Stoneham SpunkGuzzler Asks For “Deformation” Lawsuit Help On Twitter, Effeminate Aspiring Karaoke Star Boyfriend Issues Video Response On Twitter Account That Appears To Belong To A 12 Year Old Girl In 1999.

This has to be one of the highlight weeks of my blogging career thus far, you guys. I’m making more enemies online than Paula Deen at a NAACP conference. Each feud is more ridiculous and entertaining than the last – and it’s only Tuesday morning.

Take these two fine young Americans.

Yesterday I wrote a blog about Stef Guarnaccia, a whiny professional victim bashing the police for asking that she move her car out of the handicap parking space she was illegally parked in, while going into an unnecessary amount of detail that just made her look sketchy. Naturally, she wasn’t happy about the whole thing, and instead sliding in our DMs like most ratchets do, she decided to enlist the people of Twitter to help her.


Oh no, not another DEFORMATION lawsuit! I’m doomed! Seriously, did we even read the same article, or nah? Where did I post addresses, etc? I did not. I did say you both look like junkies, but that’s just a pointed observation because….


Yeah. Sorry, can’t help you there, although I bet you’d both be big hits at a Dias De Los Muertos celebration.


We didn’t “fuck over” your reputation, Stef. We don’t have that power. Only you do, and you chose to use it to whine about “police harassment” and obsess over drug use in a community page post with it. I’m just the casual observer here. And now I’m casually observing that your Tweet obviously didn’t get the reaction you were shooting for, because 2 hours after the first one….


And then a few hours and tweets later, she finally realizes how stupid she looks:


That’s progress. You’re welcome, Stef. Maybe next week we can take on how to park in legally designated areas – I’m here to help.

But the real fun comes in when you wander over to her effeminate Mrs. Potato Head boyfriend, who had some words for me in between taking rips off his Newport.

Oh. My. God. Holy bananas, Batman, what a fruitbasket we have here!

I don’t know which part is my favorite. There is just so much going on in those 3 minutes and 26 seconds, and yet…so little.

Maybe the park when he bumbles through lisping out a list of acquaintances and family members I have not once mentioned, nor do I have any commentary on to date whatsoever, before finally settling on a ratchet favorite – his daughter. Well, stepdaughter really, but that just doesn’t have the same impact, now does it?

Or maybe when he offers to drop his address, because obviously I want to meet up and fight some balding Twiggy Azalea butthurt over a blog. I mean, I would, but….I feel like you’d just scratch and pull hair the whole time, so I think I’ll pass on that one – I’ve been in a girl fight once, in the 10th grade, and it’s not an experience I’m eager to revisit. Sorry.

Or perhaps it’s the promise of something BIG dropping, REALLY SOON. He just can’t tell you, because it’s privileged information, but really exciting, you guys. I wonder if it’s another shitty karaoke-app song dropping on Smule!


Is it just me, or was the sexual tension palatable there? I think someone wants a little dark meat in the chicken salad, after he finishes man-strating all over Twitter, that is.

Nah, I’d have to say my favorite part of the whole video response was the way this novelty singing Skelator bobblehead kept insisting he is a “man”, a real man, a bigger man, a manly man. On the same Twitter account that obsessively tweets out to the younger brother of washed up 90s Boy band idol Nick Carter and B-list celebrity, Aaron Carter.


Yeah, you’re a big man, already. Mad respect, dawg!

And then, at the end, it takes him a full 60 seconds of looking at the camera like it’s the goddamn human genome before he’s able to turn it off.

Easy there, buddy, it’s Twitter – not an Ayn Rand novel. You’re gonna make it.

Pure. Gold.  I never explicitly said these two were on drugs, just so we’re clear. But I don’t think drugs would do much intellectual damage here.

Seeing as these two seem strangely insistent they are good friends with Aaron Carter, I’m surprised he didn’t leap right up and offer to pay for an attorney for the big deformation lawsuit? Maybe he’s busy right now?



I’m sure he’ll get back to them soon enough, and that will be the end of Turtleboy once and for all. It’s been real, fam!





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39 Comment(s)
  • 2 Trannies sucking Lollies
    March 21, 2019 at 3:46 am

    “My Mother In Law….. Father In Law… and Girlfriend”.

    Wtf.. did I miss something? Hard to understand squirrel talk.

  • The Unwanted Man
    March 21, 2019 at 1:20 am

    It’s like Amy Winehouse & AOC gave birth to a spooge socket who hooked up w/Jussie Pinkman in an attempt at Breaking Bathsalts. We all know who wears the Fuck Me Pumps in their relationship.

  • aL
    March 20, 2019 at 4:55 pm

    Is that a used condom hanging from his mirror?

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    March 19, 2019 at 7:29 pm

    There’s a bleep on the gaydar.


    He’s a cake.

    Nice pinpoint pupils too.

  • Wilbur
    March 19, 2019 at 6:31 pm

    She has fucked up every horse circumcision she has done including mine. Beware those teeth.

  • don
    March 19, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    that dude just screams for hard c**k. he has no manly features. he is the female of a man/man relationship. he is hiding his sausage cravings by saying they are together. you can tell just by how he talks and his appearance. he definately is a mans man. maybe randall already took him out for a ride.

    March 19, 2019 at 3:41 pm

    I love when people use the whole “fucking auto correct” back pedal.
    Bitch, auto correct is going to give you the correct spelling every time. Hence the term auto correct. That just means you’re a fucking idiot and have been spelling the word wrong the whole time!

    You fucking junky slum pig. Just shut the fuck up and o.d. already. You and your boyfriend should just save your friends, family & the tax payers misery and shoot a hot bag. You fucking piranha ass hoe. Go take a shower you fucking dirt balls.

  • Johnny Marr
    March 19, 2019 at 3:41 pm

    If Morrissey and a Q-Tip fucked and had a baby…

  • Crispy C
    March 19, 2019 at 3:41 pm

    Wow that voice of him singing. It was so fucking bad I had to stop it after 5 seconds. Jesus Christ.

  • itsjustme
    March 19, 2019 at 2:53 pm

    No way that dude is straight.

    Also, isn’t it illegal to drive in MA without a seat belt?

    • Anthony Grossi
      March 19, 2019 at 4:05 pm

      I think it’s also illegal to drive with headphones. But it takes him 30 seconds of staring into a camera to figure out how to turn it off, so we’re not dealing with the sharpest tool in the shed here.

  • juror seven esq.
    March 19, 2019 at 1:46 pm

    What the fuck is with all that arm waving in the video? Does this clown think he is Beto O’Rourke? Come to think of it Beto is as much of an ass clown as this guy.

  • Francis Sidebottom
    March 19, 2019 at 1:41 pm

    Hey uncle turtle turd pay attention to the nunes defamation suit against Twitter

  • Alien?
    March 19, 2019 at 1:35 pm

    Haven’t seen that much forehead since the time I came across them aliens from Zeta Reticuli!


    Rogaine perhaps?

  • Brows on Fleek! Receding Hairline on Fleek!
    March 19, 2019 at 1:29 pm

    They both got it goin’!!!!

    Nice style dude!

    • Y
      March 19, 2019 at 1:42 pm

      ***Nice style DUDES (plural)!

  • Get out of my town fags
    March 19, 2019 at 1:13 pm

    Larry is definitely a cock sucker with Napoleon Syndrome. Listen to him. I think Stef is really a transitioning man.

  • Francis Sidebottom’s Alter Ego
    March 19, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    I’ll ask: who the fuck is Aaron Carter?

    • JimmyBooms
      March 19, 2019 at 1:16 pm

      Famous for being Nick Carters little brother. Nick Carter is a Backstreet Boy.
      Aaron has made a career out of being in his brother’s shadow and having millions of 13 year old girls adore him. Hes been around along time and has blown millions of dollars on drugs. He was a child star that caught Michael jacksons eye and has prolly slept in MJs bed ok nice or twice. Not joking, so either MJ neve touched him and he thinks the Surviv inng Netherland guys are lying or he was touched and is lying so we just dont know. I got tons of useless knowledge

    • Like Elton John Gay
      March 19, 2019 at 1:35 pm

      A gay singer

  • JimmyBooms
    March 19, 2019 at 12:51 pm

    Dude has more forehead than Alex Jones

    • JimmyBooms
      March 19, 2019 at 1:02 pm

      If you wanna talk about me and how I have the record for most dicks in my mouth fine but you start talking about my mother, my father, our Landscaper Hector, the guy I buy my weed from Jose, my boyfriend Timmy, the 2 boys I met on Grinder and had that 3 sum with and uncle Bob that used to wrestle with me as a child, “shirts n skins” I know Uncle I’m skins. I miss Uncle Bob

  • Daniel Crowell
    Lance Bolt
    March 19, 2019 at 12:42 pm

    I’m trying to figure out what is mother-in-law and father-in-law feel about his girlfriend?

    • Kim Wescott
      March 19, 2019 at 1:27 pm

      I was wondering the same thing! And puzzled that they still support him.

  • Narcanistan
    March 19, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    He was driving way too fast in that crash video. Good luck in court with that lawsuit. You gave the defense attorney a pile of evidence. The car never failed to operate appropriately, the driver did

  • Horse and buggy
    March 19, 2019 at 12:23 pm

    Another knob driving with ear buds in. Who gives a shit about everyone else on the road? Wtf is it with these shitbags thinking they are musicians on the verge of stardom? He and his sister of John Elway gf are both addicts. If it isn’t brown tar then it’s pills.
    Fucking losers, both of them.

  • Mr Hand
    March 19, 2019 at 12:14 pm

    He was speeding passing cars in the crash video. He is a danger behind the wheel for sure. Drugs are bad. Mmm kay

    • Y
      March 19, 2019 at 1:39 pm

      What are you people on dope?

  • Siskel
    March 19, 2019 at 12:14 pm

    God… Those Fucking teeth! I bet he shakes in fear every time she blows him? They both look like they spend their nights barking at the moon. I’d like to hire her to give pony rides at my nieces birthday…

    • Yuck
      March 19, 2019 at 12:25 pm

      Guarantee there are no BJs going on in that relationship. Sex with them is all about her pegging his ass with a huge dildo. Probably a video or two on pornhub showing him taking all 12 inches up the dirt road.

  • Don’t do drugs kids
    March 19, 2019 at 12:14 pm

    Bro your eyes are pinned

    That’s all nothing to see here

  • Registrar of Motor Vehickes
    March 19, 2019 at 12:11 pm

    Failure to Wear Seatbelt
    Electronic Device While Operating a Motor Vehicle
    Just 2 more laws that don’t matter to this asshole
    Throwing a Lit Cigarette from a Vehicle makes it 3 offenses in just this short video
    He is very intimidating though
    Is it a supervised visit with the child?

  • Y
    March 19, 2019 at 12:07 pm

    This balding pussy is nothing but a stan.
    Watch him cry over Michael Jackson and Aaron Carter.

  • Lawrence DaFish
    March 19, 2019 at 12:06 pm

    I’m just a poor boy, gimme some sympathy. Plastic-looking faces, purple lips, fluffy hair, vacant stare… I love watching the technologically challenged.

    The icing on the cake is the “tryna.” Just. Don’t.

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    March 19, 2019 at 12:01 pm


    Twerk Brandon from Spear of Denishty has a whole 329 followers on Twitter.

    I fear he’ll be cold, cold in the ground before his music career “takes off”.

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    March 19, 2019 at 11:59 am

    A horse is a horse of course of course

  • Y
    March 19, 2019 at 11:58 am

    He’ll come out of the closet soon enough, but it’s doubtful he’ll learn how to drive anytime soon.

    • ElJefe72
      March 19, 2019 at 12:27 pm

      LOL. I love how she tries to blame it on the car malfunctioning and the auto repair place not doing their jobs. No sister, your boyfriend wasn’t paying attention to the road (probably busy lighting a cigarette and checking out Aaron Carter photos on his phone), the drivers in front of him hit their brakes, he noticed too late and hit his which caused him to skid off the road.

    • Yentl Returns
      March 21, 2019 at 4:00 am

      If he’s in the closet, it’s a glass closet Yo! Real Question is does his girl have a penis?

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