This has to be one of the highlight weeks of my blogging career thus far, you guys. I’m making more enemies online than Paula Deen at a NAACP conference. Each feud is more ridiculous and entertaining than the last – and it’s only Tuesday morning.
Take these two fine young Americans.
Yesterday I wrote a blog about Stef Guarnaccia, a whiny professional victim bashing the police for asking that she move her car out of the handicap parking space she was illegally parked in, while going into an unnecessary amount of detail that just made her look sketchy. Naturally, she wasn’t happy about the whole thing, and instead sliding in our DMs like most ratchets do, she decided to enlist the people of Twitter to help her.
Oh no, not another DEFORMATION lawsuit! I’m doomed! Seriously, did we even read the same article, or nah? Where did I post addresses, etc? I did not. I did say you both look like junkies, but that’s just a pointed observation because….
Yeah. Sorry, can’t help you there, although I bet you’d both be big hits at a Dias De Los Muertos celebration.
We didn’t “fuck over” your reputation, Stef. We don’t have that power. Only you do, and you chose to use it to whine about “police harassment” and obsess over drug use in a community page post with it. I’m just the casual observer here. And now I’m casually observing that your Tweet obviously didn’t get the reaction you were shooting for, because 2 hours after the first one….
And then a few hours and tweets later, she finally realizes how stupid she looks:
That’s progress. You’re welcome, Stef. Maybe next week we can take on how to park in legally designated areas – I’m here to help.
But the real fun comes in when you wander over to her effeminate Mrs. Potato Head boyfriend, who had some words for me in between taking rips off his Newport.
Oh. My. God. Holy bananas, Batman, what a fruitbasket we have here!
I don’t know which part is my favorite. There is just so much going on in those 3 minutes and 26 seconds, and yet…so little.
Maybe the park when he bumbles through lisping out a list of acquaintances and family members I have not once mentioned, nor do I have any commentary on to date whatsoever, before finally settling on a ratchet favorite – his daughter. Well, stepdaughter really, but that just doesn’t have the same impact, now does it?
Or maybe when he offers to drop his address, because obviously I want to meet up and fight some balding Twiggy Azalea butthurt over a blog. I mean, I would, but….I feel like you’d just scratch and pull hair the whole time, so I think I’ll pass on that one – I’ve been in a girl fight once, in the 10th grade, and it’s not an experience I’m eager to revisit. Sorry.
Or perhaps it’s the promise of something BIG dropping, REALLY SOON. He just can’t tell you, because it’s privileged information, but really exciting, you guys. I wonder if it’s another shitty karaoke-app song dropping on Smule!
Is it just me, or was the sexual tension palatable there? I think someone wants a little dark meat in the chicken salad, after he finishes man-strating all over Twitter, that is.
Nah, I’d have to say my favorite part of the whole video response was the way this novelty singing Skelator bobblehead kept insisting he is a “man”, a real man, a bigger man, a manly man. On the same Twitter account that obsessively tweets out to the younger brother of washed up 90s Boy band idol Nick Carter and B-list celebrity, Aaron Carter.
Yeah, you’re a big man, already. Mad respect, dawg!
And then, at the end, it takes him a full 60 seconds of looking at the camera like it’s the goddamn human genome before he’s able to turn it off.
Easy there, buddy, it’s Twitter – not an Ayn Rand novel. You’re gonna make it.
Pure. Gold. I never explicitly said these two were on drugs, just so we’re clear. But I don’t think drugs would do much intellectual damage here.
Seeing as these two seem strangely insistent they are good friends with Aaron Carter, I’m surprised he didn’t leap right up and offer to pay for an attorney for the big deformation lawsuit? Maybe he’s busy right now?
I’m sure he’ll get back to them soon enough, and that will be the end of Turtleboy once and for all. It’s been real, fam!
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“My Mother In Law….. Father In Law… and Girlfriend”.
Wtf.. did I miss something? Hard to understand squirrel talk.
It’s like Amy Winehouse & AOC gave birth to a spooge socket who hooked up w/Jussie Pinkman in an attempt at Breaking Bathsalts. We all know who wears the Fuck Me Pumps in their relationship.
Is that a used condom hanging from his mirror?
There’s a bleep on the gaydar.
He’s a cake.
Nice pinpoint pupils too.
She has fucked up every horse circumcision she has done including mine. Beware those teeth.
that dude just screams for hard c**k. he has no manly features. he is the female of a man/man relationship. he is hiding his sausage cravings by saying they are together. you can tell just by how he talks and his appearance. he definately is a mans man. maybe randall already took him out for a ride.
I love when people use the whole “fucking auto correct” back pedal.
Bitch, auto correct is going to give you the correct spelling every time. Hence the term auto correct. That just means you’re a fucking idiot and have been spelling the word wrong the whole time!
You fucking junky slum pig. Just shut the fuck up and o.d. already. You and your boyfriend should just save your friends, family & the tax payers misery and shoot a hot bag. You fucking piranha ass hoe. Go take a shower you fucking dirt balls.
If Morrissey and a Q-Tip fucked and had a baby…
Wow that voice of him singing. It was so fucking bad I had to stop it after 5 seconds. Jesus Christ.
No way that dude is straight.
Also, isn’t it illegal to drive in MA without a seat belt?
I think it’s also illegal to drive with headphones. But it takes him 30 seconds of staring into a camera to figure out how to turn it off, so we’re not dealing with the sharpest tool in the shed here.
What the fuck is with all that arm waving in the video? Does this clown think he is Beto O’Rourke? Come to think of it Beto is as much of an ass clown as this guy.
Hey uncle turtle turd pay attention to the nunes defamation suit against Twitter
Haven’t seen that much forehead since the time I came across them aliens from Zeta Reticuli!
They both got it goin’!!!!
Nice style dude!
***Nice style DUDES (plural)!
Larry is definitely a cock sucker with Napoleon Syndrome. Listen to him. I think Stef is really a transitioning man.
I’ll ask: who the fuck is Aaron Carter?
Famous for being Nick Carters little brother. Nick Carter is a Backstreet Boy.
Aaron has made a career out of being in his brother’s shadow and having millions of 13 year old girls adore him. Hes been around along time and has blown millions of dollars on drugs. He was a child star that caught Michael jacksons eye and has prolly slept in MJs bed ok nice or twice. Not joking, so either MJ neve touched him and he thinks the Surviv inng Netherland guys are lying or he was touched and is lying so we just dont know. I got tons of useless knowledge
A gay singer
Dude has more forehead than Alex Jones
If you wanna talk about me and how I have the record for most dicks in my mouth fine but you start talking about my mother, my father, our Landscaper Hector, the guy I buy my weed from Jose, my boyfriend Timmy, the 2 boys I met on Grinder and had that 3 sum with and uncle Bob that used to wrestle with me as a child, “shirts n skins” I know Uncle I’m skins. I miss Uncle Bob
I’m trying to figure out what is mother-in-law and father-in-law feel about his girlfriend?
I was wondering the same thing! And puzzled that they still support him.
He was driving way too fast in that crash video. Good luck in court with that lawsuit. You gave the defense attorney a pile of evidence. The car never failed to operate appropriately, the driver did
Another knob driving with ear buds in. Who gives a shit about everyone else on the road? Wtf is it with these shitbags thinking they are musicians on the verge of stardom? He and his sister of John Elway gf are both addicts. If it isn’t brown tar then it’s pills.
Fucking losers, both of them.
He was speeding passing cars in the crash video. He is a danger behind the wheel for sure. Drugs are bad. Mmm kay
What are you people on dope?
God… Those Fucking teeth! I bet he shakes in fear every time she blows him? They both look like they spend their nights barking at the moon. I’d like to hire her to give pony rides at my nieces birthday…
Guarantee there are no BJs going on in that relationship. Sex with them is all about her pegging his ass with a huge dildo. Probably a video or two on pornhub showing him taking all 12 inches up the dirt road.
Bro your eyes are pinned
That’s all nothing to see here
Failure to Wear Seatbelt
Electronic Device While Operating a Motor Vehicle
Just 2 more laws that don’t matter to this asshole
Throwing a Lit Cigarette from a Vehicle makes it 3 offenses in just this short video
He is very intimidating though
Is it a supervised visit with the child?
This balding pussy is nothing but a stan.
Watch him cry over Michael Jackson and Aaron Carter.
I’m just a poor boy, gimme some sympathy. Plastic-looking faces, purple lips, fluffy hair, vacant stare… I love watching the technologically challenged.
The icing on the cake is the “tryna.” Just. Don’t.
Twerk Brandon from Spear of Denishty has a whole 329 followers on Twitter.
I fear he’ll be cold, cold in the ground before his music career “takes off”.
A horse is a horse of course of course
He’ll come out of the closet soon enough, but it’s doubtful he’ll learn how to drive anytime soon.
LOL. I love how she tries to blame it on the car malfunctioning and the auto repair place not doing their jobs. No sister, your boyfriend wasn’t paying attention to the road (probably busy lighting a cigarette and checking out Aaron Carter photos on his phone), the drivers in front of him hit their brakes, he noticed too late and hit his which caused him to skid off the road.
If he’s in the closet, it’s a glass closet Yo! Real Question is does his girl have a penis?