Dozens of people in the last 24 hours sent me a lovely video of a gentleman who was seen jerkin the gherkin right outside of Stop n Shop in Springfield Plaza. Disclaimer – you see the pee-pee.
The post has been removed, possibly because of the unfortunate site of his LBC triggered a pornographic algorithm, but according to the OP she saw him staring at her. Someone may wanna tell this douchebag about this thing called “The internet.” It allows you to pick and choose your spank bank arsenal from the privacy of your own home. You can literally choose anything you want, and it doesn’t require driving to the grocery store to find fully clothed strangers as material.
Look, I can understand people who have sex in public. I would imagine there’s a certain thrill that comes along with that, and it’s something you can brag about and retell later on. But this? This is a sadder story than Louis C.K. He didn’t even have a paper towel or anything. When he finally finished all that would’ve been left is a dry cleaning bill and shame.
The worst part about the video is how he reacted once he realized he got caught mid-stroke.
That face you make when the tummy pancakes have to get made at Shaw’s instead of Stop and Shop.
He seemed more annoyed by the inconvenience of temporary blue balls than the fact that he was about to be Internet famous for being the guy who punches the clown in the grocery store parking lot.
Would love to know who this guy is. I’m sure someone recognizes him, but if not maybe a turtle rider out there can deez plates for me.
Hit me up on Facebook at Clarence Woods Emerson or email email@example.com if you’d like to share.
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