Hoodrat Heroes

Springfield Slamburger Airs Out Her Babydaddy Drama With Deadbeat Puerto Rican Baby Huey Online, And It’s Fascinating To Watch

This post was sent in by a reader not too long ago, and oh mylanta, it’s definitely the internet trainwreck of the day, you guys. As much as I want to, I can’t look away.


Whoah. This is a loaded post. So much going on here. First and foremost, I would very much like to know what this newborn infant is doing for work, to be able to earn $2,050.00. I imagine his resume must be pretty limited, so the work can’t be too difficult. Please, sign me up for that. Secondly, what is the maximum amount of times permissible for a hoodrat sperm donor to rob your house in Springfield? Where I’m from, it’s once. I’m curious to know the local limits out there. And lastly, who the fuck looks at this dude,


And decides, “This is the man I want to inseminate me.” He has a Dumb and Dumber haircut. There is no way he holds down a job.  His entire aesthetic screams “Never coming back from the trip for a pack of Newports, unless it’s to rob your house.”  He looks like the Puerto Rican version of Baby Huey, for fuck’s sake.


But apparently that’s good enough for this ghettobunny slamburger, because he dumped his baby gravy in her and helped produce a child neither one of them are qualified to appropriately raise.

Get higher standards sis, STAT.

And I mean seriously, these two are entirely unqualified. While the bowlcut bandit is out doing shit like this:


Trap Queen Laqueefa is out there crying over him like this:


And their baby is out there working his tiny hands to the bone to earn two-thousand fiddy hard earned dollars for his sperm dollar to steal so his mom can air it all out on Facebook. Poor kid. Look at these two.



Never stood a chance. And air it out they did, because as soon as the post hit, they waged an all out knock down, drag out fight about EVERYTHING for all who pass through to see. I recommend checking it out for yourself, really.


But here are my personal favorite parts.


First Melvin makes it abundantly clear that if you are built like a vending machine, whatever that means, your opinion is irrelevant to him. He clearly has no self-awareness in him, because literally no one gives a fuck what he thinks outside of the guy he buys his dope from. FACKS.

They then lay out all the sordid details of their respective infidelity. Jules denies it, of course. Melvin doesn’t. He seems quite proud. Of course.

I imagine at this point their baby just started wailing for his own future. It’s pretty fucked by all appearance.

Justine suggests the most effective method of collection would be a child support order that this chud is obviously never going to abide by. Wrong.

Melvin still asserts that your opinion does not matter to him. His haircut and ear gauges confirm this.

Jose suggests a GoFundMe. I would not recommend that, Jules. Unless you want a second blog tearing in to you for posting a fundraising campaign because you decided it wise to fuck an abject loser raw dog and bear his bastard child. Because that’s what will happen.

Hernan Ruiz makes a valiant and generous offer to give her an official 4-for-4 special on illegitimate children,

And then dares the most recent baby daddy to rob him and his car cupholder full of guns. How Springfield.


Tricky Minage still can’t believe things turned out this way.

And Hakim asked a question I’ll gladly answer: Everyone. Everyone could’ve seen this coming.

Jules vows to put her loser sperm donor back in jail….again, thus totally affirming his complete lack of merit as a father,

While his sister voices an unusual level of knowledge regarding their oral sex habits.

And baby mama tries in vain to guilt him with the baby that he clearly was never going to give a shit about anyway.


Get used to it, kid. You’re going to be a pawn for a long, long time.

65 Comment(s)
  • John Knoxville
    July 2, 2019 at 9:02 am

    Ahh man, I thought we got Steve-O clean.

  • Work
    June 30, 2019 at 8:34 am

    Shall set you free.

  • Snake Plissken
    June 29, 2019 at 3:01 pm

    Escape from New York is alive and well in our fine, clean cities.

  • Jimmy
    June 29, 2019 at 12:52 pm

    On Halloween he should color the head of his dick black and leave it hanging out and pretend it’s his Siamese twin.

  • White Guy
    June 29, 2019 at 11:02 am

    I would fuck her and never tell her who I was or live.

  • hartf811
    June 29, 2019 at 10:18 am

    Can’t control vermin with access to unlimited grain in the silo. They will just breed and breed, each generation dumber and lazier than the last. Eradication is the only option. Picture AOC in a boxcar with the entire population of Lawrence on the way to a “detention center”

    • Barry
      June 29, 2019 at 10:30 am

      The first two lines of that are an excellent analogy but you’re going to hell for the rest of it.

    • Starve These Blood Suckers
      June 29, 2019 at 10:48 am

      The answer is to stop funding these people. There would be a quick sorting of ratchets. Those who would work would move on and be cured in one or two generations. Those who won’t work would die off. The flow of immigrants would become a trickle of actual workers (the way it was in the early part of the twentieth century).

      Sadly, this won’t happen until the entire system collapses. Until then, look to DNC politicians to continue to feed this plague.

  • Travis Rearick
    June 29, 2019 at 9:58 am

    just when I thought hoodrat school-shooter ghetto bowl-cut hair styles couldn’t exist… I guess anything awful is possible in springfield

  • F*** turtleboy
    June 29, 2019 at 8:14 am

    Nun a you peeple talkin shit know melvin or his hole story and what she did so you can’t say shit. Y’all jealous cause he get dirt bikes and gold chains an bitchs an get sucked an you peeple just sad losers being racist at ya shit ass homes and fucking your sisters and brothers so mind y’all own shit. That bitch cheat on him and the kids his but it might not be? I don’t blame him to act the way he act cause shits fucked and his friends tell him not to change his hair just so they can talk shit when Melvin is not there and laugh about it

    • Travis Rearick
      so confused
      June 29, 2019 at 10:13 am

      having a hard time figuring out if your one of his hoodrat friends or you’re a regular person mocking hoodrat slang. On the one hand, your language is very hoodrat, something a regular hard working person could never imitate. On the other hand, you posted at 8am on a Saturday, and we all know perpetually unemployed hoodrat scum don’t wake up before noon any day of the week

      • Papijulito69@aol.com
        June 29, 2019 at 11:15 am

        Fuck off racist peace a shit

        • Travis Rearick
          still confused
          June 29, 2019 at 11:32 am

          lol was race mentioned? Didn’t think so. I live in a city that’s 87% white and no shortage of perpetually unemployed hoodrat white trash motherfuckers. Leave race out of it, racist. Skin color doesn’t determine how much of a loser one becomes

        • Anglo
          June 29, 2019 at 8:05 pm

          shut your worthless mouth you little spick faggot. how many generations of your worthless family are on welfare? Puerto Ricans are lazy assed douchebags whose women are butt fucking ugly. ANGLO SAXONS rule the world spick scum

        • Ray Patriarca
          Ritchie Neal's gin-blossoms
          June 30, 2019 at 9:17 am

          The correct retort in proper English would be : Fuck off, racist piece of shit.
          Rather than “Fuck off, racist peace a shit”
          Learn to spell.
          Learn proper grammar.

          • Since we’re doing this
            June 30, 2019 at 10:21 am

            1. Your punctuation is worse than his grammar.
            2. He still managed to navigate the English language better than the racist asshole directly above you.

      • Dr. Fill
        June 29, 2019 at 2:48 pm

        Please translate to English. We don’t speak ape.

    • Ray Patriarca
      Ritchie Neal's gin-blossoms
      June 29, 2019 at 7:47 pm

      Could you please translate your diatribe into something that resembles proper English? Instead of ghetto-speak?
      Perhaps then, someone might give you some ‘respeck !

    • ncfoothillbilly
      June 29, 2019 at 8:43 pm

      His ‘hole’ story? Ill wager his ‘hole’ is stretched.

  • Authentic Baby Mamma Drama
    June 29, 2019 at 7:57 am

    Same old tune from all these young “ladies,”

    Who don’t put much thought into having these babies;

    It was not bad luck,
    Whom YOU chose to fuck…

    Dignity means “stop acting crazy.”

    • hartf811
      Dry wetbacks
      June 29, 2019 at 10:29 am

      16 generations of slut does not yield Queen Elizabeth. That the last 3 breeding generations took place in 40 years and incest is most likely involved eliminates any genetic morals.
      PR’s + DR’s=labrats.

  • Gash Basher
    June 29, 2019 at 6:56 am

    That picture of the guns in the cup holder has been shared on various gun sites and it sure as shit didn’t originate from that spic.

  • Massholio
    June 29, 2019 at 6:55 am

    Last time I was in Springfield it looked like Ramallah after an Israeli air strike.

  • Dr Girlfriend
    June 29, 2019 at 5:19 am

    Natural selection is too long of a process. Perhaps the DEA should cease operations immediately. Let the vices flood in and allow for these creatures to be their own demise. Taint the supplies of henney and halt production of narcan.

    • JimmyBooms
      June 29, 2019 at 5:50 am

      I was disappointed to hear about Kevin Garneau, the Lowell cop that was arraigned for raping a 16 yo homeless girl from Yahoo instead of Turtleboy. Unless I missed it and you did right about but I dont think so. I count on Turtleboy for my local news especially a cop raping a 16yo.

    • hartf811
      June 29, 2019 at 9:40 am

      I’ve said this many times. The government should bake a super hot batch and flood the market. For a month DPW will be picking up the corpses like the Black Death in the Middle Ages. Then the lowlifes will be gone. Reinforce with a death sentence for possession. Israeli type blowing up the houses of arrested dealers put to death. The Opioid Epidemic ends overnight.
      Throw in nuking the DR for good measure.

      • Arthur
        July 1, 2019 at 10:19 am

        “Bring out your dead!” – (CLANG!) – “Bring out your dead!” – (CLANG!)

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      June 29, 2019 at 11:48 am

      If the country keeps heading deeper down the toilet bowl, within the next 50 years or so China will be in charge. There are no ratchets in China. You fuck up, you disappear. There are no “Let ’em walk” Walkers in China, quite the opposite.

  • MAGA...2020!
    June 29, 2019 at 4:34 am

    That girl really has no clue. Statistically most babies are born with blue eyes. A babies eye color will change most likely. Especially considering the father has brown eyes and is Puerto Rican. If she knew anything at all she wouldn’t be PUERTO RICAN!

  • Wwy
    June 29, 2019 at 12:36 am

    At least he’s not a Jew 10 points for that.

    • John Wypyszinski
      Guess Who
      June 29, 2019 at 7:33 am

      But your mom is, that makes you one, dumbass. And the black guy who was your daddy makes you something else you claim to hate. Crawl back in that men’s room stall and do the only job you’ve ever been qualified to hold.

  • Crispy C
    June 28, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    Now I feel bad for making fun of that guy in the other blog with the hat from Caddyshack.

    When you have a haircut like this, choose the hat every fucking day of the week.

    • Grab em by the pussy!
      June 29, 2019 at 4:35 am

      You’re retarded

  • Henry Chu
    June 28, 2019 at 11:41 pm

    This man bring great shame to ancient Chinese hair style

  • Tommy Topsfield
    June 28, 2019 at 10:33 pm

    in absolute awe at this lad’s haircut. devoted a few minutes for a good hard stare to try to figure it out but it still has me perplexed. my theory is that it is some sort of synthetic material in combination with advanced styling products.

  • The Future Americsn Demographic Doesn't Look Too Bright
    June 28, 2019 at 9:53 pm

    To be honest, Melvin has the qualifications for future Democratic presidential candidate all wrapped up.
    Infact he could have easily fit in on last nights debate stsge scresming whitey psy for my healthcare dsycare schooling groceries housing etc etc.

  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    June 28, 2019 at 9:31 pm

    Baby Huey could be replaced with a pair of AAA batteries, but she’s not any better.

    Somebody call in a orbital kinetic strike on Springfield, and aim one at West Springfield too.

  • Puddintaine
    June 28, 2019 at 9:21 pm

    What is up with ugly ass chics n the downward angle selfie? Can’t hide your pudge sweetness n your not even remotely cute. Get an education cuz you’re not gonna make it on looks(!!!) n hoodboogers alone

    • There's a few gems among the turds
      June 29, 2019 at 7:03 am

      Disagree. She’s still a cute young girl. For now.

      Why don’t ghetto chicks with nice bodies and good looks venture out and find productive husbands in the workforce who are getting the brush off from their feminist female peers? They could have homes, security, and provided-for kids. And the guys would have what they really want. Just a thought.

      • z
        June 29, 2019 at 7:48 am

        The key word is Ghetto.

        He’s a dick, no doubt. She’s right, no doubt. She’s pissed, but look at the way she’s expressing being pissed. The ghetto is baked in. Looks or lack there of don’t matter. What potential object of her affections would reciprocate unless they were the same?

        Cinderella was a story. Shit, this guy might even be a step up for her.

        The best way for these people to break out from being these people might be fucking poor in a rural area. Move to fucking Huntington. Your kids will go to Gateway Regional and will get an education. In the summer you can still meet up at Gardiner State Park on the Westfield River. After a few years, hopefully you and your family start thinking “What the fuck? Some of these folks are fucking animals”.

        I added the Gardiner State Park because a couple of years ago at the Cumberland Farms intersection at 10 + 202, Gardiner State Park was closed and the state put up a portable electric sign stating that in Spanish. Not changeable text in English and Spanish, just Spanish .

        • What a Waste of Tail
          June 29, 2019 at 10:44 am

          You are right. The ghetto is baked in. The ghetto world view is quite limited. She is probably unaware that there is something better out there. Too bad because quality pieces of ass who choose failure are featured on TBS every week. Just thinking of all the decent guys out there who can’t find a woman due to third wave feminism and Me Too. A lot of them turn to overseas women. There’s a lot of wasted talent right here. Guess I was just dreaming.

  • Jeff J
    Fatherly Advice
    June 28, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    YOU, are the bottom of the mothafucking barrel. I don’t give a shit how much you don’t like the mother, that is YOUR child. And to steal from her and your own kid…..? Wtf is wrong with you!! You’re the one who helped create that life so you need to step up, be a fucking MAN and take care of your responsibilities. Being typical ghetto trash ain’t cool and it’s a definitely a deadend.

  • The Name Game
    June 28, 2019 at 7:37 pm

    Melvin Moral-less, he’s so cute with that pube-stache, Mr.Spock haircut and Necco-Wafer earlobe inserts! What a waste of human life. Kid might be better off with DCF. This might escalate enough to be Ratchet Madness 2020-worthy! Better load up on popcorn!

  • Y
    June 28, 2019 at 7:04 pm


  • TBoy
    June 28, 2019 at 6:39 pm

    Neither of them have blue eyes. The kid is not his.

  • whatevuh
    June 28, 2019 at 6:35 pm

    Remember back in the day, when women wanted to make themselves look nice, and dated nice guys with a job and possible bright future? WTF happened? These people are nothing but trailer trash, and always will be. What a wasted life, a wasted future.

  • Moe Howard’s Ghost
    June 28, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    I see the spittoon haircut is making a comeback. Excelsior!

  • z
    June 28, 2019 at 6:20 pm


    Want to bet the motorcycle is stolen?
    Want to bet he knows (or is) the guy in this Masslive story from the 24th?

    “Illegal dirt biker throws concrete chunk at Springfield officer, breaks cruiser window”

    I would imagine that crowd in Springfield is tight and everyone knows everyone.

    • Y
      June 28, 2019 at 6:35 pm

      You beat me to it; that shit’s definitely stolen. He’s obviously a thief, and we all know he, and most likely his family, don’t work.

  • Ray Patriarca
    Jim Magovern's chrome dome
    June 28, 2019 at 5:26 pm

    Absolute human shit !
    They should all be sterilized prior to fucking age ( which for them is 11) so that they cannot further contaminate this country.
    The males aren’t much on working…..but deys really be good at fuckin’. Raw dog, of course. Cuz it’s all about the machismo.
    Fucking savages.

  • Pennsrant
    June 28, 2019 at 5:19 pm

    Springfield: The armpit of the universe.

  • Suck It
    June 28, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    And this is any of your or my business why?
    These fucking stories are getting stupider and stupider.

    • Ray Patriarca
      Jim Magovern's absent balls
      June 28, 2019 at 5:38 pm

      I make it my business because I’m tired of supporting this trash and their illegitimate spawn with my hard-earned tax dollars. I’m tired of paying welfare to obviously healthy dudes who’d rather drink, drug, sleep all day and fuck. And I’m tired of paying for their offspring cuz they are either too macho or ignorant to wrap it up.
      Yeah, it’s my business. I’m glad it’s TB”s business too.

      • z
        June 28, 2019 at 6:23 pm

        The kid is just a baby today. But, in the same amount of time we’ve been in Afghanistan that baby is going to grow up. What’s the over/under on the kid being a shithead?

        • Wwy
          June 29, 2019 at 12:41 am

          The taliban won the war we won the heroin. Jew wars lol.

          • John Wypyszinski
            Guess Who
            June 29, 2019 at 7:25 am

            Yeah, and we got stuck with you – the skidmark on the skivvies of the human race. What’s your point skid?

          • Wwy
            June 29, 2019 at 5:01 pm

            Skid Mark? Leave the Mack trucked drunk drivers out of this.

      • Baby boomers just retire already
        June 29, 2019 at 4:53 am

        If your tired of doing it then stop. Resentment comes from doing something you didn’t want to and having no one appreciate it. I refuse that shit. If you are old enough which most of you are just retire. Collect your social security and stop paying taxes. Then you don’ t have to go on bitchin’ like a wife that cooked xmas dinner that no one acknowledged. Enjoy yourself it’s later than you think!

        • Cousin Eddie
          June 29, 2019 at 7:24 am

          Retired people pay taxes, too, dummy.

          • z
            June 29, 2019 at 8:13 am

            My mom died at 93. My dad died at 84.
            My dad never made more than $ 25K a year when he worked.
            My mom paid taxes until the end. Not a lot, but paid.

            Of course, that meant they were responsible with their finances.
            Both had Blue Cross insurance plans until their demise. I think that was $ 8K a year
            for my mom.
            I was writing checks out of my moms checking account for about $10 K a month for the nursing home. That was for 7 months.

            I think “Baby boomers just retire already” is going to be unpleasantly surprised if retirement is years away. If you retire and don’t have enough coming in to pay taxes, your life is fucked if you outlive your money. Being old and broke is horrible.

            An aunt of mines sister and brother-in-law were rich. Millionaire rich. Property rich. Kids were asshats. The sister was too. Sold it all off after the BIL died. If I mentioned the kinds of businesses owned some of you in the Springfield/Westfield area would know who they were. When times were good, money was easy.

            The money was spent. Every dime. My aunts sister died broke and used to hit up my aunt for money.
            At the time it was someone in their 80s hitting someone in their 80s up for a $20.
            My aunt is not rich. People have garages bigger than my aunts house.

          • Babyboomers just retire already
            June 29, 2019 at 9:49 pm

            I knew it! You’re mostly all babyboomers. I could tell by the comments. Retirement is not a myth. I’ve been retired for 10 years. If you downsize to a reasonable rental in an affordable community and give up your new cars and toys it’s just that easy. I don’t have any tax liabilty and I don’t eat catfood. If you choose to be a constant consumer and work past retirement age that’s on you. If you think a 1 bed condo and used car is poor your spoiled americaness is showing. Hate to say it but your jealous of these latinos. Your miserable working your self to death and theyRe dancing till dawn. Maybe check your own priorities. Go on vacation once in a while. Florida’s nice! Stop worshipping money babyboomers your so brainwashed. Your going in the box either way rich or poor. Relax and enjoy life.

        • hartf811
          June 29, 2019 at 11:28 am

          Retirement is a myth. It didn’t become prevalent until after WW1to open slots for returning soldiers to get into the workforce. Living on SS is also a myth. It was conceived as a subsistence safety net so old people were not eating canned cat food. The Democratic “War on Poverty” stripped the safety net of sustainability by broadening the intended targets to the poor (ie. Inner City Blacks “think Dorchester, Mattapan, Roxbury). Generations later the black community is non self sufficient. If grandpa didn’t work and you don’t know who your daddy is, Grannie ran the numbers on the block, your 8 half-sisters are 20 years younger than you, mom is a used up toothless bitch in a mumu, you learn to shuck and jive instead of work. You idolize Kanye and P. Diddy, ballers and the guys selling dope, driving a 3rd owner Mercedes lease turn in that with 100,000 inner city miles and sketchy maintenance is an never ending money pit.
          Blacks will never pay off their debt to society. The cost of warehousing the chimp population in jails every year alone is greater that the GDP on the countries just under the G20 list.
          These are the people spending your SS, living outside the law and costing more in social services that they could ever contribute.
          Even beaners at least work and buy shit generating some tax dollars. Shaved Apes steal it.
          If you have any idea of retiring and think that is a sustainable future for your next 25 years I’ll let you know when Shaws is having a sale on cat food.

          • z
            June 29, 2019 at 12:47 pm

            The age for social security was picked so FDR and the Dems could be heros.

            This from Stanford University

            When the Social Security program was initiated in 1935, the average life expectancy was 61 years old. Considering that the average age for retirement has remained consistently around 65, beneficiaries in the early years of the program were receiving payment for a much shorter time.

            FDR built a lie. You were expected to die before you ever collected. It was a cynical Democratic Party feature. They certainly knew what the average life expectancy was.

            You are some poor slob somewhere and FDR says “We got you homie when you retire!!!”

            Sounds good, and you vote for FDR and the party because they are looking out for the poor elderly. Except the poor slob is in his 50s and is going to be dead in a couple of years.

            What saved the USA was WWII. Best thing that ever happened to us economically.

          • Sir Wilfred Death
            June 30, 2019 at 6:37 pm

            I had assumed that the demographic for readers and posters of this site was mostly young people. Now I’m not so sure. I’m 57. About to retire. Not to the Robin Leech (age giveaway reference) lifestyle, but to a more low key, non-consumerist way of living. Retirement is real but only if you are willing to go without expensive toys and stupid shit. I once saw a Grace Slick interview where she said she followed the advice of her conservative CPA dad and saved 30% of her income. I’ve done the same and it worked.

            I never had a $60,000 pickup truck to commute in, or a 5 bedroom McMansion. I’ve done just fine with a 9 year old Toyota that I maintain and a 3 bedroom split in a decent town.

            I have confidence that you all can do the same based on the intelligence and wit of the posts here.

            Rock on everyone.

    • Call me daddy kid.....I guess
      June 28, 2019 at 5:38 pm

      Well I personally like see in pictures of. Son….I mean I’m contributing more to his upbringing than this Chud swallower is

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