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One Taunton Trap Queen’s knight and shining crack foil, Chris Shea, is doing his best to get his manhood christened with some sweet hoodrat poon. Seems his “best friend” Shannon was the chick who called the cops on Turtleboy for busting her window and demanded, via law enforcement, that we apologize to her for showing the world what a tub of dead brain cells she is. Well, that isn’t going to happen. The police laughed at her. We laughed at her. The Turtleriders absolutely laughed at her. Now Chris says she’s holed up in the house in disgrace and “her life is ruined.” Awe. Muffin.
Chris, who looks like every wangsta that ever smoked shwag out of a two liter on Cedar Street, did his absolute best to intimidate Brett Killoran in to killing the story “he was working on.” We are now on day four of this dumpster fire of virginity trying anything to quash the turtle. He really had no idea how much endurance Brett has for fuckery. There are like 75 screenshots in all. Killoran’s ability to combine swear words in to a power-packed paragraph is truly a gift.
Right before we went live on Friday, Chris messaged the Turtleboy message box, and couldn’t seem to grasp the idea that we publish about 30 blogs a week and Desk Girl needed to figure out who he was so she could try and help him. He’s not that bright. She convinced him that the only way to stop being called out was to join the session and publicly demand that it stop. You can read what happened when he showed up when we went LIVVVVE here: http://turtleboysports.com/brett-killoran-and-matty-mo-were-on-turtleboy-live-and-the-taunton-ticklers-showed-up-and-wanted-to-fight-them/
He was furious when the blog hit and even more mad when we did another one soon after. The next morning he decided to lodge another “WTF” complaint and I guess Desk Girl was in the mood to play match maker. She has four kids? Why can’t these people figure out how birth control works? Is it really SO hard to wrap up your man sword with a sheath or nibble a pill once a day? Jesus, I had no idea our intern had such a distaste for me. Maybe if she quit coddling these people I wouldn’t have to tell her she sucks all day.
He blocked her after that. He was probably coming to terms with the passion he felt for Shannon, pitched a tent, and made tummy pancakes in her honor. Who says chivalry is dead?
The lesson here is simple. There is no way you’re going to out do Brett. It’s just impossible. This kid should just face the music that Shannon will never give him her moldy crab cookie. She would rather ride anyone but him. Instead of going nose to nose with Killoran and 45k Turtleriders he should probably just sign up for an OKRatchet, or Plenty of Trap Queens, account and move on with his life.
(Be on the look out tonight for a special announcement from Desk Girl!)