WTF

Springfield Man Has Stroke Session Interrupted By Woman In Stop & Shop Parking Lot 

 

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Dozens of people in the last 24 hours sent me a lovely video of a gentleman who was seen jerkin the gherkin  right outside of Stop n Shop in Springfield Plaza. Disclaimer – you see the pee-pee.

The post has been removed, possibly because of the unfortunate site of his LBC triggered a pornographic algorithm, but according to the OP she saw him staring at her. Someone may wanna tell this douchebag about this thing called “The internet.” It allows you to pick and choose your spank bank arsenal from the privacy of your own home. You can literally choose anything you want, and it doesn’t require driving to the grocery store to find fully clothed strangers as material.

Look, I can understand people who have sex in public. I would imagine there’s a certain thrill that comes along with that, and it’s something you can brag about and retell later on. But this? This is a sadder story than Louis C.K. He didn’t even have a paper towel or anything. When he finally finished all that would’ve been left is a dry cleaning bill and shame.

The worst part about the video is how he reacted once he realized he got caught mid-stroke.

That face you make when the tummy pancakes have to get made at Shaw’s instead of Stop and Shop.

He seemed more annoyed by the inconvenience of temporary blue balls than the fact that he was about to be Internet famous for being the guy who punches the clown in the grocery store parking lot.

Would love to know who this guy is. I’m sure someone recognizes him, but if not maybe a turtle rider out there can deez plates for me.

Hit me up on Facebook at Clarence Woods Emerson or email [email protected] if you’d like to share.

 

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72 Comment(s)
  • Makeda
    May 18, 2020 at 8:57 pm

    A lot of you seem to have issues with anything black. Black people to be more specific. Karen forbid we say anything about your teeny tiny naked mole-rat, “I piss down my balls”, micro peens, you Kyles would be “itching” to commit a hate crime.

  • Right Wing Death Squad
    May 18, 2020 at 7:35 pm

    Blacks are notorious for this. In prison they call themselves snipers and follow female COs around and jerk it. Just another example of their vibrant culture. The woman should be thanking him for enriching her with his vibrant culture because diversity is our greatest strength or something

  • bowel foul
    May 18, 2020 at 5:59 pm

    He does house calls. He can introduce his penis head to your girlfiend’s guts.

  • Daniel Boone
    May 18, 2020 at 12:16 pm

    I will never buy a used car again.

  • J£WS DRINK THE BLOOD OF WHITE CHILDREN
    May 18, 2020 at 7:27 am

    I apologize for offending anyone, especially the J£WISH people with my insensitive comments. I was raped when I was a young boy by a circumcised J£WISH man. I recently had another experience with a well endowed J£WISH man. He made me believe in Jesus after an experience I can only call “Out of this World!”
    Who knew that bleeding out of the anus could be so wonderful.

    I admit the J£WISH men own me, and I love it!

  • Diversity
    May 18, 2020 at 1:07 am

    He gave her a look like this was all her fault, lol.

  • Lake Flaccid
    May 17, 2020 at 11:27 pm

    Rachel Rollins said it’s OK to beat off in public in MA. as long as you’re black.

  • Judge dread
    May 17, 2020 at 11:06 pm

    The judge rules he should be castrated in the most medieval way possible. This “man” should also be….. oh guess what it’s spring time. Put him in the stocks for a weekend after his balls get cut off.

    I just got a 5.11 tactical space force shirt, it’s badass definitely recommend it.

  • Silencio Dogood
    May 17, 2020 at 10:27 pm

    another fine example of black on black crime.

  • Stop and Shop robot reports cleanup in aisle 5
    May 17, 2020 at 10:24 pm

    What song would be most appropriate?
    TRICKY TRICKY TRICKY TRICKY!
    or
    STOP HAMMERTIME!!!

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      May 18, 2020 at 7:24 am

      “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me”

    • Whatever Happened to:
      May 18, 2020 at 1:36 pm

      The Vapors ‘Turning Japanese”

      • DudeRanchStripClub
        May 18, 2020 at 1:54 pm

        I think it died and went to hell, I think it died and went to hell, I really think so.

    • Urwifeluvsto ridemybigdeek enswallowmeload
      May 20, 2020 at 5:38 pm

      BEAT IT by Michael Jackson…

  • Bay biker 2000
    May 17, 2020 at 9:03 pm

    I’m all about the homosexual agenda.

  • Sickos
    May 17, 2020 at 8:51 pm

    People out here doing that stuff and then touching things you touch. Makes me want to gag and puke right on the floor.

    • Lolz
      May 17, 2020 at 9:29 pm

      Me thinks thou do protest too much.

  • juror seven esq.
    May 17, 2020 at 8:00 pm

    Not sure, but it looked like he was really enjoying the activity.

  • Guinea Geisha
    May 17, 2020 at 7:35 pm

    Masturbation’s like cooking… it’s always better when someone else does it for you.

    • WeRFucked
      May 18, 2020 at 7:13 am

      Is it masturbation if someone else does it for you???

      • Guinea Geisha
        May 18, 2020 at 11:19 pm

        If you’re paying her… yes.

  • Jordis
    May 17, 2020 at 7:22 pm

    He parks front and center, broad daylight and sees this one car rolling up on him…
    Man was he cocky!

  • sporty cock
    May 17, 2020 at 6:54 pm

    50% of your readers just achieved their 1st erection in decades. They owe you.

  • Meh
    May 17, 2020 at 6:01 pm

    Honestly if this is the best content you can cut and paste, you should really spend the weekend with your wife and kids.

  • Dick Hertz from Holden
    May 17, 2020 at 5:47 pm

    This is the black, urban mating call, not to be confused with “flogging the dolphin” which in FL is mammal abuse

    • Paul Reubens
      May 17, 2020 at 5:51 pm

      I thought it was a brand new dance called the pee wee herman.

  • Case Dismissed Its A Cultural Misunderstanding
    May 17, 2020 at 5:39 pm

    Yo your honor. I was just tryin to release da covid. I heard on da internet dat you could release da covid from your body. I only took my mask off because its difficult to breathe wit it on my face. Dats why I turnt away. I knew dat I violated da mask law.

  • We pay for videos
    May 17, 2020 at 5:27 pm

    In some places, this behavior will require the bad guy to register as a sex offender. For law enforcement, what could be easier? The video shows the perp in action, shows his face clearly (no mask or gloves), and his guilty reaction when caught. And a license plate. But this is Springfield, and Mass., so maybe they’ll at least wait for the witness/photographer to complain, after she/he/it stops laughing (but where are all the Karens?). Then, if there is a complaint, they’ll have to verify the guy is not an illegal before they can prosecute. But if he’s merely African-American, he’ll still be assumed to vote Dem., which will give him an all but certain free pass. Lastly, there’s the Rachel Rollins factor — it arguably was not a crime of violence (one part of his body might disagree), and even though it happened outside Rollins’s hood, they would let him off just so they wouldn’t have to deal with her. Someone should send the video to the the Daily Mail and all other outlets that offer to pay for newsworthy videos.

  • Uncle kraft
    May 17, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    TB was shocked it was consensual not like himself and his pedojew’s.

    • (((Bob Kraft)))
      May 17, 2020 at 5:26 pm

      I’m a Brookline Jew and I want to take your guns away.

    • Doesn't matter
      May 17, 2020 at 6:20 pm

      I’m still banging your mom tonight – stay the fuck downstairs while I am over there.

  • Michael Jackson
    May 17, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    Just beat it, beat it!

    • Why did Michael Jackson shop at Kmart?
      May 17, 2020 at 5:43 pm

      Because the boys pants were half off

      • Its a Thriller
        May 17, 2020 at 5:44 pm

        What did Michael Jackson say when he saw naked boys at Neverland?

        • Alex Reimer
          May 17, 2020 at 5:46 pm

          I met Michael Jackson once when I was 9 years old
          It was a touching experience.

          • Joe Jackson
            May 17, 2020 at 5:49 pm

            What was Michael Jackson’s favourite guitar chord?
            A minor 😉

          • Tito Jackson
            May 17, 2020 at 6:05 pm

            Why did Michael Jackson molest young boys?
            Becuase his mother always told him dont go around breaking young girls hearts.

          • Michael Jackson
            May 17, 2020 at 8:12 pm

            Tito, gimme a tissue

          • You Are To Good To Be True One Hit Wonder
            May 17, 2020 at 9:14 pm

            Tell me Im not dreaming.

      • CONN
        May 17, 2020 at 10:01 pm

        Michael Jackson was a true pioneer and way ahead of his time. He was thoughtful enough to wear a mask when he molested young boys as he didn’t want to get them sick.

  • Do the Reich Thing
    May 17, 2020 at 4:53 pm

    Bopping the Bishop: Released on personal recognizance. Not wearing a mask in public: $300 fine.

    • May 18th is NOT the date and NEVER WAS
      May 17, 2020 at 5:12 pm

      Potland illegal alien sanctuary city against the constitution no problemo. White lady business owner tries to open her business gets 14k fine and children taken away because she broke the “law”

      • Do the Reich Thing
        May 17, 2020 at 9:23 pm

        So, tomorrow Walsh goes first and then Baker with Walsh’s hand up his ass telling us:

        The #s are getting better but we’re not there yet despite hospitalizations down to 3%
        My 17 circle jerk committee things we’re not out of the woods yet.
        I think we need more testing.
        Masks are very effective so I can see your sweating in them in July
        Social distancing (I HATE THIS FUCKING TERM) is effective
        We’ll extend the voluntary lockdown until June 18th.

    • J£WS DRINK THE BLOOD OF WHITE CHILDREN
      May 17, 2020 at 5:30 pm

      J£wish politicians, J£wish controlled media, and J£wish doctors have all conspired to take advantage of the opportunity known as Covid-19. The lockdowns in white countries are not about containing the virus, which peaked in the USA in mid March BEFORE the quarantine. It’s about containing people. Crashing the economy puts us at the mercy of the (((government))).

      J£ws have done this before. During the HOLODOMOR the J£ws murdered millions of white people through starvation by quarantining them in cities and towns.

      • Not for nothing
        May 17, 2020 at 6:19 pm

        But you are the biggest little pussy to ever come down the Pike.

        Seriously, kill yourself.

      • WeRFucked
        May 18, 2020 at 7:11 am

        LOL… they are white silly.

  • Dr. David Duke
    May 17, 2020 at 4:43 pm

    Turtleboy you have a wonderful website. Keep up the good work reporting on black crime. God bless you my white brother.

    • President Trump
      May 17, 2020 at 4:48 pm

      Before CNN gets all hot and bothered, I denounce David Duke’s comment.

  • Ryan
    May 17, 2020 at 4:24 pm

    Leave him alone lol, he ain’t hurting anybody.

    • Snarky Pete
      May 17, 2020 at 4:43 pm

      The chicken he’s choking would beg to differ…

  • Emmett Kelly
    May 17, 2020 at 4:22 pm

    Lost it at “punches the clown”

  • Liawatha
    May 17, 2020 at 4:20 pm

    This young man looks frustrated that woman refused to socially distance.

  • whatevuh
    May 17, 2020 at 4:19 pm

    Punching the clown at Stop & Shop in the middle of the day wow, well, at least it didn’t go off and hurt someone. His momma gonna be so proud of her baby boy on Turtleboy !

  • MicMacPaddywhack
    May 17, 2020 at 4:02 pm

    Guys are so freaking gross. Keep that shit at home. No one wants to see you do this.

    • MGTOW TURTLE
      May 17, 2020 at 5:16 pm

      What about the wahhhmannn who walk around and take pictures of their asses while inside grocery stores? What about the wahhmanss who stick organic cucumbers up their stench trenches while in the produce sections of grocery stores? Some of those same cucumbers that you have had the pleasure of tasting.

      We get it you hate men. That’s entirely your fault! You’re the one who decided to dye your hair purple after gaining 200 + pounds. You wonder why a man wont fuck you! Dont hate us because you’re fat and have purple hair.

      You only come out of the wood work to bash all men not realizing that not all men are like this weirdo. You’re brainwashed!
      Go away you ugly fat fuck..

      • Porn Hub Poseur
        May 17, 2020 at 7:08 pm

        STFU you incel basement dweller. Don’t you have a marathon sausage fest with your fellow virgin gamers to attend to?

      • WeRFucked
        May 18, 2020 at 7:09 am

        Keep dreaming every time you eat a cucumber. Nobody is doing that at the grocery store.

        • MGTOW TURTLE
          May 18, 2020 at 8:41 am

          seems as if the 1000’s of videos and pictures on the interweb showing such ill behavior proves me to be 100% correct. I’ve seen it several times my self. You would also be surprised at how many wahhhman flick the bean while driving in their cars. You obviously own a Prius because if you did not. you would be able to see for your self.
          I know their are other turtle homies who drive trucks either for a living or as daily drivers who can say the same..

          All wahhhman are pigs and if you know what you’re doing when you fuck them. They will oink oink oink until the cows come home! Faks yo 100%.. some men are not as gifted as other when it comes down too bringing the pig out of the wahhmansss. Just because those men dont have that gift does not mean that wahhmann are not pigs.

          Especially the wahhhman who put on the front that they hate all men. Those wahhman besides single independent mommies (lmfao) are the biggest pigs of any type of wahhhman.

          • DudeRanchStripClub
            May 18, 2020 at 8:52 am

            MGTOW = Men Going There Own Way? Sheesh, bud, ever wonder if the problem was you?

      • MJ
        May 18, 2020 at 3:19 pm

        Jesus Christ MGTOW, no one does that…and no one wants to see a guy jerking off in his car in the middle of the day out in public. It’s fucking disgusting. Then he goes to put gas in his car using the same dirty, cum dripping hand to pump his gas. He’s a dirty, fucking pig and you’re fucking insane. I wish TB would block you and save us all from your bullshit. Seriously, go the fuck away

    • Barney Frank
      May 17, 2020 at 8:09 pm

      Hey MicMacPaddyWhack, speak for yourself.

  • Barbara Kuntz
    May 17, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    The rush to cum first is just too hard for some to resist.

  • Lee Ho
    May 17, 2020 at 3:25 pm

    Its nice to see some semblance of normalcy returning to the hood rat population.

    Meaning they will be moving from lockdown to lock-up.

  • Spic Tormentor
    May 17, 2020 at 3:19 pm

    Matthew Slater hasn’t been the same since Brady left

  • The Deli Manager
    May 17, 2020 at 3:16 pm

    He told me he needed to take 5 for a cigarette!
    We just moved a dozen turkey & bacon subs with mayo to the discount rack.

    • The Bakery Manager
      May 17, 2020 at 8:21 pm

      We have a dozen fresh eclairs. High in protein.

  • Dick Scratcher
    May 17, 2020 at 3:02 pm

    Limerick of the Day

    A horny, young perv from Springfield,
    Decided he’d like his cock feeled,
    But when having a wank
    Don’t park at the bank
    ‘Cause it’s likely that you’ll be revealed.

    Dick Scratcher, aged 4 and half inches.

  • Bad timing
    May 17, 2020 at 3:01 pm

    He forgot to wear a mask.

  • Ratchet Rollins D.A.
    May 17, 2020 at 2:58 pm

    Its dey culture bitch so step off.
    I agree wit da head of CDC and dat we need to off white people.
    Da boi was mindin his own bidness and wasnt doin nuffin.
    Den yo girl be harassin him just because he be black yo.
    Dis be strsight up racism and I be prosecutin da white bitch for filming my boi shakin his thang before he do his thang.

  • Finn
    May 17, 2020 at 2:54 pm

    Where’s the BBC you mention?

    Get Fucked,
    Disappointed Finn

  • Weirdo
    May 17, 2020 at 2:49 pm

    Turtle, I’m sure you watch this over and over

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