and Women are psychologically abusive. Psychological/emotional abuse doesn’t leave impressive photos for a jury like a black eye or swollen lip. She drained your bank account fucked your best friend and got you fired by sending offensive emails to your boss from your phone.

    Well toughen up cookie, it’s your fault for letting a woman out smart you ha ha ha! Seriously it is your fault for giving her the password to your phone.

  • Street Zombie Defense
    April 15, 2020 at 1:08 pm

    Springfield street zombies can’t climb ladders without falling so your best crossbow position is somewhere vertical like a roof.

    ps. Was that the same hero couple that drove 110 mph at night through red lights in Springfield with their kids in the back seat to report the kidnapper and got a heroes welcome and 15 minutes of fame. But it turned out to be a motorist 20 miles away that made the call that led to the kidnappers apprehension.

  • Turtle Judge
    April 15, 2020 at 1:07 pm

    There aren’t a lot of times where I think it’s okay for a guy to hit a girl, but if she hits you with her car in an attempt to kill you, I think it’s justified.

  • More airbags, please
    April 15, 2020 at 1:05 pm

    It’s time to require airbags on the outsides of cars. If it saves just one life….

  • Female Splaining
    April 15, 2020 at 1:01 pm

    Exhibit A:

    Woman hits man with a car then gets out and crosses her arms believing (female immunity) will protect her.

    Man’s possible broken femur no biggie, raging adrenalin of an injured drug addict no biggie, I’ll just cross my arms and begin my Female Splaining.

    • Dash RipRock
      April 16, 2020 at 6:21 pm

      How many more Mr Speaker? How many more?

  • WeRFucked
    April 15, 2020 at 12:59 pm

    I have never in my 60+ years on this earth been in a relationship that would ever come close to this bad. I’ve been with some real losers.

    The amount of couples I see with jealousy issues, lack of trust, nonexistent sex life and overall lack of respect for each other amazes me. If every time you find your girlfriend talking to another guy you go into a rage and start worrying that she is cheating on you, you probably need to figure out why you think she would want to cheat on you. If you’re being the best man you can be and she’s looking elsewhere what da fuck are you going to do about it? Let that whore go find out the grass isn’t always greener. If she isn’t having sex with you, she isn’t attracted to you. Period. Nothing you can do to change that. Move on.

    Don’t let the bitch run you over. It ain’t worth it. The longer you stay, the longer the agony. After the 3rd, 7th, or 13th fight with your mate, you gotta start taking the hint. It don’t work.

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    April 15, 2020 at 12:50 pm

    Still a more stable and loving relationship than Failure Swift and her pet husband.

    DS

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      April 15, 2020 at 2:20 pm

      Ah, there’s the one down-vote.

      Some schmuck down-votes every post I make at least once no matter how popular that is – even the limericks. (Note – people down-voting the limericks need a reality check and a dry slap). 🙂

      Show yourself, cunt and make your point. Otherwise, off you fuck.

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    April 15, 2020 at 12:41 pm

    It was nice to see Stone Cold Steve Austin throwing haymakers, but I was more impressed by the distance he got from the stomach kick.

  • Ray Patriarca
    Adam Schiff's missing testicles
    April 15, 2020 at 12:41 pm

    Just savages being savages !
    Diversity is our strength, remember?
    Cretins like these two is why nobody lives in Springfield unless they have to !

  • I See Dumb People
    I see dumb people
    April 15, 2020 at 12:40 pm

    Shit like this makes me cringe… So glad I got out of a toxic relationship years ago and lived to tell about it.. However I never ran the asshole over with my car..
    # ratchetrelationshipgoals #usagainstdaworldyo

  • John Q Public
    April 15, 2020 at 12:21 pm

    Springtime is for lovers..

  • Bob
    April 15, 2020 at 12:17 pm

    The headline says that they were running each other over. Where is the video of him running her over. I was promised that, now deliver

  • Ratchet in place
    April 15, 2020 at 12:16 pm

    I guess the takeaway here is, sometimes you are just safer on the roof of Cumby’s!

  • Ratchet Rollins D.A.
    April 15, 2020 at 12:14 pm

    Its dey culture stoopid

  • Ratchetsaurous Rex
    April 15, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    The camera man has me laughing haha Like people are fucking crazy these days haha I’m still surprised I haven’t seen this type of shit lately in Brockvegas Or Scab River.

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