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I want you to to stop what you’re doing, massage your temples, and take an Advil. The ratchet speak and quantity of hoodrats in this next one is enough to make you pop an embolism. You good, Fam? Aight, let’s go!
Maaaaaaan, one of the turtles sure kicked up some shit with a group of the lowest, most ghetto fab, Taunton Trap Queens you have EVER seen. You probably remember them from that story about the white Steve Urkel that stole two cars in one week. They were the only ones defending this limp-dicked dweeb and so they got featured for being morons.
Well, the Lopes clan of Taunton launched an all out war on Turtleriders, Brett Killoran, anyone who was rumored to be Turtlegirl, and the blog itself. I didn’t even write that one and I, SSTG, got dragged in! This has been going on for like three days now because none of them actually works or goes to school.
There are so many of them I’m not even sure which ratchet made which offspring. They all probs got different dads though. I’m 95% sure one of the fathers is Rizzo from the Muppets.
We’ve got Angel Marie, who says she’s 26, acts 26, takes pictures in bed with boys, but needs defending because she’s apparently 13 and “SHEMAHCHILD.”
Princess Natalie Dutra who you may notice from making an appearance at Turtleboy Live last night and gave us the finger. I actually made the mistake thinking she was that heroin-dealing stripper from last week. Something tells me I’m not that far off.
We got Bonnie Gray. Maria’s sister. Bonnie gives us an idea of what would have happened to our life if we didn’t listen to the anti-drug commercials in the 80’s. That bedroom kiss face made my hymen grow back like a fear shield. Just sayin’.
They started bombing our Facebook page with, what seems like, one collective sentence for the twelve of them. Some of these commenters are minors. One of whom was the nine year-old sister of the kid who originally crashed the cars. We left her out but the rest of them are stars! We don’t usually feature baby hoodrats, or “Hoodsies”as I like to call them, but if you can call people “fukin cuntz,” I’m just going to go ahead and treat you like a grown ass person and not someone who treats Snapchat like a middle school elective instead of actually going to class. The random “Leroy” tag made me LOL.
When they weren’t getting the blog taken down with their ghetto mating calls on the Facebook page (see above) they moved on to Brett, who as far as I can see, was his usual sweetheart self.
The fatty sent him a picture of her schmenzer! She looks like she’s used to them:
But can we just analyze this Willy for two seconds? That’s not some porn pecker. This chick just sent a trap queen valentine, meant for her, to some dude she was quarreling on the Internet with. You can’t make this shit up!
WHEN THAT DIDN’T WORK, one of these snatch traps decided they were going to break their own window, call the police, and tell them that Turtleboy refused to take her pictures down, then drove alllllll the way from Worcester, and destroyed their shit.
I kid you not. We’ve been accused of a lot of things in the past. Vandalism isn’t one of them.
I’ve got to give them some credit for originality and because I’ve never seen a ghetto family operate with such a collective mind. They all queens tho….