How do you blow up a minor interaction with police into a completely unrelated ratchet rant that ends up making you look suspect as hell? Just ask Stef Guarnaccia, who decided to do just that in a since-deleted sentagraph of a post on the Stoneham Community page.

She’s going to file a report with the whole force! Oh no! Looks like you really pissed off the one woman community watch patrol this time, Stoneham PD! She’s coming for your badges, watch out!

I mean, really. Wow, Stef. That’s a lot to unpack. First, let’s start with the obvious here. Unless you are handicap and have a placard on your car, don’t park in a handicap spot. It’s the law, and if an officer is enforcing that law, he’s doing his job. Simple enough. Don’t tell him to “DO HIS JOB” because he already is. Sorry you don’t like it. When you say “Next time I”ll just stop in the middle like everyone else does & drop someone off – cuz that’s safe, right?”  You are missing a pretty common sense plan “C” – just pull into a parking spot like a normal fucking person. I don’t know how that managed to escape you in your extremely detailed self pity fest, ,but that’s what Turtleboy is here for – to help.

Let’s go to the second most obvious point here, you and your boyfriend?

You look like fucking junkies. Now, you may or may not be, I don’t know, but you aren’t doing yourselves any favors by appearances. Especially when you use well over a thousand characters to ruminate about all the drug use and MILLIONS OF NEEDLES you somehow find around town, and slip in there that you did a cash hand off. Honestly, just by the looks of you two:

I’d be a little suspicious, too.  The police don’t get paid to worry about what you did with your time to earn the suspicious looking $50 you passed off to your Mr. Potato head looking stick figure of a boyfriend, or how many times you went to the bathroom on that particular day, or where you have seated your crotchfruit during this totally innocuous and legal transaction. They get paid to worry about two shady looking twigs parked illegally in a handicap spot exchanging cash with a kid in the back seat.

And seriously, if a police officer banging on your car window telling you to move from where you are parked illegally puts you in “panic attack” mode, you need to get out more often or lay off the drugs. This is America, not Uganda. He’s not going to shoot you in the street, and you know that. But it was so traumatic for you that you just had to take more of your medication – by which I’m assuming you mean this medication:

Oh my. That’s awkward.

And actually, upon further inspection, Methania over here sure seems to suffer from “the disease” herself, considering she spends her time selling high end electronics:

And begging for money in a whiny, responsibility-avoidant GoFundMe that rivals the entitlement displayed in the Stoneham Community post.

“I’m a single mom. Im very independent and when it comes to asking for help, im the one to call on. Im always there to help in any way I can. I’m sucking up my pride because by helping me, you’re helping my 9 year old daughter get to and from school, her after school program and basketball/soccer depending on the season.  I had a 2014 Honda accord EXL for the last 2 years that I financed from Commonwealth motors in Lawrence, MA. I took the car to get all it’s  maintenance work when it needed it and one day (10/23) all the lights went on on the dashboard. My boyfriend took the car the next day (10/24) the technician didn’t bother checking it and set my boyfriend off with an oil change the car didn’t even need with saying he didn’t have time to run a diagnostic but that basically it wasn’t a big deal bring up another day. Well not even 24 hours later my boyfriend was on his way to pick up my daughter while I was at work when the brakes failed. Not only did the brakes fail, the engine failed the wheel stopped turning which caused him to go right into the guard rail at 55 mph. Although the sensor was hit dead on,  the airbags did not even go off. I don’t know how he is alive. The dealership is supposed to take responsibility but they’re not helping, my insurance isn’t helping by testing the cars black box. I don’t not have money to get a car. I got 10 hours a week cut from work and of course Christmas is around the corner. I put everything that I had into getting that car to have a safe reliable car for my daughter. For me I don’t care but for my daughter I’ll do anything.  I can’t just go get any car and risk breaking down on the side of the road during these cold New England winters that we have here.  Good thing I have gap insurance. I do have dash cam recording of the accident. If you listen you can hear the brakes being pressed twice and the car not responding to it. Anything will help! Thanks! God bless and happy holidays!”

Seems legit, all of it. Nothing to see here, totally everyone else’s fault. Shut up and take my money! I’m sure the car malfunctioned – and not your boyfriend behind the wheel.

She managed to work it out and get a vehicle, but also found a lawyer who doesn’t do his job, either.

Because of course she did. Here’s a tip – nobody gives a fuck about your personal problems. That’s why they are “personal”.

Thankfully Methania is here to put those nosy officers in check and remind them to ignore whatever law she just happens to be breaking when they witness it, in favor of searching down some hypothetical law breakers that might be out there instead. Brilliant stuff, I don’t know why she is cutting hair instead of running the whole police force by her damn self!

Anyway, this just makes me feel the police even more, because their job sucks. Imagine trying to just get through an 8 hour work shift where you may or may not end up mortally wounded at any point, and having to deal with an entitled Xannygoblin crying her eyes out because she doesn’t want to move her used Toyota Camry from the handicap spot she was illegally parked in, for entirely not suspicious reasons, you guys.

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